Zaraki Kenpachi

RUTHLESS BANDIT Independent | Semi-selective | ASK RP Blog for Zaraki Kenpachi It's been so long that I forgot the pain of not having a name. Everyone had a name that friends use to call them, but I didn't. That pain.

[dreadfulbrutality]

Some sort of mask… Had been this way all his life, as long as he could possibly remember. The glasses were put on the impeccable straight nose, as flawless as the rest of the face. The smooth hair nicely combed. The smile, all calculated. And the reflection in the mirror, a beautiful lie. But this smile didn’t linger, the corner of the mouth diving downwards in an expression of displeasure or perhaps something like apprehension…

Had he made mistakes or was he exactly making one right now ? Welcoming Renji back in the 5th. It meant so much more than anyone could ever simply barely suspect, even Ichimaru. As little as it still seemed at this instant, there was a chain Aizen could feel hanging heavily around his wrists and neck ; that chain was a bond and it was the very first he had ever formed with another being. Therefore, when Abarai stepped inside his office, once again, there was like a floating moment when Sosuke just relived it, like it was the very first time the redhead was entering this room with only him in it. It truly didn’t show and it certainly didn’t last, since Aizen possessed a - practically - perfect control of himself. But it was here. The numbing deaf feeling insidiously crawling through his spine.

“Good morning, Abarai-kun, the hidden treacherous monster smiled with sincerity for once, his voice just a little happier than usual, the soft inflections barely noticeable. It’s…

The pause was never wanted, but he couldn’t help it, as his smile grew a little larger and his mahogany eyes, ornated with golden hues, they smiled too. Some say the eyes are the windows of the soul and it was proved that day.

- It’s good to see you back here, Aizen finally finished his sentence, before pausing again, voluntarily this time, weighing his next words. Should we talk about the reasons why you left the 11th ? Actually, I wanted to ask you about it, the captain confessed right after, staring at the younger disciple, his calm unreadable gaze fixated on him but strangely, despite being riveted to him, not radiating any sign of threat or aggressiveness.

______________________ Zaraki’s house looked like a mess once again. It hadn’t been long before all Renji’s hard work was completely ruined. The taicho’s mood acted like a mirror of the house’s awful and ugly state. Anger, bitterness, denial, all the negativity rising in this one-track mind of his.

Even if he’d not tell a soul a word, out of pride, everyone could sense the “dark cloud”, the electricity in the air around the taicho. Yachiru included of course. If her adoptive father’s whereabouts were not fooling at all, knowing he was buying his drugs and goddamn alcool in bigger quantities than ever, spiralling deeper and deeper into his mess of a life, she also had noticed than he’d not slept oustide their home. Kenpachi had stopped even approaching the red light district, fearing of seeing Renji there or, worse, seeing Renji there with someone else than him perhaps… Everytime his steps led him nearby, he’d stare at the glowing carmine lanterns, before turning away, thinking “we never know…”.

[dreadfulbrutality]

It had felt like an eternity since the redhead had stepped in his office. Sosuke's peaceful eyes rested a moment on Renji's face, stopping any motion to look at him.

Please, stay... Time seems to slow down every time you go away...

But it was him who had to let him go.

The quietness in the room flinched inexplicably, when the word was uttered. "Personal". The word was worrisome.

For a second, Aizen's gaze derived from Abarai's face. In his mind, there was a question. A "what if...".

What if he hurt him ?

Nothing, absolutely nothing, could scare Sosuke. Not the society and its stupid rules, not the judges, not their punitions, not the Gotei. Certainly not this dumb brute with an atrophied brain of Zaraki. And a part of him would gladly destroy everything if this piece of shit had laid a single hand on Renji. This visceral feeling. Like a light falling into Aizen's endless emptiness.

But he knew he couldn't. Or it'd have ruined everything he had been planning so carefully for so long. It seemed that life had sent his way one ultimate thing to test him and his resolve, in the person of Renji.

Oh if only he had known...

That he, one day, would be... Hated, despised, misunderstood, rejected. Judged. By this very same person.

If only he knew that, one day, this same face that was currently smiling at him would look at him with hatred and disgust, but Aizen refused to think about it. Even monsters could sometimes wishfully fool themselves. Still, he asked it.

" Did he do something to you ? "

[Sorry, I couldn't figure out with this new version of tumblr how to withdraw the very first reblog XS]

[dreadfulbrutality]

| Continued from here | @wild-pineapple-butt​ |

On edge. Zaraki had been on edge every single minute, every single second, since Abarai - someone he knew so well, so much more than he should have actually and that, even before Renji would even enter the 5th - had joined the  11th division, his own division.

What were the chances ? How low were the odds that the only one man he’d ever have sex with would end up becoming a shinigami and integrate the 11th ?! Practically null if you’d ask the taicho ! Right now, despite how pleasurable he had found all these nights spent near the Red Light district in Renji’s company, certainly the former ruthless bandit - who hadn’t changed much even made a captain - regretted it all. Out of anger and panic, internalized panic, at the thought his dirty little secret might leak out and get spread. Especially in the 11th, where macho culture, toxic virility would prevail. 

“Don’t fuckin’ make me bash da pretty boi’s head ! Kenpachi abruptly roared, without a warning grabbing Renji by the throat violently, but letting go after they exchanged a furious dark threatening glance.

