Non-Ace Media Strikes Again...Against Demisexuality
So, I came across a link to a podcast episode this morning which claims to âdefine demisexuality, asexuality, and zucchinis are a thingâ. At first, despite the atrocious name of the podcast itself (seriously, why is âmanwhoreâ even still a thing?), I figured it might be a good piece of awareness/visibility. I even ignored the fact that heâd utilized my logo without credit or permisson.
I was wrong. And now I want to help take this jerk down.Â
Iâd prefer not to link directly to the episode itself, as I donât want to contribute to this personâs audience numbers, but there is a transcript here. To be concise, though, Iâll cover a few of the gems that explain why this is so infuriating. Trigger warnings for acephobia, obviously.
Also, heads up, this is going to be a long post.
He claims that âDemisexual is one of these faux labels that just arenât necessary and we talk a lot about it today. âŠ.And thatâs totally a real thing that people feel, thatâs also a preference, just as sapiosexual is a preference, not a sexual orientation. Cause thereâs no blond sexual. Thereâs no big titted sexual. You can decide to call yourself that, but itâs still just a preference of who you like to bang or not bang or not bang.â
⊠Seriously?! Did he do ANY legitimate research on demisexuality before he made this episode outside of a simple definition that heâs chosen to misinterpret? Thatâs not at ALL what demisexuality is. Itâs not a preference, itâs a legitimate sexual orientation in which one genuinely does not experience sexual attraction unless an emotional bond is present. Calling it a preference implies that a choice is made. There is no choice. Just like asexuality isnât the choice not to have sex, demisexuality isnât a choice. Learn your topic. Itâs like heâs treating demisexuality as the polar opposite of promiscuity (which it isnât) and acting like he has to attack it in defense of his âmanwhoreâ lifestyle (which I wouldnât be surprised to find out was nothing more than a front. I find it hard to believe someone this despicable is in any way successful in human interaction.)
âI donât have an arbitrary line drawn itâs real simple. Preferences, you can have your labels but donât talk to me like you are oppressed and painfully discriminated against for not being sexually promiscuous. No one ever got denied a job or housing because they were demisexual. Settle down.â
UmmmâŠIâm just going to leave this here: âIn a recent investigation (MacInnis & Hodson, in press) we uncovered strikingly strong bias against asexuals in both university and community samples. Relative to heterosexuals, and even relative to homosexuals and bisexuals, heterosexuals: (a) expressed more negative attitudes toward asexuals (i.e., prejudice); (b) desired less contact with asexuals; and © were less willing to rent an apartment to (or hire) an asexual applicant (i.e., discrimination).â
He even expressed extreme disrespect to Bauer of @wildasexualsâ who was his guest for the episode. He mocked her reluctance in joining the episode due to the comments heâd made in passing about demisexuality and attempted to downplay her concerns. âShe didnât tell me I canât say this, so uh, but I think itâs interesting. I think itâs good for any social justice warriors listening, probably not though, to know this because she almost canceled. At one point weâre emailing, great, great, letâs do this. Um, she mentioned the things she wanted to talk about. She mentioned demisexuality. I made a light, a very light, jab âoh those labelsâ canât wait to talk about it. She then was like, hey listen if you donât respect demisexuality as a valid thing we probably shouldnât even do this podcast because you know, things, that and feelings. And I told her like look. Iâm going to be respectful about our conversation, but what are you only going to talk to people who agree with you? Thatâs not how you change anyoneâs mind. Thatâs not how you affect any sort of change. What youâre just going to do media appearances with people who are already on team demi? Like, no. That doesnât really educate too many people. That doesnât expose that world to anyone whoâs not familiar to it, like me probably like some of my listener .I told her like Iâm not going to sit here and say like âyou guys are dumbâ Iâm not a gorilla.âÂ
Not only is that last sentence literally racist, heâs acting like Bauerâs concerns were unfounded and that she was being unreasonable for expressing those concerns. This guy did hardly ANY legitimate research into the topics at hand and then proceeded to demean the person heâd brought on who DID know what they were talking about as well as the entire group of people who would agree with her concerns (many of whom have also done vastly more research than this guy has)
âI understand my privilege. Right? But I still think like I think thereâs going to be a place where labels just get too silly.
Bauer: So I think that if you start any sentence with I understand my privilege and end it with âbut,â you probably shouldnât finish the sentence.
Bauer: Yeah. Thatâs like saying Iâm not racist butâŠ.â
I absolutely adore how well Bauer shut this down.Â
I could go on and on, but that would only result in a post the size of a novel. (If you want a TL;DR, you can find a very well put together collection of snippets from this episode, complete with commentary here compiled by the same person who transcribed the episode.)Â
The point that bears making here is that this guy did no research before he attempted to tear down a huge part of the ace community, he was wildly disrespectful to his guest (which isnât such a new thing for him), he used his cis-het white male privilege to not only make others believe that heâs right in his dismissal of terminology that has literally no effect on his life whatsoever but also to paint himself as a victim (âIâm open with my sexuality and a lot of people think thatâs really weird. I can shame them on twitter for not accepting me or I can hold my head and giggle at the silly hate words and keep going about my life.â (which by the way is EXACTLY what heâs doing to demisexuals in this episode.)). Heâs misogynistic, blatantly demiphobic (he even owns the term himself), and a downright bully.Â
Itâs extremely obvious that his end-goal here is to drum up traffic for his Twitter page and podcast. So, instead of linking any of you to anything that would help him fulfill that goal, Iâm going to link you to his podcast page on iTunes, where you are free (and very highly encouraged) to leave negative feedback once youâve read the podcast quotes. If you really want to hear it yourself, you can contact me for a link, but heâs already stolen my branding by using my logo without credit or permission and used it in his acephobic agenda, so Iâd prefer he not get anymore publicity from my platform.Â
