Crazy Thoughts

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[drcrazythoughts]

Fake

It’s all a lie. It’s all a facade, a fake smile that you must have in order to fit in. All because you don’t want them to know, you don’t want them to talk about you, say that you’re that crazy one that has issues with life. You trust no one and have no expectations at all. There is nothing you can do to avoid the truth though. It will all be clear to everyone once you’re gone. When they don’t feel your eyes staring at them while they talk behind your back, when they don’t feel guilty to talk shit because you are not around anymore. “She was a bitch.” “She was a whore.” “She had it coming.” “She deserved it, she was an abomination.” “She was nuts.” All the things they can say about you for being who you are, for being human, fragile, for saying what you think, for being someone different than to what society established you could be. Life hits you hard, but people around you hit you harder. The only person you could trust was yourself and now you are gone too.

[drcrazythoughts]

Transcend

Death of someone you love is always hard. It is even harder to understand when it is your own death that you are dealing with. Somehow, she understood. When she vanished from this physical world, she knew why, and knew as well she’d be coming back at least one more time. Her life had not been easy but she got through it all. It was those experiences that led her mind to the knowledge it had now. If this was life, then death shouldn’t be as different from it (like people tend to say). In this physical world when someone was gone, the rest cried because of their absence not knowing that they are still here beside us.

Only a few people knew her real self, she knew many, however selected very few to let them know her truth. She had died long before her death and yet no one knew. Her mind had traveled far for so long before she learned the truth. At some point she was so aware that there were other realities, that she began dreaming about them. Most were terrible realities, others very strange to her and some, very few, were extraordinary.

It was then when she began realizing that her dreams were part of other dimensions, other realities, maybe even part of her past lives, this is how she understood it was still not over, this was not her end. This had been going on for so long and she finally had a clear view on the next steps to take. She came back from the dead more than once already, moving from a reality to another. All she had to do know was wait on her own, be alone. She had to comprehend her own purpose in this world before she could understand the rest of it and it’s creatures. She wouldn’t hurt anyone being alone, this was the only way to understand completely her own life, spirit and death.

[drcrazythoughts]

Gunshots

It was a big, old, wooden house. It was dark and humid. There was a spiral stairway upstairs. There was a big room, it looked like three rooms in one. Right in the middle of this big room there was a small bed on the floor with sheets colored wine red. In front of the bed, near the door of the room, sat a teenage. She was pale white, reddish, orange, long hair, thin, and with a blank expression. I stood near the stairs which were right across her and asked “You guys will not be sleeping here anymore right?” She nodded, saying no. Then I asked “Did you see the girl?” She nodded, saying yes. I answered back asking “What did she say?” The teen just looked at me and said “She wanted to tell me her name. It began with J...” Then she suddenly started moving roughly, she moved as when you are having lag in a video game, like if there was a glitch in her system, and began to stutter “J—, J—, J—”. She continued to do this as I backed down through the stairs. Scared for her, I intended to call the teen’s family. They were right there, downstairs. I could see them clearly but my voice wouldn’t come out. When I looked back at the agitated girl, behind her I could see the shadow of the little girl she had mentioned before. I screamed “Get out of it, let it go, get back here! Snap out of it goddamn!” I finally could speak, so turning to the family I screamed “Something’s going on! Hurry, please, someone!” No one wanted to move and help, not even the teen’s mother. The only one who reacted was the father, a tall white skinned man, black hair and thick mustache, ran upstairs. As he came over about two steps above the one I stood, I heard the teen scream over loud piercing noise, “No please don’t shoot her! Don’t shoot your daughter Mrs....!!” I wasn’t able to hear the name. As I tried directing my sight back up, I heard gunshots, three to be exact. I couldn’t see anything but dust and the lightning that the shots had created. As this last happened, I closed my eyes and opened them back here. I don’t know what happened to the teenage girl nor her family but I know that they couldn’t stay there much longer or the story would repeat itself.

[drcrazythoughts]

Death As It Was

Was it real? Were things actually this way? It was something I never expected, actually no one ever expected it. Things had changed, maybe for the best, maybe for worst but they had definitely changed. It no longer revolved around anyone else. Now it revolved around her. It was HER time to become. It was her who was changing. She tried to take care of herself, what she did, the decisions, the ideas, crazy or not, the foods, the friends, the surroundings. She asked herself if it was all really worth it. Could anything she had ever done be actually worth something? It was the day that she was gone that it all made sense, all she had done had a purpose. That day, she understood herself, she understood life, but most importantly, she understood death. 

[drcrazythoughts]

Monkey Octopus

As she remembered what happened that day, she questioned her sanity even more. It was about 5 p.m. on a Sunday. She was watching a friend play in a soccer game when it began to rain. Suddenly her friend slipped and hit the fence that surrounded the field, fence that apparently was very sharp (enough to cut off his fingers). He began to bleed nonstop. She ran towards him but could never reach him because two odd looking boys grabbed her and dragged her home. She could never explain how did she get home so quickly. It always seemed to her that these boys were not ordinary, they had special abilities, so did she. 

When she got home her father was standing in the balcony, looking at the street. All her dad said was “It's time honey.” Mom seemed angry and scared but she was also quickly preparing clothes and food as if they were to run away. It was too late, it was there already.  She began to see something moving rapidly under the streets. It was a purple light making a very loud noise, like a running machine. She noticed two men, a woman and a little girl placing bomb-like artifacts on every corner of the street. She told her mom and dad to go inside the house and whispered an “I love you both”. Right when it got to the front gate of her house the bombs exploded and this light popped out from beneath the street. It was a purple creature with huge spines on its head, many tentacles and it changed form from time to time. The creature spoke to her, only her. She could understand it, it was a warning. No one else could understand what this creature said, and she could never tell anyone the exact words.  When their conversation was over, the creature shape-shifted into a monkey, a weird purple monkey, and vanished underground. When she looked down at the floor all that was left was a red ball. She slowly moved towards it and touched it gently. The ball exploded, blood, worms and what seemed to be processed meat came out. She screamed, took a couple of steps back and fell on her butt.  Agitated and sweating, she woke up, not knowing what had really happened. Was it just a dream or was it really a warning? As she got out of bed she stepped on something, a small purple gem that seemed to be constantly changing shape. 

[drcrazythoughts]

Brown Eyes

Big brown eyes walking through the woods, lost, alone, with no more will to keep going because, what's the sense of that? She wondered through those dark paths hoping to find something that fulfilled her soul. Something, we all know, not easy to find. She was stuck in that stage between doing what she was told to do (specially because she didn't want to disappoint anyone) and doing what she wanted to do. Leave. What if she just left? What would happen? Who would care? As she dragged herself through the swamps she encountered that which is unimaginable. Not so far away, a tall, gooey looking figure appeared. As she got closer, her breath began to fade, her heartbeat accelerated. What was that grotesque, distorted creature? Suddenly she could no longer move. Her feet were stuck to the ground. Faceless, long-armed, pitch black creature moving towards her. Her fear increased as she began to see every little detail of the creature's body. It seemed to be made it tar, black, yucky tar. No sound. This faceless head only inches away from her face. It slowly began to open its head, as if it had a mouth, only it seemed like it was melting. In fact, its whole body was melting and regenerating at the same time. What in the freaking world was going on?...