Dumb Shit Musicians Say

The kind of nonsense that I hear in various musical situations and rehearsals

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

We’ll be right back right after a short [drink of] wine! I mean break!

—Singer at the interval of a gig

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

I’m so glad that the 1 brain cell that the whole trumpet section shares has clocked out today

- Tenor sax

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

Hi folks! If I have any teacher/tutor friends I could use some advice. All of my students (all between ages 10-12) have independently said they have had problems/get confused when like the stems/bars flip (after middle line “B” on the treble staff). For example

I’ve never encountered this problem and I never had this problem when I was learning and I don’t like telling kids to “just practice, you’ll get used to it” I’d like to find something more helpful to say to them. I’ve been saying stuff like ‘what if we try to ignore the bars and just read the dots’ but yeah. If anyone has had a similar experience I’d love to hear it

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

MD: Do we wanna tune?

Trombone 1: Why start now?

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

*at a juniors concert*

MD: How many of you out there want to play the trombone!?

*trumpet section raises their hands*

MD: Wow! Most of the kids and the whole trumpet section

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

Hullo musician friends!! Id love some insight! I’m writing up some “tips and tricks” sheets for some of my tutoring students and the current one I’m working on is for sight-reading. 

Other than just practicing sight-reading I’ve tried explaining that what helps me is thinking about an order of importance when you are handed a piece of music and told “play now” because my brain tends to overcomplicate things. For example I make sure to check the key/time signature and the end (D.S/D.C/tag/rit/etc) then my order of importance (TO ME) is the rhythm, the actual notes (minus accidentals (again this is just me but I have to simplify my brain down to “just read the dots” sometimes)), expression marks, dynamics, then everything else if I can think of it. 

BUT I don’t wanna be sharing this with students if it’s a skewed idea of what the majority would rank. 

I know I wanna keep rhythm first because I think it shows a lot of promise if you can hit the rhythms on a first play through. But if anyone has any insight into how you would order the importance of other performance aspects while sight reading (eg. pitch, dynamics, expression marks(articulation/ornamentation/etc), musicality, phrasing, even breath support or tone and shit). Im a brass player but if any non mouth instrument players have rankings like bowing or use of the pedal that would be good to know too. Thanks lads!

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

Do you guys have a license for those flutes?

-1st Trombone to the sax section (doubling on flute)

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

I think the mic static should be added to the show’s program, it’s had such a big part [of the whole season]

—Trumpet player

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

[MD] you have the best poker face. “What do you mean? This is the same tempo it’s been the whole time!”

—Keys 2, on the last show of a musical

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

It’s poetic, that’s what we’re going for

—MD, after we played a shit tune

[no-pretence-of-something]

Hi guys! I am so sorry for the long post. I have adhd and I know if I saw this I would skim past but if you have migraines or know lots about migraine treatment PLEASE READ I’m getting super desperate now. I’ve had chronic headaches for about 10 years and chronic migraines for about 7. For me this means I get at least 1 headache every single day (that will not respond to normal OtC painkillers except sometimes aspirin) and about 3-10 migraines in a fortnight (recently this has been closer to a migraine every day or every other day).

I’ve been prescribed:

Propranolol (as a preventative)

— something about relaxing blood vessels

Topamax

—theres apparently an idea of treating the migraines as mini seizures

Imigran/Relpax

—taken when I get a migraine (works about 80% of the time if I am also able to lie down in the dark and do nothing for a few hours after taking it. If not drops to working about 50% of the time)

The tests/treatments I’ve done to investigate the cause of the migraine (sometimes done as an aside to another issue):

Brain scan, eye test, hearing test, dentist(TMJ pain), chiro (got an upper back and neck scan), blood test (low iron but no change since taking iron) and other shit that I can’t remember. I’m also booked in for a neurologist but not till September.

I’m a musician (trumpet and composer) and I often have to miss rehearsals and starting to miss shows and I’m doing more musicals/productions and those kind of settings (noise, hours, focus, cramped) tend to trigger migraines and saying that it’s starting to bum me out is a bit of an understatement haha if anyone has any advice I’d love to hear it

Edit: (Additional Info)

Imma keep listing things I’ve done to try and improve my headaches/migraines with varying results

-drink more water (probs helped)

-drink electrolytes (too soon to tell/I might be placebo-ing myself into thinking it’s working)

-get those ice hat things (sometimes works but also only after I have a migraine)

-air purifier (who knows)

-meditation (helps me sleep?)

-put plants in my room (who knows in terms of air quality but the plants are nice)

-humidifier (sinuses are less dry?)

-sinus wash thing (who knows)

-somnilight migraine glasses and fl-41 glasses (seem to help a bit?)

-blue light glasses (who knows/maybe a placebo)

-weird pressure point things that go on the webbing bit in between my thumb and pointer (nope)

[no-pretence-of-something]

Hi guys! I am so sorry for the long post. I have adhd and I know if I saw this I would skim past but if you have migraines or know lots about migraine treatment PLEASE READ I’m getting super desperate now. I’ve had chronic headaches for about 10 years and chronic migraines for about 7. For me this means I get at least 1 headache every single day (that will not respond to normal OtC painkillers except sometimes aspirin) and about 3-10 migraines in a fortnight (recently this has been closer to a migraine every day or every other day).

I’ve been prescribed:

Propranolol (as a preventative)

— something about relaxing blood vessels

Topamax

—theres apparently an idea of treating the migraines as mini seizures

Imigran/Relpax

—taken when I get a migraine (works about 80% of the time if I am also able to lie down in the dark and do nothing for a few hours after taking it. If not drops to working about 50% of the time)

The tests/treatments I’ve done to investigate the cause of the migraine (sometimes done as an aside to another issue):

Brain scan, eye test, hearing test, dentist(TMJ pain), chiro (got an upper back and neck scan), blood test (low iron but no change since taking iron) and other shit that I can’t remember. I’m also booked in for a neurologist but not till September.

I’m a musician (trumpet and composer) and I often have to miss rehearsals and starting to miss shows and I’m doing more musicals/productions and those kind of settings (noise, hours, focus, cramped) tend to trigger migraines and saying that it’s starting to bum me out is a bit of an understatement haha if anyone has any advice I’d love to hear it

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

Can we go from 4 bars before the 5th bar of “B”

—MD

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

1st Trumpet: Quick! Think small thoughts

4th Trumpet: I’ll do you one better and think NO thoughts

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

What’s your favorite violin concerto? :)

I’m gonna be real with you my dude I havent study/listened to many (any) violin concertos since high school because I went to uni to study jazz performance and eventually composition BUT one of the only 2 pieces I remember studying from high school was Mendelssohn’s violin concerto in E minor. I constantly get the opening theme stuck in my head haha what a banger. What’s your fav? Maybe you could give me some recommendations?

[catsbeaversandducks]

[aeolianblues]

@dumbshitmusicianssay more doing than saying here but I figured you’d like this

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

@aeolianblues my intrusive thoughts are like “blast kitty like a cannon”

[dumbshitmusicianssay]

Saxes, you are all so lucky I’m drugged to the eyeballs on cold meds and I can’t get mad at you.

—Uni big band MD who was very sick and stressed (she is also a sax player)