dummy thicc wizard

[vampirefoxes]

SEXUALLY UNSATISFIED GIRAFFE

[clovus328]

There is NO reason for Peter to have ALL THAT back there

[weirdviataste]

I swear I was threatened into drawing this!

[thesuperevilwizardblog]

I'm running low on the purple dwarf mushrooms I use conjure wifi so I need to cut back on scrolling my orb

[eldritchbong]

went to eat some buldak noodles so i have something on my belly before the adderall spell manifests an effect. a tick summoned itself upon the cup rim and into the carbohydrate sea. i had to dispose of the dish in full. seething

[astriskssketchbook]

Pipe wizard be smoking the cosmic kush.

His name is Frankie

[sunderwight]

Evil wizard tasteful pin-up magazine but it's all photos of like, skinny old goths coyly fingering cursed amulets, long-bearded sorcerers doing the 'oopsie' pose as their corrosive destruction spell destroys enough of their own robes to show some skin, naked desiccated lich king positioning his staff of human skulls just so it leaves something to the imagination, dark knights in full armor just holding their soul-eating blades out in front of their codpieces, orc chieftain who did not understand the assignment and is posing with a monster he killed like one of those guys-with-fish photos. Or maybe he DID understand the assignment. Hmm.

[rahatlin]

@evilwizard are you in that?

[dummythiccwizard]

I have been in a number of tasteful wizard lineup magazines. I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY SOMEHOW MY ASS IS TOO FAT FOR MY SPELLS TO WORK SOMETIMES!!!!

DONT @ ME!!!!

[dummythiccwizard]

the empire is putting chemicals in the flowers that are making the goblins straight?

[emmalockley]

Tell me you’ve never handled a cursed book before without telling me you’ve never handled a cursed book before

Wait you can’t because you got cursed

[emmalockley]

All I’m saying is that vomiting squirrels is a pretty classic curse, and if you’re not ready for it then you probably shouldn’t be in an arcane library

[the-quasar-hero]

It’s SO obvious that some of y’all are incredibly mad that my wizard hat is bigger and supremely balanced.

[schakira]

okay... i can still see the folds on your wizard robe... iron it.

[the-quasar-hero]

Now I know you ain’t talking with ya dusty ass grimoire. That bad boy is held together with scotch tape, spit, and faith. Helpful hint: you want the spines of your enemies to break, not your magical tomes.

[schakira]

no cause it's really cute hearing that from you when last i checked your grimoire isn't being passed down from generation to generation. i know you got it from walmart with your dollar store lookin ass staff. you can keep your hint.

[the-quasar-hero]

I just think it’s funny you think anything that isn’t dusted and busted like your grimoire is somehow less authentic, when the reality is you a broke ass wizard who can’t get your coin up! You gotta use hand-me-downs cuz no king wants to make use of your services! Maybe you should dress like this isn’t the third century and ppl would visit your sad lil’ wizard tower. Your grimoire so old I bet that shit got spells to deal with dinosaurs. I got a spell in mine to make wifi anywhere. Oh, and I know you ain’t talking about staffs when you carry around that plywood looking ass shit. You tryna conjure forth a Home Depot employee?

[schakira]

you scroll-stuffing spell stealing nasty little SLUT

[the-quasar-hero]

Nuh-uh, bitch, try again.

[entguarde]

And I’m supposed to listen to you two when you both wear TRAFFIC CONE HATS?? Hate to tell you this buds, but I do think that the plastic hat kinda matches y’all’s plastic fashion taste and y’all’s plastic ass spells.

Yours truly, the wizard frog

[schakira]

DO NOT INTERRUPT US

[afrophunk]

You talk all this mess about wizard hats, and yet I don't ever see you wearing one 🤔

[the-quasar-hero]

FYM?

[afrophunk]

That's just a purple traffic cone

Ain't got no class

No drip

Just goofy-

[the-quasar-hero]

FYM?

[afrophunk]

GUCCI be selling $300 bathroom sandals

Still look goofy in that GUCCI

[the-quasar-hero]

Hmmm, yes counterpoint:

DIE

[3000s]

i'd truly be fucked in her situation because rumpelstiltskin is not a name that would come to mind for me

[3000s]

to be honest i forgot he did that

[7dmom]

i can sense that I am not the only warrior of light in this popeyes bathroom

[stjohnstarling]

No… not the serum *I start slowly and horribly transforming into an unspoiled wetland*

[the-muppet-joker]

Absorbing all of the period cramps of all of my followers. You're welcome, females. You're welcome, theys. You're welcome, brotherhood. Menstrating for ALL OF YOU.

[goat-paradox]

My friend told me to do it and I couldn't say no

[facts-i-just-made-up]