Dream Wish Believe

Dream, Wish, Believe Mini info- Eastcoast Girl Not a kid but kid at heart. Read the words that I don't know how to say out loud. questions/comments

[dreamwishbelieve]

Dream - I dream of a simple happy life with all those who loves me.

Wish - I wish to be accepted for every good and bad thing that I am.

Believe - I believe that I will receive joy.

[dreamwishbelieve]

My eyes are swollen. I'm tired.

2 hour drive, 2 hour talk, 2 hour cry. My heart and mind is much more relaxed now that I got to let so much out.

I really needed it, an outlet. To say things out loud, not just in my head. Someone to just listen. It took me too long to do this. I really needed it.

I'm thankful that I have people in my life that I can lean on. And I never want to lose them.

Now I just need to make moves to my next steps.

[dreamwishbelieve]

Dream

I had a dream last night. You were kinda in it. We were both riding in those sprinter tour buses, separate buses but yours in front of mine. I can't recall exactly where we were going to/from but I believed it might have been hotel and airport, no clue of the location.

Somewhere along the way, the buses were driving in local New York City streets. Your bus for some reason needed to stop and double parked. My bus decided to pull around and keep going.

The second my bus got in front of yours, a female in my bus got up to the front a pulls out a weapon, rifle of sorts, and begins to threaten to kill/hurt people in the bus. I don't remember why she's mad or upset that she felt the need to hold a tour bus of people hostage.

I was seated somewhere in the middle, to the left, with a guy sitting next to me in the window seat. I was pretty calm, and I tried to sneak my phone out. My first instinct was to call you, not 911. Knowing that you were in the bus right behind mine, you were not far away. I then tried to call you but not have my phone in visual of the female. You could not hear me directly, but the female was threatening loudly at everyone. I tried to say certain words so that you could make sense of it that my bus was in trouble. No one was screaming or freaking out in the bus. Just calmly trying to convince the female to not harm anyone.

I then tried to see if I could 3 way call 911, but for some reason it was only a thought in my head but I didn't actually do it. I just wanted to have you on the other end of the line.

A little bit of time passes, and the female lets a few people get off the bus. I was still on. Still calm.

I actually don't remember if I actually said anything when I called you, or if you had said anything to me. I do remember a little convenience store that the bus had to stop in front of.

I don't know why I didn't call 911 immediately, I just knew that you were the first person I wanted to call in that time. Maybe because I saw you as my protector, or maybe I needed you to let my parents know if something were to happen to me. I really don't know. I just know that you were my first thought as my first call.

The dream didn't really have an ending to it. I just woke up. And that was it.

Why did I have that kind of dream?

[dreamwishbelieve]

To have a voice, but not be heard. Silenced. Invisible. Lost.

[dreamwishbelieve]

Pakho Chau - Free My Love/讓愛高飛 (Wonder Woman)

如果想飛不要等 如果想哭不要忍

如不懂相處為你解困 從頭謙遜學愛人

如果傷口比較深 從此不敢相信真心

容許我 變一個 最絕情男人

讓你飛出去 我在途護蔭

If you want to fly, don't wait. If you want to cry, don't hold it.

If I don't know how to get along with you, learn humbly loving someone from the beginning.

If ther wound is deep, I cannot believe in my heart.

Allow me to be the most unfeeling man.

Allow you to fly away, I protect you along the way.

[dreamwishbelieve]

At your service.

I am a very busy person. I don't have enough time in the day to do what I want to do. I'm very very busy.

I'm busy sitting around waiting for the call that tells me to do something for someone else. I don't have anything else to do. I'm busy waiting.

My time and life doesn't matter. I just gotta drop whatever I'm not doing, and go in a call's notice.

When am I available? No no no. When are you available? So I can oblige to that schedule. Because your schedule is much more precious than mine.

Who the fuck do you think you are? You ask me of my availability and I say I'm busy. How do you have the nerve to tell me "Oh you're not doing anything important, just drop it and do this instead." First off, fuck you. Second, who the fuck are you to say what I'm doing is important or not? You don't even know what I'm doing. All I said was that I'm not available. Get your assuming ass out of here.

I could be sitting on my fucking couch watching tv or out signing paperwork and it wouldn't be any of your fucking business of why I am not available if I didn't tell you in the first place. I told you I'm not available so fuck off.

But nooooo, God forbid that I ask you to do something out of your time and convenience, your "non-reason" are absolute acceptable in comparison to mine. I get hell for inconvenience to others with my non-busy-life-but-sit-around instead of following YOUR schedule. I'm sorry, I did not know I became an on-call.

