Dream Diary of a Magus

A journal of my exploring spirit in the unconscious -- the archetypes, and events I encounter. * Vajrayana Practitioner, Western Occult Initiate, Jungian Enthusiast. * Cover by Antoshines on DeviantArt, DP by Grimhel on DeviantArt

[dreammagus]

Dream yoga: A ripple in the moon

My teacher came back from his extended trip through Asia. I was hoping that in the time he was gone I’d have accomplished reaching Oddiyana but that was not in the cards.

I took the opportunity to tell him about my attempts, hoping that maybe he would point out an approach I haven’t yet tried. Which he did but, expectedly, with a twist.

I thought I was being clever with all my different approaches and techniques for changing dreams. I tried various sources from writers to friends to my own devices… I’m positive it would have worked sooner or later but my Guru found it amusing.

“You are being too rigid,” he told me. “Even in your dreams you are being rigid, trying different techniques and skills. It doesn’t have to be so complicated.”

He pointed to the drawing on the board from that day’s class. It was a moon reflected in the water with ripples going across. The Moon was symbolic of the mind, and the ripples are any occurrence (whether seemingly outer or seemingly inner). All occurrences are just changes in the mind. When we “see” something move, it is in fact just a change in our mind that we perceive rather than an objective occurence. But the ripples originate in the greater whole rather than within the boundaries of the reflected moon. The ripples come from outside the imagined boundary of self.

As he pointed he continued, “your dreams are also just ripples in the water moon. You don’t need to try so hard, you just need to realize that the dream is only a ripple. When you fully realize this something will click, you will feel something special. At that point…” He made a throwing gesture, “you just throw a pebble in the lake and watch the ripples change.”

I thanked him for his wisdom and walked away thinking about how the advice was much less practical than I had expected, yet much more profound.

It seems that lucidity is only the first step, but there is a deeper level of awareness to be gained in dreams. Rather than simply being aware that it is a dream, to be fully aware of your mind creating the dream.

[dreammagus]

In keeping with its original wind-nature, spirit is always an active, winged, swift-moving being as well as that which vivifies, stimulates, incites, fires, and inspires. To put it in modern language, spirit is the dynamic principle, forming for that very reason the classical antithesis of matter—the antithesis, that is, of its stasis and inertia. Basically it is the contrast between life and death. The subsequent differentiation of this contrast leads to the actually very remarkable opposition of spirit and nature. Even though spirit is regarded as essentially alive and enlivening, one cannot really feel nature as unspiritual and dead. We must therefore be dealing here with the (Christian) postulate of a spirit whose life is so vastly superior to the life of nature that in comparison with it the latter is no better than death.

Carl Jung

[dreammagus]

Dream Yoga: Reaching Oddiyana attempt 3

The third attempt was rather short but a spectacular experience to say the least.

While I was on vacation in one of my dreams I became lucid. The scene was in the deep basement of a factory -- a good symbol for unconscious depths if I may add.

Once I realized I was dreaming I decided that this time I would try a technique my friend told me about for altering the dream. His preferred method is to melt away the character you are in the dream, in order to become the fabric of the dream itself.

I've been curious to try it because it never crossed my mind to simply become the dream itself rather than a dreamer character within. I had a feeling that the sensation would also be quite outside anything I've felt before in the waking world.

I was both right and wrong. On the one hand the dissolution felt similar to a DMT trip, but yet it was a lot smoother -- much less forced. The feeling was so intriguing and in a way ecstatic that it overwhelmed me, I wanted to laugh and giggle in the midst of the melt.

Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to try and switch dreams into Oddiyana. Instead the experience was so much that it woke me. If I am to use this approach to reach my destination then it will take some practice getting used to the sensation.

[dreammagus]

Took a break

Didn't post for a bit cuz I was on vacation :3

Will start back up n__n

[dreammagus]

The sea is the favourite symbol for the unconscious, the mother of all that lives.

Carl Jung

[dreammagus]

Dream: Dragon of the Deep

Dream content in bold, interpretation in regular font.

I was on a boat with a group of explorers and researchers in the middle of the sea, you could see Japan far away behind us. Adventurer archetype, but fragmented -- exploring the unconscious through the use of will. I'm not sure what we were looking for exactly but all of a sudden the whole vessel shook and before us a magnificent dragon sprung out of the water with a roar. From the depths of the unconscious arises the Shadow archetype, rattling the will as it emerges.

