your crooked neighbor

Ollie. they/them.

[duhmayo]

me being a terrible person

my partner is stressed bc a friend is missing somewhere across the country and she doesn’t see him much but i realized this was the dude she was on a date with the first time we saw each other outside of work and later started hanging out and i’m like oh no he’s missing i hope he’s okay i wonder if she has a crush on him OMG STOP YOU MONSTER 

[duhmayo]

Millennials ❤ Plants? – The Billfold

It’s because they aren’t buying houses.

“ Plants are a means of testing out the responsibilities of adulthood, with a much lower financial and emotional investment. You buy a monstera plant because you saw it on Instagram, you kill it somehow seven months later, drag it out to the curb and start again. At most, you’ve spent $120, tried taking care of something and failed. You can always buy a new plant — much easier than dealing with a pet or a child.” 

[lake-erie]

when ur off soaking and u hear ur friends crunching leaves without u

[animedads-deactivated20210108]

[gilkenansmonsterhouse2006-deact]

i have not seen this meme in so long im loving it

[adulthoodisokay]

one of the reasons i love tumblr is that occasionally classic memes like this show up on my dashboard

[yaoialien]

This Zits comic from 1999 was 18 years a head of it’s time holy fuck

[luckykrys-deactivated20140128]

“Anne Bonny and Mary Read were pirates, as renowned for their ruthlessness as for their gender, and during their short careers challenged the sailors’ adage that a woman’s presence on shipboard invites bad luck.”

Sculpture by Erik Christianson.

[thecreach]

I’m not entirely sure that the statue really needed to have a tit out.

[luckykrys-deactivated20140128]

How dare women try to have nipples.

[4rfvbgt56yhn-deactivated2014040]

Actually I’ve seen this before and I can tell you— it’s because these women were bad ass pirates and when they killed someone they’d expose one or both breasts so that when their victim died, (s)he knew that they were killed by a woman.

[koresoteirass]

ACTUALLY Anne Bonny purposely wore loose fitting clothes and displayed her breasts openly at all times during battle - mainly because men were distracted by them, and she took pleasure in killing said men while they were too busy staring at her breasts. Mary Read dressed mainly as a man (after posing as her deceased brother, Mark, for the entirety of her childhood) and both ladies cross-dressed from time to time, hopping between ships. They were known as the ‘fierce hell cats’ due to their ferocious tempers, and were key elements to Captain ‘Calico Jack’ Rackham’s crew - they were the only two known female pirates in the Golden Age of Caribbean piracy. IN FACT, when the ship was captured by the British Navy, Anne and Mary were the ONLY TWO pirates who fought while the males of the crew hid - they were all tried to be hung as pirates but Bonny and Read were both pregnant and were pardoned.

Calico Jack was a lover to Bonny, and as he was to be hung, Bonny’s final words to him were, “Had you fought like a man, you need not be hung like a dog.” Bonny and Read were possibly two of the most badass fucking pirates and they were FEMALE. The more you know. 

[jennytrout]

And on top of all that, exposed breasts have a long and storied history of symbolism in art. They mean all sorts of things. The sculptor may have chosen to expose her left breast specifically to denote her courage–her heart is exposed–or to evoke comparison to Amazon warriors, who cut off their right breasts.

Titties are complex in art.

[ilikelookingatnakedmen]

Fascinating! 

[duhmayo]

blog theme

i think it’s gonna be funny shit interspersed with HARDXCORE FEELINGS

[southernsideofme-deactivated201]

[goodnightnautilus-deactivated20]

TOO FAR

[maricon-carne]

Ultimate petty

[zvaigzdelasas]

[denzelle]

for some reason i definitely thought this was going to be one of those fuckin… infinite chocolate things. or like, some really weird trick involved. literally it’s just “put the tomatoes in some dirt and they grow into MORE TOMATOES 😱” which like… yea… that IS how plants work but i don’t know if it’s a life hack

[denzelle]

THIS #LIFEHACK IS TOO POWERFUL YOU WILL LITERALLY GET AN ENDLESS SUPPLY

[motorizedmycologist]

grocery stores hate him! local man discovers gardening

[princekarkat]

vegetables that are obscenely easy to grow, for reference:

tomatoes

cucumbers

zucchinis (do NOT!! plant more than one!!)

