s u r v i v e

səˈvʌɪv/verb continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship. The content on this blog is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

[duskyverses]

my heart’s breaking, every time i see those sweet words, uttered all for her; wishing so dearly they were for me. i’m not even sure if my heart has a right to be breaking at all. neon pink lights and bitten pink lips, that’s all we ever were. so who the fuck am i to be acting like this? to be shedding these tears to these sad love songs, all for you.

you were never my glittery pink dreams to begin with; you were always hers // moonchild // odes to seoul #2

[duskyverses]

Do you ever wonder, maybe lonely souls aren’t meant to shine? That they’re only meant to merge with this universe because that’s where they truly belong?

- it’s 5AM and I can’t fall asleep // anticativist

[duskyverses]

neon pink lights, bitten pink lips; you’re so soft and sinful and simple…uncannily so. whether we’re kissing under the moonlight or smoking together on those dingy stairs, nothing is a game with you; i get exactly what’s on the surface. see dealing with toxic things is what i’ve perfected, but you? darling you are something else; you’re what my glittery pink dreams were made of. a sassy companion, a friendly foe, all rolled into one sweet, soft pink candy.

pink was the colour of us // moonchild // odes to seoul #1

[duskyverses]

this year has been one of the most exhausting years of my life as well as an intense mental/emotional roller coaster. reading your posts makes me feel slightly better. thank you.

hello love,

this has to be one of the best messages we’ve received ever since this blog was started. we’ve both been so caught up in our lives recently but this blog was started as a comfort to the both of us, as a means to let out our emotions and to now see that its helped someone else is so so fucking wonderful. so thank you. and we really hope you’re doing better now.

lots of love and kisses from the both of us <3

[duskyverses]

I don’t think of you as often as I used to, don’t let myself cry over you as often, don’t see the ghosts of you in the crowds as often; But some days, months apart from each other, I still do. God….to think I couldn’t imagine a future that you weren’t a part of once upon a time. And despite the fact that I survived just fine with this gaping hole in my heart, despite the fact that I laughed, cried and made new memories with this pain crawling under my skin, its still on the tip of my tongue; “I still love him” I could move across the ocean or across the universe itself and it would still be there, right underneath the surface.

Some days I feel so fucking empty without you baby, won’t you come visit me in my twisted little dreamland just once? // moonchild

[duskyverses]

Sometimes I wonder if you ever wonder where we are or how we are doing. I wonder if you know if you think of the times we spent, the things we saw you through, the words you said. I wonder if you wonder like I do. I wonder if you remember what I look like. I wonder if you remember what you looked like when you weren’t this hollow shell. I wonder if you even remember who you are anymore.

empty, hollow shell // moonchild 

[duskyverses]

i hope that wherever you are,     the clouds bring you the peace you’re searching for.

[duskyverses]

“I have always been the kind of person who listens to everyone else’s story. I gently nudge them into lightening the weight on their shoulders. I like hearing about their lives. What makes them smile, what makes them cry. What hurts them, what gives them butterflies. I open the door to my comfort zone and let them take off their suit of armour for a bit. But sometimes I wonder if in this love for listening to others, I never learnt to tell them about myself or if they never really bothered to ask? It is difficult even for me to understand how I ever reached a point where I became more comfortable spilling my thoughts on a piece of paper for a thousand strangers to read, than sharing what I feel with those in the same physical space as me. I still love listening to stories, I just wish someone would want to listen to mine too.”

— how did I manage to feel unsafe in the safe place I built for others // .a.c.

[duskyverses]

You're a beautiful person. Have a nice night. :)

Hey love,You are beautiful too ♥️Thank you for this warm ask and take good care of yourself.

[duskyverses]

Not an ask, just wanted to say thank you for your Tumblr 💛 it's helped me through a bunch of stuff

Hey lovely ♥️ Thank you for sending this is in. It makes us kind of glad that our words are helping someone through a difficult time. We hope you’re doing okay now. Please take good care of yourself.

