The doctor with the cane

Dr. Renée Brandenburg, psychiatrist, forty-five. works at glendale. walks with a cane. sometimes there's nothing that you can do about something, its irreversible; you just have to keep going.

[queenscody]

“Hey. Hey. Over here.” Cody peeked his head out of the front seat. The car he was renting for the drive in event was purring softly as he looked at the newcomer who looked like they had been trying to find an empty spot, or car. It was warm enough inside but he had come here alone and thought it would be nice to invite someone. It was awkward to do this by himself anyway. “You have a date or nah?” He pointed to the big screen. “Wanna join me? They’re playing some corny shit. Love Actually or something. Come on. It’s perfect.” 

[drbrandenburg-blog]

        It was embarrassing enough to be stood up but someone actually catching her trying to leave and diverting their attention to it was worse. Raising her eyebrows at Cody, the woman sighed heavily. “I did have a date but it looks like he’s a no show. Standing me up, hardly relationship material.” It was better to admit it than to create some story about why she was wandering around the drive in by herself. “Sure but you’ll have to honour the fact that I’m a massive cynic so I’m going to be ripping that corny shit to absolute shreds. Is that acceptable?” Renée had not had much good luck in the relationships department, mostly down to her own mistakes; she wasn’t going to be sold on a romantic comedy but at least the cheesy lines would keep her entertained.

[ryanjamvson]

Cigarette on his lips, Ryan was making his way to the strip club. He was ten minutes late but given that he was one of the joint’s biggest item, he knew his boss would not really give a fuck as long as he showed up. This kind of behaviour is frowned upon by his fellow strippers but he paid no attention to the envy. He was good at his and he deserved the extra privileges.  As he was only a few feet away from the entrance, he noticed a person standing around. They looked hesitant, so pulling his best pearly white smile, the stripper approached them. “So. Are you going to come in or what?” 

[drbrandenburg-blog]

             Renée knew better than to get this drunk in public when she was alone. Her pain disorder had worsened; it was affecting her sleep and work schedule and she knew that this wasn’t the correct way to handle it. The woman needed some time out to confront her underlying issues so that she had a more positive outlook when it came to her situation. Being bitter and clinging onto the past wasn’t working for her; something needed to change. The woman swayed with her cane in one hand before she looked towards the figure outside of a building. “I should really get going. What time is it?”

[drbrandenburg-blog]

queenscody‌:

“Absolutely. I’m praisin’ my kid now frankly.” He said with a chuckle. Sure he didn’t say how proud he was of his son often but he thought actions speak louder than words and he allowed Cody to do a lot of things, that action alone was enough to show he cared and was prideful of him. “It’s his path to choose. Although I’d rather he stayed out of trouble if he wanted to pull some naughty strings here an’ there I wouldn’t mind it. I want him ta’ enjoy life.” Mark said carelessly. “Yeah, ain’t gonna stick around for long though. Lotsa bussiness.” He shrugged. “You? Got a kid o’ your own?”

It was still a sensitive subject for the woman. She had tried to assume a parental role in a situation that didn’t even need to involve her and it wasn’t going to work out. “No, I don’t. Not really the mothering type.” For anyone who knew Renée, they would state that her words were simply untrue but it was easier for the woman to believe that she wasn’t MEANT to have these things rather than focusing on what she had lost in the past. “They’re a lot of work and I’m a busy lady. Probably for the best.” That and her parents hadn’t done the best job with her. Yes, the woman cared about others, she became a little too self-involved but that was just her way of showing that she cared. However, her approach wasn’t received well recently. Had she lost of touch? “Still, I bet you get a lot of humor out of him.”

[queenscody]

“So here’s a little thing about my rascal over there. He’s a good boy who’s kind of a digger for attention so if he ever pulls something stupid or embarrassing, you’ll have to forgive him.” Mark Bryant was sipping his pure black coffee at the gas station while pointing his fingers to Cody, his son. He had decided to give a quick visit for Christmas. “Guess the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. I was a troublemaker too in my days. Isn’t it kind of funny how some children just turn out exactly like their dear ol’ pops?” 

[drbrandenburg-blog]

      “Don’t parents always say that their kid’s a good one? At least to others?” Renée wasn’t really looking for a response but she couldn’t blame the other if he ended up giving her one. She had wondered what it would be like to have a child but she liked to come to the conclusion that she was no good at it. “Yes but some avoid that completely by working their ass off.” That was what the woman feared. She couldn’t let herself become her father, ever, even if it seemed like she had betrayed the person that she had cared about. “I take it you’re visiting over Christmas?”