Once he freed the smaller man from his iron grip, he angrily slammed both his hands against the nearer wall, each hand crushing the bricks, fractures running in all directions from the impact point. His large muscular hairy and scarred arms like the bars of a prison, flanking, trapping Renji. He was going to lose it under that pressure ; it was a different pressure than the one in a duel. It was about... his image, his reputation, how he himself perceived himself, but also how others did. Would a “faggot” be as feared as he currently was ? No, not to Zaraki. Was he ashamed of having desire for that redhead in front of him ? For having bedded him so many nights ? Yes.

- It’s not.... Look I like it, he articulated with an incredible difficulty, between gritted teeth, like he’d admit the darkest worst crime in the universe. I like it when... when we “do our thing”. Just we gotta keep dat between ya n me... I have... way too much to lose. Dey... Dey could get da wrong idea, ya know ?”

[dreadfulbrutality]

Some sort of mask... Had been this way all his life, as long as he could possibly remember. The glasses were put on the impeccable straight nose, as flawless as the rest of the face. The smooth hair nicely combed. The smile, all calculated. And the reflection in the mirror, a beautiful lie. But this smile didn’t linger, the corner of the mouth diving downwards in an expression of displeasure or perhaps something like apprehension...

Had he made mistakes or was he exactly making one right now ? Welcoming Renji back in the 5th. It meant so much more than anyone could ever simply barely suspect, even Ichimaru. As little as it still seemed at this instant, there was a chain Aizen could feel hanging heavily around his wrists and neck ; that chain was a bond and it was the very first he had ever formed with another being. Therefore, when Abarai stepped inside his office, once again, there was like a floating moment when Sosuke just relived it, like it was the very first time the redhead was entering this room with only him in it. It truly didn’t show and it certainly didn’t last, since Aizen possessed a - practically - perfect control of himself. But it was here. The numbing deaf feeling insidiously crawling through his spine.

“Good morning, Abarai-kun, the hidden treacherous monster smiled with sincerity for once, his voice just a little happier than usual, the soft inflections barely noticeable. It’s...

The pause was never wanted, but he couldn’t help it, as his smile grew a little larger and his mahogany eyes, ornated with golden hues, they smiled too. Some say the eyes are the windows of the soul and it was proved that day.

- It’s good to see you back here, Aizen finally finished his sentence, before pausing again, voluntarily this time, weighing his next words. Should we talk about the reasons why you left the 11th ? Actually, I wanted to ask you about it, the captain confessed right after, staring at the younger disciple, his calm unreadable gaze fixated on him but strangely, despite being riveted to him, not radiating any sign of threat or aggressiveness.

______________________ Zaraki’s house looked like a mess once again. It hadn’t been long before all Renji’s hard work was completely ruined. The taicho’s mood acted like a mirror of the house’s awful and ugly state. Anger, bitterness, denial, all the negativity rising in this one-track mind of his.

Even if he’d not tell a soul a word, out of pride, everyone could sense the “dark cloud”, the electricity in the air around the taicho. Yachiru included of course. If her adoptive father’s whereabouts were not fooling at all, knowing he was buying his drugs and goddamn alcool in bigger quantities than ever, spiralling deeper and deeper into his mess of a life, she also had noticed than he’d not slept oustide their home. Kenpachi had stopped even approaching the red light district, fearing of seeing Renji there or, worse, seeing Renji there with someone else than him perhaps... Everytime his steps led him nearby, he’d stare at the glowing carmine lanterns, before turning away, thinking “we never know...”.

[thoughtkick]

You can be happy wrapped up in things that are bad for you. And things that are good for you can make you absolutely miserable.

Katy Atlas, Moving In Reverse (via thoughtkick)

[thoughtkick]

If you hesitate between me and another person, don’t choose me.

Unknown (via thoughtkick)

@wild-pineapple-butt (would never say it or “show” it but would in reality deeply think it)

[wild-pineapple-butt]

a kiss on the space between collarbones. @dreadfulbrutality

Spots to Kiss ||| Accepting @dreadfulbrutality

23. a kiss on the space between collarbones.

A soft sigh escapes his lips as he throws his head back, allowing the captain to push him down onto the couch. Large hands cup his face, the fingers then mapping carefully, delicately his features. Starting with his eyebrows, his nose bridge, his lips... trailing down to his chin and throat.

He lets out a shudder - Renji was sensitive near his throat and neck. As if Kenpachi could read his thoughts, he leaned down, pressing open mouthed kisses to his neck, letting his teeth nibble on his sensitive flesh.

Immediately, he felt a jolt of electricity run throughout his body, his lower abdomen starting to tingle with the familiar feelings of arousal. Those lips travel further down, pressing kisses along his prominent collarbone, stopping in the middle.

He raises a brow, taking a peek, wondering why the other stopped all of a sudden, coming face to face with a smirk. Renji rolled his eyes, dropping his head back down onto the couch with a huff.

"Ya tease. Continue would ya? Come on, I know ya want to," he lifted a hand, beckoning his finger towards him. "I'll let ya do whatever ya want today. Just fer today."

[dreadfulbrutality]

| Continued from here | @wild-pineapple-butt​ |

On edge. Zaraki had been on edge every single minute, every single second, since Abarai - someone he knew so well, so much more than he should have actually and that, even before Renji would even enter the 5th - had joined the  11th division, his own division.

