Note: English is not my native language and this is not a beta version. Sorry for all mistakes in advance. This is my little post canon story about the boys reuniting in heaven. Hope you enjoy.
Warnings: Post Canon, Pining, Wincest, Angst and Feels, Happy Ending.
Written for the 'Now It's Perfect challenge moderated by @digitalmeowmix
“What I need and what I want are two very different things.”
Victoria Aveyard, Red Queen
Dean looked at his brother, couldn’t stop staring at him. Sam looked beautiful, just as Dean remembered him to be. The long hair waved as the breeze of wind flew by. Dean’s fingers itched to tuck the single strand of hair that rested by his cheek back behind his ear. His heart ached with the need to touch and feel his brother; to check if he was really here, finally with Dean, in heaven. The long ass time that he spent just driving around felt like an eternity until Sam appeared behind him. Dean felt like the knot around his heart that he carried with every breath he took was finally released. The first thing he had done was pull Sam into a bone crushing hug, before they stood by the bridge, letting everything sink in.
Dean always thought going to Heaven and living in his memories would be the best possible outcome for him. He’d finally be at peace. Instead, the moment he stepped in heaven, he felt hollow; like he was missing a limb even if his body had made it there. There was this heavy feeling in his heart he couldn’t shake off. He didn’t know if it was possible to feel or experience feelings in heaven. Apparently, it was because he roamed around terribly missing his brother. He was waiting for Sam to show up at the same time he was dreading whether or not it would be sooner or later in time. He wanted Sam to live his life, hopefully get out of hunting, find a partner, settle down, have a few rugrats, and a house in the suburbs. The whole nine yards that Sam had initially wanted for himself. But he also wished he was the one Sam would spend his life with. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, for them to live a long happy life, retire together at the cabin in the woods. Dean was happy though, at the thought that at least one of them was able to live the life of their dreams.
The happiness wasn’t a whole hearted one though. Because deep down in his heart, Dean had always harboured feelings for his baby brother. Feelings that had no business being a part of him. He had kept them at bay, dealt with them in his own way all his life. Drinking his heartbreak away and burying his emotions so deep inside him that no one could ever coax them out, not unless he wanted to. It was wrong and dirty to want your own brother like that. Dean was a terrified teen when he first realised that what he felt for Sam was more than sibling love. He was afraid and ashamed of himself. There was no one with whom he could share his secrets. He knew if he told anyone, they’d judge him to be a freak and tell his father about it, who’d probably disown him or better yet, kill him for his transgressions. He felt enraged at himself for even thinking those things about his sweet innocent brother. That rage turned into self hate and that later turned into him acting like a jerk toward Sam while growing up. Going to bars, hooking up frequently, faking a ‘devil may care’ attitude, gambling away the money their dad gave him for food, smoking weed a few times trying to forget about his feelings and drinking till the point he forgot his own name - became his coping mechanisms. Dean thought he had it under control and as long as he avoided being too close to Sam, it would be alright. So, he did everything in his power to stay away from Sam, just to forget about him. Turns out it wasn’t such a good plan.
Then the unthinkable happened. Sam left for Stanford,leaving Dean grappling for the broken pieces of his heart. In his entire life, Dean had never thought it would be possible for him to feel broken more than he did the moment he found out that his younger brother was leaving. He realised he was wrong. So wrong. Sam’s absence told Dean that keeping a distance from his brother was the biggest mistake of his life. Even if he kept his distance, he was able to see his brother, know where he was, and keep an eye on his well-being. Once Sam left, it dawned on him that not having Sam in his life was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. In those two years, Dean had to face his demons instead of drowning them away and soon, he accepted the fact that his feelings were never going to go away, no matter how much he wanted them to. The acceptance was cathartic because he was finally able to release the pent up emotions he had locked inside him.
