Wandering Introvert

After all, I am willfully untroubled  to be wandering alone.          

[joshpeck]

the moon controlling the tides sounds like something out of a fantasy novel and yet…there she is…doing That…every day…

[purplebuddhaquotes]

“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”

— Suzanne Collins

[perrfectly]

[paipr]

pain afflicted is pain returned

[fratful-deactivated20210324]

Netflix and alone

[astound]

[duhwanderer]

One of the most painful heartbreaks

  I rarely watch Filipino movies, but there is one Filipino movie I might have watched more than 10 times: Four Sisters and a Wedding. This movie centers around four sisters who are against their baby brother getting married. I love this film because of how much it reflects my life. I have three sisters too (we are four daughters) and it's bizarre how much the personality of each character in the sister is similar with our personality. I am the second and the second daughter's personality in the movie is very similar to mine. It is quite rare to find a film that has this much similarity with your life and I guess, I found mine. 

           Aside from the personalities, this movie also reflects our relationship as sisters, especially with our fights. Well, what can you expect with four girls, with distinct personalities, living together? 

When we were younger, we fight a lot over petty things like toys, habits, and possessions. We would pull each others' hairs, threaten to call Mommy, and even hide others' favorite things. Remembering those times puts a sad smile on my face. 

         And now that we're adults (my youngest sister is 18), we rarely fight now but when we do, they're over bigger things, and the result is not a nail scratch, a reddened skin because of a pinch, or hair strands in our hands, but a much much more painful, and deeper wound. Wounds that would not take an hour or an afternoon to heal, but wounds that would take longer to heal and could still be opened again. 

        Each of us has our own struggles, and we need to be understanding of that but sometimes, selfishness comes in, and we tend to look only at ourselves, dismissing others' pains and taking them lightly. And when that happens, when my sisters and I fight, my hearts breaks every time. I love my sisters, I adore them. Having three sisters is one of the main reasons why I don't look for friends or people to hang out with. They are enough. They always have been. My heart has been broken by a boy, but you know what, I would take being hurt by a boy any day, than my heart being broken by my family. xx

[duhwanderer]

Fangirl: BTS

  I've been into Kdrama ever since Lee Min Ho had his curly hair in Boys Over Flowers but it was last year that I started listening to Kpop (korean pop). I started listening to more OSTs of the Kdramas I loved and then I started to listen to kpop groups until a certain group caught my heart last 2016: BTS. I'm super into kpop now and I love many groupsand they are the reason why I started to explore more of ans be open to this world.

          BTS (Bangtan Sonyeondan) or Bangtan Boys is a 7-member kpop boy band that debuted in 2013. Their name translates to Bulletproof Boyscouts because their goal is to protect the dreams and aspirations of the youth. The members are: Rap Monster (Kim Namjoon, born in 1994), Jin (Kim Seokjin, born in 1992), Suga (Min Yoongi, born in 1993), J-Hope (Jung Hoseok, born in 1994), Jimin (Park Jimin, born in 1995), V (Kim Taehyung, born in 1995) and Jungkook (Jeon Jungkook, born in 1997). Oh, how I love these boys.

          There are so many things I love about them: their personality, how talented they are, their looks (haha!). But my favorite thing about them is their music. They are well-known to be active and involved in writing and producing their music which is a rarity in the Kpop Industry. Their songs not only talk about love but also talk about issues experienced by the youth. The messages they deliver are very relevant today, at least for me. Their lyrics are very poetic and the music are just so good to listen to.

They have been achieving some amazing things these past years and I couldn't be prouder.

          Here are my favorite songs and I recommend that you listen to them:

1. Save Me

2. Awake

3. Tomorrow

4. Baepsae

5. Whalien 52

6. Spring Day

7. Truth Untold

8. Butterfly

9. Young Forever

10. Dead Leaves

[duhwanderer]

I'm deleting my blogger account and I'm planning on moving all of my posts there here. Decided to move back to my roots. Haha

[duhwanderer]

me before showering: i don’t want to shower

me once in the shower: i live here now

[duhwanderer]

To the one who took a path different from others

To the one who took a path different from others,

I know. We are supposed to graduate university after four years. We are supposed to finish college. We are supposed to be 'someone' by 25.

Read more…

But it didn't happen that way with you. You skipped the steps. You got ahead. It was not intentional. You just had to take another path.  And it's okay with you. You have accepted your situation.