What were the chances ? How low were the odds that the only one man he’d ever have sex with would end up becoming a shinigami and integrate the 11th ?! Practically null if you’d ask the taicho ! Right now, despite how pleasurable he had found all these nights spent near the Red Light district in Renji’s company, certainly the former ruthless bandit - who hadn’t changed much even made a captain - regretted it all. Out of anger and panic, internalized panic, at the thought his dirty little secret might leak out and get spread. Especially in the 11th, where macho culture, toxic virility would prevail. 

“Don’t fuckin’ make me bash da pretty boi’s head ! Kenpachi abruptly roared, without a warning grabbing Renji by the throat violently, but letting go after they exchanged a furious dark threatening glance.

Once he freed the smaller man from his iron grip, he angrily slammed both his hands against the nearer wall, each hand crushing the bricks, fractures running in all directions from the impact point. His large muscular hairy and scarred arms like the bars of a prison, flanking, trapping Renji. He was going to lose it under that pressure ; it was a different pressure than the one in a duel. It was about... his image, his reputation, how he himself perceived himself, but also how others did. Would a “faggot” be as feared as he currently was ? No, not to Zaraki. Was he ashamed of having desire for that redhead in front of him ? For having bedded him so many nights ? Yes.

- It’s not.... Look I like it, he articulated with an incredible difficulty, between gritted teeth, like he’d admit the darkest worst crime in the universe. I like it when... when we “do our thing”. Just we gotta keep dat between ya n me... I have... way too much to lose. Dey... Dey could get da wrong idea, ya know ?”

[dreadfulbrutality]

Yachiru blinked repeatedly, while staring at him. How amusing that Renji seemed so suprised by the recent turn of events !

“ It’s not a secret Aizen wanted you back to his division ! The real question to me is more... why did he make you leave in the first place ? Di you ask him or will you at least ?

Strangely, despite all the years that had passed by, Sosuke-taicho was probably one of the rare, very rare ones, Yachiru had never given a nickname to. Perhaps it was a question of respect without attachment ? Perhaps it was just a feeling, the underlying sense of something “different” or even just remotely vaguely “disturbing and darker” about the man everyone else loved and described as the nicest taicho of the Gotei 13 ? Maybe child souls had a better understanding of human nature in the end, or maybe it was Yachiru alone. Probably the latter.

- I don’t know how I feel about you though returning with this taicho, the young girl muttered while they were eating the very last sweets Renji had brought. Not because I fear you won’t find your place again but... she seemed to be juggling inside her mind to find the best words to express her thought, to put it into words. Aizen is really smooth ? she finally said, raising her candid gaze again. I mean...  He’s too smooth and... she giggled, chuckling like every time she was telling something a bit mean and probably shouldn’t. You know Renji-chan like a  sleek frontage ? With no imperfections at all ? I know Ken-chan isn’t perfect but... nobody is, right ?

Not even Sosuke-taicho. Not like what they say of him. Some just were better at hiding.

- Why trying so hard ? I’m trying to be better every day, she admitted, nodding with determination. But I’m not... I’m not trying that hard. Maybe I should... Maybe he’s right and we’re wrong... she continued to speak, her voice getting lower and lower, as her puzzled stare lowered itself until it was fixated on the ground. What do you think, Ren-chan ?”

[wild-pineapple-butt]

[ thigh ] @dreadfulbrutality

Smutty Interaction memes

[ thigh ]  to caress up my muse’s thigh

A sharp inhale followed by a breathy moan, as he felt a strong hand teasingly dancing across his leg, clearly intent on getting a reaction out of Renji. He glares at the captain, sitting across from him, a large grin etched onto his face. How dare he, when Renji was trying to finish this paperwork and get out of here? Kenpachi's paperwork at that! And he had the nerve to try and distract him.

Those fingers didn't stop, traveling further upwards, until they reached his inner thigh and just oh so softly brushed up against his length. He stifled a moan, willing himself not to push his hips into that large, warm, and inviting hand but it was proving very difficult to do so.

"Zaraki..." Renji growled underneath his breath, a warning sign - a threat of sorts for the other to stop. But that didn't deter the captain any - in fact, it seemed that Kenpachi just got even more daring as he moved his hand upwards, now cupping Renji's growing erection. "Kami!" he gasped, biting his lip to prevent any moans from escaping.

Knowing there was no escaping this, he spread his legs a bit wider, giving the other a look. The sultry, inviting, come hither bedroom eyes. His hips grind down, letting Kenpachi feel his hardening erection, and grabs at the other's wrist, positioning it right over his length. "Ya started this.. so ya better make me cum," he purrs.

@dreadfulbrutality

[m-a-k-k-u]

Killer in love ▪︎ Kimi ni Koisuru Satsujinki

[toky09]

[ragexlove]

[toky09]

[dreadfulbrutality]

| Continued from here | @wild-pineapple-butt​ |

On edge. Zaraki had been on edge every single minute, every single second, since Abarai - someone he knew so well, so much more than he should have actually and that, even before Renji would even enter the 5th - had joined the  11th division, his own division.

