harry’s owl

this is me. open sesame!

[lockssteps]

im a fake fan of everything i like because i cant remember anything

[papayajuan2019]

one day, i hope to be moved from your downloads folder into somewhere more deliberate

[hydrachea]

> turns on my computer

> disables a new AI feature that was turned on by default

> opens my email

> disables a new AI feature that was turned on by default

> launches a software

> disables a new AI fea

[stabbydragon]

"Love/sex is what makes us human" Wrong. It's the obsession with rectangles. look around you and count the number of rectangles you see.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#looked up and thought ‘that can’t be hard’#and then my eyes widened with horror as I realized the sheer number of rectangles everywhere#I’m . I’m horrified

It's a good shape!

[rqdominique]

don’t be so fond of your memories you forget the beauty in making new ones

[dustsculptures]

can you fucking please look at yourself with the eyes of a lover? fuck

[batsandboba]

just saw a single piece of paper drift past 50 feet in the air over buildings like a beautiful white bird

[mossyquill02]

@ilexdiapason I think your guy has been spotted

[ratcandy]

well, you see, the thing is: (instead of finishing my sentence i curl up comfortably in bed and go to sleep

[megapope-deactivated20220531]

but it only works if 4 people are having sex lol

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

how many hands you got

[megapope-deactivated20220531]

two? don’t see how that’s relevant

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

allow me illustrate you

[megapope-deactivated20220531]

that’s still four people

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

i truly can’t make this any clearer

[megapope-deactivated20220531]

will smith isn’t gay. he has a wife and three beautiful, talented children

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

don’t know what you’re on about. will smith and slightly wider blue will smith have been married for years. they’re a hollywood love story

[naomster]

I can’t believe this post predicted the live action Aladdin genie

[nodaybuttodaytodefygravity]

If we lose tumblr how will we ever replace these posts in which every reply feels like a punch in the face

[peppermintsticks]

[commonzinnia]

i wish i could feel emotions the normal amount

[powerburial]

for every 1 minutes of work, grant yourself 100 minutes of unrewarding aimless phone time

[karda]

funniest draft ever. what the fuck was i realizing

[sexysilverstrider]

the group chat when i ask whos available to hang out next week

[medusasstory]

Honestly this is one of the best formatted jokes of all time.

[womaninwinter-deactivated202503]

I called my brother a wifeguy and he was like “what’s that” so I told it’s a man who’s obsessed with his wife, and there was a pause as he went through all 5 stages of grief in about 20 seconds, and then said, “well what do other people do??”

[arylleth]

to love someone is firstly to confess: i'm prepared to be devastated by you.

[deadpoet-skull]

[rqdominique]

don’t be so fond of your memories you forget the beauty in making new ones

[rnismatch]

teacher: ok class have any of you ever been bit before

kid named the hand that feeds: