Dudebro Ocean

They say there are "plenty of fish in the sea," but we all know the truth: those schools of fish are undesirable. Documentation of the Dudebro Ocean is below...

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In case you thought Bluesky was an isolated incident.  

Mallory was just that alluring.

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BlueSky Playbook:  "Make her feel special. Suggest having sex with her will alleviate your boredom."

Also in his playbook: "Women need to be invited at least three times to the same event. This is how they know you're serious. If they haven't responded to your first two invites, it means they're waiting for your third... like Beetlejuice."

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FATAL ERROR.  ABORT ABORT!

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I know we haven’t even met yet, and this is crazy, but I’mma drop the L-word.  You should have my babies.  

(For those of you keeping track, Mallory is actually a 30 year old straight cis male, who shared the login information for the account with about 45 other friends following a thread on one of my Facebook posts.  Bluesky’s Playbook is a running commentary from some of those friends.)

Bluesky Playbook:  "If she sounds insecure, offer to play with her breasts."

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In our last episode, Mallory revealed she got drunk during her lunch break...

Bluesky Playbook:  You know a lady that is currently drunk?  SCORE.  Consent is so fucking lame.  Just enjoy all the great drunk sex you are about to have!  You are such a nice guy that you DESERVE IT.

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Friday Funny for you.  :)

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The saga continues...

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SHOTS FIRED.

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Bluesky’s Playbook:  Strangers love having you talk ALL about their ass. 

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The Mallory Turing Test begins...

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He’s baaaack!  This didn’t take long at all.  

Upon seeing what this gent had sent to me previously, a male friend decided it was time to #WasteHisTime2016.  Now I don’t normally condone Catfishing but... Get some popcorn.  This shit gets hilarious.

Bluesky’s Playbook:  The definition of success is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

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So after sharing with friends about this gem [I accused him of copy and pasting messages] a friend posted this to the thread. 

Douchecanoe status confirmed.

Bluesky’s Playbook:  Show her how important you are by being too busy to read her profile.  She should be grateful you even messaged her fat ass!

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Ohhhh gee, seems that I hit a nerve.  Guess me and my fat ass will be alone over here, clearly missing out on this true gem of a man.

Shared this with friends on facebook and things got out of hand... More to come!

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That’s his opener.  Really.  There is literally no response you can send to this that does not end up resulting in you receiving a flood of unsolicited dickpics.

What’s the most inappropriate thing someone messaged you with, to start a conversation?

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You can tell it’s a trap a mile away...

What. A. Dick.

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After several facebook posts and ranting phones calls [where I was bitching and complaining about how my inbox was full of absolute garbage] a friend told me about the #WasteHisTime2016 hashtag.  My life was changed this day.  If they could waste my time filling my inbox up with copypaste messages, I finally had permission to waste their time right back.  

Game on.