One night, after a hunt, he drank an entire bottle of whisky and let himself cry. He let the pain of loss and the ache of his battered heart flow down his eyes. He cried until his heart was devoid of emotions and he eventually passed out from the pain and longing. The next morning, he felt like he could breathe a little bit better. Venting out his frustration and letting his emotions find their way out felt liberating. After that night, Dean did not allow himself to ponder upon the same thoughts ever again nor did he allow himself to cry over it. It didn’t mean that he didn’t miss Sam or decided to move on. It only meant that he had accepted he was in love with his little brother whom he could never have in his life the way he wanted. The dull ache in his heart remained which was better than the throbbing burn he lived with before.
After Dad disappeared, it became too much for him to continue on his own. He needed his family. That’s when he decided to track Sam down and try to get him to help. All it took was one hunt to realise the most painful truth of his life. Yes, he loved Sam but in his quest to suppress those feelings he had alienated his brother from himself. There was a point when Sam would cling to him, demand his attention and be the centre of his entire being. Then life happened, they grew up and Dean went spiralling down the rabbit hole. He acted like a jerk all the time which in turn created distance between them. The worst part was, he later realised, Sam never knew the reason why Dean acted the way he did. The kid probably blamed himself for Dean’s sudden change in attitude even though it was far from the truth. Dean stood outside Sam’s room for hours trying to come up with a way to talk to his brother, going over and over dozens of scenarios he could come up with to get his baby brother to go on one hunt with him. Just one. Just so he could try to rekindle their sibling bond once again. They were coming back from solving the case of the ‘Woman in White’ when it hit Dean that the things that he wants and needs are completely different. He wants his brother to love him but he needs him like he needs the breath of fresh air; something he couldn’t live without. Two years without Sam were the hardest to live. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to live a lifetime without his brother. He’d drown himself in barrels of alcohol sooner than keep on living a life that had no Sam in it. At least this way, he got to have Sam in his life, like he needed him to be.
Never in his life had he let Sam in on his secret and did his best to make sure no one ever found out, including Sam. He just failed to factor in his death.
Trying to rescue the kids from those vampires was the sole motive of the last job. They did manage to save the kids, the downside being the damn rebar that Dean failed to notice. It hurt like a bitch but it also hurt to know that it would be the last time he’d ever touch his brother, feel him alive and breathing, be close to him. Lifetime of memories passed through his mind in a flash during his last moments on earth. Dean didn’t regret his life except for the fact that he’d never told the most important person in his life just how much he cherished and worshipped his very existence. He never told Sam just how much he loved him. In those last moments, his control slipped and he confessed to his Sammy that he loved him and was so proud of him. He poured his heart out begging Sam not to bring him back because this time he was going in peace. This is exactly how Dean had wanted to die, while on a job, killing monsters. Dying in his brother’s arms was just a cherry on the cake. When Dean confessed, he had finally felt like his heart was free from the cage. He felt happier at the same time as he felt extremely sad. But as fate would have it, Dean Winchester died surrounded by the warmth of his brother and more importantly with his approval. In his last moments it dawned on him, every single thing he ever did in his life was for Sam. He was alive for Sam. He breathed for Sam so it only made sense for him to die for Sam too. He needed Sam to tell him it was ok to go. Sam would finally be free from his selfish big brother and find happiness that he deserved. Sam’s were the only thoughts in his mind before Dean took his final breath.
Now, as he stood on that bridge in heaven with his baby brother back in his arms, there was a sense of giddiness and excitement that coursed through him. They were separated even if by choice, years later they were reunited too. With Sam’s presence, the hollowness that Dean first felt when he came to heaven was gone and for the first time probably in his life, he felt like his soul was finally resting at peace.
Dean is finally back in his baby with his baby brother sitting shotgun, an endless road in front of them. Just like it was supposed to be. Sam’s reaction to everything so far has been positive. He seemed happy to see Dean, clutching at his back so hard when they embraced, like he didn’t quite believe Dean was real. Sam was smiling though, dimples popping out, his eyes shining like he was trying hard to keep the tears at bay.
“It’s so good to see you, Dean.” Sam had said just before both of them slid into the car.