It had electricity coursing through and around its' body, it didn't care about us being there but shot towards land. My shadow doesn't mind the adventurer leading me into the unconscious, but that doesn't mean there won't be destruction in its' presence. The serpent collided full force with a hotel, destroying it utterly.

When we got to shore we found out that it had killed a little girl but no one else had seen the dragon even though the hotel looked like it got hit by a flying train. The shadow can destroy the fruits of the Anima without the host noticing, self awareness is a must. For a reason that only made sense in the dream authorities and witnesses were convinced that the mother of the little girl was to blame for her death. One must not fear the whole unconscious due to the terrifying nature and destruction of the shadow -- the unconscious is not only that which we should fear, it is the mother which gave birth to our mind.

I ended up going out to sea once more by myself, there the spirit of the little girl came unto my boat and began teaching me about secret Japanese websites. The Anima in child form foretells of mysteries to be discovered in the realms of the unconscious when one embodies the adventurer. The websites would only show the name on the homepage but clicking on each individual letter leads to a different part of the site. At face value dreams and visions may appear as nonsense yet each symbol carries a whole plethora of meaning when you dig deeper.

I was greatly amused, but wondered what the girl thought of the authorities blaming her mother. She told me that she was used to it happening, but she didn't take it to heart. "As long as I know it wasn't her fault," she told me as the dream began to fade. The Anima, being my unconscious counterpart, is fully aware of the truth. She teaches the wisdom of accepting the mother realm as it is -- without creating blame, staying loyal to the spirit within.

Resulting consciousness: Upon waking I was a bit tired but felt at peace, there was a re-enlivened sense of enthusiasm towards my dream work. In a way I also felt peaceful towards the stresses of life -- separating the shadow from reality rather than casting darkness on the whole.

[dreammagus]

Falling asleep in a dream

Had an interesting experience in the first half of the night yesterday. In the dream I was having I was utterly exhausted, struggling to stay awake. I've never had problems staying awake in a dream before.

I believe it is symbolic of certain situations in my life making it difficult to stay in the awakened state of Rigpa.

[dreammagus]

Dream Yoga: Reaching Oddiyana, attempt #2

I realized I was dreaming in the midst of being imprisoned by three female demons. My first instinct was to battle them but then I considered maybe investigate -- in the end I decided I have my dream yoga tasks to take care of so instead I flew out the house into the city.

I needed to get to the pure lands of Oddiyana to complete the task my guru had given me -- the first attempt failed at changing scenes as he had instructed. This time I tried a technique given by Stephen LaBerge in his book "Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming" -- to spin in place into a new scene.

I spun with intent, but the scene remained the same. Thinking back I should have tried two other techs I've been meaning to but instead I decided to fly as high as I could and see if I could spot Oddiyana from up above.

I flew higher than I've ever flown before in my dreams. The ground was beginning to become spherical, I was reaching the atmosphere and could see the planet. Unfortunately the only things in sight on the way up were rows of suburbs reaching as far as the eye could see.

Once I left the orbit I looked up and saw another planet coming closer. It was nature based rather than city and I landed down upon an open green field. There was a shirtless man with a turban standing there staring at me.

"Is this Padmasabhava? Doesn't look like him. Maybe he's in disguise?" I thought to myself and asked him "Padmasabhava! Grant me the body empowerment."

He looked at me with a confused look, "I guess it's not him." I wondered if maybe he could lead me to Oddiyana and asked him to do so. He began walking and I followed. He didn't say a single word.

We reached a place made of white light, everything was glowing. There were magical snakes and living statues all around us, "is this Oddiyana?" I wondered as the dream began to fade and I awoke.

The second attempt seems to be more fruitful than the first. I may or may not have reached the place, albeit didn't find Padmasabhava. The look of it seemed on point but I didn't have the time to figure out if the function was the right one. Form can be deceiving in dreams, the function is what matters. Still I consider this to be progress from the last attempt.

