There is little I love more than otherwise competent characters trying and failing and still trying to do things they're not very good at. Inspired by M9A!Essek's attempted caretaking of Deirta, here's a list of 13 fics in which TS!Essek thinks about or actively tries to give care and comfort to others.
All fics below are from Touching Sentiments and have been arranged in chronological order.
Enjoy! 💜
And Like Blooming Seeds From Dark We'll Reach
G, Shadowgast, 14.2k
In which Essek ruminates on his likeness to Trent Ikithon and deems himself a danger and terrible friend
Keep Me Alive, Make Me Cold
T (rated for violence), Shadowgast, 7.4k
In which Essek fumes about his inability to keep Caleb alive
Of Course It Would Work
T (rated for emotional content), Shadowgast, 7.8k
In which Essek witnesses Caleb having a panic attack for the first time
In Which Essek and Veth Reconcile a Bit
G, Essek & Veth, 499
In which Essek gifts Veth a care package
A Hundred Mini Dreams and a Healing Scar
T (rated for sensual content), Shadowgast, 15k
In which Essek learns a bit about what care means to Caleb
The Bluebottle Thrower
T (rated for Jester-typical sexual content), Jessties, 2.5k
In which Essek and Jester save several bluebottles from the beach
mollified
G, Essek & Kingsley, 865
In which Essek distracts King from bad dreams
Thrice Makes a Pattern
G, Essek & Luc, 949
In which Essek spends five harrowing minutes alone with Luc Brenatto
Stay Here Beside Me
M (rated for sexual content), Shadowgast, 36k
In which Essek doubts his ability to care for Caleb as a full person while also, unrelatedly, coming to terms with his burgeoning feelings of attraction towards Caleb
Undoing, Forthcoming
M (rated for sexual content), Shadowgast, 2.9k
In which Essek and Caleb partake in aftercare following a minor embarrassment
You Heal Me Back Just Like the Moon
T (rated for emotional content), Shadowgast, 2.4k
In which Essek helps Caleb through a bad night
Like a Diamond to the Rough
G, Shadowgast, 6.3k
In which Essek makes himself an anchor while Caleb revisits home
imagine stealing your country's most sacred religious artifact to find a way to save your mother's life, partnering with an enemy nation to study it while being subjected to slurs and emotional manipulation, and watching your lab partners use your knowledge and said deified relic against your own people.
imagine fighting to defend your actions to your oldest and only friend who threatens to get you executed, listening to your mother rationalize the necessity of her death with cultish religious framework, and being told that grieving is inappropriate as you walk alongside her to her death.
imagine accepting the reality that you must abide by your mother's wishes and be the one that kills her, taking a dagger that was forcibly placed in your hands to her heart, and killing her while watching the light leave her eyes and soul dissolve, leaving you all alone as you weep into her now lifeless body.
imagine experiencing such a tragic ending to a seemingly well-intentioned plan and quite literally digging your mother's grave due to your own hubris.
*deep breath* essek has fucked up on so many levels and this scene really hurts to watch.
Imagine those around you constantly judging you for not following the religious rules that have shaped your culture and despite repeatedly stating that you have no intention to follow this religion, your opinion on that matter is treated as that of a child who doesn't know any better and in some cases that comes with an extra dose of "You will join and understand eventually."
Imagine any of your accomplishments or worries be put into question because you do not share the expected faith.
Imagine being so desperate to find someone, anyone, who is willing and capable of studying your dodecahedron with you from a scientific perspective rather than a religious one and who takes you serious that you decide to ignore your consciousness in favour of potential accomplishments.
"Few necessary choices are moral choices." - Essek
The entirety of Essek's arc in the animated adaption is painful, because you can understand every choice he makes.
And things keep spiralling out of hand faster and much more devastatingly than he anticipated, so he keeps making logical but not exactly always ethical decisions. And worst of all, good deeds and bad deeds are equally punished. The "right" decisions don't result in favourable results for him. Neither do the wrong ones, but that ultimately only leaves him to make the "smart" decisions, regardless of morality.
It's fascinating and excellently crafted and makes you understand immediately why he's doing the things he does.
If Essek is that efficient in combat and Verrat who's a whole ass general trained under his mother, I would KILL to see Deirta in battle. Trent should count his lucky fucking stars Mama took herself off the playing field.
