Good Lord, this one was a pain in the ass lol. There were delays at every turn, from writing, to recording, to mixing, right up until today, when a whole new set of obstacles was thrown in our way. But obstacles are like turnstiles in the subway: we jump over them. Still, I don't know if we've ever been so glad to put a song in the rearview mirror. That being the case, we hope you like it. It'll kinda suck if you don't lol.
The basis of this parody is a song called "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)", and it has kind of a weird history. In 1991, a singer named Rozalla released a dance song called "Everybody's Free (To Feel Good)". Five years later, a cover of the song by Quindon Tarver appeared on the soundtrack of Baz Luhrmann's film William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet. Subsequently, Luhrmann was working on a remix of Tarver's version when he became aware of an essay that, according to urban legend, was an MIT graduation speech written by Kurt Vonnegut. In actuality, it was a newspaper column by Chicago Tribune journalist Mary Schmich, written as if it were a commencement speech offering advice to graduates. Luhrmann got the idea to pair the text with the music from the remix he was working on, hired Australian voice actor Lee Perry to do the narration, and released the result as a single under his own name in 1999.
Our version is re-imagined as a list of "dos and don'ts" for furries. Some of it is advice that we believe could actually be helpful, and some of it is just our usual dumb jokes. We'll let you figure out which ones are which... but trust us on the deodorant. And as always, click beneath the credits for the lyrics!
"(Everybody's Free To) Wear Deodorant" (5:13)
Parody of "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)", as credited to Baz Luhrmann
Music written by Nigel Swanston and Tim Cox
Original lyrics by Mary Schmich
Parody lyrics by Kiffa Kitmouse and Sedge Hare
Thanks to Lee Perry, Rozalla and Quindon Tarver
Ladies and gentlemen of the furry fandom: wear deodorant. If I could offer you only one tip for personal hygiene, deodorant would be it. You would think that the social benefits of deodorant would be self-evident, but if you've even been in a crowded elevator at a furry con... yikes. Anyway, the rest of my advice, my own meandering experience, blah blah blah. I will dispense this advice... now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your fursona. Hm, never mind; the power and beauty of your fursona are an illusion. It isn't really you, it's never going to be you... but hey, at least you can show people how amazing you would look, if only you looked completely different than you actually look.
You are not as fat as you imagine-- but you're close.
Don't worry about the fandom. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to improve the fandom's image by going on "Dr. Phil". The real troubles in the fandom are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind-- the kind that show up to your party uninvited, find the bedroom where your cat is hiding out, and try to get a little too 'friendly' with it.
Don't be reckless with other people's fursuits. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
It doesn't matter what team you're on. Sometimes you're the pitcher, sometimes you're the catcher. The game is long... and you just lost it.
Remember the positive comments you receive, forget the negative ones. If you succeed in doing this, you are probably not a furry.
Save your old chat logs, delete your old drunk tweets.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting furs I know didn't know at 20 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 30-year-olds I know still don't. Wait... what? You're 40? What the hell happened?
Be kind to your sphincter. You'll miss it when it's gone.
Maybe you'll marry (you probably won't), maybe you'll have children (you probably shouldn't), maybe you’ll get catfished, maybe you'll end up in a polyamorous relationship with a German diaper-fur and a Meeko plush. Whatever you do, chances are your parents will still end up wondering where they went wrong.
Enjoy that present you ordered from Bad Dragon, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it; it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you don't have any glowsticks.
Read the Acceptable Upload Policy, even if you don't follow it.
Do not spend too much time on your smart phone, it will only make you look dumb.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll kick you out of their basement.
Be nice to convention staff. They don't get paid, and they work harder than you think. Unless you think they work kind of hard, in which case, you're right.
Understand that friends come and go, but there'll always be that one guy you can't get rid of, no matter what you do.
Work hard to bridge the gaps between you and Pittsburgh, because the longer you're in the fandom, the more you'll feel the need to let everyone know just how many goddamn Anthrocons you've been to.
Visit the Yerf Historical Archive once, but leave before it makes you soft. Visit inkbunny.net once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Shower.
Accept certain inalienable truths: commission prices will rise, website administrators will mismanage, and you too will become a greymuzzle. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, commission prices were reasonable, website administrators were responsible, and noobs respected their greymuzzles.
Respect your greymuzzles.
Be wise with how you spend your free time. Maybe you'll play the stock market, maybe you'll spend all day on FurAffinity... but you never know when either one might crash.