What were the chances ? How low were the odds that the only one man he’d ever have sex with would end up becoming a shinigami and integrate the 11th ?! Practically null if you’d ask the taicho ! Right now, despite how pleasurable he had found all these nights spent near the Red Light district in Renji’s company, certainly the former ruthless bandit - who hadn’t changed much even made a captain - regretted it all. Out of anger and panic, internalized panic, at the thought his dirty little secret might leak out and get spread. Especially in the 11th, where macho culture, toxic virility would prevail. 

“Don’t fuckin’ make me bash da pretty boi’s head ! Kenpachi abruptly roared, without a warning grabbing Renji by the throat violently, but letting go after they exchanged a furious dark threatening glance.

Once he freed the smaller man from his iron grip, he angrily slammed both his hands against the nearer wall, each hand crushing the bricks, fractures running in all directions from the impact point. His large muscular hairy and scarred arms like the bars of a prison, flanking, trapping Renji. He was going to lose it under that pressure ; it was a different pressure than the one in a duel. It was about... his image, his reputation, how he himself perceived himself, but also how others did. Would a “faggot” be as feared as he currently was ? No, not to Zaraki. Was he ashamed of having desire for that redhead in front of him ? For having bedded him so many nights ? Yes.

- It’s not.... Look I like it, he articulated with an incredible difficulty, between gritted teeth, like he’d admit the darkest worst crime in the universe. I like it when... when we “do our thing”. Just we gotta keep dat between ya n me... I have... way too much to lose. Dey... Dey could get da wrong idea, ya know ?”

[dreadfulbrutality]

Yachiru had had it quite difficult these last days ; Zaraki had been a real bastard with everyone except her. Whenever it was in pain, the “monster” would get angrier, more irritable, more impatient. More violent. Of course, with his adoptive daughter, the thug always managed to control himself, as if it was embedded in his very essence that hurting this child was absolutely unconceivable. The worst sin ever. It had become insanely obvious how the redhead was avoiding him at all cost, avoiding this moving mass of rage, rancor and anger. All of these ugly feelings directing right at him. At a poor young disciple who had wanted so much to help in addition.

But the monster was not ready to change in any way. Blind. To others’ pain and to his own.

Therefore, the day Renji came into the office, perhaps for the last time, there was no surprise at all that Kenpachi would be nowhere to be found and that only Yachiru, the fukutaicho, would welcome him, right before he’d depart from the 11th. 

“ I heard Sosuke-taicho wanted you back to his division. You won’t be lost like this, the little girl smiled to him, smiling her gentlest smile to Renji, a smile like she was hugging him tight. You already know your way around out there.

As she sauntered lightly to him, standing on her tiptoes to check with curiosity the inside of the basket Renji had brought, she giggled happily, putting her tiny hands on her cheeks in a very innocent and amusing childish manner.

- Aaaaaall for me ? she exclaimed, emphasizing each word, bright eyes staring at the candies avidly ; swiftly grabbing one, she then jumped with a great swiftness on the desk to sit on it, a brand new one since Zaraki had broken in a quite impressive fit of pure rage the previous one. Come on, Ren-chan ! Take one too ! I insist ! she laughed with a cheerful smile before ferociously biting into her candy bar.

- Sooo... was that your favorite option or were you aiming for another division ? It’s... It’s your last day with us, right ?” she realized, as the candy bar was almost hanging from her mouth while the realization sank in.

[dreadfulbrutality]

| Continued from here | @wild-pineapple-butt​ |

On edge. Zaraki had been on edge every single minute, every single second, since Abarai - someone he knew so well, so much more than he should have actually and that, even before Renji would even enter the 5th - had joined the  11th division, his own division.

What were the chances ? How low were the odds that the only one man he’d ever have sex with would end up becoming a shinigami and integrate the 11th ?! Practically null if you’d ask the taicho ! Right now, despite how pleasurable he had found all these nights spent near the Red Light district in Renji’s company, certainly the former ruthless bandit - who hadn’t changed much even made a captain - regretted it all. Out of anger and panic, internalized panic, at the thought his dirty little secret might leak out and get spread. Especially in the 11th, where macho culture, toxic virility would prevail. 

“Don’t fuckin’ make me bash da pretty boi’s head ! Kenpachi abruptly roared, without a warning grabbing Renji by the throat violently, but letting go after they exchanged a furious dark threatening glance.

Once he freed the smaller man from his iron grip, he angrily slammed both his hands against the nearer wall, each hand crushing the bricks, fractures running in all directions from the impact point. His large muscular hairy and scarred arms like the bars of a prison, flanking, trapping Renji. He was going to lose it under that pressure ; it was a different pressure than the one in a duel. It was about... his image, his reputation, how he himself perceived himself, but also how others did. Would a “faggot” be as feared as he currently was ? No, not to Zaraki. Was he ashamed of having desire for that redhead in front of him ? For having bedded him so many nights ? Yes.

- It’s not.... Look I like it, he articulated with an incredible difficulty, between gritted teeth, like he’d admit the darkest worst crime in the universe. I like it when... when we “do our thing”. Just we gotta keep dat between ya n me... I have... way too much to lose. Dey... Dey could get da wrong idea, ya know ?”