Dean wanted to shout out to the entire world from heaven about how stupidly happy he was after reuniting with his brother. Dean just smiled back at his brother before he started the engine of his car as they drove onto the road in front of them. The smell of leather and oil that now mingled with Sam’s musk filled Dean’s senses. It made his heart leap with joy. He switched on the tape and old classics were already playing. He amped up the volume and grinned cheekily at Sam who just rolled his eyes. With a content sigh, Dean sped up on the road.
The silence between them wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. They kept glancing at each other, sharing an occasional smile, as if assuring themselves about each other’s presence. Theirs was the only car on the road, the breeze outside was pleasantly cool and they could hear the chirping of the birds as they passed by the woods. Sam was looking out the window, his hair flowing with the wind, a small smile permanently etched on his face. Dean’s world was now singularly beautiful because he finally had Sam in it. They drove around for miles, neither of them keeping a count. They were just blissfully happy to be with each other. It wasn’t long before the silence between them broke.
“So, how’s heaven been treating you so far?” Sam asked after a while.
“It’s umm… eh, not bad. Considering….” Dean replied with a shrug.
Sam narrowed his eyes, “Considering what?”
Damn Sam and his inquisitiveness. He just never could leave Dean alone. But Dean wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s missed his stupid berother and his penchant to make Dean talk about his feelings. Dean sighed, “Well, considering the fact that I’ve just been driving around, listening to old classics, enjoying my freedom. Driving around was always like a therapy for me. I haven’t explored anything as such as of yet.”
“And why is that?” Came the next question.
Sometimes, Dean swore Sammy was just like a dog with a bone, relentless unless he got satisfactory answers. “Dude, I don’t know. I just came her, saw Bobby and then I saw the car. After that, I guess, I just drove around.”
“You saw Bobby? How is he?” Sam’s voice held excitement.
“Yeah, he’s fine. Living his best life, sitting in his old chair, drinking beers and just overall enjoying the peace. He’s awesome actually.”
“That’s great. Do you meet him often?” Sam asked.
Dean’s brows furrowed. Sometimes his little brother is not the most patient listener or at least he pretends he isn’t. “No, Sammy. I just told you I was driving around all this time.”
“But you had taken a stop at the bridge.”
“Yeah that’s because I loved the scenery. Man, what’s with you?”
“It’s still new to me Dean. I just wanna know how everything works here.”
“I don’t even know. Bobby mentioned time works differently around here. Whatever the hell that means. I didn’t have time to figure that out.”
Sam looked confused. “Dean, all this while you had plenty of time to figure out things and yet you didn’t?”
“Sammy, I told you I was just driving around…”
“Non-stop. Yet, when I found you, you had parked the car and were standing by the bridge.”
Dean was getting a little irritated with all the questions. “Yeah well as they say, all the journey’s have a secret destination and it seemed mine was on that bridge waiting for you. So I stopped. Maybe you were my destination.”
Oops, he didn’t mean to blurt out the last part. Maybe it was the heaven effect where his brain to mouth filter just didn’t work. Stupid patience. Dean always had a big tussle with patience. It wasn’t one of his great qualities. All his life he held back those words and now that he was finally free, it seemed his thoughts too had a will of their own and they were flowing freely.
Sam didn’t say anything for the longest time and Dean didn’t dare look at him. “You ...you were waiting for me?” His voice was oddly choked up.
Dean as usual played the denial card extremely well, “Come one dude. Lighten up. It was nothing. Look, now that we’re both here, why not concentrate on exploring heaven? Together?” Dean deflected.
Sam was still staring at Dean like he had suddenly grown a fifth head. Dean stole a glance at him and his eyes were suspiciously glassy. Dean had just gotten his brother back, he wanted to enjoy the happiness and joy of being together and not dwell on a thousand complicated thoughts that could further complicate their relationship. Not that it wasn’t complicated at all but still.
“Yeah, alright.” Sam said after what felt like almost an hour.
