"Wolf in the sense that..."
where you see a human face, I see a wolf's head
where you see a twitching nose, I see a snout
where you see a flat head, I see perked ears
where you see fair skin, I see a thick coat of fur
where you see hands and feet, I see paws
You see a human walking on two legs, but that's a wolf on all fours.
Now, on to my thoughts about identifying as a wolf.
I acknowledge that if I take a DNA test right now, it'd show up as human. Can't argue with that. Whatever reality is, whatever life is, in this one, I'm physically human and I can't change that.
However, I am a spiritual person. I believe body and consciousness are separate. An individual is their consciousness and consciousness is an essence (soul, energy, life force, whatever you want to call it). Your core. My core, my soul, my essence, my consciousness is wolf. That's what I am. You can put me in a room full of humans and physically, I'll look identical to them. But if you watch me, truly watch me, you'll start to wonder if I really am human because I'll act nothing like them.
I move like a wolf. My body naturally postures and acts like a wolf, making instinctual movements based on my surrounding environment.
I think like a wolf, like a canine, a predator. Always watching, cautious, curious unless I'm in a relaxed environment. My reactions, thought processing, though patterns - it's all wolf.
I can look in the mirror and see a human for a second, looking back at me, but when my eyes meet the reflection, a wolf appears. In my mind's eye, this body is a wolf. In my dreams, even in dreams where I'm still interacting with humans, it's a wolf's body instead of the human one I have now. Doing silly things like trotting around Wal-Mart with a basket in my mouth, shopping for soy sauce and briskets.
The best way I can describe how I feel as a wolf in a human's body is like that of the anime Wolf's Rain. On the outside layer, everyone sees a human as if it's an illusion. And sometimes, I myself see in that human form. But underneath it is a wolf in disguise. I just seem to have forgotten how to turn off the human appearance.
One thing I do believe, though, that keeps me from labeling myself as a physical therian, is that I still accept my human self right now. Yes, I feel species dysphoria, body dysphoria, and some days, I feel depressed that I'll never get to express myself truly in this life. But that's ok. After 20 years, I've accepted the human parts of me that won't ever change. They don't make me any less of a wolf. They don't change my identity, my core. Because I know that after this life is done, I'll return to what I once was, ready for the next reality/life. Hopefully that next one, I'll have my wolf body back again, but I'll accept whatever comes because I'm lucky to even have the chance to be human right now.
I'm a wolf that's experiencing human emotions, as vast and complex as they are. I'm a wolf that's experiencing human culture and language. I'm a wolf that gets to travel across the seas and see lands I wouldn't have been able to previously. I'm a wolf that has thumbs and uses them to type, write, hold things, play video games. I'm a wolf that can listen to and sing with all kinds of music. I'm a wolf that can eat cheeseburgers and chocolate bars and pizza. I'm a wolf that can walk up tall buildings and see the stretch of landscapes. I'm a wolf that can look up at the stars and know what they are, know that there are planets out there and other systems and galaxies.
Yeah, I'm sad I'm not physically a wolf but to let myself continue to deny that I'm human right now. To let myself stay in that pit of despair and what-if's, I'll never live doing that.
To be oneself, one must accept themselves, all parts of who they are.
And yes, this identity still falls under Therianthrope/Therian. Even if my experience and self views on my identity differ from other therians doesn't mean the label doesn't fit me anymore. The label still applies because I still identify as a nonhuman animal.
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