Don't change your fursona too often, or by the time you've figured out who you are, no one else will be able to.
Be careful of whose furry song parodies you listen to, but take pity on those who record them. Song parodies are a way of taking the hard work that someone else has done, doing a fraction of that work yourself, and then taking credit for being a comedic and musical genius.
It's October, and that has us thinking about FurFright. For many furs in New England as well as beyond, Halloween and FurFright became synonymous during the con's 11-year run. FurFright took its final bow in 2013, but memories are forever (or at least until Alzheimer's starts setting in), so this seemed like an appropriate time to reminisce about our second home with a song we recorded back in 2012 to celebrate the tenth FurFright. It's a parody of Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sound Of Silence", and getting to perform it in front of the crowd at the opening ceremonies was one of our favorite moments. Cramming 10 years of con history and in-jokes into three minutes wasn't easy, but it was a lot of fun.
The thumbnail uses artwork created for FurFright by Skulldog. Click beneath the credits for lyrics!
"The Song Of FurFright" (3:09)
Parody of "The Sound Of Silence", as performed by Simon & Garfunkel
Original song written by Paul Simon
Parody lyrics by Kiffa Kitmouse and Sedge Hare
All music and vocals performed by Drama Armada
Hello FurFright, my old friend
That time of year has come again
It started out back in 2003
With just 160 attendees
But now we've grown to 1500 strong
What went wrong?
This is the song of FurFright
I walked the halls of the hotel
All of my friends were there as well
And people dressed up like My Little Ponies
Filed into the Opening Ceremonies
As the Attendee Guest Of Honor's name was drawn
...It's Nekomon
We want him gone from FurFright
And at the Masquerade I saw
A dozen acts or maybe more
People performing without practicing
People listening without caring
People singing songs in a cheap bid for applause
Clap your paws!
It's all because of FurFright
And then they played the Fursuit Games
And soon the paramedics came
While in the Dealers' Dungeon, Princess ruled
And in the Artists' Alley, fanboys drooled
And in the bathrooms, there was such an ungodly smell
(What the hell?)
And that's why the hotel hates FurFright
And the furries bowed and prayed
To the con that Belic made
We raised some money for our charity
Drama Armada sang a parody
And someone said, "The words of the prophets are written on the message wall
Out in the hall"
And now, I've seen it all...
At FurFright.
Surprise! We've got a new song (well, it's a surprise unless you're following us on Twitter, where we broke the news a week ago). This time, Murray Head's 1984 song "One Night In Bangkok" is reborn as "Five Nights At Freddy's", after the runaway hit indie video game of the same title.
First off, let's address the (animatronic) elephant in the room. We're certainly not the only people to come up with this idea. Admittedly, it's a little obvious. By the time we did a first partial draft of lyrics, someone else had already posted a lyrics-only parody on tumblr. But we really liked what we'd written so far, so we decided to continue with ours. Actually, it's kind of funny, because back in 1984, there were two competing versions of "One Night In Bangkok" out at the same time: Murray Head's original, and a cover by Canadian singer/actress Robey. One became a hit, and one faded into obscurity. Only time will tell whether we're Murray Head, or Robey. (Ah, who are we kidding. They both kind of faded into obscurity.) At any rate, we can honestly say that the other parody didn't influence ours in any way.
As with our previous track, "DashCon", we used a pre-recorded backing track on this. We love when we can do our own music, but truth be told, this getting-songs-out-relatively-quickly thing is pretty sweet, too.
Click beneath the credits for lyrics. We hope you enjoy the song!
"Five Nights At Freddy's" (4:13)
Parody of "One Night In Bangkok", as performed by Murray Head, from the musical Chess
Music written by Benny Andersson & Björn Ulvaeus
Original lyrics by Tim Rice & Björn Ulvaeus
Parody lyrics by Kiffa Kitmouse and Sedge Hare
Thanks (and apologies) to Scott Cawthon
Five Nights At Freddy's makes a grown man whimper
Not much to do but try to live till dawn
Five Nights At Freddy's makes a hard man limper
Can't believe that I've been playing all night long
How did I have time to even write this song?
Freddy's, pizzeria setting
And the Schmidty don't know what the Schmidty is getting
Demonic animatronics
In a game with everything but Little Caesar
Time flies, doesn't seem an hour
Since the building began to lose its power
Watch out, don't you know that when you
Come to this restaurant, there's murder on the menu
It's Bonnie, or Foxy
Or Chica, or... or this guy!