Occasionally, they took stops when a few gas stations popped up by the roadside whenever they needed something like food, water, candy etc. Out of nowhere the store would pop up. Sam figured heaven worked on the theory of ‘wish come true.’ Dean didn’t quite grasp it because if heaven was actually your all dreams come true then Sam should have the same feelings as Dean. It was all still new to them. His younger brother was quite fascinated with everything so Dean didn’t dare to burst his bubble. He just nodded along and took some stops. The Impala it seemed was forever fueled. It didn’t need refueling nor did it need any repairs. Ahh, the perks of driving in heaven.
They drove by a few houses in the hilly areas with lots of greenery. On the left there was a dirt road that led into the woods. Huh, that was a first. The brothers shared a look and with silent eye contact and Dean immediately took a turn. As they drove the woods became thicker, the air fresh and damp as if there had been a recent rainfall in the area. They came to a stop by a clearing. What stood in front of them made Dean tear up. It was just like he imagined. When he was alive, he always thought about retiring with Sam, maybe in a old cabin in a small town. Especially after their run in with the Banshee and the Oak Park Retirement Living. It was a fantasy of his that maybe just maybe, one day in a distant dream, Sam would realise he too was in love with Dean and they’d spend the rest of their lives together, bantering, teasing and loving each other. Before Dean could actually get to fulfill his dream, he was dead. Now, as he stood at the side of the clearing looking at the stone cabin complete with a small log cabin with a front porch made of stone. It looked warm, cozy and inviting. There were two wooden chairs and a table with what looked like a few beer bottles in front of the door. Miracle was sitting on the porch as if waiting for them to be back together. The moment the brothers got out of the car, the dog came running towards them, barking and rolling around on the ground with happiness and boundless energy.
“Look at you. I missed you so much.” Sam immediately got down on his knees and petted the excited dog. The dog kept wwoofing and pawing at Sam.
Dean looked at the duo fondly. This was exactly what he had wanted when he was alive. Sadness rushed through him as he thought about a life that they could have led and instead Sam had live it alone. That’s when reality hit Dean. Sam had a life of his own. That meant, he had a life which Dean was never part of. Yet, he was here with Dean. That ought to mean something right? It should. At least he thought it should. The train of thoughts was halted when Miracle jumped at Dean. He immediately embraced the dog, just like he used to every morning. He just loved that dog.
Once the excitement died down a little, they walked towards the cabin and it was exactly like Dean thought it would be. There was a big couch that faced the fireplace. There was a small kitchen just adjacent to the living room. Opposite to the kitchen there was a spacious room with two queen beds, a dressing table, a wardrobe with an attached bathroom. There even was a dog bed at the corner of the room. The windows were big and the white curtains were perfectly complementary to the cream colored carpet. It was a warm set up, one that Dean loved. Dean was ready to call it a home. He just wasn’t sure about Sam.
“This is perfect.” Sam exclaimed once he saw everything and joined Dean outside on the porch.
“Of course. Why?” Sam questioned. “Are you...are you not happy with it?”
“I am. Sammy, I’m so damn happy with this place. It’s calm, quite and beautiful. Just like I always wanted. But...:”
“You had a life, Sammy. You had a life without me. You must have made friends and hopefully a family. Yet, here you are, with me, ready to stay here if I say. I mean, I’m happy you lived till your last breath, Sammy. Hell, I’m ecstatic. But don’t you wanna find out where they are, what they are doing?”
Sam listened to Dean ramble on but didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He turned to look at Dean intently and Dean looked away, unable to hold his gaze. Sam took a breath before speaking. “Some things are better left unsaid.”
This. The cryptic one liners that Sam had a habit of saying annoyed the hell out of Dean. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you’re stupid, Dean. Sometimes I really can’t believe for such a smart hunter just how stupid you can be.” Dean wanted to be offended but he was just dumbfounded when his brother’s voice turned angry. Dean didn’t know why neither did he know how he should react. Sam continued. “Anyways, that’s not the point. The point is Dean, you left me alone and expected me to carry on which I did. Then I die and I’m finally with you and you still want to send me away. I lost you once. I cannot lose you again. I can’t do it. I won’t do it. I’m staying here and that’s final. Why can’t you just be happy with me being here. Why do you want me to leave you?”