I am predisposed to thinking all the fucked up shit Essek did was fine, but like, you made the momma’s boy kill his mum? Like, what did you expect him to do after that? Be normal? Not commit crimes?
cannot stop thinking about some Solstryce Academy freshman in 10-20 years being like, “…and for Transmutation 101 I have Widogast. He seems kinda dry, lecture-wise, but there was a cat on his desk the whole time so, like, pretty good?”
“Oh hell yeah!” says the other student in the cafeteria. “You got Widogast? I’m so jealous. I heard he nearly gets fired or even arrested like every other year for treasonous rhetoric.”
A third student leans across the table to speak in an undertone. “I heard he used to be a Volstrucker.”
“Volstruckers aren’t real,” scoffs Student B. “What’s real is he - ” They lean in and lower their voice even more. “He and Archmage Beck used to be a thing.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s true!”
“It’s true.” An older student, eavesdropping, leans over from the adjacent table. “I was there when she came and arrested him personally two years ago. They had tension, man. When she handcuffed him…”
“I wish Archmage Beck would handcuff me,” Student C says wistfully.
Halfway through class one day, he stops abruptly in the middle of a sentence, hand with chalk frozen at the board. Then he says, “Do not worry, Jester, I’ll be there as soon as possible. Save your spell slots; I’ll contact the others. Care for Fjord, delay if possible.” Then he puts the chalk down and looks back to the students, as he starts gathering books off his desk. “Class is dismissed - I have a family emergency to attend to. Read Chapter 15 and prepare to discuss it next week - and extra credit to the first person who can find me Expositor Lionett of the Cobalt Soul or her wife, and ask them to come immediately. Tell her Fjord’s old snake friend may be waking up at last.”
He strides out of the room without waiting for a response, books under one arm, drawing bright sigils in the air to cast a wizard’s Sending as he walks. “Old friend, do you have Teleport today, or a circle? Our captain needs urgent help, all of us. I’ll gather the ladies - can you Caduceus?”
The classroom was silent as the professor walked in. Professor Widogast looked much like he always did, though perhaps his hair a little singed, a few bandages placed haphazardly across his arms and one on his neck. He looked at his wide eyed classroom before putting his texts on his desk and sighing; he’d get no teaching done today.
“Alright, questions one at a time please,” he murmured.
Immediately every hand shot up. He pointed to a shorter student near the back, her balance shifting from side to side.
“Sorry, professor, but is it true you actually exploded a ship into a giant sea serpent like everyone’s been on about?”
#is it true you were fighting pirates? no they were on our side actually#are you a pirate? not anymore#did you kill the snake? not yet but I’m catching up to help after class#what happened to your neck?#*thinks back about Essek kissing him hard that night after they returned high on adrenaline and adventuring excitement*#oh just a run in with a very dangerous mage#students: :O (via @princessamericachavez)
“Did you hear? There’s a blue cat on Professor Widogast’s desk! Not ‘blue’ like how people describe grey cats. ‘Blue’ like bright blue!”
“I went in to check it out, and it smirked at me, I swear!”
“Sure, dude, whatever you say.”
The news traveled quickly through the halls of the Soltryce Academy that morning, finally reaching the assumed owner of the cat later that morning as he made his way to his classroom.
For a man who could teleport, Professor Widogast sure could run.
But by the time he got there, a student curiously peeking through the door could swear that the cat vanished with a flourish of a green cloak, despite no one else being in the room.
The next morning, not one textbook was lacking a dick drawing.
overheard (ok, eavesdropped) by Professor Widogast’s TA a month after King Dwendall’s youngest son enrolled in the academy; never repeated or spoken of to absolutely anyone:
“…he is brash, he is feckless, he does not spare a thought for another living soul save for what they can do for him - and on any matter of import, he quotes Ludinis Dereth without realizing he is doing so!”
“Listen Caleb, I pulled strings to get that brat into your classroom for four hours a week. I soothed feathers. And despite the fact that you and your library friends are constantly trying to undermine my power, I have saved you from getting fired or worse on at least three occasions - ”
“Beauregard has saved me from getting fired, or I have. You have had me arrested twice.”
“And were you charged with treason? This is the life I picked and this is yours. We both know how impressionable young minds are at this age - ”
“Astrid - ”
“So, you have four hours a week. So, Professor Widogast - teach.”