Five Nights At Freddy's and your fate's uncertain
Your hands will tremble as you shake with fright
You'll find a fox behind the starry curtain
And if you're lucky then you'll last the night
I think I just lost my freakin' appetite
One mascot's very like another
When you're being torn into pieces, brother
It's a drag, it's a shame, it's really such a pity
To be haunted by the ghosts of five murdered kiddies
Whaddya mean?
I get one hundred and twenty stinking dollars?
Chica says "Let's eat"
Gotta be quick, or you're gonna be dead meat
Bitch, please-- you're talking to a gamer
Whose every move's a Hall-Of-Famer
I get my kicks without a joystick, buttlick
Five Nights At Freddy's makes a brave man shiver
Not much to do but try to live til dawn
Five Nights At Freddy's makes a tough guy quiver
Can't believe that I've been playing all week long
And now my body odor's getting really strong
(Gamer: I should really change my clothes. Oh-- when's the last time I fed the dog? Rover! Come here boy! Rover! Huh, that's funny, he always comes when I call him. He must be sleeping. I should get some sleep. Can't sleep, Freddy'll eat me!)
Fazbear's gonna be the rival
In the ultimate test of horror survival
I hope they don't make a sequel
Like with Silent Hill or Resident Evil
Thank God I'm only playing the game, controlling it
I thought that I'd just won
But there are two more levels before it's done
I'd give it a try, I'd take a chance
But that last jump-scare made me crap my pants
So you better go back to your monitors, in your security room
In your pizza parlor
Five Nights At Freddy's and your fate's uncertain
The pay is lousy but the pizza's free
You'll find a fox behind the starry curtain
A little flesh is stuck between his teeth
Now he's running down the hall to slaughter me
Five Nights At Freddy's makes a grown man whimper
I swear to God this job is killing me
Five Nights At Freddy's makes a hard man limper
I wish I'd never joined this company
I should just go get a job at Chuck E. Cheese
We're going to post our back catalog on tumblr little by little, and since our previous one was "Dashcon", a con-gone-wrong song, it seemed fitting to follow it up with this one, a non-con-gone-wrong song. The incident that inspired it took place three years ago now, so we guess you could call it a long-gone-non-con-gone-wrong song. A quick history lesson for the uninitiated:
In June 2011, a website popped up online for a furry convention called Furry Beach, which was supposed to take place that July in Oceanside, California. It didn't take long for people to notice that several things about it just didn't seem right. The con claimed to be in its third year, yet nobody had ever heard of it before. The site had a fake list of attendees, and they gave the impression that pretty much everyone attending would be in fursuit (anyone who's ever been to an actual furry con knows that this is not the case, and that non-suiters greatly outnumber suiters). They even claimed that if you didn't have a fursuit of your own, you could borrow one from their collection of 'loaner' suits (again, this does NOT happen at actual furry cons. Ever). The website also contained several pictures that were supposed to have been taken at previous Furry Beach gatherings, but that people started to recognize as having been taken at other cons.
The website was also very poorly written in places. There was a funny misuse of the word 'registrar' as a verb, and their idea of a selling point was to tell people that it was a convention "held in a building, right beside the beach!" Wow, it's held in a building! In actuality, the location they listed was a timeshare, not a hotel or convention center, and once people started calling them it became clear that they had no knowledge whatsoever of the supposed event.
Anyhow, as soon as people started catching on, word about the scam spread across FA and other sites-- but not before a few unfortunate people 'registrar'ed and sent in their payment. And it seems that at least one person actually traveled to Oceanside to attend. That's the jumping-off point for our song, which is a parody of the Zombies' fantastic song "She's Not There" (1964).
Whether you're hearing this for the first time or taking a trip down Memory Lane, enjoy (and click below the credits for lyrics)!
------
"It's Not There" (2:34)
Parody of "She's Not There", as performed by The Zombies
Original song written by Rod Argent
Parody lyrics by Kiffa Kitmouse and Sedge Hare
All music and vocals performed by Drama Armada
Well someone told me about it
I had to know
Well someone told me about it
And I just had to go
But the whole thing was just a swindle
How could I know, I wasn't aware
Please don't bother trying to find it
It's not there
Well let me tell you about the Furry Beach
The listed address is just a small timeshare
The sand is soft and warm
The ocean's clear and cool
But it's not there
It sounded too good to be true
When I heard the buzz
It sounded too good to be true
Because it was
They said that they'd lend me a fursuit
Because I didn't have one to wear
But please don't bother trying to find it
It's not there
Well let me tell you about the Furry Beach
You've never heard of it, but it's been around for years
They had a website
Where you could registrar
But it's not there
Now it's too late to get a refund
There goes my money, it just disappeared
Please don't bother trying to find it
It's not there
Well let me tell you about the Furry Beach
They're using photographs that people took elsewhere
It's held in a building
Right beside the beach!
