So, I've been putting off answering the Dark Urge questions about Alste for a very long time now (thanks to @durgeappreciation / @optimisticgrey for tagging me🖤), but I think it's finally time to catch up. This will probably take 2-3 posts.
1. When did your Durge first realize that violence wasn't a normal instinct? Was there a specific moment, or did they always know?
"Violence isn't a normal instinct? Whatever is abnormal about it, dear?"
Alste has never considered her violent impulses abnormal. To her, they are simply a natural consequence of Bhaal's blood running through her veins, or perhaps one of the side effects of blood magic.
2. What physical sensations accompany the Urge? Nausea? Fear? Excitement?
Before the events of the game, Alste handles the Urge perfectly well. She feeds it freely and delights in its presence.
"The air grows heavier. Scents become sharper. A shiver runs down your spine before intoxicating warmth floods your veins. It teases every nerve. It makes you smile in anticipation. It promises the warmth of blood on your fingers, the taste of copper and fear on your tongue, and the almost painful ecstasy that will bloom deep inside you and wash over you with your victim's final heartbeat. It whispers that only a single stroke of the blade stands between you and that beautiful feeling.
After nautiloid, however, Alste tries to suppress the Urge. She fails rather spectacularly. The effort is accompanied by nausea, disorientation, and, most importantly, fear. Losing control becomes her greatest terror.
3. What frightens your Durge more: what they remember or what they don't?
What she doesn't remember.
Alste's amnesia leads her into several serious mistakes during Act One. By Act Two, when she begins finding traces of her past actions almost everywhere she turns, she starts treating the world around her like a minefield.
4. Does your Durge believe they were once a good person?
5. Does your Durge feel guilt for violent thoughts, even without acting on them?
6. Does your Durge see themselves as a monster trying to be good or a good soul being punished?
7. Is control over the Urge worth the constant suffering? Wouldn't it be easier to just give in?
Alste's rejection of Bhaal began long before the events of the game.
To be honest, she would have made a far better Chosen of Bane.😅
The way she kills has very little in common with Orin's mindless theatrics. Alste works from carefully selected lists of targets tied to money, personal gratification, and useful material for her blood magic research.
She's not stupid, and Bhaal's grand vision of "the death of all things" raised far too many questions.
The final break comes during her time as Kressa's favorite experiment in Moonrise Towers. From that point onward, Alste chooses to rely only on herself. Not just rejecting Bhaal, but gradually rejecting every god without exception.
To surrender now would mean betraying her own convictions and abandoning a path she chose for herself.
And she will continue resisting until her final breath.
8. What scares your Durge more: obedience or rebellion?
9. Does your Durge feel like a danger to the party?
I hear them everywhere. Steady. Rapid. Thick as sludge. Boiling like tar in a cauldron.
Because of her blood magic, Alste can hear the heartbeats of her companions.
The sound keeps her awake. It irritates her. It slowly wears away at her patience.
And from there, it is only a very short step to wanting to make everything around her quiet.
For that reason, the only companion who is truly safe sleeping beside Alste is Astarion.
(yep,i found something veeery old))
10. What did your Durge do to calm themselves after their first kill?
After her very first kill, which happened in childhood during the slaughter of those who raised her within Kiaransalee's cult in Ched Nasad, Alste spent a long time staring at the city's magical lights.
They had always fascinated her.
She also finds comfort in keeping her hands occupied, turning small objects over between her fingers.
After Alfira's death, however, the victim of this habit became Astarion's hair.
To be fair, he didn't seem particularly bothered by it)
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