[dreadfulbrutality]

When Sosuke heard the news, he was sitting calmly, comfortably, in his office. If, seen from the outside, the man most would call perfection embodied, in every single way, and surely in even more ways than they could possibly imagine. The power, this monstrous, terrifying power he in fact possessed, this power and this cleverness, this refusal to just “follow and play along” the game of this wretched society, all of this that made him play a dangerous game, made him pretend he wasn’t that powerful or he’d have been immediately put away or distrusted. An immensureable power that, one day, would even increase until he’d literally become God. To replace “God”, at least they’d call their “God”, a pathetic worthless thing they used as a puppet to enslave everyone.

Always had been the “bad child”, the “mad child” inside and, happily, just like his own parents, the nobles, the Soul King and the Gotei 13, would realize it and measure the lengths of it a lot too late. As they’d be going down. It helped to do such terrible things. Not feeling a thing. It made him so free. So invulnerably free and unreachable. All he had to do was putting this fake smile on his face all day long. While he was dead inside. Or so he had thought... until he had met with a certain redhead and, over time, he had come to the conclusion that he perhaps wasn’t that dead.

As he found about Renji leaving the 11th, as he realized what could be fate - something he didn’t really believe in anyway - was potentially giving him a way to get back the only person that had ever moved him. Finding out that memories perhaps would not be enough. Reading the lines, over and over again, the paper still in his hands, he felt a stir of pain. The ache almost bringing a strange humidity to eyes that had absolutely never cried. The perfect traits of the angelic face slightly contorting until he pressed his forehead against the paper, hiding his face. Feeling right now vulnerable.

He knew that decision could be the end of him, in more ways than one. As his hand remained suspended in the air, above the papers, hesitating to sign, torn apart between his reason and his wishes for the first time in his life. For the very first time, maybe not listening to his eternal pragmatism. Memories flooding his mind and, in a moment of humanity, his hand lowered itself and the pen was pressed against the fabric of the paper, signing them. Aizen remained in his chair, truly smiling, faintly smiling, at the same time feeling relieved and worried about his choice.

Zaraki’s reaction was absolutely, utterly different. Violent, ultraviolent would be the adequate word. Even going as far as to go to the So-taicho’s office to yell, absolutely infuriated by what he had just learnt, while it was already too late. Threatening everyone, like a mad man losing it. Complaining. Pretending he had done no wrong at all and cursing. Only of course to be sent back to his division with the penalty of a severe reprimand, for it wasn’t the first time he was clearly forgetting about boundaries and politesse. It took days for him to realize that there was nothing he could possibly do about it. About the transfer. But the worst was, as Renji had been left with the choice of the division he’d go to, he couldn’t fathom that Sosuke-taicho had accepted his return to the 5th if Renji wished so.

As to Yachiru, well life was going on. Actually happy for Renji, thinking he deserved the best, she was trying her best to spend a little time every day with him, whenever she’d escape Zaraki’s surveillance or whenever the old brute wasn’t too confused and consequently didn’t need her to guide him through his own division.

[wild-pineapple-butt]

“Ya always do dat. Pull away when I get close. What are ya afraid of?” @dreadfulbrutality - for difficult times in their relationship

Soft Sentence Starters ||| Accepting

How had he ended up in the room alone with Kenpachi, yet again? He'd swore that he'd never allow it to happen, yet fate just had to play its cards pulling them together as if they were destined to be.

He'd even gone so far, to transfer out of the eleventh to get away from him. Wanting nothing to do with him. Never did he want to see his face again if he didn't have to. Yet, here he was. For the third time that month, in a room alone with Zaraki.

Curses. Where were Yumichika and Ikkaku? They were supposed to be here half an hour ago, yet there was no sight of them. Even worse, Yachiru also had gone out somewhere, quoting that she was "getting the drinks".

Renji suspected that this might have been an intervention to get the two to be on good terms again. Yet, did he have no say in this? He didn't want to be on good terms with his ex-captain, ex-lover, ex-whatever he was. Just ex. Past tense. He did not exist in Renji's current life nor did Renji see him existing in his future either.

They'd sat in silence for nearly half an hour - at least the big oaf had the sensibility to not blabber on. Though, it seemed he finally had cracked under the pressure and spoke. Really? Of all things to ask, to say, to speak - he asked that? Was he blind? Deaf? Just a complete idiot who was oblivious to his surroundings? If Renji's eyes could roll into the back of his head, he was pretty sure that they would right at this moment.

"If.. ya had the brains to just think fer a moment, ya would understand why," Renji bit out harshly, bitterly. "I'm done. I'm done with tryin' to make things work out between us. I'm done trying to fix a man who doesn't want to be fixed, who would rather indulge in things he knows would kill him, just to be offered a moment of comfort."

He looks over to Zaraki now, and curse his heart for beating so fast even at the mere sight of this man. His brain told him to hate, but his heart couldn't let go so easily. Tearing his eyes away again, he glared at the ground.

"Ya didn't want me. Ya said ya had no need fer me. Ya rejected my very existence!" And the other dared to ask why Renji had done the things he'd done.

He was so scared of being rejected again. Of going through that heartbreak of knowing that his love would never be returned. Or at least returned in a way that he wished for it to be. He simply refused to be in a relationship with someone who could not proudly announce him as their lover - he did not want to keep this under wraps for fear of getting found out. Yes, he slept with men. Yes, he loved men romantically and he was not ashamed of it. But Zaraki was. And he dared not speak it out loud.