But it's not there
Guys, please forgive us posting this song again, but it seems that our posts are finally showing up in tag searches, so we wanted to give this the chance it didn't get when we first posted it. Thanks for understanding.
Click below the credits for the lyrics. Also, you can hear the full-length 'extra-time-in-the-ball-pit' version here.
------
"DashCon (Single Edit)" (3:47)
Parody of "Fashion", as performed by David Bowie
Written by David Bowie
Parody lyrics by Kiffa Kitmouse and Sedge Hare (Drama Armada)
There's a brand new con
And you might know its name
The people from tumblr
Swear that they're not to blame
It's so poorly-planned
That it was destined to bomb
But it might be the one time
That you go to a prom
DashCon! Nerds to the left
DashCon! Nerds to the right
Ooooh, DashCon!
We are the dork squad
And we're coming to town
Meme-meme!
Meme-meme!
Follow me, please follow me
Link to me, please link to me
Re-blog me, please re-blog me, oh
Meme-meme!
There's a brand new rumor,
Things aren't going too well
Ooh bop
And the people from Night Vale
Have left the hotel
Ooh bop, DashCon
We need 17 grand
Or the whole thing goes to shit
Ooh bop
You shout it while you're playing
In the ball pit
Ooh bop, DashCon
DashCon! Nerds to the left
DashCon! (Right!)
DashCon!
We are the dork squad
And we're coming to town
Meme-meme!
Meme-meme!
Follow me, please follow me
Link to me, please link to me
Re-blog me, please re-blog me, oh
Meme-meme!
Meme-meme!
Ooh, bop, duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh
Dah dah dah dah DashCon
Ooh, bop, duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh
Dah dah dah dah DashCon
La la la la la la la la la
Here's the 'single edit' of "DashCon" (click below the writing credits for the lyrics). And should you prefer extra time in the ball pit, you can find the full-length 'album' version here.
(If you like this, please do us a favor and re-blog-- we're a new account and our posts aren't showing up in tag searches. Thanks!)
------
"DashCon (Single Edit)" (3:47)
Parody of “Fashion”, as performed by David Bowie
Written by David Bowie
Parody lyrics by Kiffa Kitmouse and Sedge Hare (Drama Armada)
There's a brand new con
And you might know its name
The people from tumblr
Swear that they're not to blame
It's so poorly-planned
That it was destined to bomb
But it might be the one time
That you go to a prom
DashCon! Nerds to the left
DashCon! Nerds to the right
Ooooh, DashCon!
We are the dork squad
And we're coming to town
Meme-meme!
Meme-meme!
Follow me, please follow me
Link to me, please link to me
Re-blog me, please re-blog me, oh
Meme-meme!
There's a brand new rumor,
Things aren't going too well
Ooh bop
And the people from Night Vale
Have left the hotel
Ooh bop, DashCon
We need 17 grand
Or the whole thing goes to shit
Ooh bop
You shout it while you're playing
In the ball pit
Ooh bop, DashCon
DashCon! Nerds to the left
DashCon! (Right!)
DashCon!
We are the dork squad
And we're coming to town
Meme-meme!
Meme-meme!
Follow me, please follow me
Link to me, please link to me
Re-blog me, please re-blog me, oh
Meme-meme!
Meme-meme!
Ooh, bop, duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh
Dah dah dah dah DashCon
Ooh, bop, duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh
Dah dah dah dah DashCon
La la la la la la la la la
OK, here's our new song. It's called "DashCon" (based on David Bowie's "Fashion"), and it's our take on the by-most-accounts disastrous tumblr-themed convention of the same name that recently took place in Schaumburg, Illinois. We won't recount the whole story here; it's been done plenty of times elsewhere and can be easily found. All potentially offensive names ("nerd", "dork", etc.) are used with love. After all, we're nerds too.