[dreammagus]

Dream interpretation of a friend's dream

Friend:

This is from my notes;

I was in an old run down caravan, but it was also like a very small, cramped house, too. An elderly couple lived there, they were kind of white trash. There was a painting in the doorway, I tried to move it out of the way, the old woman was sitting in an old chair on the tiny, rickety deck, right near the painting. The deck was not much wider than her chair. I cannot stress how cramped, cluttered and dilapidated this home was.

When I picked up the painting, I looked at the front of it and there was what looked like mother of pearl growing on one half, with pock-marks all over it. I quickly realised this had been a spiders nest as I heard the lady say to someone that their house had been infested by them; laying their eggs in amongst the hoarded clutter and even in the carpet.

Suddenly I felt my shoe was full of something small, dry and dusty, I was terrified it was baby spiders, though it kind of felt like wood chips.

I think it has something to do with my mental spare for sure, judging by “cluttered/infested/dilapidated” but idk what the old couple mean

Me:

Mental spare?

&& The old woman and old man forms can at times be archetypes of the past, the older parts of the psyche -- whether inherited or experienced.

Perhaps you have a lot of fears collected over the years? The woman blocking the way could represent a force put as guardian -- meaning you prevent yourself from digging into some of your own depths, memories, and fears (spiders)?

I wonder what the painting means? What do you think? Your art?

Friend:

Mental space sorry

Yeah I think that sounds right. The painting was of a boat sailing on some water somewhere

Maybe coz I read the other day in that book about the animus (i think? I gotta stop reading that book while I’m tired lol) can show as an artist in dreams, a painter, musician, etc., and his art is like, an expression of what’s trying to be portrayed by unconscious

I need to think about it more I think, I’ll make some notes when I’m on my break

Yeah I think the painting was a representation of my unconscious. It’s weird, the whole painting, frame and all, was folded in half at one stage. And kind of, ultra violet, but ultra blue, if that makes sense

I wonder why the spider nest was mother of pearl. There’s the mother again tho...

A mother spider too

And her spiders were all gone, it was just an empty nest.

And the old lady was just referencing to when it had happened, in the past

And even tho it was in the past, seeing the old nest ignited fear in me that they were in my shoe, lol

Me:

Water is often a symbol for the unconscious, especially when it is a large and deep body of water.

Perhaps the boat is your will? I've found it common for me that vehicles represent will power, a symbol of willed movement.

It could be meaning that your unconscious is welcoming your journey and that there is empty fear to work through -- fear that has no real reason anymore but still lingers.

If you feel like the painting is related to the animus it would be good to remember that the Anima/Animus often leads one into the unconscious -- being its' territory.

Friend:

I think your interp sounds spot on honestly

[dreammagus]

Dream: Warriors, Drugs, and Depths

Dream content in bold, interpretation in regular font.

I was chilling with two friends, playing video games and shooting the shit. Out of nowhere the wall with the TV blew open, and a warrior busted in with a sword. The battles of life have a funny way of side-railing you out of nowhere.

One of my friends froze still, the other ran off and dropped what looked like two VR controllers. You can’t really trust anyone to fight your battles, it is up to you and only you. I quickly grabbed the devices and began drawing in the air with light. I traced out a sword and in the moment that the final line connected it turned into a marvelous, beautiful sword radiating with power. Through experience (light) and self exploration (air) one develops a powerful mind (sword), our best defense to the unexpected. I would call it a katana but it was much thicker.

Upon laying my hands on it I was transformed into a fierce samurai warrior, lunging at the intruder and clearing through his body in one swing of the blade. This is a sign of progress, the last time I faced my warrior archetype I was very nervous and hesitant. The tracings through my mind with this journey are beginning to turn into a tool, which in a way integrates the warrior spirit into the conscious self.

–memory gap–

Having the hole in the wall been repaired Chels and I were in the room, inspecting a hole in the floor that started to form – the unconscious erupting into the conscious. There were pipes and all kinds of weird things down there. Lots of mystery to be found in the unconscious. She went to do something upstairs and I decided to climb down to check it out. Good sign again, in recent past I was always uneasy to go into depths.

I ended up in a bong store, and got carried away trying to figure out which pipe to intoxicate myself with. With the store clerk’s recommendation I decided on one that seemed like a mixture between a pipe, a dab rig, and a freebase pipe. My first journey into the inner was more or less through drugs, but guided by an unconscious intuition.