"Tell me. Tell me how 'm supposed to feel? Act? When ya already pushed me away. Ya don't get to regret yer past actions. Cuz think about how that impacted me. How I felt. Don't come here now, usin' that gentle tone. Tryin' to be sweet with me. Don't... because the last thing that I need right now is to get swayed by it. I already promised to leave that behind me. Don't.."

@dreadfulbrutality

[dreadfulbrutality]

| Continued from here | @wild-pineapple-butt​ |

On edge. Zaraki had been on edge every single minute, every single second, since Abarai - someone he knew so well, so much more than he should have actually and that, even before Renji would even enter the 5th - had joined the  11th division, his own division.

What were the chances ? How low were the odds that the only one man he’d ever have sex with would end up becoming a shinigami and integrate the 11th ?! Practically null if you’d ask the taicho ! Right now, despite how pleasurable he had found all these nights spent near the Red Light district in Renji’s company, certainly the former ruthless bandit - who hadn’t changed much even made a captain - regretted it all. Out of anger and panic, internalized panic, at the thought his dirty little secret might leak out and get spread. Especially in the 11th, where macho culture, toxic virility would prevail. 

“Don’t fuckin’ make me bash da pretty boi’s head ! Kenpachi abruptly roared, without a warning grabbing Renji by the throat violently, but letting go after they exchanged a furious dark threatening glance.

Once he freed the smaller man from his iron grip, he angrily slammed both his hands against the nearer wall, each hand crushing the bricks, fractures running in all directions from the impact point. His large muscular hairy and scarred arms like the bars of a prison, flanking, trapping Renji. He was going to lose it under that pressure ; it was a different pressure than the one in a duel. It was about... his image, his reputation, how he himself perceived himself, but also how others did. Would a “faggot” be as feared as he currently was ? No, not to Zaraki. Was he ashamed of having desire for that redhead in front of him ? For having bedded him so many nights ? Yes.

- It’s not.... Look I like it, he articulated with an incredible difficulty, between gritted teeth, like he’d admit the darkest worst crime in the universe. I like it when... when we “do our thing”. Just we gotta keep dat between ya n me... I have... way too much to lose. Dey... Dey could get da wrong idea, ya know ?”

[dreadfulbrutality]

If Zaraki didn’t remember how it felt to be cornered, now, right now, he did. It did bring back to him memories he’d rather forget, the fact he’d relish in violence and slaughtering not eradicating fully whatever trauma these past scars would leave in a child’s brain. A child now an “adult”.

“ Dis is not yer role. Fer fuck sake ! Ya think ya can just step in n’... n’ fix things like dat ! Zaraki groaned loudly, clearly exasperated, snapping his calloused fingers right under Renji’s nose, the tension in the air now almost tangible. It doesn’t fuckin’ work dat way !!!

- Then, what way is it working, Ken-chan ? Yachiru said straightforwardly, coming to the rescue.

The old thug was taken aback ; it showed on his angry face all wrinkled that suddenly went “blank”, his expression just frozen for a mere second. Considering him for this precise second, the little girl almost pouting yet still so serious stated plainly :

- You are just scared to change things.

- I’ve seen what it does when ya stop da stuff, when... Kenpachi interrupted himself brutally, not feeling like it was necessary to go into details especially with Yachiru being so young. Listen, me, I’ve seen it. I don’t want to fuckin’ die like dat ! I’d have to go da 4th maybe even ! 

- You will go to the fourth sooner or later ! she exclaimed, almost forgetting about her ice-cream by the time being. So you’d rather “die” slowly not even being aware of it because your brain is gonna like... it’s dissolving ! For once, someone was ready to help us, no matter how completely stubborn and horrible you can be, and you just throw it away ! You throw your chance away !

Surely, such a sentence would never be fully understood by Kenpachi, especially not in the state he was currently in ; he didn’t even fathom that Renji envisaged or even had decided to leave the 11th.

Zaraki who, at this point, was clearly nothing more than a bundle of nerves, of anger and ill-being just felt like escaping it all. The other option would have been violent and he’d never ever land a hand on a kid, let alone his own daughter.

- Ya know what ? Fine ! Neva asked fer it anyway ! the taicho roared, slamming his hands on the surface before him, happily containing his strength this time and not breaking everything in another scene like it happened in his office. Renji is a disciple. Not a fuckin’ nurse ! N’ certainly not yer mom or whateva ya’d want him to be !

When the gigantic form with such a bad aura stomped away mad, Yachiru just whispered between her teeth :

- Pigheaded Asshole.

Then, as if she had breached a big rule, she put both her hands before her mouth and started to laugh childishly, while exchanging a complicit glance with the redhead. A good way to get some light relief after what happened.

- Sometimes, I really feel like he’s still a lost kid and I’m the adult. Don’t worry about your transfer. I won’t tell a thing, she promised, as she started to eat her ice-cream again. When he learns about it, it’ll be too late eventually.

Between two spoonfuls, she looked up at Abarai again.

- Do you know in which division you’ll go ? she suddenly asked, blinking with curiosity. And you’ll... you’ll come to see me sometimes, right Ren-chan ?” 

[Aha it’s gonna be really funny and great for me to juggle between two of my muses here XP especially when they are so different !]

[dreadfulbrutality]

| Continued from here | @wild-pineapple-butt​ |

On edge. Zaraki had been on edge every single minute, every single second, since Abarai - someone he knew so well, so much more than he should have actually and that, even before Renji would even enter the 5th - had joined the  11th division, his own division.

