D A R K P O E T R Y

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Snippets of my thoughts

There's two pigeons always outside of my window, they are lovers. Lovebirds.

Sometimes they are sitting on the top of the garage, or on the other house's top, or hiding in the canopies of the trees. I could hear their wings flapping, playing with each other. They are always together. Sometimes they just stare at me. And i stare back at them. They look beautiful.

They been here for years, keeping me company. And i ask them, (not actually, I dont talk to pigeons.. duh.. I just wave at them, as a clearly sane person)

Why the hell are you here? Why are you suffering here with me? FLY AWAY, ANYWHERE BUT HERE. If i could have wings, even just for a day, I would fly away and never come back to this hell of a place. Pits of hell, where I live.

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Bygone love poem

Sudden sense of familiarity

wraps me in its arms

engulfed with longing

you're the seventh sense

trapped in me

iam just barely a whisper

in the back of your mind

just a breeze of wind

in your hair

you lived over twelve thousand days

and im dying to know

how you spent each and one of them

since

you are my

undetectable disease

flowing through my system

my brain

my heart

along my spine

all this pain

that divinity won't heal

I'm hiding my yearning for you

in between my lines I write

and im sure this longing

will make me bend

to my ill-omened fate

but

particles of your voice

whispers to me

like a bygone love poem

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Windy days are my favorite

I notice everything

the subtle wind

which blows over my hair

the hidden flower

that no one notices

and it secretly bloomed

how the colors change up at the canopies

the crickets singing their hymn at night

and it's fills me with

nostalgia and longing

for something

seemingly unattainable

but also reminds me of passing

that absence can feel heavier than pain

still -

i listen for you in the lonely wind

for the sole reason

you might finally learned my name

and my words to you wasn't in vain

or am I just imperceptible to you

so call upon me

just whisper

and I will come to you -

like the wind

i have been waiting

for so long

for you

you-

who determined to rise to the heavens

that will diminish in your presence

so before that

will you ever come find me

in a nice windy day?

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Heavenly delusions

I'm so tired

I can't even tell if iam awake

only the pain reminds me

may the angel of death

behold me soon

so I could fall into your arms

for the first time

and im certain

if you would hold me just right

all my pain would go away

so lets tap into

our quantumly entangled minds

I can feel you with an

unnatural precision

and I want to became one with

the wind

to reach you

all I crave is

for you to

drown me in your pain

so will you venture

beneath my veil?

you untouched by be

me untouched by you

your autograph

which was written in the stars

i want to look upon it even if i go blind

a devotion without reward

and my heavenly delusions

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Dotted Lines

You make me

physically sick

you're the firing neurons

in my brain

a touch of eden

and me

heaven's oversight

when I wrote

I don't wanna be saved by you

I lied

but the world keeps going

it feels like I died

somewhere

along the dotted lines

in this gentle wind

in mid springs time

that is my delight

while

thoughts of you torture my mind

i am indeed

just a broken winged butterfly

and there's no angels on my side

so I cry on the cold tile

I can't seem stand up now

and there's no hand

that reaches for me

so I ask

how broken you have to be

to attach yourself

to someone

who only exists in your fractured mind?

you wield the power in god's realm

and his black tongue

speaks in riddles

that i can't hear

but I remain

till my bones turn to ash

and fire scorches the steps I take

still - i will walk through the blaze

for you

but I do not exist

in the world

you move through

and you never even knew

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Heaven's prism

I have so much

of you in my heart

and I don't even know you

really

but I'm attached to you

you -

who my fractured mind

made up

but the real

you -

that I'm still craving

separated by

the absence of

red strings of fate

since I don't exist

in your world

no color

in

heaven's prism

on my sundered sky

there's no more wishes

on dead stars tonight

and your hand will never

find mine

but still-

your dark side and mine

collide

so shall we dance forever

in the apathy

of my mind

my love?

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Limbo That I Am

Seasons - years passing by

but i feel like a prisoner

i'm in limbo

or am I the limbo?

perhaps it's altar

still here

while everything else moves on

maybe something is waiting for me

beyond the veil of living?

that's why I'm

yearning for death

where hopelessness fractures

trapped in an endless loop of abyss

so - every day

reminds me

maybe it's easier to die fast?

than to be reminded of it daily

that staying - takes effort

i don’t always have

with a suffocating future

not even god's divine breath

can reach

whispering - you don't have anything

waiting for you there

your name will seep through the cracks

unnoticed

so leave while you can

it will only get worse

but you're stuck

in a dead god's throat

while you try

to crawl out

with nothing

but a fractured mind

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Sundered Sky

Standing in a burning church

playing play pretend

while they screaming around you

with hope in their eyes

trying to understand

all that misery

glowing in their blood

but all that talk

and all of them

nothing but lies

and no saviours

for your innocent soul

was my life nothing but pain

and slowly wasting away?

or will I bloom

between the frozen cracks?

and I still haven't got a taste yet

of the sundered sky

that willingly opens for everyone

but me

so that's why I feel nothing at all

or was I born like that?

the curse written in my blood

poisoning my unchangeable destiny

that refuses to bend to my broken mind

as if I'd known it - all along

my own ending

so I walk the path of the godless

my final surrender

to the darkness

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Autumn leaves 🍂

It's autumn

and I'm still alone

with the thoughts of you

so much that I'm losing touch

with reality

ever so often

stuck in my parasocial delusions

or is it a glimpse

of another reality?

waking up with your name

on my lips

as a question

and the ache that I'm still here - remains

at night i told the moon my secrets

bled into her light

do you feel the same gravity

pulling you toward something

you can’t name?

well I hope she whispers them back to you

are you looking up at all?

at her beauty?

if you do

you might hear my tiny voice whispering:

come find me finally

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Solo date with myself.