But there are times when you are still awake at night and thoughts of "what ifs" and "should haves" enter your head. And suddenly you find yourself in a state wherein your past decisions and experiences just keep coming back to you. And the feeling of regret seems to creep in. And regrets never feel good.

There are also times when you hate browsing Facebook. You see your high school friends' life updates and also your college friends' graduation photos and you just can't help but feel sad. And here it comes again: regret tugging at your heart.

And let me tell you. You are not meant to live the same lives as others. You have your own pacing and accepting that would give you peace. God has plans for you. And let me tell you that they will be beautiful. You haven't figured it all out yet. And that's okay.

Graduating and education is a very good thing. Many people pursue it. But not having a degree does not mean that you are less than others. Life is not a competition. It's not about getting ahead and catching up. Everyone blooms differently.

So please, never regret your experiences. Your setbacks are not your failures.

Lift up your head. Smile. Move on. Choose joy.

Pursue great things. You still can.

Sincerely from a girl travelling the similar path,

Dyan

[duhwanderer]

“It is well with my soul.” When the Lord reminded me to stop being anxious of the future and just enjoy where I am now. ❤ // #reminder #tb #vsco

[duhwanderer]

MY 2016 IN A NUTSHELL

It has been 10 days we said goodbye to 2016 and when things come to an end, I always like to look back and just remember all the things that happened. So that's what I'm going to do.

As 2016 came to a close, I'd like to share with you what this year was for me.

A Year of Growth

This year was definitely full of spankings from the Lord. He revealed to me areas of my life that need to be worked on like my patience, my humility and my understanding of people. I learned to be patient with myself. There are things that I can get through easily but there are things that would take me time to get through. I learned to be humble especially when it comes to dealing with corrections and criticisms and I also learn to be more considerate of other people's feelings more.

This year, God also made me see how I am not being intentional in guarding my heart. He showed me that guarding one's heart is much more than not pursuing a relationship. It is surrendering to God and giving Him your heart. When you give your heart to God, He fills it and guards it Himself.

This was also the year that I have truly grasped what Solomon meant when he said everything is meaningless. It was such an eye-opener to truly realize that without God, everything would be meaningless. When he said everything, he meant everything.

A Year of Adulting

This year marked my first year of working as an adult. I learned to pay the bills, I started paying my taxes and helping out my family. It was definitely a learning experience for me especially regarding handling my own money.

I also turned 23 this year. I don't know what it is with this number but I felt old. I felt pressured with my age - with how I am not doing the things I am supposed to be doing, how I am not achieving the things I am supposed to be achieving, how I am not pursuing the things I thought I am supposed to be pursuing. I felt so down being 23 years old. But praise God for King Solomon, praise God for Ecclesiastes. I realized that I am not "losing " in life because life has never been a race. It is not about being ahead or being on top. True life is the one with God and I praise Him for making me see that amidst all the things I see and read.

A Year of Fangirling

This year was a good year of reading and watching korean dramas for me. I read so many good books and watched many amazing kdramas. I found a way of watching and reading without it taking over my life and schedule so truly praise God.

A Year of Embracing Change

I am the type who likes change but there are some things that I have a hard time adjusting to when they change. Some of the changes I experience this year were not being a student anymore, my sisters growing up and changing on their own and also having a job.

And one of the big changes I had this year was having a new dgroup leader. My former leader was my leader since I was 16 years old and it was truly painful and difficult having to part from her. It was tough for me to develop a relationship and opening to my new leader but in time, it improved. I am happy with our relationship now and I am looking forward to years of growth with her.

The people I spend time with also changed. I developed new relationships with people and found amazing friendships as well.

And finally, A Year of Heartbreaks and Letting Go's

Letting go is never easy. There were many things I had to let go this year: my dreams, hobbies like booktube-ing and relationships.

It was painful to let go of the things that God told me to let go but He told me that I ought to just trust Him. And that I did. Letting of my dreams and letting God control that area of my life was like difficult but I had to do it.

But the most heartbreaking thing that happened to me this year was people leaving me because of me. It didn't only happen once but it happened many times this year. It was painful hearing how I caused those people to leave. It was like I was slapped in the face many times but my face is not getting numb. My relationships with some people got broken and it was because of me.

But experiencing these things helped me value more my time with people, made me realize how much I need to be intentional and to take care of my relationship with them. With God's help I promise to be a better friend, leader, sister and daughter.

