Dumb Things Smart People Say

The conversations on this site have all happened. Each person is named after a person from history or a fictional character whose personality is similar enough that one can understand the speakers without actually having met them. And Introducing: John Smith Benito Mussolini Pocahontas Boo Radley Kurt Cobain Jerry Garcia Andy Warhol Jackie Kennedy Friedrich Nietzsche

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

You guys I'm so vegan I just... hate pets now.

Kafka

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

Does he love you? Does he love you? Will he hold your tiny face within his hands?

Yes. And he married me. -TwainI don’t know. -SteinI don’t think I’m ready for that. -Virgin MaryWhat? -Faulkner

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

You're, like, the devil's advocate of having fun.

Cory Matthews (DTSPS)

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

Southern comfort

Gertrude Stein: I haven't spent that much time in the South but because I'm from Ohio I feel like I'm kinda close...

Kafka: Like a cheap side dish to the South.

Stein: Exactly! Ohio is definitely the cheap side dish of the South.

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

Okay I'm getting lemons instead of limes because the limes aren't organic.

Kafka

[rahthesungod]

You know what he’s doing in this picture? Peaking in high school.

Cory Matthews (DTSPS)

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

I would get mad smoking joints because of all the wasted smoke. This is what happens when a Jew has a drug problem.

Cory Matthews (DTSPS)

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

When you make one-off DnD games to get laid.

Han Solo: I dunno how hard Drow are to help Han Solo: *fight Han Solo: I have been drinking. Maybe fighting drow is helping them? They're kinda into that. Stein: help, fight, same thing Stein: are you planning on adding a BDSM bit or something Han Solo: I mean, not unless things go very, very well

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

Sometimes I'm like: I will buy whatever it takes from Panera, just to use their bathroom.

Faulkner

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

Whiskey and water are an ideal pairing. You really shouldn't drink water any other way. Wait.

Faulkner makes a Freudian slip.

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

Why must shitting always be an adventure?

Mark Twain (DTSPS)

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

Facebook wants me to consider donating sperm. It's like it has a meter on my relationship status.

Bea Arthur

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

This song really brought Batman Forever together

Bea Arthur, when hearing Kiss From a Rose by Seal

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

Hell hath no fury like bangs.

Virgin Mary (dtsps)

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

Along those lines: is it weird that I've always considered Tylenol masculine and Advil feminine

Virgin Mary (dtsps)

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

Ah.

William Faulkner [1057PM] : I do hope she's happy. She deserves to be happy.

William Faulkner [1057PM] : Well.

William Faulkner [1057PM] : But.

William Faulkner [1057PM] : I love you.

William Faulkner [1100PM] : And all of a sudden I don't like potatoes anymore.

[dumbthingssmartpeoplesay]

A Message From Bea Arthur:

Not an uncommon occurance if you are me:

Sometimes I go a whole day feeling like I have something in my eye. First I rub the offended eye. When that doesn't work I try to blink it out while gazing around like a spooked horse. When that doesn't work, I lightly pinch my lashes looking for one in the process of falling out. When THAT doesn’t work I flush my eyes with water. When even THAT doesn't work, I remember that my body grows hair like a mangy werewolf and check the neighboring eyebrow region. The plot thickens!  

More often than seems reasonable on behalf of my genetics I find that I have an up to THREE INCH long eyebrow hair that has decided to curl itself away from it's fellows, has pierced the barrier of my lashes, and has set about with feeble persistence to blind me.

My body hates me. It doesn't hate me as much as that of a person with a chronic disease, congenital deformity, or like, a vagina, but it does throw temper tantrums just often enough to remind me that life is largely a string of tedious inconveniences occassionally punctuated by moments of mind-altering awe and feverish bewilderment.  

Thanks for unnecessarily humbling me you keratinous javelin-like bastard. Damn you and the brow ridge you rode in on!