Being in love, being heartbroken
Wow, how does one describe a series of events that led to some of the best times of your life? How does one describe the feeling you feel for someone that you have never felt so profoundly about? That one probably doesn’t make sense, but I guess a lot of stuff does not make sense in the end.
Being in love was one of the best life experiences I could’ve ever had, with probably one of the best people I’ve ever could have found it with. It’s crazy the effect that this had on me, something that came as a total surprise, but then again.. I’ve never truly been in love until now. What do you do when you want to love someone so badly, help them grow, be there by their side; but they must grow alone, they must separate, must love from afar..
You must let them, you must let them realize their wrongs, but you must appreciate their rights. You must take every mistake with a grain of salt, you must look at the bigger picture. You must let them grow. You give them time. I’m sorry I never gave you that time. For now, time will only do us good.
I am hurting. I’ve hurt for months. That constant, estranged feeling of wanting to love you.. even though it felt like you didn’t love me. I felt so unwanted. Felt like a nuisance. I knew that I was pushing it, but I wanted to feel like you wanted it as much as I did. I kept wanting to feel something. Something from you. I loved you like no one else did. I wanted to love you for the rest of my life. It’s crazy; I was so ready to build, to keep going, to keep growing. You were my home. It was, and then it wasn’t.
I made my own mistakes, I’m sorry. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could’ve addressed everything. I wish I gave you the spotlight. You could’ve told me something. Anything. Everything. I wanted you to be blunt with me. I wanted to grow, to learn from you. I wanted to reciprocate. I wanted you to help me, and for me to help you.
It’s so hard to get over you. It’s so hard to not think of you. Everything I look at reminds me of you. I look over and see everything. All my memories, all the laughter, the tears, all of it, all of you. I was so... mesmerized by it all. The stars were finally aligned at times. But were they? You said you were happy. You said you loved it all. But it was only a cover. You weren’t happy all the time. You weren’t enjoying all those times. You weren’t there all the time.
When was the last time you opened up? To anyone? To me? It’s been a ways away. It felt like I had to reach into you, force it out of you. Something that I should’ve waited for, but something I thought you should’ve been ready for. You looked at me in the wrong light; the light of anger, a red light.. but I wore my pink sunglasses for you. It was always on. My light for you was always pink, I was always happy because of you. You.
I have always and will always continue loving you. I will have to love you from afar. I will have to love you in the bleachers. I will have to love you half a world away. But I will always love you. I will always be rooting for you. I can’t wait for you. You’re gonna be so great, and I love you, always. My dearest sunlight.
areudirty
baratheonpilled
pixelskylines
origamiaround
titsay
snowghoul
discoholicmusic