pole beans

[duhmayo]

i did that thing where i sabotage perfectly decent new friendships

look how happy i was on saturday night

i was also very happy on sunday, i hung out with these friends at my house and it was beautiful

on monday i was depressed and chalked it up to pms

i felt better on tuesday, and i hung out with these people that evening. we had a great dinner and i loved everyone and wanted to be with everyone

and then i got home that night

and i had an impulse to talk about a divisive political issue in the group chat

and also to process some feelings about one of the group members with another group member privately

and then i dunno what happened

i felt like i was forcing a conversation that no one wanted but everyone was too polite to tell me to fuck off

and i felt like i was a bad person who was driving away my friends

and i told them if they were going to start a new groupchat without me in it (like had been done with one person already) could they at least tell me that i was being excluded so i wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment of not knowing what everyone else knew

and the person who had excluded someone from the group chat previously took what i said very personally because they hadn’t been flippant about it

and i told them that my request was a reflection of my inability to be a good friend and how i knew that my exile was inevitable, and NOT a reflection or judgment of this other person. 

they asked why i’d think that

i said it’s because i’m not nice

they said they think i’m nice

and i just ghosted

deactivated facebook

deleted messenger

deleted their numbers

i

don’t

understand

why

i

do

this

it got to be too much i guess

nothing was even happening; it wasn’t like a pattern of feeling incapable

it was just one weird moment, where i got home and felt like starting shit 

i don’t know i don’t know

i couldn’t even make a clean break bc my partner is in the group chat; i’m working on a project with some of these people and i have to see them this weekend; we have tickets to a show on friday; we have plans that i didn’t actually cancel. i just left. 

i want my partner to explain me to them. i feel like everyone in that group gets to be sensitive but me. they all feel empowered or entitled enough to express themselves, to process their feelings out loud and be heard and validated. i sit back and pretend that i’m well adjusted because sometimes it feels like i am. i can get through a day without anxiety. i don’t have depressive thoughts anymore. my childhood was significantly less fucked up. so they get to be emotional and have crises and i just get to be dramatic and attention seeking but in a cute way that can be brushed aside anytime someone has a panic attack in the bathroom or wants to work out their thoughts about, honestly, the same things i work out my thoughts about. so there’s not room for all of us. 

so i left.

but wtf am i supposed to do now? how am i supposed to explain that i had a temper tantrum but i’ll probably get over it in a few days and act like nothing happened, but simultaneously be furious that no one has tried to reach out to me yet. it’s 10am. has anyone realized i left the group? do they care? if they don’t, fuck them. if they do, fuck them. 

the dissonance is incredible though. i guess the internet has instilled this in us. i have this intensely dramatic situation happening with this one group of friends, but with my old school friends i just text them like, “lol guess what i did again”

idk i got bored writing this

[duhmayo]

THINGS I AM VERY STRESSED OUT ABOUT RIGHT NOW

A LIST IN ALL CAPS:

I’M MOVING THIS WEEKEND AND I’M NOT EVEN A LITTLE PACKED 

I HAVE ACCUMULATED SO MUCH STUFF SINCE MOVING HERE 3 YEARS AGO IN A CAMRY

I HAVE A DEAD TABLET AND A DEAD LAPTOP THAT I NEED TO WIPE AND GET RID OF BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW AND I’M TOO FAINT HEARTED TO SMASH THEM WITH HAMMERS SO IDK WHAT TO DO WITH THEM

I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF I NEED TO GET RID OF BUT NO ONE ON QUEER EXCHANGE AUSTIN IS BITING

THERE’S A WEIRD BUMP ON MY NIPPLE PROBABLY FROM AN AGGRAVATED STITCH THAT IDK WHAT TO DO WITH AND IT HURTS A LITTLE SOMETIMES

I ALSO HAVE THIS PIECE OF STITCH THAT’S DEF JUST FLOATING AROUND UNDER MY SCAR AND IT DOESN’T HURT ANYMORE BUT IT’S GROSS