When I left the store I went back home (which wasn’t above the shop anymore, drugs were no longer a close route). Chelsey and I went back to trying to fix the hole in the floor. I tried to avoid the shadows throughout my relationship. The floor began to crumble, more and more holes appeared and below were pipes and machinery. There is no running from the greater Self, it will swallow you whole if you try to avoid it.

She panicked, and for some reason I found it reassuring to let her know that below was just our own basement. While your own shadow side may terrify the people in your life, it is our own depths and we must not be afraid. I fell in and woke up.

Resulting consciousness: Upon waking I was exhausted and really just wanted to rest instead of getting my ass to work. At the same time, on the contrary, I felt very confident and comfortable in my own being.

[dreammagus]

What of Non-binary genders?

There are lots of different possibilities – you would need to figure out your own archetypal scenario first hand.

[dreammagus]

So... To elaborate a bit on this (I answered this half asleep after writing down a dream and before going back to sleep lol).

I'm genderfluid myself, I don't hide it in any way -- my Facebook gender states it and the pronoun is set to They/Them.

I believe this is related to my close relationship with the Anima and my tendency to identify with androgynous deities. There are so many different ways that the archetypes can interact within us that to generalize would be stripping away the inexpressible complexity of its' beauty. For the reason I feel everyone should explore their own composition.

These days I don't really care one way or the other as to how people see me, or what they call me. I'm comfortable in any situation when it comes to these things.

I must admit though, I find it important to point out, that I feel uncomfortable when people ask me questions about gender conformity or non-conformity. It always feels like the question is loaded either for or against, and people just want to hear their own opinion stated back to them.

My views are very much complex and don't fit into any popular view. Because of this my outward opinion is typically something like "figure your own shit out and let other people figure their shit out, no one cares about what you think".

I see great value in both non-binary and binary genders. Every person deep down is a unique individual who has a duty to explore and express their natural being.

[dreammagus]

What of Non-binary genders?

There are lots of different possibilities -- you would need to figure out your own archetypal scenario first hand.

[dreammagus]

Wisdom of the Blue Mountain Buddha

Taking life too seriously leads to a loss of composure and equanimity. Remember that life is simply a game and relax into the experience -- the hero is at their best without the burden of stress.

Violence as a karma is experienced as frustration and anger. The same energy expressed as a wisdom, on the contrary, feels loose and free rather than rigid and stressful.

[dreammagus]

Archetypes: Anima pt1

General note: The writing here is about my own relationship with my Anima archetype. While it may have overlaps with collective experiences it is not meant to be taken as a universal description of the Anima. Everyone's relationships are different with their Archetypes and this can change the way the archetype is expressed.

For anyone who doesn't know the concept of an Anima, it is the archetype that represents the feminine side of a male. A female's masculine side is the Animus archetype. It is, in my opinion, possible to have both archetypes manifest -- yet from Jung's observations the most common interaction is with the opposite gender.

The Anim(a/us) is often seen as the wild spirit which holds the door to the unconscious. Repressing this archetype can have extremely detrimental effects on your own psyche and on your relationships. I won't get into that at the moment though -- maybe later we can get into psychological complexes stemming from repressing this side of Self.

My own relationship with my Anima is extremely interesting and positive. It is, by far, the most common interaction I have with the archetypal forces. We tend to comfort each other, and she leads me through my dreams more often than not. At the same time she can also push me into deeper waters to face dangers I need to face.

I really admire her leadership ability and caring nature. She manages to keep her compassion without losing her power. A lot of the time she will lead me towards discoveries and gems in the unconscious. She especially seems to enjoy when I take on a child form in my dreams and she ends up taking the role of an older sister.

What's really curious, however, is that any time I go lucid around her she doesn't come off as just another dream character. She comes off as her own independent being, with a soul and an existence outside of simple imagination. I think that other archetypes may have the same effect, standing out from mundane dream characters that are simply part of the scene. I can't claim this with full confidence though since most of my interactions with other archetypes has been without lucidity. I've only recently noticed this about my Anima and haven't had the opportunity to find out about the other archetypes.

Unfortunately every time I go lucid around her I tend to spend the rest of my dream enjoying her company rather than doing any of my tasks. I can't complain though, the connection we have is like we are twins -- and in a way we are.

[dreammagus]

Dream: Blue Buddha of the Mountain

Dream content in bold, interpretation in regular font.