Much love

[duskyverses]

Daily reminder:  You are allowed to feel the pain; the wound is still fresh in your mind. Allow yourself to feel the anger, the heartache, the hopelessness, the anxiety, the sting of broken trust, the resentment, the pure hatred.  Feel it all and feel it fiercely. Feel that shit and when the time comes, let it all fucking go. Let it go and set yourself free

the time will come // a.b

[duskyverses]

I have always regretted not recognising toxic symptoms before they manifested into emotional abuse, I always thought that things would be drastically different if I had just been able to see the reality on time. But last night, even with my heart wanting to burst out of my chest and my lungs wanting to collapse, I recognised it, that tone of desperation coupled with manipulation, their need of validation surpassing any thoughts of my well-being. I recognised a symptom, shouldn’t things be drastically different now? The reality though, is that the aftermath was just as lonely as before, it still felt like salt water burning my lungs from the inside, it still made me question every single person’s loyalty to me, it still made me feel like I deserve this, like I don’t deserve to be a person but just a toy to play with, just a thing to fulfil someone’s need of validation, to be their scapegoat. So I’m left to wonder, what the fuck is the point anyway?

excerpts from my therapy notebook #1 // a.b

[duskyverses]

“I may be the worst but you’re involved in all the best parts of me” “Why are you back?” “Because I still love you” “You said that love was merely a fairytale we spun around in our heads” “But you are worth it, if anyone is” “I would have left everything and everyone I knew for you. Would you ever have considered doing it for me?” “I am leaning towards a no” “Then I’m not worth it, if anyone is” “I will always love you in one way or another” “You never really did, not enough to make a change” “Maybe you’re lucky I fucked it up, we wouldn’t have worked out anyway” “Make up your mind” “Please don’t stop talking to me like you do, it’s all I have got left” “You need to make changes in your life. You can’t go on like this forever” “Now I feel like shit talking to you, so I will let you go”

the last conversation with my first love; excerpts from a book i’ll never write #26 // a.b (via duskyverses)

[duskyverses]

22 years old, alive and breathing, bones and blood, but I’m an empty vessel for my hurting heart. My mind is always stuck in the past. My soul is always reliving a memory. I say I’ve moved on, grown up, let it go, forgotten all about it, but truth to be told I’m always stuck in history. There are these moments that have clung onto me so desperately that I can’t move past them, these instances that have left me so devastated I’ve lost pieces of my being to them; hollow body, fruitless tears, desolate mind. I’m here now, but my mind is always stuck in that bedroom, on that bed, under those covers. I live my life reliving that violation of trust. I’m here now, but my mind is always on that rooftop, realising my father chose his family over his little girl. I live my life reliving that betrayal. I’m here now, but my mind is always on that swing at 3am, promises of forever turning to ashes in that warm summer night. I live my life reliving that heartbreak. My body may be here, but my soul is lost somewhere in the past; still shaping me up to this day.

its difficult to realise just how much of who you are stems from these brief moments in history // a.b

[duskyverses]

This account is so amazing idk how you can write so poetically about my own struggles, thank you.

This is possibly the sweetest ask we’ve ever gotten, thank you for sending this 💕

[duskyverses]

I’ve dreamt about you just once. It was the warmest I have ever felt in my sleep. It was that same comforting sensation of drinking hot cocoa on a cold night. I’ve dreamt about him countless times – the one who was my one and only. And in those dreams everything was always perfect; except for the lack of your warmth

im not sure if i ever want to dream ever again // .a.c.

[duskyverses]

You think you have overcome your past; that you’re never going to let it affect you again; that you’ve crossed the pitch black tunnel and the light of day is almost there. You think you’re invincible for not going back to old unhealthy coping mechanisms that cut right through your skin. You think you’ve won.  You start to truly believe that you’re going to be okay and all it takes is one trigger from when you were 11 years to break you.

and this terrifies me because I don’t know how many more nights I can shrivel up in my shell and convince myself that this is just temporary // .a.c.