Hi. I write stuff.
Mostly fanfiction starring that snarky pixelated vampire who moved into my brain uninvited and refuses to pay rent or wear a shirt. (You know the one) and my OC, Octavia.
Sometimes, I channel the chaos into poetry. Sometimes, the poetry channels me. Either way, it’s all very dramatic, occasionally stupid and probably involves biting.
If you’re into feelings, fangs, and a touch of feral flair, you’re in the right place (oh yeah, I also abuse alliterations). Find all the delightful mess below:
Catch Me If You Can - Complete (if you read only one thing from me, this is it)
Rating: E Pairing: F/M
Summary: Detective Astarion Ancunin knows three things about The Collector: she's calculated, untouchable, and has been making his life hell for three years with her flawless heists and taunting calling cards. What he doesn't know is her real name, or why she kissed him like she meant it before vanishing into the night with a stolen necklace.
Octavia Fallguard knows three things about Detective Ancunin: he's relentless, devastatingly clever, and the biggest threat to the life she's made stealing for the crime syndicate that owns her debt. What she doesn't know is that the immunity papers he's offering are fake, or that the job requiring her to share the same space is about to become the most dangerous con of her life.
In the shadow-soaked streets of 1950s New York, two masters of deception are about to discover that the person they've been hunting—and running from—might be exactly what they've been searching for. But when you're built from lies and surviving on borrowed time, falling in love is the most reckless thing you can do.
Method Acting (Ascended Astarion 80's AU)
Rating: E Pairing: F/M
Summary: Astarion Ancunín is Hollyweald's most talented disaster—an actor whose scandals are legendary and whose ego is even bigger. When his latest meltdown threatens to end his career, his agent presents a solution: fake date Baldur's Gate sweetheart to rehabilitate his image.
What starts as a competitive game of public affection becomes something neither expected. Between red carpets and late-night diners, Oscar ceremonies and midnight confessions, two people who've forgotten how to be real discover that the best performances happen when you stop acting. Irreconcilable Differences (Bloodweave crack fic) Rating: T Pairing: M/M
Summary: Gale Dekarios, God of Ambition, and Astarion Ancunín, Vampire Ascendant, are getting divorced, and they're taking everyone down with them—including the legal system, a traumatized high priest, one very contested Owlbear, and the structural integrity of the cosmos itself.
(Or: The most extravagant wedding in Faerûn history is followed by the pettiest divorce in recorded history. Featuring: soup pot custody battles, cosmic defamation, and two megalomaniacs who should never have been given this much power.)
What the Longest Night Holds - Complete (Shadowheart x Karlach post-canon) Rating: T Pairing: F/F Summary: Twenty doors. Twenty moments. One long night. An advent calendar of a relationship told in fragments—sketches and lists, letters never sent, prayers half-remembered, and the quiet places where the truth lives. Karlach burns. Shadowheart still sheds her shadows. Somehow, where fire meets dark, they find something worth counting down to. Click the doors. Trust the fall.
Marked by Fate - currently being rewritten Rating: E Pairing: F/M
Summary: Imagine waking up hungover… with a Mindlfayer tadpole in your brain. That’s Octavia´s life now, and to make matters worse, her fellow survivors include a moody cleric with too many secrets, a self-righteous warlock, an insufferably smug wizard, a charming but shady vampire rogue, a githyanki warrior with anger issues, and a tiefling barbarian who punches first and asks questions never. Their mission? Survive goblin warbands, hag bargains, infernal invasions, and each other—while racing against time to find a cure for the squirmy things threatening to turn them into mind flayers.
Standards, Darling (co-written with Vakarian Syndrome) - on indefinite hiatus
Rating: E Pairing: F/M
Summary: Astarion Ancunín has built his reputation on one simple rule: never become romantically involved with clients. As Baldur's Gate's premier matchmaker, he's successfully paired hundreds of people while keeping his own heart carefully locked away.