Chelsey and I were at her sister’s house, with the kids running around and on TV a videogame. My girlfriend’s family in this dream symbolized the everyman/everywoman archetype, which would soon come into contrast. I don’t remember what we were doing but it was a typical visit to their place, with me half distracted as usual in every day situations. I really don’t seem to care much for the regular societal/familial thing, but that’s nothing new lol.

Something caught my attention though, one of the games which Chelsey’s brother in law put on. One of the kids, Zayden, was rather intrigued by the game but was told it was for adults. This game would become a special initiatic symbol in the latter. The fact that kids are attracted is also to note since the child archetype often represents the future integration of conscious and unconscious aspects – the conscious self and the greater Self.

I started playing the game and the scene changed, I was no longer on the couch but I was in the game itself. The initiatory phase of the dream had begun. Chelsey was there with me, we were inside of a giant mountain (representing the larger Self). We were in the depths of the mountain, through a weaving path – The Path itself, going into the depths of my unconscious.

We came to a room with a group of Buddhist monks circled around a man painted in blue. They were in the middle of a ritual and the blue man was to represent Samantabhadra – the primal Buddha, the essence of all creation. Ritual being a symbol of initiation/empowerment. The fact that Samantabhadra was so very humanized is a good sign that the archetype was very much integrated into my consciousness. His consort, Samantabhadri, being missing might be a sign that I need to integrate the Great Perfection into “external space” rather than simply “internal self”.

The monks were in prayer and passing around a small drum instrument. It was like a tiny drum on a stick with a ball attached on a string used to hit the barrel. There being multiple monks shows that either my Buddist path is still fragmented in my psyche and/or that multiple facets of my psyche work towards my progress on the path. The center monk started with the drum, sounding it once, then passed it to the left – we were on the right of him. Each hit it once and passed it to the left, upon the last one he went to pass it to Chelsey. She refused, saying she didn’t want to in a shy manner and passing it to me instead. I asked if she was sure and when she confirmed I took it and beat it seven times before passing it to the right.

I believe the central monk represents my will, which sets things in motion. The drum in my practices represents awareness of non-attachment. Before hitting the conscious aspect of me my initiations go further into the unconscious first and then are returned to me – upon which I elaborate and feel (making seven beats instead of just one). My girlfriend shys away from the mystical and thus she passed on it. The fact that it went to her first was interesting, it shows how I prioritize my relationship as something to check against before integrating a realization into my persona.

After I beat the drum and passed it to the right Chelsey leaned over and told me I should Google what the color blue means – referring to the blue Samantabhadra in front of us, with a blue background behind him as well. For some reason this visibly frustrated me but after a moment I leaned in to answer. I found the idea of taking out a phone disrespectful to the ceremony, this shows my frustration at Chelsey prioritizing the mundane and not giving my practice the respect I ask for. I told her that the blue color represents infinite compassion and transcendental wisdom pervading all of reality, like a blue sky. Funny enough if asked outside the dream I would have given blue a different symbolic meaning. The answer I gave was very specific to the situation we were in rather than my typical ascribed meaning to the color.

I felt rather embarrassed for getting frustrated with her in front of Samantabhadra, who naturally didn’t have an issue with anything. I saw my own lack of equanimity in certain situations, an attachment to an illusory importance. The ritual soon finished and we continued on the path, coming to the outside of the mountain – an open mountain side. The focus was more on the conscious/pre-conscious part of my reality now rather than the depths of the unconscious.

Outside the monks walking up the mountain side were confronted by a group of what looked like Mongolians. They had weapons drawn and were slaying the monks. My own loss of cool, moments of aggression, work against my progress upwards. At first I didn’t know what to do and felt rather lost but at that moment realized it is a game that I was playing.

When I lose my equanimity it is the moments where I forget my realizations, this event in the dream was a reminder that Maya is only a game and in the moments I slip I should remind myself of the fact. At this point the dream was in two places, one of me playing the game on the couch and the other still on the mountain. Relates to Crowley’s 0=2 and the mode of consciousness which remembers the ultimate while still fully participating in the relative. My character became a warrior who began taking out the violent intruders, protecting the monks on their journey upwards. If I can sustain this awareness of the ultimate in times of conflict, remembering this to be a game, then instead of feeling lost without solution my hero archetype takes lead in a glorious and stress-free fashion.