2016 was a year of many things. I am grateful for the 2016 that God gave inspite of all the slaps in the faces I had. I am ready for 2017 and I am looking forward to what God has in store for me. It’s late but Happy New Year everyone!

[duhwanderer]

23 THINGS I LEARNED AT 23

I turn 23 last August 2016 and as 2016 closed, I thought I'd share little nuggets of learning that I got ahold of during 23 years of living this awesome God-given life. <3

NOTHING, and I mean literally nothing, is ever worth living for without Jesus.

You can aim for big things and great things and amazing things in life but if those "big", "great" and "amazing things" do not involve God then you might as well  be aiming for nothing.

Things will not work out as perfectly as you imagined them to be.

Be thankful you are not in control of your life, that would be chaotic. Praise God He is in control.

If you want to be wise in your decisions, abide in God's Word.

Never take sin lightly. No matter how "small" it is.

I used to always want to be on top and to be ahead. But life is not a competition.

Coffee, ketchup, and light bulb: best inventions in the planet.

I've been in an apathetic state before and let me tell you that it' is one of the most dangerous places to be in. Don't be afraid to care. Care deeply.

You can conquer anything if you work hard on it. Even math. :)

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Abide yourself in His word and your desires will be consistent with His will.

Forgive. Your heart will suffer from the weight unforgiveness.

People will disappoint you. You will disappoint people. Don't use disappointments as reasons to not love people.

No matter how much you don't like it, you will work with people so might as well accept it and be good at it.

You are responsible of your decisions. Never blame others for a decision that you made.

Always work hard to find joy amidst all the trials. It's always there.

Being an introvert is not a reason to be rude, to be aloof and to not connect with people. Be a reflector of Jesus.

Prioritize things.

Just because everybody's doing it, doesn't mean it's right.

Budgeting money and having financial literacy is important. [I'm still learning.]

Stop giving God excuses why you can't do it. When Jesus invites you to walk on water with Him, then walk on water with Him.

"Where your heart is, there your treasure will be also." Fill your heart with Jesus and guard it.

Never be satisfied with where you are now. Learning never stops. Keep on learning from God and enjoy your journey with Him.

Praise and thank God for this amazing 23 years! Cheers to Him for never giving up on me! :)

[duhwanderer]

TOP 6 BOOKS OF 2016

I was in a reading roll at the start of this year but when I started watching korean dramas and working more, I slowed down but still I read some pretty amazing books this year. This list was quite easy to make since I have read some phenomenal books.

Here are the top 6 books I've read!

6. WHEN WE COLLIDED by Emery Lord

This book is one of the best I've read that surrounds the depression/illness themes. The characters especially Vivi are very alive. The personality of the characters are very distinct and overflowing and I just fell in love with them. The book is not perfect, I had some problems with it but despite of that I enjoyed my experience very much. The ending is bittersweet but it was satisfying at the same time.

5. BLACKMOORE by Julianne Donaldson

   I love the romance in this book. The characters especially the main is very flawed and I loved that very much. I read this books 3 times this year because I just love it so much! The main male character here is just very swoon worthy. Anyway, it was lovely. Henry and Kate I love their childhood friendship that budded into romance and the regency setting made it all better.

4. THE WRATH AND THE DAWN and 3. THE ROSE AND THE DAGGER by Renee Ahdieh

I cannot find the right words to describe my experience with reading this duology. It is just so good. So good. Soooo goooood! The main female character is one of my favorite female characters ever! The plot did not disappoint one bit and it has everything I want in fantasy romance novel. The writing was beautiful. I wish I had more of this world.

2. A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES and 1. A COURT OF MIST AND FURY by Sarah J. Maas

If I could rate this with 100 stars, I would. This is my first time reading a fantasy set in a fae world and it was refreshing. The first book, ACOTAR was so spectacular. It was so good that I had my worries about the next one but oh boy, the sequel: ACOMAF was outstanding. It was way way way better than the first one. Sarah J Maas definitely knows how to develop a very flawed redeemable character. WIll Herondale used to be fave male character but it seems he has competition in Rhysand. <3

_______

If you haven't read this books yet, I recommend that you read them. I enjoyed all of them and I am excited for 2017 and all the books I am about to devour!

[duhwanderer]

TOP 6 KDRAMAS OF 2016

2016 is the year I got into kdramas so much and into kpop too when I started listening to OSTs of kdramas that I like. I enjoyed so many dramas this year (I watched about 25 dramas). While the top 5 books were easy to determine, the top 5 kdramas were very difficult.