Until Octavia Fallguard walks into his office—his brother's ex. A pole dancing instructor with impossibly high standards, a clever tongue, and zero tolerance for his usual charm. She knows exactly what she wants in a partner; and what she doesn't want is her ex's insufferably arrogant brother deciding her love life for her.
But when every date ends in disaster, and their professional relationship evolves into something far more personal, the lines between duty and desire become dangerously blurred.
You up? (E - smutty crack-shot)
Join Astarion and Octavia in a passionate encounter filled with all of the ridiculous sexual euphemisms that the author could find.
#SketchGate (E - crack two-shot)
It all starts with a bald fan sketch. Then a law. Then a dick pic. Then a scandal that spirals so hard it enters orbit. With the internet against him, his PR agent on the verge of quitting, and his not-quite-lover Tav watching the chaos unfold, Astarion must face the ultimate enemy: consequences. Or: "A vampire’s guide to ruining your legacy in ten posts or less"
Till they rest my bones on the cold ground, I'll be around (M - fluff)
Astarion and Octavia celebrate the Day of Love for the first (and only) time, ending in a surprise that neither expected. Two lovesick fools propose to each other at the same time.
17 Things That Made This Kobold's Day PERFECT (Number 12 Will Make You Cry) - G (Interactive fiction complete with clickable ads and a quiz)
KOBOLD DAILY EXCLUSIVE
Look, we've all had good days. But has your day ever been THIS good? Popper—Purveyor of Treats and Trinkets, licensed Entrepreneur, and Senior Shiny Correspondent—had the BEST day in the history of days. We're talking: premium grave loot, successful mystery box sales, head scritches from the Big Horned Lady, only stepping in ONE of his own traps, and the sale of a definitely-not-haunted glass eye named Gregory. A Butler's Lament - G (Sceleritas Fel is having a very bad time) Sceleritas Fel's descent into despair as his beloved Master chooses heroism over murder, documented in ten journal entries. Featuring: eggs instead of entrails, peace negotiations, and one disturbingly alive partner.
Still standing. Still yours. (E - fluff & smut)
Astarion needs to feel Octavia beneath him, needs to prove they survived, needs to worship every inch of her trembling body. But when passion gives way to vulnerability, when Astarion is stripped bare in more ways than one, three words slip out that he can never take back.
Patience, darling. (E- pegging)
Octavia had one goal: make Astarion’s birthday unforgettable. And what better way than with a strap-on, some expertly applied teasing, and a little Salt-N-Pepa to set the mood?
Hells yes, I do! (T - Karlach x Wyll)
After three years of being engaged, Karlach and Wyll are finally ready to tie the knot. It's not exactly what either of them pictured for their wedding day—getting married in the hells with an infernal engine for a heart isn't anyone's childhood dream—but when you're stuck in Avernus, you make the best of what you have.
A hero's rest (G - cute Scratch dream chase)
The eternal struggle between dog and cat reaches new heights of drama in this tale of pursuit, pride, and the occasional existential crisis about losing sticks to sparrows.
Claims to the Throne (explicit) - When Lord Astarion Ancunin decides it's time to christen his newly renovated throne room, you—his devoted, beloved consort—can do nothing but obey. When he calls, you kneel. When he commands, you come. OR: You fuck Astarion on his throne in a lyrical, filth-filled descent.
My Poems Know What You Did In the Dark - Growing poetry collection about the BG3 companions, written from my Tav's POV.
Verses & Vices - Ever-expanding compilation of original poems, equal parts existential crisis and love letters. Sometimes cats might appear. Stardust in the Snow (Illithid Tav/Emperor) - Snow interrupts your solstice work, and in your husband's thoughts, there lurks the same desire to explore what waits beyond the office door. You take his hand and find the snow can show so much: how joy feels, how gifts can hold time and space, how perfect quiet has its place in hearts that beat the same.
Artwork from the banner done by The Takemi.