At this point the game ended and I was fully back in the house of my gf’s family. Her sister Nikki wanted to do family stuff but I just wanted to keep playing games which pissed her off. I have very little interest in typical activities and I’m usually distracted by The Path and the spiritual – something that creates a conflict between the hero archetype and the everyman archetype. This is possibly the reason Samantabhadri was not with her consort. I separate my spiritual inner journey from my mundane life. At this point I woke up.

Resulting consciousness: Upon waking up the result of this iniatory dream was a very relaxed and carefree consciousness. Extremely high awareness, and good equanimity (low stress response). Very pleasant and euphoric, rather nonchalant.

[dreammagus]

Dream yoga prerequisite: Remembering Dreams

I suppose I’ll start the blog off with something very simple yet rather essential in dream work: dream recall. If you can’t remember your dreams then there’s really no room to do any kind of interpretation or lucid dreaming.

This problem seems to be rather common, and you’ve probably already heard most of these tips so I’ll summarize it point form. If you follow these tips within a few weeks you should start remembering pretty elaborate dreams.

* You are having dreams even if you can’t remember them. It is extraordinarily rare for someone to simply not dream at all.

* Start writing in a dream journal every time you wake up. Even one or two vague words will tell your mind that the information is important and it should prioritize remembering it.

* When you first wake up lay in bed without moving for a few minutes trying to recollect the dream. Something about motion switches modes fully into waking so not moving helps in recall.

* Make sure to get a good amount of sleep. Eight hours should be good but nine is even better. Your sleep goes in cycles of deep sleep and rapid eye movement phases. At the beginning of the night you have long periods of deep sleep (no dreams) and short REM periods (when dreams happen). The deep sleep cycles get shorter the longer you sleep and REM cycles longer. Meaning more sleep = longer dreams.

* Reduce, minimize, or eliminate intoxicants like alcohol and weed (especially before bed). They can eliminate REM periods and you only end up with deep sleep (no dreams). Taking melatonin (natural sleep hormone, available over the counter) will help with regaining REM cycles if the cause is pot but watch out for side effects like day time drowsiness.

* Look up some herbs and scents which help improve dreaming, like lavender for example.

* Ambient sleep music can help, it does for me at least – I really like the internet radio station “Ambient Sleeping Pill”.

In most cases starting and regularly maintaining a dream journal will work without any other boost. You may start with only one or two words per entry but within a few weeks you will start seeing your journal entries become a page, two pages, three pages long. For me I also had to include 6mg of melatonin since I was smoking copious amounts of weed, but later I ended up giving up smoking. Sacrifices have to be made sometimes.

[dreammagus]

The dreamer's introduction

Ha, where to start.. hmmm.. I guess I'll start off with a bit of background. Dreaming is what got me into the mysteries in the first place. I was 12 when I first discovered lucid dreaming and after a few months of trying they became a regular occurrence. I ended up having one where I was flying and all of a sudden it hit me "what if there's a realization in waking life that unlocks it same as realizing you are dreaming lifts the limits of the dream world?"

This was almost 16 years ago and since then I have been immersed in spiritual exploration of every corner in the occult sphere. I won't bore you with a detailed chronological description, but I'll say I've stuck my nose into every Western Occult system to come across my eyes and ears. Many were disappointing, to say the least.

I'll go a bit into the most prominent parts of my journey up to this point just to give you an idea what vibe collected over time.

My late teen years were mostly spent on chemognosis -- psychedelics and disassociatives were my flavours of choice. It was a rather intuitive and shamanic period albeit I spent countless hours reading traditional occult systems. There was a lot of wondrous experiences during that time, both with drugs and without, but eventually I decided I needed a structure to take a deep dive into. I think it was Lon Milo DuQuette who said that starting an initiation system was like digging a hole to the middle of the Earth, and if you keep bouncing around you just end up with a bunch of shallow holes. There's some truth to the opposite of this, eclectic practice gives a great aerial view, but I needed to see the depths before returning to a broader approach.

I spent a good number of years trying to decide on which system I wanted to take a deep dive into and eventually settled on Thelema. Aleister Crowley is a controversial figure to say the least, him and I diverge on a number of attitudes, but I couldn't deny the greatness of his exploration. He was a Great in the occult scene, anyone with open eyes can see that.

