Hi. I write stuff.
Mostly fanfiction starring that snarky pixelated vampire who moved into my brain uninvited and refuses to pay rent or wear a shirt. (You know the one.) He and my OC Octavia are a package deal in 99% of the universes I stick them into. I also write other Baldur's Gate 3 characters, get possessed by poetry on occasion, have an AU addiction that I'm not seeking a cure for, and dabble in custom skins and interactive stories. Because one obsession is never enough. Current active fic: Autopsy of a Wish
Rating: E Pairing: F/M
Summary: "I hope you die screaming" were the last words Astarion said to his companions. He never imagined they'd come true.
Six months later, drowning in guilt and armed with a stolen Wish spell, he tries to bring them back. Instead, he wakes up at his own funeral in a world he doesn't recognise where everyone he lost is alive, and the woman he loved and abandoned is calling him "partner."
Now he must learn to navigate a life that isn't his, a world whose technology baffles him, trauma that follows him across timelines, and a love he hasn't earned—all while deciding whether to fix the past or fight for a future he doesn't deserve. --
Find the rest of the mess below:
Catch Me If You Can - Complete (if you read only one thing from me, this is it)
Rating: E Pairing: F/M
Summary: Detective Astarion Ancunin knows three things about The Collector: she's calculated, untouchable, and has been making his life hell for three years with her flawless heists and taunting calling cards. What he doesn't know is her real name, or why she kissed him like she meant it before vanishing into the night with a stolen necklace.
Octavia Fallguard knows three things about Detective Ancunin: he's relentless, devastatingly clever, and the biggest threat to the life she's made stealing for the crime syndicate that owns her debt. What she doesn't know is that the immunity papers he's offering are fake, or that the job requiring her to share the same space is about to become the most dangerous con of her life.
In the shadow-soaked streets of 1950s New York, two masters of deception are about to discover that the person they've been hunting—and running from—might be exactly what they've been searching for. But when you're built from lies and surviving on borrowed time, falling in love is the most reckless thing you can do.
Method Acting - Complete (Ascended Astarion 80's AU)
Rating: E Pairing: F/M
Summary: Astarion Ancunín is Hollyweald's most talented disaster—an actor whose scandals are legendary and whose ego is even bigger. When his latest meltdown threatens to end his career, his agent presents a solution: fake date Baldur's Gate sweetheart to rehabilitate his image.
What starts as a competitive game of public affection becomes something neither expected. Between red carpets and late-night diners, Oscar ceremonies and midnight confessions, two people who've forgotten how to be real discover that the best performances happen when you stop acting. Irreconcilable Differences (Bloodweave crack fic) Rating: T Pairing: M/M
Summary: Gale Dekarios, God of Ambition, and Astarion Ancunín, Vampire Ascendant, are getting divorced, and they're taking everyone down with them—including the legal system, a traumatized high priest, one very contested Owlbear, and the structural integrity of the cosmos itself.
(Or: The most extravagant wedding in Faerûn history is followed by the pettiest divorce in recorded history. Featuring: soup pot custody battles, cosmic defamation, and two megalomaniacs who should never have been given this much power.)
What the Longest Night Holds - Complete (Shadowheart x Karlach post-canon) Rating: T Pairing: F/F Summary: Twenty doors. Twenty moments. One long night. An advent calendar of a relationship told in fragments—sketches and lists, letters never sent, prayers half-remembered, and the quiet places where the truth lives. Karlach burns. Shadowheart still sheds her shadows. Somehow, where fire meets dark, they find something worth counting down to. Click the doors. Trust the fall.
Standards, Darling (co-written with Vakarian Syndrome)
Rating: E Pairing: F/M
Summary: Astarion Ancunín has built his reputation on one simple rule: never become romantically involved with clients. As Baldur's Gate's premier matchmaker, he's successfully paired hundreds of people while keeping his own heart carefully locked away.
Until Octavia Fallguard walks into his office—his brother's ex. A pole dancing instructor with impossibly high standards, a clever tongue, and zero tolerance for his usual charm. She knows exactly what she wants in a partner; and what she doesn't want is her ex's insufferably arrogant brother deciding her love life for her.
But when every date ends in disaster, and their professional relationship evolves into something far more personal, the lines between duty and desire become dangerously blurred.
A Practicum in Loss - Complete (Gale/Auntie Ethel)
Rating: T Pairing: F/M
Summary: What's worse than a hag who wants to kill you? A hag who finds you interesting. Gale's orb has an appetite. Ethel has remedies. Neither of them expects the side effects.
OR
Five times Gale was played by Auntie Ethel, and one time he wasn't.
You up? (E - smutty crack-shot) Join Astarion and Octavia in a passionate encounter filled with all of the ridiculous sexual euphemisms that the author could find.
