My father loves me
You like being Ms Randone, don't you?

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@dustonmylips
My father loves me
You like being Ms Randone, don't you?
I want to be good for you
i want to be drowned in your attention, covered in it, wrapped up so tight in you that there’s no room left for doubt. i want to be gentle, i want to be better, i want to learn how to be someone you’re proud to hold. just tell me how. tell me what you need from me and i’ll shape myself around it, i’ll take every rough edge i have and soften it just for you. mold me into whatever version of me you want, i don’t care what it takes, as long as it’s you doing the shaping.
Things That Hurt When You Have Fibromyalgia That Should Not Hurt:
Blood pressure cuffs when doctors take your blood pressure.
A simple poke from someone else, especially on the tender points
Tripping over something - only mildly, not a bad trip. I trip over things and it hurts like a Bitch.
If I accidentally graze my arm or my body against a wall a bit or something, it also hurts like a Bitch. Again, I'm not talking about badly, I'm not being pushed into a wall or something.
Standing. Just for a few seconds. I actually don't know for sure if this is really a part of my fibromyalgia or actually normal for everyone. But it really fucking hurts to stand for even a few seconds.
Walking for even just an hour hurts. And the longer I walk, the worse it hurts.
The simple act of. Cooking. It hurts to hold the pots/pans, especially with one hand. I can't really lift pans/pots because I'm weak, but also it just Hurts. It hurts to mix things in the pots/pans.
(Others can feel free to add on).
Common Descriptions Of Pain When You Have Fibromyalgia:
Feeling like your whole body is bruised, or some parts of your body.
"Feels like I was in a car crash"
Stiffness, throbbing, aching, soreness, tenderness, fatigue. Your body feels exhausted, and not even necessarily that YOU feel tired, but your body feels tired.
"Feels like being stabbed with a knife"
"Like someone has taken a hammer and hammered all over my body"
"Like I'm hungover"
"Like I ran a marathon"
"Like perpetually having the flu", "Like you have a fever constantly"
“It feels like I’ve been carrying two huge buckets of water that I can’t put down.”
"Like I did a full body workout"
(Amongst many other descriptions)
Common Habits I've Developed Throughout My Life As A Result Of Having Fibromyalgia:
Constantly leaning against walls and frequently switching which foot I'm leaning on more.
Asking people if they wanted to sit down, or if they wanted a chair to sit down somewhere, because I thought they were in pain too. Them declining and me thinking "but doesn't it hurt to stand?? You've been standing for like 15 minutes, aren't you in pain??" They are not.
Constantly sitting down, and/or wanting to sit down, wishing I had a place to sit down.
Not really a habit, but I always end up freaking out a bit when I worry that I've hurt someone. I realized that I would constantly apologize to my girlfriend because I thought I hurt her accidentally (very mild things I mean, I'm not saying I fucking punch him or some shit lmfao), only for her to be confused and say that it didn't hurt. It takes conscious effort to remember that what hurts me does not hurt most other people without fibromyalgia or a different chronic pain condition.
I've had fibromyalgia for pretty much my entire life.
I believed that these things were normal for everyone.
I would look at people and watch how they'd do things like simply lifting up a box or the ways people talk about walking for hours just for fun and just not understand why they were doing it because that hurts?
Growing up, when my brother would ""lightly"" punch me, or my dad would poke me, etc., it always hurt really bad, and my brother shamed me (my brother was severely abusive in many ways, yes) and would go "oh my God, please, you're being dramatic, I didn't even punch you/poke you hard at all." I truly don't think he WAS punching me that hard, I just had fibromyalgia so it hurt like twenty times worse (I'm not excusing his behavior, by the way, I'm just explaining that things that would hurt somebody with fibromyalgia wouldn't hurt most other people without it).
I grew up constantly wishing that I could float so that I didn't have to walk or stand.
I was always aware that I had certain spots around my body that felt much more painful than other parts of my body, such as the sides of my arms, my hips, etc. I also just figured this was how it is for everyone.
If you relate to anything this post, I definitely suggest seeing a rheumatologist or a neurologist (I was diagnosed by a rheumatologist) and finding out the cause of your pain.
None of these things are "normal."
I know there's a literacy crisis or whatever but that doesn't give you the right to go after people with intellectual disabilities and people with brain fog and learning disabilities. Sometimes we need help understanding something, we might ask "dumb/obvious" questions. It doesn't mean we aren't trying to pay attention or use critical thinking. Responding to someone's question on the internet with snobby wisecracks about how the person should learn to read or go back to 1st grade is rude at best and ableist at worst. Just ignore the question if you don't want to answer. Don't flatter yourself saying how progressive you are if you turn around and make fun of your friend for asking a question after a movie.
My partner let's me pause and ask questions during shows and movies bc he loves me and wants me to enjoy what we're watching too instead of sitting there confused cause my brain couldn't catch up. Or I lost attention for a few seconds and missed something important.
Just one day out sends me to bed for three days of recovery.
Comic by howbabycomic.com. Perfect for people with chronic illnesses and disabilities
I hope honeybee-scribbles is okay, wherever they are
BUT WHEN I SLEEP YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!
sleep so much
So I dream of you
Evje, my darling
Louise Glück, from “Unpainted Door”, Poems 1962-2012
moon in speed
I always hold my breath.
All I want is someone who will stay with me for once
I just want someone who won't leave me.
I will be good. I'll do what I'm told. I'll never dare say no again.
People get tired of me and then leave, but they don't know that I am tired also but I stayed.
how many more times can I forgive