[zoewuu-deactivated20190108]

      “Hey, I think you dropped your wallet.” Zoe held up the wallet, adjusting her  duffel bag full of gear over their shoulder. “Might want to hold onto that. Someone could steal your identity of something. Some people are shady as fuck nowadays.”

[drbrandenburg-blog]

     Turning back to the young woman, Renée nodded. “Thank you. That’s pretty decent of you. Should’ve just taken the cash and ran.” The woman chuckled as she couldn’t help but jest. She was more than aware that not many people would return something like that in this city and for that, she was incredibly grateful. “How on earth will I ever be able to repay you? Thanks again, though. I mean it.” They wouldn’t have been able to do much with it but being a vulnerable person, the woman did need to keep a vigilant eye on her surroundings.

[drbrandenburg-blog]

hcatheralcott‌:

It wasn’t, the words teetered thick along her molars, but she didn’t have it in her yet to tell the older woman it wasn’t just a drink and how she’d practically enveloped that particular evening in a shouting match with Nita, an old friend, lover, that had sounded desperate and ragged and messy—she didn’t know how to tell the doctor that rage no longer gave her a fucking relief, as much as she begged it to, now only leaving her with a vacant hole in her chest and shame she could not erase even after downing more alcohol or scraping her nails raw into her skin, because she didn’t want Renee to notice the pattern she might have leeched from her father. Reene had known him before she became her psychiatrist, before the relationship between them became so muddled, and the thought of Reene possibly realizing that they might have shared similiar traits concerned her. She didn’t want to disappoint the woman. She was supposed to be better now. So she stayed silent about it, nodding her head when she talked about Peter. “That’s really fucking rough. I’m sorry.” Heather still didn’t know the cause, or how Renee had damaged her leg in the first place, what she’d truly lost; they had always been vague with the topic, skirting around and all she’d ever known was the sorrow in her eyes. She wanted to turn tables once more. Wanted to just focus on her—maybe it was an attempt to hide again, but she genuinely wanted to know things about Renee, now that they were no longer restricted with patient-doctor formalities. “Hey. It wasn’t your fault, Renee, or his. You said it yourself that you were struggling and it’s not as if you were forcing him to stay, it was his decision. Not to be a downer or anything but- some things just aren’t meant to be no matter how hard you fight for them. Sometimes it has to be that way, you know?” She smiled a bit wryly, thought of a few things of her own, people, thought of her family. “And what about you? Are you doing okay, I mean, for real,” she waved her hand and rolled her eyes, “besides this whole wonky elevator thing.” 

              Renée did her best not to pry into Heather’s life as she had no responsibility for her but it was difficult. After years of knowing the other, the woman needed to step back and let the young woman make her own mistakes, mistakes that weren’t hers. However, the psychiatrist still hadn’t forgiven herself for her grave mistake, sleeping with Matthew Alcott. What on earth had happened? She had thought that she was strong enough to resist manipulation but the male was living proof that she was just as weak as the rest of them. Renée had acknowledged that she had inadvertently made things worse for all of the family by engaging in that sort of behaviour and ultimately betraying Peter’s trust. He was too good for her, everyone seemed to be too good for her... “I just don’t think that’s true.” The feeling of nausea was hitting the woman as she felt her pulse rate raced. Although Renée was listening to Heather’s words, she felt so wrapped up in her own head that she couldn’t listen attentively which was a rarity as far as Heather was concerned. Whether she was experiencing some sort of panic attack from her guilt or having a nervous breakdown, she certainly didn’t feel in the moment nor her calm self. As heat gathered on her cheeks, the older woman shuffled uncomfortably. She didn’t deserve Heather’s sympathy. Their relationship felt like it was based on mistrust and Renée was the one to blame. The woman was scared of being alone but she couldn’t like to someone who felt like her own daughter for very much longer. “I’m...” A liar? Cheater? Antagonist? She didn’t know what to say. As the woman had aged over the years, her fear of being alone forever had intensified but it had definitely come to blows with it in the last couple of months. “I’m a cheater, I was the one that broke it.” Unable to stop the confession, it was blurted out in a rather frantic way.  “I’m so, so sorry, Heather. All I wanted to do was help you but...” After years of lying to herself, it was only just coming out. “I got sucked into it and I’m so, so sorry.” Without any explanation, the woman knew it was going to sound strange to Heather but she needed to be pushed in the right direction by a reaction. She didn’t want to lose Heather; the other could be angry, upset, hateful; she just prayed that she wouldn’t be indifferent. No matter how hard she tried, Renée couldn’t stop her hands from shaking.