I CAN’T MASSAGE MY SCAR TISSUE BC IT MAKES ME WANNA BARF AND I GET ALL LIGHT HEADED

I HAVE THREE PIMPLES ON MY BACK AND I NEVER GET PIMPLES WTF

I HAVE NOT BEEN GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP BECAUSE I CAN’T DRAG MYSELF AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER AT NIGHT

I’VE BEEN SUPER BUSY AT WORK WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE USUALLY I’M REALLY BORED BUT TBH I GOT ACCUSTOMED TO BEING BORED AND NOT HAVING TO DO ANYTHING AND NOW WHEN I GET HOME I’M TIRED FROM ACTUALLY DOING SHIT AND I JUST WATCH TV AND DICK AROUND ON THE INTERNET AND GET NOTHING DONE AT HOME

MY STUDENT LOAN PAYMENTS KICKED IN AND IT HURTS AND I’M CONSTANTLY MONITORING MY BANK ACCOUNT

IT’S TIME TO START APPLYING TO JOBS IN NEW YORK AND I HAVEN’T DONE THAT

WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO LOOK FOR A PLACE IN NEW YORK IN PERSON SO WE HAVE TO DO IT ONLINE AND WE HAVE A DOG AND WE DON’T KNOW WHAT OUR BUDGET IS BC I DON’T HAVE A JOB THERE YET

MY NECK AND SHOULDERS HURT ALL WEEK AND MY FEET HURT FROM WALKING ALL OVER TOWN AND I FINALLY KICKED THIS LIKE MONTH LONG COLD AND I WANT TO GO BACK TO WORKING OUT BUT I DON’T HAVE TIME AND/OR I AM TOO FUCKING LAZY AND/OR I CAN’T AFFORD TO REACTIVATE MY YMCA MEMBERSHIP AND/OR I’M SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT USING THE WOMEN’S LOCKER ROOM AND/OR I’M WAITING TO FIND OUT WHEN I CAN SUBMERGE MY SCARS SO I CAN GO TO BARTON SPRINGS AND INTRODUCE MY CHEST TO THE WORLD BC I BOUGHT A NEW SWIM SUIT BUT I’M NERVOUS ABOUT WEARING IT/BEING SHIRT LESS AT THE Y OR ANYWHERE BY MYSELF

I’M VERY STRESSED OUT

[duhmayo]

nsf facebook

side note: i made other jewish friends it’s like a whole thing bc friendship makes me crazy as y’all know but that’s a whole other post for another night

 ugh my jew friends keep having like philosophical conversations about different concepts of god and they're like "lemme know if im making you feel bad bc yr an atheist" and like i don't feel bad about my atheism or like i should believe in something but i feel like i can't participate in these convos without sounding like a nihilistic curmudgeon like, they're all like "what if god is chaos" and i'm like "i think chaos is chaos and we're all gonna die and nothing will matter and god doesn't exist so who cares if god does or doesn't care about you" and in a weird way that's my belief but bc it's a non belief it sounds like im being combative which is like one of my main insecurities

so this is irritating but idk if i’m being irrationally upset or if there’s anything i’m supposed to be doing or saying or feeling differently

but yea i should post about how new friendships bring out all that textbook bpd stuff but i don’t have the energy for that

[duhmayo]

I still can’t fucking believe this happened.

Dr. Peter Raphael. Plano, TX. 1/5/17.

This pic is 1 day post op (double incision w/ lateral liposuction; no drains).

[duhmayo]

3am not for facebook post

thinking about hormones

testosterone pros:

facial hair maybe

muscles/fat distribution/overall masculinization

voice

not being perceived as a woman (as much) in public

being more visibly queer maybe

testosterone cons:

bottom growth

increased sex drive maybe

no more baby soft fountain of youth type skin

mood changes

fear of change in general

not liking my new voice

body hair

coming out in a visible way to family

only passing as male in public

afraid of needles

cost

[duhmayo]

I’ve only got one this year.

[duhmayo]

i forgot about this. 

my partner and i are moving to new york in may. 

i finished a paralegal certificate with plans to go back into the nonprofit/legal sector once we move. 

i’m 5 days post top surgery as i type this. 

[hustleformuscle-deactivated2026]

I live in a panicked state that sits somewhere between “don’t be so hard on yourself” and “success is my only option”.