It has been pointed out often that depression lies to you, but less often is mention made of how incredibly convincing it is. It will lie to you in such a way that it presupposes another lie. "If you go to this event it will make people less happy because youre there" may be a lie, but its one that relies on the idea that your friends actually dislike or even pity you. If you cant shake both lies, it gets so much harder to shake either.
Then it offers things that feel so comfortable, even when you know theyre bad. Dissociation is a state of just not feeling things, isnt that great? Self isolation means you wont be able to dissappoint or upset or hurt your friends simply by being in the room, how nice.
Even worse is when it tells you a truth, devoid of context. Maybe you have never felt so alone as when youre in a crowd, but do you recall what it was about those times, those crowds that made you feel that way?
The combination of all of these things is potent and often necessitates outside help to escape (so naturally it tries to cut off those avenues), but unfortunately I'm just in your phone, so this is all I can manage: One foot in front of the other. Try to eat something, open a window, get some sunlight, shower, even if youre not going anywhere. It helps. Do your best, even if that means just making it to tomorrow, one minute at a time. I'm holding your hand. We can get there together.