[drbrandenburg-blog]

amberfuentes‌:

Amber took no offense by her chuckle. Instead, they found it a bit endearing that she was humble enough to react with a laugh.  “Don’t worry about it. It’s cute.” Her following words got them to frown though. “Well, what’s a cane gotta do with sex? Hell, all you gotta do is lay down and let someone else do the work. I’ve never even heard of pity sex. Don’t people have sex with who they want to? Maybe thats just me though.”  Amber tried not to be too straightforward, knowing full well that at the end of the day, they couldn’t put themselves  in Renee’s shoes. Not fully at least. They couldn’t begin to imagine half of the struggles that came with having to carry a cane around. Maybe it was best for them to not speak on something they didn’t fully understand. “Not everyone’s ugly.” they affirmed with a chuckle. “What’s your type then?”

    Cute? It had certainly been a while since anyone had used that adjective to describe Renée. The woman could hold her own and that meant that some people did feel slightly intimidated but if that were the case, she was probably better off not knowing them. “Hey, I’m just saying that I’ve had my fair share of really ‘good’ guys who have seen the cane and then thought that they were a saint for sleeping with me.” It was a bit of an exaggeration seen as she hadn’t slept with many people since her and Peter called it quits but it was done to emphasise her point more than anything else. “God, that’s a good question.” The woman chuckled once more before taking another swig of her drink. “Honestly, I think the ability to actually humour me is a must for me, as well as being genuine. All the stereotypical stuff. Why? Are you interested?” Renée raised her eyebrows towards the other as she held her drink up slightly. “Applications are open.” Shaking her head, the woman scoffed at herself. “God, I sound desperate...” It was partly her drink talking but on the other hand, she was quite honest when it came to these matters, usually. “I’ve really got to get out more.”

[drbrandenburg-blog]

i’ve been ill and then had an interview so i’ll be getting to everything tomorrow. i’m so sorry!

[drbrandenburg-blog]

amberfuentes‌:

It was obvious that her words had come as a surprise to Amber by the way they raised their eyebrows her. “Babe, if anything I’d say you’re selling yourself short.” Amber wasn’t good at pep talks and they weren’t about to give her one. They were just going to tell it like it is. “Listen, you look amazing. Certainly caught my attention.” Which was true. Amber wasn’t someone who offered drinks so easily to customers. Even with the dim lights they would make out that she was an attractive woman. How could someone that looked like that have a hard time getting someone to look her way? “So you’re tired and you need someone to show you a good time. Well, you got this whole array of fine gentlemen to choose from. Or are ladies more of your taste? Hell, bonus points if you’re into both. I don’t think you would have a problem snagging anyone in here. Look around, anyone catch your eye?”

        Renée couldn’t help but let out her renowned chuckle at the other. They were just being nice because they felt sorry for her but she didn’t want that. It was hard to tell that by the way the woman seemed to be swallowed up in her own self-pity but that was something that she had to address at another time, a time when she wasn’t drinking. “Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh at people when they’re complimenting me. Explains why I seem to be bad at this. Thank you for your kind words.” The woman nodded towards the bartender, now aware that she needed to be more polite instead of filling the desperate and disgruntled customer trope. “I think it’s the cane that puts people off. They’re either scared of it or scared of me having it and they don’t know how to respond to it. I’m not one for pity sex but if that’s all I can get, so be it.” She shrugged. Renée was an attractive individual but she found it hard to trust people after the constantly disappointments she had had in her life. “I like men and women, all, I really can’t be that picky at this point.” Looking around for a moment, Renée brought her attention back to the other. “A few people, I suppose. This is New York City, not everyone is ugly but it’s certainly more difficult at this hour.”