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Children of silent Gods

All this anger that

never had a chance

to become love

inside me

suffocates me

because

I was given a life I did not deserve

filled with nothing but abuse

now - I know nothing else

they even took my voice

and I'm still

struggling to find it

even now

and the voices in my head

screaming at me

"you're going to die in this place"

while suffocating

inside these moldy walls

I just want quiet and easy

I've fought all my life

I don't wanna think no more

I know 

sometimes - silence is loud

but we are the children of silent Gods

we scream into empty sanctuaries

but no sound coming out

we bleed where the altar is cracked

even our pure blood isn't enough

but still kneeling - with our veiled bodies

in that place - you will find me

where it's quite

so listen closely

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Can you reach?

I always say I don't need help

I never ask for help

I hate burdening others

I hate taking up space

but deep down

I just wanna be saved

from this life

and I want

someone give me a new one

and let the old one

fade behind me

like a nightmare

I no longer wake up in

wanting to end it all

I want a voice

stronger than the ones in my head

to tell me

this isn’t all there is

that I was never meant

to be made of damage

that it wasn't just all in my head

that I'm worth it

so can you just reach?

don’t ask me to speak

my voice just fades more

day by day

where iam now

so just hold me

until I remember

I’m real again

even if I flinch at your gentle touch

or at your love

even if I pretend

that i don’t need it

even if I hide from the light

I want to give you my all

thats all that I can give

so I let the wind carry my voice to you

across the pond

can you hear me whisper?

or are you lost in your own thoughts too?

I will save you from them

I will fight all of your demons

can you do the same for me?

to save me even if i didn't asked

or maybe I'm not worth

and can't be saved at all?

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Faithfully Yours

I'm letting you know

you live inside a stranger’s chest

rent-free

eternally adored

so as long as I'm alive

you will never be forgotten

even if you're not mine

I do reach for you on faith alone

even if it wasn't meant for me

I gave your words

a new meaning

in me - longingly

but

you still think their eyes will forget you

if you buried yourself beneath the waves?

well - have you learned?

art cannot be killed

so you found yourself on the shoreline

still you are this haunting warmth

I have

for someone I never touched

but swear I've held

in dreams

you were always more dream than flesh

more myth than man

but your soul is the most divine thing

anyone could ask for

and I want to experience the details of you

but this eternal sadness

living inside me since I was born

I hate being a burden

but can you carry me for a while?

so I can stand again

even though

I'm not afraid to walk

this earth alone

I've been doing this - my whole life

but If it's not you in the end

it wasn't worth it

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Am I the sin or the offering?

Food is a waste on me

like the air that I breathe

you're up in Arcadia

dripping gold from the mouth

I'm below

In hell

it's freezing cold

but I'm used to it

"Living" this life

wasting it on things

that are out of my reach

and I know I'm a burden

no hands reach for me

but to pull me more below

where I don't want to be

I might freeze there forever

my legs already

barely move

on their own

tell me

for who am I supposed to keep going?

if I died here

you wouldn't even know

untill my ghost - touches yours

but im still

stuck in my own fantasy world

to touch borrowed versions of you

I'm manifesting what Gods do not give me

but you see i do not dream anymore

I hallucinate

that you come to me

cloaked in shadowlight

a deity stitched from all my

unspoken cravings

so im making trouble in the dream world

does that make me the sin or the offering?

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Black Tears

I'm stumbling on borrowed time

and doing absolutely nothing with it

but wasting it like wine at a dead god's altar

dripping slow into the dirt

everybody's running laps at me

and I can't even take a step forward

struggling for every breath I take

I just wanna

exhale

but

I don't think I can stand

on my own two legs anymore

so

I'll write out what I always wanted

because I can't speak

and I'll disappear

I was born broken

that's my birthright

blood runs thin in me on negative

there's no hope in me for positive

I am indeed damn right faithless

nothing but a quiet fracture

Heaven's oversight

and I know I'm silent

because my mind is loud

and I know

I am a bad luck charm

so is my whole life

and there is no more

black tears left to cry

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Strawberry Moon

these melancholic summer nights

with bugs chirping at midnight

as my company

because the moon is hiding

from my loneliness

but i miss it

looking right at me

and still

I'm thinking about you all day

every waking moment

you haunt my daylight

wondering what are you doing this hour?

do you feel it too?

even though I barely know the real you

but I feel like I do

and I never met you

but I feel like I did

and I know

I'm able to say

that

I waited for you

all my life

with these parasocial illusions

that I fall asleep to

in them

I wake beneath

to your beautiful blues shining on me

and thinking

for the first time

I didn't wake up - wanting to die

but it's not real

I know

and I don't want help

I dont want to heal

I want you

in any form I can

because all I have is this

and nothing else

still -

nothing

is still more

than what I’ve ever had

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Silent scream

I lie awake

my mind

on YOU

while everything else

is burning around me

and I'm too

screaming silently

it's harder to see

where the line

between worship and destruction blurs

but my sundowning mind

is connected to my soul

which is looking for you

or a way out

truth is -

i'm wasting away

and

thinking of you

is like breathing under water

and I know it's parasocial

but

your molecules sing to me

and it pulls me under

lost to the weight of wanting you

and needing to escape