“Woah woah, Sammy. I don’t want you to leave. I just wanted to...I guess...I just felt like maybe you’d wanna meet your friends and family. Or you meet Bobby or go meet Mom and Dad and stay with them. Just giving options, man.”
“I don’t want options, Dean. I want you.” Sam said with determination and Dean was once again unable to reply.
Did Sam really want him like more than brothers or did he just want him back like a family. After, Dean was Sam’s only family when they were still alive. At least until Dean was alive.
“You have me, Sammy. You always did.”
“Do I really?” Sam asked. There was a vulnerability to his tone.
“What’s with you and twenty questions, Sam?” Dean asked, a little irritated. He looked up into his eyes and was once again mesmerized. The hazel green eyes held so many emotions in them. But for the first time Dean felt like he could see himself clear as the bright sky in Sam’s eyes. Dean was left speechless. He continued to stare at Sam, lost in those eyes that hypnotized him. He didn’t want this moment to break. He wanted to stay like this forever. He just hoped that wherever he could see in Sam’s eyes wasn’t just a dream or his wish come true. He wanted Sa but out of his own free will. Not because heaven was playing some tricks on him.
Dean doesn’t know how long they stood there just staring at each other. But the moment was broken when Miracle barked and dashed out into the clearing chasing after a butterfly, startling the Winchesters. They both fidgeted on the spot, an awkward silence around them.
“So, umm..coffee? Yeah, I’ll make us some coffee.” Sam said and vanished inside the cabin leaving an astounded Dean on the porch.
What the hell was that? It was as if Dean was caught in a trance. He didn’t know what he should make of their conversation or the staring match they had just a few moments ago. He wanted to ask a million questions to his brother but he couldn’t. He knew there was something that happened between them, he couldn’t pinpoint what. He needed answers but he also knew he’d never ask Sam the right questions. Instead, he just stood there on the front porch, keeping an eye on the dog, watching as Miracle stupidly chased after the butterfly.
A few minutes later, a hot cup of coffee was placed in front of him. He took the mug that Sam handed him and they both sat down on the chairs.
“He’s really dumb.” Sam said fondly.
Dean thought for a moment Sam was calling him dumb before he followed Sam’s trail of vision and it dawned on him that he was talking about the dog.
“I had a son. I mean I have a son.” Sam said suddenly.
The mug in Dean’s hand almost slipped. Almost. His brain came to a full stop. He just looked at Sam, blinking dumbly at him. He wanted to say something. He wanted to tell Sam how happy he was for him and he did open his mouth a few times but nothing came out.
“Now you look really dumn.” Sam cackled.
“Shut up.” Dean grumbled. “I...I’m so happy for you, Sammy.”
Sam colored. “Thanks. You should have seen him, Dean. He grew up to be a smart man.” His tone was proud, one that automatically made Dean smile.
“I’m sure he is. He’s your son, after all. I’m also sure he must have the same Princess Jasmine hair like yours.” Dean teased.
“What can I say? I’m just charming like that.” Dean boasted.
“Charming my ass. Just a lucky guess.”
“Oh ho, Sammy boy, offended are we? You forget Sammy, I know you. Hell I almost raised you. So, I’m sure your son inherited your traits of being smart, intelligent, handsome, bratty and overall just wonderful.”
“You think I’m handsome?” Sam asked and Dean face palmed himself for blurting out things without thinking through.
“No.” Dean denied but he was quite quick to respond.
“Oh my god, Dean Winchester, who all his life claimed to be the ‘much handsomer’ brother, thinks I’m handsome! Heaven must really have done a number on you, Dean.I should throw a party.”
“I was complimenting your son, not you, you asshole.” Dean grumbled.