#there’s the time an Expositor was waiting for him the classroom first thing in the morning#perched on his desk with a clearly dangerous glint to her eyes#and EVERYONE was convinced that Professor Widogast was getting arrested AGAIN for treason or something#somestudents —few brave ones— even tried to stand between him and the monk before he put a hand on their shoulders and gently moved them#‘Expositor Lionett’ he said voice charged with emotion#and then she grinned#and pointed everyone’s attention to the body behind his desk#‘You’ve been making people mad again Widogast that’s the third one I intercept this week’#‘You missed one the other day’ Professor Widogast grinned to everyone’s surprise ‘but he was dealt with’#‘Nah I thought you could handle it. Don’t want you getting too rusty’#‘You staying for class Beauregard?’ ‘No way. Gotta fill in more paperwork before this asshole wakes up’#‘Watch your language in front of the students. Please’ the Professor’s sigh was that of an ever suffering brother#‘Meet ya for drinks later?’ the Expositor said dragging the unconscious assassin out the window#‘I’ll try to stay alive until then’ the Professor said and there was a lightness to his tone that suddenly made him seem VERY dangerous#and with a backflip the monk was gone and Widogast sent them all to their sits like nothing had happened#some swear there’s still a bloodstain behind his desk from what became known as THE MONK INCIDENT (via @princessamericachavez)
(but also I have another one)
“This is where you teach?” A voice echoes through the hallway, entirely too unimpressed with the prestigious establishment.
Students could not keep their heads from turning as a small halfling boy strides beside Professor Widogast, crossbow in hand.
“Try not to shoot anyone while I’m teaching.”
“So I can shoot them when you’re not teaching.”
A deep sigh. He already regrets volunteering to babysit.
Luc’s visits quickly become a widely anticipated—and feared—event among the students of the academy. His willingness to share stories of Professor Widogast’s adventures, some embarrassing and some truly spectacular, was well worth the occasional crossbow bolt flying through the corridors.
Okay but one day the students start gathering their books, class being over.
They get up, but before anyone can reach the door, a massive looming figure steps through the threshold.
A few students gasp in fear as a built af woman with a great sword strapped to her back walks through, her eyes focused on Professor Widogast. The students wonder if they should intervene but the woman is scary.
Professor Widogast looks up and doesn’t flinch.
“Orphanmaker.” He says and the students start to freak the fuck out.
The woman doesn’t respond, simply reaching into her bag…
…And pulls out what looks like… is that a lunch bag?
“Beau said you forget to eat sometimes, so I figured I’d stop by.”
I'm definitely putting my clown shoes on here but part of me hopes that after the finale of m9 season 1 the cast are like "lol you thought we were gonna stop at 8?? No! It's Nein! Here's a bonus episode (and to put the finishing clown nose on, it's just Yasha's pov). Happy winter's crest."
She’s gonna hug him and poke and prod into his personal life and charm him and send him messages and give him a cupcake and make him a parasol when the sun hurts his eyes and trust him when nobody else did and run up to hug him in Eiselcross after weeks apart and after the discovery of his harm she will still trust him and love him and accept him and he’s gonna be a bridesmaid at her wedding one day and read tusk love just because she recommended it
Imagine: you are Verin Thelyss. You may or may not know that your mother has Typhros, the only disease that can kill a consecuted soul (by way of as a society not being able to let them have another life). You are fighting on the front lines of Bazzoxan, the same fight your father may or may not have fought and died doing.
You Come Home on leave to visit. Your mother has been executed (without your knowledge). You brother may or may not have committed treason. Your brother is the one your mother chose to kill her.
I now see that Essek gets his flair for the dramatic straight from his mama. Deirta didn’t seem inclined to turning herself in before, but as soon as she realized her son had committed treason for her, she was like “well I know a way to make him regret that forever.” And then made him kill her. After finding out there was a chance of him restoring her. No wonder he stole a beacon when his mom has been pulling moves like this. I love her.
the mighty nein if they ever met Deirta is just that one scene in How to Train Your Dragon 2 when Astrid first sees Valka and Hiccup yells ‘Well, now you know where i got my dramatic flare’
M9 Animated show is campaign-accurate because members of the Cerberus Assembly are watching a Curator of the Cobalt Soul get executed, bargaining with each other for the Beacon, opening ancient eldritch texts and getting red eyes put on them, and on the other side of the border the Bright Queen is overseeing the ritual execution of one of her closest friends carried out by her traitor son, who is being pressured into bringing home the Beacon he stole and is now blaming his oldest friend for.
Meanwhile the Nein are shopping, taking baths, and having emotional breakdowns.