let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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cherry valley forever
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
$LAYYYTER
macklin celebrini has autism
Xuebing Du
occasionally subtle
Show & Tell
NASA
bliss lane
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Noah Kahan
todays bird
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Kiana Khansmith
noise dept.
taylor price
almost home
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@dreaming-moondragon
*deep sigh* I wish it would be possible to receive testosterone without being labeled as mentally ill and years of therapy (in my country). I'm so sick of living like this....
And while we're at it... I also wish it would be possible to receive testosterone when you don't identify as a trans man and your goal is not a full transition to a male body.
*deep sigh* I wish it would be possible to receive testosterone without being labeled as mentally ill and years of therapy (in my country). I'm so sick of living like this....
I hope people won't be upset with me for saying this. It's so hard to explain that I loved girlhood. But I hate womanhood.
I loved girlhood because I love pink and unicorns and horses and the fashion for girls in the late 90s/ early 2000s. I loved Barbies and dolls and colorful jewelry. And I know, I would have experienced none of that if I would have been born a boy.
But at the same time I hate womanhood. I hate how my body has changed after puberty. I hate having breasts more than anything, I hate having wide hips and a bigger butt, I hate everything that is going on down there, I hate periods, I hate that I'm not as tall as men, I hate how as a woman no one believes you and you are constantly in danger, I hate how no matter how much effort I put in, my body can't build muscles like a man can, I hate the effects of estrogen.
And at the same time, being a lesbian, I love womanhood on other women. And I love that they enjoy living in their body. But I can't help but wonder how they do it, when I've been feeling bad in my body ever since puberty set in.
One of the worst things about being butch/masc or masculine presenting in general, is that other woman see me as scary, intimidating and unapproachable. And will avoid me.
Even though I literally have the personality of a golden retriever. 🥲
Being butch/masc (or any gender identity that is more centered around masculinity) is having a very complicated relationship with femininity.
Growing up I always felt like I was cosplaying a girl and also doing it so so badly. The other girls could always tell I was not like them. Always. To this day I feel like an imposter in every women space. Even during my hyper-feminine phase, I still felt like a little boy who found the dresses in his moms closet and played dress up. I put in so many hours and in the end I was still never one of the other girlies.
And at the same time you see other girls who do femininity so effortlessly. And you can tell this femininity is actually them, not just a badly fitting mask they put on, like I did.
And the thing is I love feminine and girly stuff, SO much! But... Just not on me. And I don't know, maybe that is why I love it so much when femmes make femininity work so well for them.
I've never seen a post about this so I'm making one myself.
It is perfectly fine and normal if you are in your 20s, 30s or 40s and never had sex. There is nothing wrong with you! Society puts way too much value on it. You are not gaining or losing something if you sleep with someone. As long as it is consensual it is a completely neutral activity. You don't have to be religious, or be asexual, mentally ill or traumatized. You don't have to justify it in front of others, you can simply decide that there was not the right person or moment for you yet.
It is also perfectly fine if you decide you never want to sleep with anyone ever. I genuinely don't understand why that is such a big topic for some people, especially in the medical field. There are far more important things out there.
So many people get traumatized because they get pressured into sexual situations way too early, before they are ready. It is far better to wait until you feel 100% ready. And if that takes up into your 40s or 50s or even never happens at all that is fine. You are okay! There is nothing wrong with you.
A few years ago, when I found out that the whole carabiner thing is quite common around other masc/butches as well, I was super relieved, that I was not the only one doing that.
Anyway, after looking at a few pictures I also realise that people are normal about it and only carry one or two keys on their carabiner. And it actually looks cool on them.
... And then there is me with one of those heavy carabiners from the hardware store with 5 + keys and several keychains and other stuff. The damn thing is so heavy it pulls my pants down if I don't wear a belt, it rattles so loud you can hear me coming from a mile away.
Anyway, on a completely unrelated note, I was just informed that apparently carabiners are a lesbian code.
To which I would like to add that, first and foremost I am a neurodivergent dumbass and don't do any signals. I just have a lot of stuff to carry around. I have been carrying around carabiners since I was like 7 ... So yeah...
A few years ago, when I found out that the whole carabiner thing is quite common around other masc/butches as well, I was super relieved, that I was not the only one doing that.
Anyway, after looking at a few pictures I also realise that people are normal about it and only carry one or two keys on their carabiner. And it actually looks cool on them.
... And then there is me with one of those heavy carabiners from the hardware store with 5 + keys and several keychains and other stuff. The damn thing is so heavy it pulls my pants down if I don't wear a belt, it rattles so loud you can hear me coming from a mile away.
The whole gender thing is so complex to explain to others. Like how do I explain to people that, yes sometimes I would really like to be a man actually. But I want to be a man the same way those men in korean boygroups do it. I want to be a boy like Cinnamoroll from Hello Kitty is a boy.
Do other neurodivergent masc/butches also constantly have to resist the urge to shave all of their hair off or is that just me?
*reading the text messages she has sent*
Damn, she is so cute.🥰
Having an awful day today. Which means I'm gonna lay down and cuddle with the plushie she gave me, that smells like her perfume and daydream about holding her hand.
All the other lesbians are here on tumblr being super bold and posting the most risky nsfw posts I have ever seen in my life.
And then there is me, when the girI I love would allow me to hold her hand I would get nosebleeds and collapse like one of those anime characters, while shaking like a chihuahua.
I think it's quite sad that the way the media and society present masculinity and dominance to us is always this aggressive and sadly often times toxic behaviour.
But you can be both masculine and dominate in a kind, caring and gentle way.
Masculine and dominant behaviour can be opening the door for someone, making sure your loved ones drink enough water and rest, organizing and planning for others, doing the thing for them you know they don't like to do themselves, looking out for them, making sure everyone gets treated fairly, making sure they are safe... and so much more.
Don't confuse toxic behaviour with masculinity and dominance.
Every time I read her messages all I can think about is how cute she is and how lucky I am to have her in my life.
I never really liked feminine things on me, but I am absolutely obsessed with how other women do femininity. 10/10. I love it.
Cis men being pissed off that butches and masc are doing masculinity better than them never fails to amuse me. Especially when they notice that other women like it. They get so angry and dismissive that women can be attracted to other women.
Like honey, it is called lesbianism, but try to respect women for once in your life and learn some manners and see how that goes for you.