But now, here are my top 6 kdramas in 2016:

6. W (Two Worlds) starring Lee Jong Suk and Han Hyo Joo

I love fantasy dramas and this one is did the genre well. I love the mystery and the way the plot keeps you guessing. I enjoyed the complicated storyline and I am so happy to have watched it this year. It was sooo goood!!!

Fave OST: Draw a Love by NAVI (Ost part 8) and You and Me by Ahn Yeon Jong (OST part 7)

5. Something About 1% starring Ha Seok Jin and Jeon So Min

I love love the romance in this one. I have watched so many complicated and dark dramas this year so this one was a breathe of fresh air. I love the main characters' interactions with each other. No heavy dramas. Just simple and sweet.

Fave OST: Love Therapy by Na Yoon Kwon

4. Romantic Doctor, Teacher Kim starring Han Suk Kyu, Yoo Yeon Sook & Seo Hyun Jin

This one is a little different from the dramas in this list because this is still ongoing. I am currently watching this and I am very much enjoying it. Every episode is action and drama-packed. This is the first medical drama I have watched and my favorite thing about this drama are the very flawed main characters. All the main characters are not cookie-cutter perfect. They each have something they need to deal with and I love that. And I must say, that this drama has the best pilot episode ever. Episode one was so good, I wanted to get my hands on episode two the second it ended.

Fave OST: Because It's You by Lee Hyun (OST part 1)

3. Descendants of the Sun starring Song Joong Ki & Song Hye Kyo, Jin Goo & Kim Ji Won

This one took me by surprise. I didn't expect to love it but I. Loved. It. So. Much. The main characters and the cinematography are my favorite points of this drama. The plot is not that unique but there's something about it that draws you in. The main couple are charming. Song Joong Ki is very handsome. But I was obsessed with the second couple. I was invested in their story. Jin Goo is bae. Haha! But all in all, this drama deserve the success, the hype and the high ratings. It was so good.

Fave OST: Everytime by Chen x Punch (OST part 2) and This Love by DAVICHI (OST part 3)

2. Reply 1988 Starring Hyeri, Ryu Joon Yeol, Park Bo Gum, Ko Gyung Po & Lee Dong Hwi

I decided to watch this drama because of Park Bo Gum and I'm happy I did it. This is probably my most favorite drama ever. It is one of the few dramas that truly hit me home. This is not only about romance but about family and friendships too. I love ALL the characters. I love the dorky main female. I love the comedy, the friendship and also the interactions between the families. Every episode is 90 minutes long but I didn't care. I cried and laughed every episode and I wanted more. This is the most heartwarming drama ever and I will not never forget this. Outstanding. I rate this with all the stars in the universe.

Fave OST: A Little Girl by Oh Hyuk (OST part 3) and Sangmundong by Park Boram (OST part 4)

1. Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo starring Lee Joon Gi and IU

It was a tough choice between Reply 1988 and Scarlet Heart but I decided to put this on the top spot because this one broke my heart. It was sad that this drama didn't get high ratings in Korea because it was so good. The family drama, the political intrigue and the cinematography are so good. I felt like I was watching Game of Thrones (korean version). The plot drew me in as well as the characters. The ending was heartbreaking but at the same time it was satisfying. I super duper enjoyed this drama. I was hungover so much that I didn't enjoy Kim Bok Joo and Legend of the Blue Sea. This gave me a roller coaster of feels. Love it so much!

Fave OST: Say Yes by Loco and Punch (OST part 2) and All With You by Taeyeon (OST part 5)

*Special Mention: GOBLIN starring Gong Yoo, Lee Dong Wook and Kim Go Eun

    I was debating whether to include this in the list or not because if I did, this would be in the top spot. But I decided not to since there are only 6 episodes out. I was so hungover with Scarlet Heart and this one removed me from the slump. It is so good. The plotline is very unique. It is something I've never encountered before. The actors are amazing. And the quality of each episode is leagues higher than many kdramas. Fantasy is my favorite genre and this one is doing the genre justice. The cinematography is outsanding too. I felt like I am watching a movie every episode. Definitely a great drama and I am excited for more next year.

________________________

That's it for my top 6 kdramas in 2016. I enjoyed many dramas this year and hoping for more amazing dramas next year! :)

[willfollowjesus]