thinking about chip jrwi again (warning for spoilers throughout the campaign)
tfw you try so hard to be somebody bigger and better than you, somebody you've looked up to your entire life, and you can't help but fall short every time. because you're not him, and you're never going to be him. tfw you have an arguably messed up way of showing affection and what being a pirate should be because thats how you grew up and thats all you know, even if it hurts people. tfw you have such strong views about killing and specifically *not* killing people because of the one time you did being the worst day of your life, so much so you ran away from the second family you've ever known. tfw you dont stop looking for your first family, for the one who picked you up when you were nothing and showed you everything and make you feel amazing. how you keep the coin he gifted you in your pocket and don't dare to let go because its all you have. how you love them, love him, so much you want to be *exactly* like him. you dress like him, try to act like him, copy his tattoos and his mannerisms because *he's* the ideal person, the ideal pirate who you need to be. but you're not him. you'll never be him. arguably, you're worse.
so eventually, you stop trying as hard. you change the way you look. the third family you've made make you grow into a kinder person, a better person (at least you hope). you grow into your *own* pirate, chip of the riptide pirates, and you are *amazing.* you are loved and cared for so so much.
but you still want to look for him
and you do! you dive into the hole in the sea and everything...goes...wrong
suddenly you're not you anymore. suddenly your family's in danger. suddenly you're less chip and just...a guy playing the corpse you happen to inhabit. who is he again? the meaning of family escapes you, the meaning of *you* escapes you, and you feel all faith, all hope, leaving your body even when your best friend holds you and tells you he will not give up, not for you.
and you talk to him and he talks to you and its wonderful even if you know this is the last time you'll see each other but you tell him everything. of the family you made, the crew you created, the story you wove for yourself. you tell him everything until you are pulled back to reality and suddenly *more* things are happening and you're
UGH this is making me realise riptide is just as much a story about sides and destiny and magic but ALSO a story about identity and finding yourself. more rambles perhaps soon