With your fucking mindset of me. I would fucking tell you I'm busy and just sit on the couch watching tv. I don't give a damn. Fucking talk to me the right way and I'll give you my time. Who the fuck do you think you are?

You are not me, you don't have a fucking clue whether I'm busy or not. Don't fucking assume shit.

Call. "Let's go grocery shopping, you're driving."

Call. "I'm hungry. You go get food for me."

Call. "We need to have a meeting, now."

Umm what? Is there even an option for me to say no or are those just straight up demands?

Apparently I'm a chauffeur, food delivery, and just a fucking order around donkey to people.

I'm sorry, is your car broken? Are your arms and legs broken? Are you fucking kidding me?

Am I just that important in your life that you need me so desperately or are you just fucking ignorant enough to order me around?

Get your own fucking food. Drive your own fucking self. Give me fucking heads up on a time to work with that is not now. Unless it is an absolute dire need or you are in life threatening situation, I find no need that I should jump at a snap of a finger to your commands. Even if I have all the damn time I'm the world, doesn't mean I'm a fucking on-call work donkey for you ungrateful assholes.

What I do or don't do on MY time is none of your business nor does it affect you. Unless it does directly affects you, please back the fuck off before you say I am lazy, rude or inconsiderate of your time. You are not my child or my dependent, you are plenty capable of doing things yourself. And if I do ANYTHING for you, it is because I chose to not because I was told to. Get your shit straight. You don't own me or control me.

Don't like how I do it? Do it your own fucking self! You lazy ass bastard.

[dreamwishbelieve]

Why bother?

"What do YOU want to do?" "What do YOU want to eat?" "What do YOU want?"

Are those questions even legit if you don't listen or take in consideration of the answers I give?

Why bother asking me if I give an actual answer and you absolutely turn it down? I tell you what I want because you asked me what I want. You did not ask me what YOU want. I can easily tell you what I want, because it is I who is answering. It's called personalized questions. Please don't give me hell if it's not what YOU what.

After so many "ughh" and "eww" and "nahh" and "why do you want that?" that follows, my responses to the questions above now consists of "I don't know, I don't care, it doesn't matter." Because why should I keep giving my answer of what I would prefer and get shot down continuously? My responses were not taken into consideration, therefore I will give no responses. Why waste our time with a response that doesn't matter anyways?

It doesn't make sense to ask someone for their thoughts or opinions and then follow up with a disgusted attitude. Sure everyone is different and you can have your own opinion. But why would you question mine (or anyone else's) response to "What do you want to eat? " "I'm feeling like eating pasta" "wtf why pasta?" Really? What the fuck kind of question is that to even ask? I'm sorry I did not know pasta was such an offensive food when you asked me what I wanted to eat. How about I ask you what do you mean "why pasta?" Because I sure as fuck would like to know why not pasta?

And how about if you don't like my choice, pick your own fucking choice! Don't give me the whole "why can't you just pick something?" demeanor. You fucker, in case you didn't notice I just picked something. YOU didn't want it, so how about YOU give your suggestion?

Or if I pick 2 choices and BOTH get shot down. The fuck you think I'm gonna pick a 3rd? Bitch I'm not your fucking brain, stomach or body. I don't fucking know what you want or don't want if you ask me what I want. I'm answering with what I want!

It would be totally different if you asked me "Hey what do I like to eat? What do I want to do today?" Because then I would have to respond with something that YOU want or like. Get it?

Think about it.

[dreamwishbelieve]

Disney Parks on Twitter

“Thanks for joining us tonight for our #DisneyParksLIVE stream! Happy holidays! https://t.co/b6VyLqjUvp”

I love Disney and I love Christmas. Put them together and I will be the happiest I can be!

I like Disney and Christmas for the simple reason of its genuine happiness. No other reason.

Christmas to me is fun, gatherings, the overall spirit of love in the air, and family. To me Christmas is more love than Valentine's day. Because this kind of love is for anyone and everyone, not just for significant others. I honestly do not care if I receive gifts. I'd truly rather give. Whether an actually present or just a loving smile and hug. It's really how I feel about Christmas. I just want to give my love to everyone!

The same feeling goes for Disney. Disney is pure happiness for me. I can't think of anything negative when Disney is on my mind. It puts me in my happy place. And I want to share those moments with everyone I encounter and know.

Getting both Disney and Christmas put together is the ultimate happy for me. I can't think of anything else that could possibly top it. If you do not understand then just don't say anything. Please just let me be. I love Disney and I love Christmas. I'm not bothering you.