“You’re right though. You described him perfectly. I named him Dean Junior, you know. After you.”
‘Sammy...I don’t know what to say.”
“No, really. I’m honored.” Dean replied. In that moment he loved his brother so much that he could almost feel his non existent physical heart burst out of his chest. Then a thought occurred to him. “Dude, my namesake has long hair?” He whined.
Sam laughed. It was the best music Dean had ever heard.
“It’s not funny, Sam. I take my words back. None of you are handsome.”
“Aww… you’re embarrassed. It’s alright, Dean. After all I did manage to score myself a wife so I must be handsome as you say.”
Dean choked on his next sip of coffee. “You have a wife?”
“Duh, how else do you think I got a son?”
“Wh..what?” Dean was really at a loss. There were conflicting emotions inside him. He was heartbroken because it meant Sam had a wife and therefore there was a good chance that after a few days he’d leave Dean to go find his wife somewhere in heaven and live with her and their son. This really wasn’t fair. Heaven was supposed to be his happy place. Instead, it was turning into Dean’s worst nightmare.
“I said, it stings to know that I managed to get married and settle down, doesn’t it? The whole nine yards, like you always wanted for yourself?” Dean wanted to protest that it really wasn’t. What he wanted for himself was something he could never have. What he needed was something he had in his life but not in a way that he wanted. He didn’t get to say anything though because Sam continued. “It was never my plan but you made me promise I should keep going on. So..” Sam shrugged.
It was so easy for him to say. Sam was probably clueless to Dean’s inner turmoil. He wanted to scream, shout anything to make Sam notice just how it hurt to listen that Sam had found love and given away his heart to someone who was not Dean. It was probably the reason why Dean always played the jealous brother card whenever Sam found a love interest. He knew he had himself to blame because he had asked Sam to move on. He just never thought actually hearing Sam speak about his Dean-less life would be as painful as it was right this moment. No one spoke. It was like the entire conversation came to a standstill. Dean was glad because a part of him, the selfish part that wanted Sam all for himself, couldn’t bear to listen more about Sam’s wife and his perfect life.
The sky slowly turned a beautiful shade of red and orange. The sun was setting behind the mountains, birds returning to their nests, Miracle was rolling around in the cool grass. It was a great view. One that made Dean’s heart ache. This would probably be one of the few times that Dean would get to enjoy this view while having coffee with Sammy by his side. Because once his wife turns up, Sam would leave him anyway. Dean couldn’t fault him though. Who would live a life in a crappy wooden cabin, drinking beer and coffee with their damaged big brother when they could live a perfectly happy life with a loving wife, a son and a great house? Certainly not Sammy. It was time Dean really let go of his brother. It would pain him more than his death - to let Sam go after having found him again. Was it possible to die twice? Dean mused because letting go of Sam was going to be another death of him.
Dean needed Sam, wanted Sam but never could have him. He wanted to strangle someone for not giving him peace even after death. Ever since he showed up in heaven, all he was doing was waiting for Sam to show up. His perfect heaven. But it seeed Dean Winchester had committed enough sins for him to not find peace even in heaven. He took a glance at Sam who was sitting beside him, eyes closed, a small content smile on his face. He looked ethereal in the shadow of the rays of the setting sun. He was shining bright with a golden glow. The sight took his breath away, a single tear making its way down his eye. He immediately wiped it away. He didn’t want Sam to know just how freak of a brother Dean was.
That night they turned in early. Sam looked peaceful but Dean - Dean was wide awake, staring at Sam the entire night, making up for the loss of many years.
They were content. Their life was full of doing mundane things that they rarely could enjoy while being alive. Doing laundry, cleaning, changing the wallpaper, cooking, going on a run, reading books, bantering back and forth.
The cabin seems to change according to their needs. After a day, there was suddenly a door to the right side of the living room that opened up to a huge library. Sam’s excitement was similar to that of Miracle when they came to the cabin. He spent the entire day with books while Dean played the role of perfect housewife, serving Sam with lunch, sandwiches, cookies and finally dinner. Dean enjoyed every second of it, while it lasted.