#SketchGate (E - crack two-shot) It all starts with a bald fan sketch. Then a law. Then a dick pic. Then a scandal that spirals so hard it enters orbit. With the internet against him, his PR agent on the verge of quitting, and his not-quite-lover Tav watching the chaos unfold, Astarion must face the ultimate enemy: consequences. Or: "A vampire’s guide to ruining your legacy in ten posts or less"
Till they rest my bones on the cold ground, I'll be around (M - fluff) Astarion and Octavia celebrate the Day of Love for the first (and only) time, ending in a surprise that neither expected. Two lovesick fools propose to each other at the same time.
17 Things That Made This Kobold's Day PERFECT (Number 12 Will Make You Cry) - G (Interactive fiction complete with clickable ads and a quiz)
KOBOLD DAILY EXCLUSIVE
Look, we've all had good days. But has your day ever been THIS good? Popper—Purveyor of Treats and Trinkets, licensed Entrepreneur, and Senior Shiny Correspondent—had the BEST day in the history of days. We're talking: premium grave loot, successful mystery box sales, head scritches from the Big Horned Lady, only stepping in ONE of his own traps, and the sale of a definitely-not-haunted glass eye named Gregory. A Butler's Lament - G (Sceleritas Fel is having a very bad time) Sceleritas Fel's descent into despair as his beloved Master chooses heroism over murder, documented in ten journal entries. Featuring: eggs instead of entrails, peace negotiations, and one disturbingly alive partner.
Still standing. Still yours. (E - fluff & smut) Astarion needs to feel Octavia beneath him, needs to prove they survived, needs to worship every inch of her trembling body. But when passion gives way to vulnerability, when Astarion is stripped bare in more ways than one, three words slip out that he can never take back.
Patience, darling. (E- pegging) Octavia had one goal: make Astarion’s birthday unforgettable. And what better way than with a strap-on, some expertly applied teasing, and a little Salt-N-Pepa to set the mood?
Hells yes, I do! (T - Karlach x Wyll) After three years of being engaged, Karlach and Wyll are finally ready to tie the knot. It's not exactly what either of them pictured for their wedding day—getting married in the hells with an infernal engine for a heart isn't anyone's childhood dream—but when you're stuck in Avernus, you make the best of what you have.
A hero's rest (G - cute Scratch dream chase) The eternal struggle between dog and cat reaches new heights of drama in this tale of pursuit, pride, and the occasional existential crisis about losing sticks to sparrows.
Strategic Realignment (And Other Corporate Tragedies) T - co-written with Arafel In the cutthroat world of finance, Astarion Ancunín (VP, Thought Leader, Client Champion) knows three things: always skip the flavoured protein shakes, never trust a Patagonia vest with too many pockets, and his boss Cazador will always find new ways to make his life insufferable—including mandatory charity marathons and always choosing the cheapest corporate solution. When that option is to replace 7,000 employees with a software called Rhapsody, he finds himself on the wrong side of "strategic realignment."
One Year of Being Hers - E (Smut & Fluff) Astarion has been secretly studying their favourite cooking videos with scholarly intensity, but not for the reasons Tavitha might expect. With their first anniversary approaching, he's determined to surprise his beloved with a very special demonstration—one that recreates the exact techniques they've been admiring together during their nightly ritual.
Forgive me Father (for I will sin) - E (Religion kink) Astarion, in scratchy linen robes he is already regretting, is a consummate professional. He will hold this persona. He will not be derailed by a confessional box, a very small dark space, and Daisy saying extremely specific things in a very low voice. He is, unfortunately, only two of those things.
Or: two degenerates roleplay in a temple of Illmater, desecrate a confessional, and then accidentally stay for the service. It gets worse from there. Somehow they have a lovely time.
I tried them all. None of them answered - M (mind the tags) Before he stopped trying and decided on obedience, Astarion spent a year in a coffin, praying to gods who never came. Ten prayers. Ten gods. One hundred words of deterioration each.
bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody - E (fluff & smut) Astarion hasn't seen his lover all evening, and he's feeling particularly... petulant about it. When he finds Andromeda in the greenhouse, still playing her lute hours after sunset, he decides it's time to thoroughly distract her.
She thinks she can keep playing through anything. He's determined to prove her wrong—one nibble at a time.
Claims to the Throne (explicit) - When Lord Astarion Ancunin decides it's time to christen his newly renovated throne room, you—his devoted, beloved consort—can do nothing but obey. When he calls, you kneel. When he commands, you come. OR: You fuck Astarion on his throne in a lyrical, filth-filled descent.
My Poems Know What You Did In the Dark - Growing poetry collection about the BG3 companions, written from my Tav's POV.
Verses & Vices - Ever-expanding compilation of original poems, equal parts existential crisis and love letters. Sometimes cats might appear. Stardust in the Snow (Illithid Tav/Emperor) - Snow interrupts your solstice work, and in your husband's thoughts, there lurks the same desire to explore what waits beyond the office door. You take his hand and find the snow can show so much: how joy feels, how gifts can hold time and space, how perfect quiet has its place in hearts that beat the same.
Artwork from the banner done by @skeptical-lynx