[dreamwishbelieve]

13 Going On 30

I know I am a head-in-the-clouds, lovey-dovey, hopeless-romantic. I am not ashame of it, I dream and wish for my "moment" to happen.

One of my most favourite scenes from this movie is the scene of Jenna just being her true self, happily helping with Matty's photoshoot. The fan behind her turns on and begins to blow leaves around her as she's enjoying everything around her. Matty looks up from his camera for a second and just notices pure genuine beauty and happiness beaming from Jenna. THAT look. The look of loving someone so truly for who they are naturally. He always loved Jenna. But in this scene, Matty had a split-second acknowledgment of loving Jenna in that moment but he did not need to act on it ot say anything. Jenna was just loving in the moment. Her hair a mess, her dress being blown, she didn't care. She was happy. HE KNEW. He loved what he saw in Jenna. She was not the center of attention but she still caught Matty's attention. Jenna was just being Jenna. Happy. Loving. Genuine. Natural. Fun.

I wish so bad to be seen through Matty's eyes as Jenna like in this particular scene. To be looked at by someone that just loves me the way Matty loves Jenna. No words. No actions. To know that I am my most naturally, comfortable self doing what I love best, and it just catches that someone's eyes. To give him that ah-ha moment. It just hits him out off the blue. I can look a mess but love the moment of life that I'm in and my true beauty shining through my smile. Nothing is more true about me than the smile that comes upon on my face when I'm happy.

[dreamwishbelieve]

You - You're mean

Me - Thank you

You - You're a bitch

Me - Thank you

You - You're an asshole

Me - Thank you

You - Fuck you

Me - *Smile Always*

You know why? Cuz I'm not mean, a bitch or an asshole. You are, and you want to project it on to me. Therefore I say thank you because you actually know what a mean, a bitch, and an asshole person is. And I smile.

[dreamwishbelieve]

I swear...

People are either just straight up assholes or they are purposely trying to get me wild up to get a reaction from me.

I am a very "go with the flow/ whatever is fine with me/ it's all good" mentality. I definitely do get hurt/ irritated by people's stupid/ ignorant/ rude behaviors but I internalize it. I'm not the kind who will call you out by saying "what the fuck is wrong with you?" or "wow, that was hurtful".

I am usually a very neutral reactor. At work, if I get questioned on my work quality or I get praised I just say ok. At home/ personal life, if I get questioned out comments on certain decisions I made, I just say ok or stay quiet. I see no reason to give these kind of people any reaction.

I have done things, good or bad, in my terms and to my best knowledge does not affect others in any harmful or negative way. I own and acknowledge my actions, and admit on my own faults and failures.

I don't understand why when I tell people my faults or failures, they feel the need to add salt to the wound by saying "well that's why you are irresponsible/ unreliable/ unprofessional/ etc." and continue to bring up a whole other situation to reason their statement to prove how much of a useless person that I am.

First off, I already know what I did wrong and clearly acknowledged it when I said "I made this mistake on....." in admittance. Second, who the fuck are you to tell me that I'm a fuck up? Third, please be thankful that I am as neutral as I am and not call you out on your bullshit fuckups.

I never gloat on successes and would moreso knock on my failures. Therefore others feel the need to express for me?

Which is why I believe these people purposefully say things to me to get a reaction out of me. Probably not necessarily to press my buttons, but just to get something more than a smile/ nod/ "ok". To satisfy their own self of feeling like they know/ own me. They could possibly be trying to press my buttons to see what kind of reaction is in me because they have never gotten anything more than an "ok". It doesn't tell them if I'm "ok ok" or I'm "gonna punch you ok".

Tell me I'm pretty, I'll say ok.

Tell me I'm ugly, I'll say ok.

Tell me I'm smart, I'll say ok.

Tell me I'm stupid, I'll say ok.

I do have feelings and I do react. I just internalize it all. Unless I truly believe that you have the best intentions and love for me, I WILL NOT give you any reaction other than ok. And I know for a fact that it irritates certain people that I'm so neutral. Sorry but not sorry.

If you are only saying things to get a reaction, and not genuinely thinking of what my feelings or reaction could be, then please fuck off. Because if you only knew, my thoughts are just as evil as the words you actually say to me, possibly worse.

Know me to know me.

[dreamwishbelieve]

Husbands Are Sharing The Little Things They Do To Keep Courting Their Wives, And You'll Be Like, "Dang, You Got A Brother?"

Husband goaling all over the place.

[dreamwishbelieve]

It's very clear. I can't even try to lie to myself.

I don't see it.

I don't feel it.

I don't believe it.