Then one day Sam requested if they could go around and catch up with Mom, Dad and Bobby. Dean wasn’t ready to share Sam with anyone yet but he complied with the puppy eyes that pleaded with him. They drove around the road until the roadhouse came into sight.
They parked the car and stepped out. The roadhouse looked just like it used to. The only change being, there was a big banner plastered on the front door that read ‘Welcome’. The brothers looked at each other before entering. The moment they entered there was confetti everywhere and screams and shouts. Dean felt disoriented for a minute until it hit that all their friends and family were present there. Bobby embraced the boys first.
“Danm, it’s so good to finally see you two, igits.”
“Bobby, man...I can’t..” Sam was smiling so big, Dean wondered if his cheeks hurt. “How’d..how’d you know?”
“We just knew.” John said as he walked up to the boys. “In heaven, it’s like we share a mindlink or something akin to intuition. We’ve been waiting to meet you.” John said and embraced both his boys. “I’m so proud of you, boys. I love you so much.”
“Love you too.” A choked up Dean mumbled.
“Hey, boys.” Ellen was next.
Then there was Mary and Jo and then Ash and Charlie too. There was booze, burgers, and pie. Dean was overwhelmed with the love that everyone showered on them. He also couldn’t help but stare at Sam. His younger brother was practically glowing with happiness. Probably for the first time in his life Sammy was surrounded by all his family at once. He was chatting with Ash. God knows what the two nerds were nerding about. Dean just sat in the corner and kept an eye on Sam, enjoying the myriad of emotions that flashed on his face.
“So,” Ash came and sat beside Dean. “You and Sam huh?”
Dean was on guard immediately. “What do you mean?”
“He was telling me he showed up where you took the first stop of your drive?” Ash questioned.
“Soulmates, you dumbass. You share heaven, even if everything has changed now.”
“You’re ridiculous Ash.” Dean dismissed.
“Come on, Dean. You can’t possibly be still in denial.”
“Ash, dude. I’m not…” Dean was about to reply when they heard the front door open up and a beautiful blond woman stepped inside. She clearly looked misplaced in this crowd but then in a flash of a few seconds Sam tumbled towards her and took her in a bone crushing hug.
“That’s Mal or Mallory. Sam’s wife.” Ash whispered to Dean.
In that moment everything came crashing down. Dean felt like the walls around him were closing in and he couldn’t get out of the trap fast enough. This was it. This was the exact moment Dean was dreading.
“How...how did she..??” Dean couldn’t even complete the sentence.
“Well, she’s been around ever since she died. She’s the one who kept the Winchester bloodline alive after all. She’s cool. You’ll like her.” Ash replied.
No, Dean wanted to scream. He’d never like her. Because she owned the most costly gem in the entire world. She owned Sam’s heart because of which Dean could never like her. She was everything Dean wanted himself to be. He wanted to be the one who loved Sam, more than just a brother, to cherish him, to spoil him and to be the one who owned Sam’s heart and trust. Instead, it was Mallory. He hated her with every ounce of his being. Hated her for loving Sam and to be loved in return. Something that Dean wasn’t worth apparently. He was unloved by the one person whom he loved the most.
Dean watched the way they interacted. The way Sam placed a kiss on her forehead, the way he touched her reverently and the way he spoke to her so animatedly. He looked so happy, happier than he was when he arrived. In that instance, Dean knew it was time.
“I have...I have to go…” Dean told Ash and rushed out of the back door, the sound of Ash yelling at him to stop trailing behind him.
Once he started walking, he didn’t stop. He continued walking for hours until he came to stop by a small lake. Jack was waiting for him.
“Hi, Dean.” Jack gave him a big smile, greeting him.
“Hey, kiddo. It’s so good to see you.” Dean took a step forward and hugged him.
“You’re not unloved, Dean.” Jack said out of the blue.
“What are you talking about?” A perplexed Dean asked.
