[geesissy-deactivated20151112]

AHEAD OF THE GAME

[amoyed]

I’m pretty sure 90% of my mutuals dislike me

[cynicz]

me

[amoyed]

I made the post, so it’s me. Not you

[cynicz]

you dumb bitch I meant I’m your mutual and I hate you. This is why we hate you

[stand-up-gifs]

Well this certainly seems like something to call your reps about.  

X X

[sushigal007]

Don’t get distracted from this either.

[jishooua-deactivated20160513]

[hurried-deactivated20181109]

the most dramatic moment of my life

[narry-destiel]

we were all Lily

[64bitwar]

this is stomp dog it shows up to stomp away sadness

[thebootydiaries]

concept: time doesn’t exist. you and i are sitting on a bed sharing a smoothie. you think you’re falling in love with me. you’re getting butterflies in your stomach. little do you know that i actually poisoned the smoothie and you start to choke. im running as fast i can with the Russian military yelling in my earpiece but i don’t speak Russian. i realize then that i had also poisoned myself. we are both yelling.

[yassmines-deactivated20161205]

me: holds my pee for no reason

[holdthatpee]

I have a specific reason. It feels good *__*

[yassmines-deactivated20161205]

I honestly can’t believe your blog exists

[kingsleyyy-deactivated20160914]

life is so hard when your best pal is a 9.5/10 and you’re a strong 4 with the right filter and lighting

[alrights-deactivated20120928]

help im broke i spent all my money on coffee

[alrights-deactivated20120928]

jk i have 5 more dollars just enough for another coffee

[alrights-deactivated20120928]

help im broke i spent all my money on coffee

[panerasexual-deactivated2017100]

what she says: no

what she really means: no

[the-movemnt-deactivated20170912]

[drunkfessions-blog]

i think i might learn to love again. maybe someday with you but not now.

[ericjudysbeard-deactivated20220]

Working at LUSH: the saga

[vallymgrl]

I have had men some into a store I used to work at asking if “this hairspray will work on men” and when I said yes they said “but it’s purple”

[sailorlune]

My whole life!

[la-plus-heureuse]

A man walks into a store to buy shampoo. He walks down the hair care aisle and spots a pink shampoo bottle that promises to give you luscious locks. The man is determined, for his hair lacks luster. He asks the nearest store clerk, “Will this work for men? It’s pink, so I’m not sure.” The store clerk looks at the man, then at the shampoo. He shrugs his shoulders in ignorance. The man resolves to purchase the shampoo anyway.

After arriving at his humble abode, the man takes a shower with his new shampoo. He opens the bottle and tries to pour the soapy substance into his hand, but alas; the shampoo refuses to fall onto his manly skin.

The man crumples down in utter defeat, sobbing as the shower water softly cascades down his rippling shoulders. The shampoo will never work for him, for he is a man, and the shampoo he bought is unfortunately in a pink bottle. “I should have known,” he cries out in a whimper. “I should have known.”

[asian]

tumblr sounds like that bully in school that taunts me into doing things that i don’t want to do

[factsinallcaps]

THE LEGENDARY STORY OF THE TROJAN HORSE DOES NOT INVOLVE THE GREEKS GIVING THE HORSE TO THE TROJANS AS A GIFT. THE GREEKS’ DECEPTION WAS ACTUALLY THAT THEY LEFT THE HORSE AS AN OFFERING TO THE GODDESS ATHENA. 

IN THE LEGEND, THEY BASICALLY SENT SOMEONE TO TROY TO SAY “THIS HORSE IS FOR ATHENA, NOT YOU, SO OUR RETREAT BACK TO GREECE IS SAFE. DON’T TRY TO TAKE IT. IT WON’T FIT THROUGH THE GATES OF YOUR CITY, SO THERE’S NO WAY YOU DICKS CAN STEAL IT AND PRETEND YOU GOT IT FOR ATHENA. NOT FOR TROJANS.”

AND THEN TROY WAS LIKE “YOU’RE NOT OUR DAD. WE WON THIS WAR AND WE’RE TAKING YOUR STUPID HORSE AS A TROPHY SO WE’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW BAD GREECE IS AT DESTROYING TROY.” 

AND A FEW TROJANS WERE LIKE “THIS IS A TRICK” AND TRIED TO EXPOSE IT AS A TRICK BUT THE REST OF THE TROJANS WOULD HAVE NONE OF IT BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS SWEPT UP IN THE THRILL OF VICTORY, AND ALSO BECAUSE THE GODS KEPT SENDING SNAKES TO STRANGLE ANYONE WHO SAID ANYTHING, BECAUSE THE GREEK GODS HAD NO WORD FOR “SUBTLETY”

THEN AT NIGHT ALL THE GREEKS JUMPED OUT OF THE HORSE LIKE “WE TOLD YOU NOT TO TAKE THE HORSE, WHY ARE YOU SUCH PRIDEFUL DICKS” AND BURNED DOWN THE WHOLE CITY

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This makes a lot more sense

[emaciatinq-deactivated20160927]

*uses “u” and “you” in the same sentence*

[asian]

THIS