I can dream up all of what could be, but in the end I'm only fooling myself. Just maybe, possibly, hopefully. And then, nothing. It's just a dream, a thought, a fantasy.

To dream. To wish. To believe.

I do it all. But it doesn't happen. I don't get it.

I'm so lost right now. I can't even think right. I don't want to.

[dreamwishbelieve]

I need someone to talk to. I'm at a standstill.

[dreamwishbelieve]

Fuck you, you fucking cunt.

I am so furious, irritated, mad, angry, wanna punch a fucking bitch.

I want so bad to fuck this motherfucking cunt over. I swear she's got something in for me and I have no fucking clue why. I absolutely stay to myself. I cause no drama. I don't rock the boat. I just do my thing and that's it. I am NOT a kissass. And maybe that's what she doesn't like about me?

If I'm pissed off or bitching, I know what to say, who to say it to, and when to say it. I don't know what her fucking deal is. This is a job where everyone bitches, it's a fact. But we are still professional when needed.

Who the fuck does she think she is? I go to the appropriate people if I have any questions or requests, and she's not one of those people. Like bitch please, back the fuck off. You don't sign my fucking paycheck, I have no reason to talk to you.

She has not done her "job" in months. But got the nerve to jump in and deny my request that I did not even ask her for.

How about you answer your fucking emails, texts, and phone calls before trying to act your position when things don't go your way. I'm sorry that you have a full fucking team under you that have been trying to find you constantly but haven't seen or talked to you in months because you are no where to be fucking found. A team of people that you so claim to love and support but you won't answer your fucking emails unless we are getting sued. Fuck off bitch. Do your fucking job before trying to jump into someone else's.

Fucking bitch.

[dreamwishbelieve]

Dream

After so many years and requests of you to sing to me, it finally happened in my dream. I don't really remember how it came about to that moment but you held me close, slow danced me, and began singing to me. It was only a few lines in, but I could not recall what the song it. I remember trying to listen very deeply to you doing. I don't believe it was a song that I was familiar with. As I tried to be more focused into the moment....

My alarm goes off!

I was so pissed. I immediately turned my alarm off to get back to the dream, but it was gone. It was all a dream. And it was gone.

[dreamwishbelieve]

Who do you think I am?

I am the kind of person that says "yes" or agrees to do things even though I don't necessarily fully want to and not say anything. It's not that I don't want to do it, it's more of I don't really mind. I'm a "yes" person.

I'm a "yes" daughter, a "yes" friend, a "yes" girlfriend, a "yes" employee, and many more "yes" titles.

Have I ever said "no"? Yes I have. Is my "no" to "yes" ratio appropriate? No it is not.

Not only am I a "yes" person, I'm also a "non-complainer" for a majority of things. I don't usually say anything if something bothers me. I don't usually say anything if I'm upset. I don't usually tell people what I like or don't like. I just stay quiet and bitch within of whatever I am not fond of.

Is that healthy? Definitely not. Why don't I speak my mind? Cuz when I do, it is seen as "why are you bitchin'?"

Because I have been quiet for so long, that it's just assumed by others that I am ok/ content with everything that everyone does. But God forbid, if I speak up, I'm looked at as a whining bitching person who's opinion doesn't matter. Because I never said anything before, what makes my voice be heard now as importance?

I believe I have "spoiled" the people around by having never said anything. So everyone thinks I'm just so chill and cool with everything. It's hard for them to hear or see that I actually am not. It's out of the ordinary for them. Therefore they don't know how to react, but in a negative way when I say anything that is my opinion. AKA I'm a bitch.

I amnot normally a verbal person in general so I would like to believe that those who are normally around me, can sense or observe that my demeanor is out of the ordinary when I am not feeling or. For example, I am way much more quiet than my usually self. I am giving heavy sighs. I am absolutely flat affect on my facial expressions. I am physically taking myself away or turned away from issue for a bit.

Because as much as I would like to say "Hey, it bothers me when you do abc.", or "Why do I always do xyz, but you can't do efg, or at least just e?" Just to show me that I should not be feeling like crap or taken advantage of when I do something for others.

The simplest of simple "Thanks" is more than enough most of the time. No need for equal reciprocation. Because I know for a true fact that most of the time I can't return an equal action to "make it fair", so I would never expect one. Just the pure appreciation and acknowledgement is good enough for me.

I may not say what I feel or what I think. That doesn't mean I don't feel or think anything. I am human, I have thoughts and emotions. Look at me. Ask me am I ok. Show me that you SEE me, and I will open up. I'm not a bitch.

I'm just not known.