[drbrandenburg-blog]

jordanfairfield‌:

Jordan shook her head with a quiet snort. “I wasn’t gonna take it there. Partly ‘cause you don’t look fifty, but also ‘cause fifty-year olds don’t like to hear it if they do look fifty, and also ‘cause my guessing skills aren’t at their peak at the moment.” She pretended to zip her lips in response to her half-assed annoyance. She gave up the silence after a moment, though, never able to keep quiet for long. “To be fair, I kiss everyone’s ass, usually benefits us both in some way. And I had to make sure you weren’t actually interested in being my glucose guardian deep down.”

      “Oh, stop it. You’re full of flattery, aren’t you?” Renée couldn’t help but chuckle at the other’s words, mostly because of how true her statements were for the majority of people her age. “At least I know that i’m an old ass bitter woman, acceptance is the first step.” She jested; she was not one to accept things and her frequent unhappiness was only fuelled by that inability. “I look fifty, even though I’m not there yet but there are some attractive older ladies out there so I’m not concerned. However, I feel like an eighty year old woman deep down and as far as my body goes. Some say it’s endearing but it’s a bunch of bullshit as far as I’m concerned.” Had she lost her touch for detecting lies when she had met Matthew Alcott? Renée had always been intelligent but she seemed to lose all her wit and vision for the future when she got so wrapped up in it all. If she hadn’t have done it, she probably wouldn’t be here talking to Jordan about her application to be her sugar mommy. “Really? Might I ask what you’re actually expecting from me, then? Best if I let you down slowly now to avoid disappointment.”

[drbrandenburg-blog]

angclawu‌:

                  “is  this  the  truth?  you  know  they  can’t  legally  do  that  to  you.  i’ve  noticed  that  things  aren’t  as  accommodating  as  they  appear.  for  instance,  i  went  to  visit  a  client  in  their  new  shiny  office  and  not  only  were  the  doors  heavy,  they  weren’t  automatic.  i  even  had  trouble  pulling  them  open  so  i  daren’t  think  how  hard  it  must  be  for  someone  in  your  situation.”  angela  shook  her  head.  the  woman  always  loved  these  types  of  conversations,  it  was  an  opportunity  to  insert  herself  into  the  solution.  “have  you  attempted  to  sue ?  i  know  some  really  good  lawyers  who  can  help  you  with  that.  my  week  has  been  fine,  stop  deflecting.  you  can’t  unload  on  me  like  this  and  expect  me  to  say  nothing.”  the  two  had  been  acquaintances  for  a  while  and  she  had  known  peter  for  years.  she  liked  renée,  she  did,  she  just  didn’t  feel  like  the  woman  gave  as  much  out  as  she  expected  to  get  in  so  it  made  her  happy  to  hear  her  speaking  out  about  her  feelings,  for  once.

        Angela had always been good at listening but even better at talking. For once, Renée felt listened to and that was a step in the right direction. She did have a habit of keeping everything to herself until it all became too much for her but she was determined not to let it get that. In all honestly, the woman was glad the other was back in Queens so that she was able to talk to over with her. She was struggling and she didn’t think that she was hiding it particularly well this time. Why had she insisted that they meet up at the bar? Angela wasn’t a big drinker and Renée couldn’t afford to damage her body any further yet here she was. Sighing to agree to the other’s statements, she nodded. “Yes but I’m really not that bad. There are people who need help a lot more than me.” She was always too proud to ask but was getting to the age now where she needed someone there. she loved the other’s passion but couldn’t help but chuckle. “calm down. i’ll threaten him with it. i have a doctorate, i doubt he’ll question my knowledge. You can relax, you know. I’m done ranting, I promise. It’s good to see you.”

[drbrandenburg-blog]

antigone-inthe-garden‌:

A lesser, more fragile bitch might have suddenly found her humanity.  Antigone isn’t fragile and this wasn’t an act. “I didn’t need your life story, if anything I was hoping for something clever to remind me that the rest of the population isn’t just a vapid wasteland of wannabe instagram models.” She replies as she takes a sip of her drink, before glancing at the chair. “You didn’t guilt trip me.” She moves her legs nonetheless and offers the woman the free chair. “I’m just done stretching my legs.”

       “That’s not my life story, count yourself lucky. I’m all out of clever remarks today, used them up at work so I’d appreciate less of the attitude.” The psychiatrist was in no mood to work any more extra hours than she did; she wasn’t there to analyse the younger woman, she was there to take a seat. How she could be so arrogant was beyond her. “You remind me of me landlord. A pain in the ass that still hasn’t fixed the elevator.” Flashing her a falsified smile, a sigh of relief left Renée when she finally sat. However, she could feel her deep muscular pain starting up again; she was working herself too hard and definitely wasn’t taking care of herself, it was to be expected. “Glad they got a nice stretch but there’s the gym for that.”