Full-disclosure, we did not record the music for this one. Ever since we started back in 2007, we've taken pride in recording the music for our songs ourselves. But there's a price to pay for that, and it's that in our attempt to make our songs sound as good as we can, we work painfully slowly. Because of that, at times we have robbed ourselves of the opportunity to do songs about timely subject matter. So for the past couple of years, we've tinkered with the idea of using pre-recorded/karaoke tracks, like many other parody artists do, in order to strike while the iron is hot. This is our first foray into that arena, and we hope that you enjoy it. We will be back soon with another new song for which we did record the music.
Click below the writing credits for the lyrics. Enjoy!
(If you like this, please do us a favor and re-blog-- we're a new account and alas, our posts aren't showing up in tag searches. Thanks!)
------
"DashCon" (5:11)
Parody of "Fashion", as performed by David Bowie
Written by David Bowie
Parody lyrics by Kiffa Kitmouse and Sedge Hare (Drama Armada)
There's a brand new con
And you might know its name
The people from tumblr
Swear that they're not to blame
It's so poorly-planned
That it was destined to bomb
But it might be the one time
That you go to a prom
DashCon! Nerds to the left
DashCon! Nerds to the right
Ooooh, DashCon!
We are the dork squad
And we're coming to town
Meme-meme!
Meme-meme!
Follow me, please follow me
Link to me, please link to me
Re-blog me, please re-blog me, oh
Meme-meme!
There's a brand new rumor,
Things aren't going too well
Ooh bop
And the people from Night Vale
Have left the hotel
Ooh bop, DashCon
We need 17 grand
Or the whole thing goes to shit
Ooh bop
You shout it while you're playing
In the ball pit
Ooh bop, DashCon
DashCon! Nerds to the left
DashCon! (Right!)
DashCon!
We are the dork squad
And we're coming to town
Meme-meme!
Meme-meme!
Follow me, please follow me
Link to me, please link to me
Re-blog me, please re-blog me, oh
Meme-meme!
Meme-meme!
Ooh, bop, duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh
Dah dah dah dah DashCon
Ooh, bop, duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh
Dah dah dah dah DashCon
La la la la la la la la la
Before we post our newest track, here's our oldest one-- going back to 2007. This one's for every furry artist who's ever felt unloved, unnoticed, or unappreciated. So, pretty much every furry artist ever.
Some of the references are a little dated now, but boy howdy, that 'sandwich' line knocked 'em dead back in aught-seven!
Click 'Read More' below for the lyrics. Enjoy!
------
"Nobody's Watching Me" (3:29)
Parody of "Somebody's Watching Me", as performed by Rockwell
Original song written by Kennedy Gordy/Curtis Anthony Nolen
Parody lyrics by Kiffa Kitmouse and Sedge Hare
All music and vocals performed by Drama Armada
I'm just an average fur, with not much of a life
I weigh 395, I'll never have a wife
People say that I’m just a bore... a total drama whore
But that's 'cause I always feel like you've got me on ignore, and...
I always feel like nobody's watching me
And I've got no dignity (oh-oh-oh)
I always feel like nobody's watching me
I need popularity
When I go on FA...
I post my art all day
People never comment and I feel so forlorn
But would everyone like me better if I just drew more porn?
When I'm on LiveJournal, I'm afraid of what I'll see
'Cause I might check my profile and find someone de-friended me
People say I'm crazy... just like all the rest
'Cause furries have more issues than Reader's Digest, and that's why...
I always feel like nobody's watching me
On FurAffinity (oh-oh-oh)
I always feel like nobody's watching me
My friends list is down to three
And I don't know anymore
Are the people on deviantART watching me?
Are the people on Furry Art Pile watching me?
And I don't feel loved anymore... I think I'm gonna cry
If nobody's watching me, what are they watching, 'CSI'?
I always feel like nobody's watching me
And it's such a tragedy (oh-oh-oh)
I always feel like nobody's watching me
Tell me am I just a dweeb?
I always feel like nobody's watching me
And I've got no dignity (oh-oh-oh-oh)
I always feel like nobody's watching me
I need popularity
I always feel like nobody's watching me
On FurAffinity (oh-oh-oh)
I always feel like nobody's watching me
I can't enjoy my sandwich!!!
I always feel like nobody's watching me
And it's such a tragedy (oh-oh-oh)
I always feel like nobody's watching me
So I'll delete my gallery...
Greetings. We are DRAMA ARMADA, a furry musical comedy duo from the Boston area. Since 2007, we've been recording songs (mostly parodies) lovingly skewering the furry fandom. Along the way we have lampooned such artists as Coldplay, Simon & Garfunkel, and U2. Now we have decided to bring our music (and perhaps some other comedic tidbits) to tumblr.