Jack smiled. “I don’t usually show up here because I got more work to do. Human souls are very fascinating, Dean. Some are interwoven, bound to come together sooner or later. Like magnets.”
“Kid, you’re not making any sense.”
“For a long time, I didn’t understand what love was. Then I saw you guys. How you’d care for each other and look after each other. I felt like I understood a little about love. Then I saw you die and watched Sam continue to live his life just because you made him promise to keep fighting. That’s when I realized love is not just a feeling of companionship or caring about each other. When two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but the yearning to be close to the other. The presence that is felt through a hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen. Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another. This is the reason why you miss someone so much when they are not there— even if they are only in the very next room. Your soul only feels their absence— it doesn’t realize the separation is temporary.”
“Sam kept on going for you, Dean. If that’s not love then I don’t know what is.”
“He..he has a wife, Jack.” Dean said.
Jack simply smiled, “You need to go back and see what Sam has to say. Listen to him Dean. You’ll find all your answers in him.”
Jack snapped his fingers and Dean was back at the roadhouse, confused and bewildered.
“Where the hell have you been?” Sam yelled as he stalked towards him and punched him hard. “Dying on me wasn’t enough for you, huh? You bastard, you let me believe I lost you again.”
“Hey, Sam, stop.” Dean fought his brother, all six foot four inches of angry moose, trying to dodge his punches.
“How dare you, Dean? How dare you leave me when I finally got you back?” Sam kept yelling.
“Sammy, stop.” Dean yelled. It was ‘Sammy’ this time that did it and sam crumbled in Dean’s arms, sobbing like a kid.
“I was so scared. I was scared that this was another one of my dreams… that I’d wake up and you’d be gone again.”
“I just went out to get some fresh air, Sammy.” Dean lied.
“Don’t you dare leave me, ever again.”
Dean chuckled, “Needy Sammy, always needing my attention.” He teased. He felt Sam’s grip tightened around his waist. “Shhh, it’s ok, sammy. Not going anywhere.”
Sam pulled out of Dean’s arms and gave him a wobbly smile. Dean smiled back assuringly.
“So, umm...you gonna introduce your better half to me?”
Sam’s smile turned into a frown. “No.”
“Because you are my other half.”
Numbness was usually associated with shock followed by grief. But this was different. Dean was shocked, but he was also buzzing with happiness, like every single thread in his body was dancing to the music of Sam’s words.
“I know you love me, Dean. You just had to tell me you love me at the last possible second, huh? Just before you died. What was I supposed to do? Do you know how much pain I suffered while living a life without you?”
Dean was beyond response.
“Shut your mouth before a fly goes in.” Sam admonished.
Dean did like he was told.
Sam rolled his eyes in that cute way that made Dean’s heart flutter. “Our entire lives you suffered thinking I’d never love you. If you had just been brave enough, we could have lived a happy life, Dean.”
“Sammy,” Dean whispered as if he worshipped it reverently. He felt like doing a million cartwheels.
“I love you so much, Dean. You’re the one who’s the other half of my soul. I was in misery all my life, Dean. Without you, my life was incomplete. Even after I found Mallory. I couldn’t love her like a true husband should. Because my heart was already owned. I’d given you my heart away, Dean. You were my entire world. You still are. It’s the reason you were my happy place, Dean. You were my home. Your heart is the place my soul can finally rest in peace.”
A small sob broke Dean and he lunged forward at his brother, planting a searing kiss on his lips.
“I love you so much, my baby brother.”
“And I you, big brother.”
They were smiling stupidly, a few tears rolling down their eyes, foreheads touching, Sam’s hand on Dean’s heart, just like it was when Dean died.
It was kinda bitter sweet but Dean wouldn’t have it other way.
They kissed again, this time lovingly when the crowd around them cheered up.
In that exact moment, with love shining bright in Sam’s eyes, Dean knew he was finally at peace. Reunited with his brother, his soulmate.
It was probably just the start of the epic love story of Sam and Dean because even death couldn’t do them part.