[drbrandenburg-blog]

amberfuentes‌:

Her sigh was enough indication for Amber to assume that she was on the same boat as them. Then again, this was New York. Who wasn’t? It was a little scary sometimes, realizing how their days seemed to pass by.  Uneventful. Boring. This wasn’t what they had imagined their life to be. Maybe that was part of growing up, so they say. “You got it.” they replied easily. The bartender almost commented how going up some stairs couldn’t hurt anyone, but then they noticed the cane that was placed right next to the woman. Her complaint now made a whole lot more sense. “So what brings you out here then? ”

       Renée felt like she had once again lost all control over where her life was heading and she wanted to change it. However, this wasn’t the most healthy environment for her but what establishments were even open at this time? The woman had been in her office working before popping home, getting changed and then going out in an attempt to feel sociable. She was feeling quite isolated and didn’t want that feeling to continue. Raising her eyebrow at their question, she sighed. “Who even knows, at this rate. I’m an old bitter ass woman that has a shit time at selling herself. Can’t you tell, I’m doing so well...” She did miss Peter. Unable to shrug him off, she needed to get back in the game somehow without it being through the sympathy vote. “I was working pretty late so it was now or never.”

[drbrandenburg-blog]

What are your worst fears?

        “I think it’s a pretty common fear; that I’ll end up alone. This wasn’t how I pictured my life twenty years ago. I wasn’t always the most family orientated person on the planet as I did value my career but that was probably my problem. I wasted my time feeling bitter and upset about my situation that I pushed away the one person who really cared about me, that forgave me after I cheated on him because he was so sympathetic and knew that I hadn’t come from the most nurturing environment. That’s why I try to help people now as much as I can, because I wasn’t given that. However, now I’m just left with my career and all this cash that I have no clue what to do with. What happens to it all when I die? There’s no one to inherit it to, no one’s mentioned in my will and it scares me that I’m just going to die without anyone realising. It’s dark but it is something I think about, something that most middle aged women think about. I would love to have a partner that I could look into buying a place with, to be able to have children but that seems like a reach. I just don’t want to be alone and that’s why I haven’t picked anywhere to settle down. Once I do, that’s when I accept that I’m going to be alone and that terrifies me considering that I could have had it all...”

[drbrandenburg-blog]

Do you think you can be happy?

             “If someone wants to come and sweep me up off my feet, now’s the perfect time. Honestly, I’ve been running from so much shit in my life and it’s never going to go away but I believe that I’m somewhat salvageable. I just really need to get over my ex-fiancé, find a place to settle down and feel valued in my work place. I can be fun, I can be very fun, it’s just about finding an environment where I’m comfortable.”

[drbrandenburg-blog]

Would you want to have a child?

              “Of course, I want kids, or at least I wanted them when I still could. If it weren’t for the accident, there’s a very likely chance that I’d not only have a husband but have a daughter, as well. She didn’t make it when I did so I guess that’s someone’s way of telling me that I wasn’t meant to be a mother. I’d look into other ways but I doubt I would be approved for adoption considering my work hours and cane. Sure, they could look past the disability, as long as I’m fit they’d have to give me a chance but it just doesn’t seem feasible, in my opinion. Surrogacy would be another way but there would still be a possibility but that’s full of feelings and I’m honestly like the crypt keeper now; I phsycally can’t have kids and if some miracle did happen, it wouldn’t last because I’m old and my body couldn’t physically handle it. I had my chance and I feel like I blew it. I just don’t feel like it’s possible for me yet I’m having difficulty accepting that. 

[drbrandenburg-blog]

What do you do when you're bored?

     “I have to admit that I don’t have much free time because I’m dedicated to my job. I’d like to think that I’ve made a difference to Glendale Mental Health Institution but that would be far too narcissistic of me. When I’m not working, I’m either at home with a glass of wine and a movie or at a bar. It does worry me slightly, especially taking into account my family history and the fact that alcohol can cause flare ups for Fibromyalgia but I’m not dependent. Still, it’s something that I do need to keep track of to prevent even more damage occurring.”