What were the chances ? How low were the odds that the only one man he’d ever have sex with would end up becoming a shinigami and integrate the 11th ?! Practically null if you’d ask the taicho ! Right now, despite how pleasurable he had found all these nights spent near the Red Light district in Renji’s company, certainly the former ruthless bandit - who hadn’t changed much even made a captain - regretted it all. Out of anger and panic, internalized panic, at the thought his dirty little secret might leak out and get spread. Especially in the 11th, where macho culture, toxic virility would prevail. 

“Don’t fuckin’ make me bash da pretty boi’s head ! Kenpachi abruptly roared, without a warning grabbing Renji by the throat violently, but letting go after they exchanged a furious dark threatening glance.

Once he freed the smaller man from his iron grip, he angrily slammed both his hands against the nearer wall, each hand crushing the bricks, fractures running in all directions from the impact point. His large muscular hairy and scarred arms like the bars of a prison, flanking, trapping Renji. He was going to lose it under that pressure ; it was a different pressure than the one in a duel. It was about... his image, his reputation, how he himself perceived himself, but also how others did. Would a “faggot” be as feared as he currently was ? No, not to Zaraki. Was he ashamed of having desire for that redhead in front of him ? For having bedded him so many nights ? Yes.

- It’s not.... Look I like it, he articulated with an incredible difficulty, between gritted teeth, like he’d admit the darkest worst crime in the universe. I like it when... when we “do our thing”. Just we gotta keep dat between ya n me... I have... way too much to lose. Dey... Dey could get da wrong idea, ya know ?”

[dreadfulbrutality]

Yachiru looked down ; why did adults - well, to be fair, Renji, on the "shinigami scale", wasn't fully one - would always ask her, a child, what to do ?

Why did Zaraki have to rely on her that badly ? To preserve his pride, his image. Why did Renji-kun ask her what he should do now ? To... preserve her.

That was what determined her, what helped make her mind. Renji was such a kind, gentle soul ; how could she bring him into this mess in the first place ?

How selfish had she been ? Just like Kenpachi. Just as selfish as him. All the childish side put aside, the little pink-haired girl seriously stared at the tattooed face, with a very stern unusual gaze for such a young face.

" You have to do what you want to. Not what I or Ken-chan need. If you want to leave the 11th, I won't stop you from doing so.

This is only fair. I chose to support my dad. Why would you have to endure this too ? Just because Zaraki slept with you several times instead of once ? Too unfair.

As always, she bounced back quickly. Without this capacity, she probably would be so terribly depressed.

- I’ll take a huge ice-cream with tons of chocolate and sweets on it ! she exclaimed, forming the large cup she was picturing with her tiny hands, before one grabbed Renji’s again ; of course, she’d lead the way up to the shop, as she knew it by heart and, while they were walking, she suddenly casually said, as if she had been mentioning something anodyne, yet so mature in this instant. You deserve to be happy, Ren-chan. Tears don’t suit you well.

The way she told it was almost a confession, in the way she seemed aware of the fact no one could ever be happy now with how things were, around Kenpachi. She still was, sometimes, mostly worried, but happily there still were times of carefreeness and spontaneity, graciously and obliviously offered by people like Madarame or Yumichika or even Byakuya, people she could annoy like a child would, people she didn’t need to take care of.

Zaraki kept his word and finally showed up at the sweets and ice cream shop, Yachiru already almost hiding behind a giant cup of ice-cream. The large brute not seeming too proud today, at least right now. Even maybe a bit down... but the fight was still in there, the tension was still in that massive body that loudly crashed on the bench, with a tensed and closed face. The rapacious thin eye avoiding Renji’s face clearly, not making that unabashed violent even and aggressive eye contact he used to do with everyone.

- So... hum... I’m here... Let’s talk den... he grumbled in his gravelly voice, a bit hoarse from all the shouting from earlier ; he snorted a bit, before putting both his elbows on the table, claiming space as always. Let’s be clear. It’s fer ya. Ya know I hate talkin’ ‘bout it, Zaraki cut it clear right away, staring straight at Yachiru, who didn’t react but surely hated it how he “used” her as another excuse, as some “folding screen’ for his pride again.

An “eloquent” start. For a man who had no idea what to say under such circumstances and who anyway wasn’t skilled with words in the first place.

Yachiru’s gaze drifted from her ice-cream to Renji’s face, as if asking him if he had made up his mind definitely and if that was the case, if he’d prefer her to announce the news to the taicho. Maybe, though, as she had surely advised him earlier, when they were still alone, the better would be to actually never really tell him anything until the day the papers would land on his desk. Kenpachi didn’t know how to read, barely signed with an X, but someone would surely read it for him.

- Dunno why da hell... among all people ... she talked to ya ‘bout it...” the oversized warrior added with a grunt.

[dreadfulbrutality]

| Continued from here | @wild-pineapple-butt​ |

On edge. Zaraki had been on edge every single minute, every single second, since Abarai - someone he knew so well, so much more than he should have actually and that, even before Renji would even enter the 5th - had joined the  11th division, his own division.