For almost four years Thelema became my every breath. I read through about 10,000 pages of material and practiced daily without end in sight. Everything from ceremonial rituals to the mediation exercises -- it consumed me and transformed me like no other system before. There was a person who initiated me to begin with but left me to my own very early on.

I must point out that I never ended up joining any of the living A.'.A.'. lineages, take that as you will. I do see a great benefit for anyone to join one, but for me personally I was going at a pace comparable to a hurricane. I felt like going through the grades formally would only slow me down.

I met my HGA very early on, made great strides in the practices, and completed higher grade exercises in quick succession. I should point out that my work career took a similar path. I dropped out of school twice and ended up self-learning at a speed which landed me a high paying corporate developer job many years sooner than my former classmates. I may sound like I'm bragging but if I'm honest I wasn't blessed with any natural talents growing up aside from a tenacious will power which refuses to give up and an ability to process great amounts of information very quickly. I was a quick learner, nothing more and nothing less.

Near the end of my Thelemic dive I went through a very deep depression lasting two years, I developed a bodily anxiety which landed me in the hospital. I feel like taking the Oath of the Abyss ahead of schedule was a contributing factor. Yet luckily, and I really mean it was sheer luck that got me through, I had a satori -- a sudden enlightening realization. To describe it would be frivolous and worthless, so it will suffice to say that in a single moment my depression and anxiety went away. I was finally free, and suffering became an insignificant factor in my life.

At this point I felt the need to find a system revolved around this realization. This is when Vajrayana Buddhism, and more specifically Dzogchen, came into my life. It was like a song which that was harmonious to me in a way that Thelema didn't match. The a switch-over was a bit tedious, the terminology and symbolism was drastically different, but I took to it like a fish to water.

This time I wanted to do things officially in parallel to my own exploration so I searched for a Guru and a lineage which I could take refuge in. I ended up becoming a student of the Dudjom Tersar, a Nyingma lineage of Vajrayana with a strong Dzogchen Yana.

My new Guru quickly realized that I wasn't as fresh as most, and is under impression that I must have been a vajrayana practitioner in my previous lives. He bent a number of rules to give me practices and explanations which are typically ment for students who had already received the empowerments.

This was an unbelievable boost to my meditations and rituals, but I am under little liberty to discuss the details of my initiation at this point -- one day, but not today. Early on he introduced me to dream yoga, which is a lucid dreaming approach to the vajrayana initiation. In a way my journey had come full circle to the point where I had started -- dreams.

He tasked me with three initial objectives. First I needed to regain lucidity in my dreams -- which I had lost long ago from lack of practice. Second I would need to master how to switch the scene and place in my dreams to where I wanted. Third I was to transport my dream body to the pure realm of Oddiyana to take the body empowerment from Padmasabhava -- the great enlightened master who brought Buddhism to Tibet and in the Nyingma school often considered to be the second fully realized historical Buddha.

At the time of writing this, January 2018, I have spent a year as a student of my lineage and have consumed thousands of pages of tantra alongside my prescribed practices. The past month has been fully focused on the dream yoga tasks. I have completed the first and regained my lucidity. My lucid dreams are not yet fully regular but they have started to come back.

As for the second and third task, I had originally expected them to be a piece of cake. Most times when I had practiced lucidity everything came easy to me, like flying, evocation, etc... But to my surprise switching the scene fully was more difficult than expected. On my last attempt I had failed to switch the scene whole, but at least managed to switch the time and weather from stormy night to sunny day.

I should point out that I have also become a bit of a student to Jung's writings on dreams, the collective unconscious, symbols, and archetypes. In parallel with my dream yoga quests I am also analyzing my unconscious through Jungian depth psychology. The journey of meeting the archetypes in my unconscious has been amazing, terrifying, and deeply transformative. Currently I am making my way through volume nine of Jung's collected works.

Well... This has been a much longer introduction than originally intended so I will end it here. I ran a pretty successful occult and magick blog on Tumblr before but I would prefer to keep this and that seperate so I won't name which blog I ran. It's been abandoned by now anyways.

I welcome you to witness my journey unfold, through the depths of the unconscious and on the path of dream yoga.