What were the chances ? How low were the odds that the only one man he’d ever have sex with would end up becoming a shinigami and integrate the 11th ?! Practically null if you’d ask the taicho ! Right now, despite how pleasurable he had found all these nights spent near the Red Light district in Renji’s company, certainly the former ruthless bandit - who hadn’t changed much even made a captain - regretted it all. Out of anger and panic, internalized panic, at the thought his dirty little secret might leak out and get spread. Especially in the 11th, where macho culture, toxic virility would prevail. 

“Don’t fuckin’ make me bash da pretty boi’s head ! Kenpachi abruptly roared, without a warning grabbing Renji by the throat violently, but letting go after they exchanged a furious dark threatening glance.

Once he freed the smaller man from his iron grip, he angrily slammed both his hands against the nearer wall, each hand crushing the bricks, fractures running in all directions from the impact point. His large muscular hairy and scarred arms like the bars of a prison, flanking, trapping Renji. He was going to lose it under that pressure ; it was a different pressure than the one in a duel. It was about... his image, his reputation, how he himself perceived himself, but also how others did. Would a “faggot” be as feared as he currently was ? No, not to Zaraki. Was he ashamed of having desire for that redhead in front of him ? For having bedded him so many nights ? Yes.

- It’s not.... Look I like it, he articulated with an incredible difficulty, between gritted teeth, like he’d admit the darkest worst crime in the universe. I like it when... when we “do our thing”. Just we gotta keep dat between ya n me... I have... way too much to lose. Dey... Dey could get da wrong idea, ya know ?”

[dreadfulbrutality]

The insults, the waves of rage from Renji, seemed to just come crashing against the wall of muscles that was the captain. Obviously, the brute had envisaged this outcome and had considered it as something not that bad, as, at least, it’d save him from a conversation he absolutely did not want to have. Especially with Abarai.

Against all odds, Yachiru suddenly broke free out of the hug and stepped angrily inside the office, still holding Renji’s sleeve, hanging onto it for dear life, commanding him to stay right here visibly.

“Why you don’t tell the truth ??! the little girl literrally screamed at the top of her lungs, in a shrill cry, a plea, at the immense thug, not minding a single second what an oversized monster he could be sometimes. You need help, Ken-chan !

- I don’t fuckin’ need help ! Zaraki instantly riposted, slamming both his hands hairy large hands on his desk, the furious roar of denial echoing in the little room that seemed suddenly a lot too small for the three of them, like Kenpachi was some large dark beast projecting his even bigger shadow on them.

Zaraki very rarely, if never, yelled at Yachiru, which proved how hurt and bad he felt about his own state, his issues.

- You do ! Every day these weeks ! Yachiru pursued with the same energy and rightful anger, still holding onto Renji’s sleeve, as if to reassure herself that she wasn’t alone this time at last. You forget where you are ! You can’t tell who is who ! You even nearly forgot me this morning ! Don’t lie to me ! she warned him, before he could even utter a single word. I know the look on your face when you get all confused, I saw it in your eye when you looked at me ! You didn’t recognize me anymore for a moment !

Without a single warning, and in a fleeting instant, the large heavy wooden desk was thrown across the room, exploding into thousands of pieces against a wall. This was him under pressure and Yachiru was used to it apparently, because she didn’t even seem a little bit shaken. It was more the words he then spat that froze her to the bone and drew tears to her eyes.

- Den why da fuck don’t ya go sumwhere else if I’m such a fuckin’ failure ???

- Because you’re my dad ! she exclaimed, right before bursting into tears. leaving him at least speechless.

And, while shocked and just as frozen as soon as he spotted her tears, he stood there, muttering excuses pathetically, she started to investigate you could say the room, taking every bottle of alcohol or some shady drug stuff she could find before throwing it on the ground to step on it. With an almost irrational rage as if these things embodied pure evil in her mind and, therefore, once being destroyed, Zaraki would finally heal.

- Stop, stop, stop... the taicho whispered, his voice hoarse too from all the screaming and a splitting sick headache affecting him seriously.

Gently, he managed to take her away from the debris, and pick her up to bring her to Renji. Nestling herself in her father’s arms, Yachiru at first almost desperately refused to let go.

- Why don’t ya go with Renji buy sum’ ice creams n... I’ve got to do an expense report fer da goddamn table... n.. da mess.. n afta dat I’ll join ya...

- You don’t know how to do it on your own... You can’t write, Ken-chan, she stated it mechanically, a bit tiredly.

- I’ll get sumeone to do it fer me... he replied just as logically, with just the same jaded tone. Listen, ‘kay... We’ll... “talk”...

- Promise ? Yachiru asked, her slight wet eyes staring at him, piercing right now, attentive, not allowing any loopholes, not allowing him to get away with it this time and Zaraki apparently got the message.

- Promise.

Only after this did she accept to let go of her father. Almost instantly grabbing Renji’s hand ; she needed a support right now, she needed to feel helped and supported.

- Let’s go, Ren-chan. Ken-chan, do you want me to leave a note...? she suddenly worried again. In case you forgot where we went or how to go there.

That was her life. Worrying constantly for someone who was her father and supposed to worry for her.

- Nah... Nah I.. feel... “alright”... he poorly protested. Should be ‘kay...

But with a sigh, she still did draw a note and put it on the wall before leaving the office.

- I’m sorry... were the first words she told Renji, once they were outside. I am sorry to drag you into this, but he likes you. I know it, so... if he were to accept someone else than me to help... it should be you...”