#startsomewhere

live your best

[eankavuma]

The Power of Showing Up

If there is one thing I have learned.hmmmm  - Let’s take another stab at that. (Throat Clearing) If you pay attention, there is plenty to learn in this life.Let’s turn the years back a little to provide you with a little more context.

Although I was a shy child, I had a very pleasant upbringing. Loving parents, good friends, I did well in school and I kept out of trouble. Today, I would be lying to you if I reported that I have the same pleasant outlook towards life.In my adulthood, life got real.

One reoccurring phenomenon in life is re-meeting people. Let me explain.

Picture meeting someone for the first time. It’s something many of us do on a regular basis.Trust me - I’m no more social than the next person. Many of the new encounters I have happen at work; New colleagues, new clients etc. My place of work is what I guess you could call a “social setting”. Let’s get back to the phenomenon of “re-meeting people”.

So you meet someone for the first time. You have a conversation and then you part ways. At some later point, it’s possible that you’ll meet this person again. 

I hate re-meeting people.

I do. And this never used to be the case. I shut down when I re-meet people. So much so that I try to avoid run-ins. The fear of re-meeting people comes from a place of a long list of insecurities that I experience. 

I’m closed off. Because I’m closed off, I share little of my life. And when you share very little, there’s not much to exchange. And when you have little to exchange, people don’t hang around. And it sucks when people don’t hang around. So when I meet people for the first time, I’m scared they’ll “figure me out” the second time. Crazy huh.

But you’ve got to fight back. No one else can do it for you. No one else will do it for you.

You’ve got to return to the places, those events, and those people who you think have figured you out.

This post has gone on to long so I quit- I’ll be back tomorrow.

[eankavuma]

When you are stuck (entrepreneurship)

I am starting my own business; The toughest part has to be...Well there are a lot of tough parts.

When I got the logo designed for my company, it was very similar to that of another company. Instead of taking the risk of being sued, I decided that an earlier rebrand would be best. Yes, I hadn’t even begun creating our first product and we were undergoing a rebrand.

I found a local Senior designer whose work I admired, so I thought that I could entrust the graphic responsibilities our brand to someone with such a credentials. The short of it is that it didn’t go well. The first edits that I received were so far off what I envisioned he would do for me. 

As a start up, momentum is key and we didn’t have any. I started to panic. I felt as though the graphic mark for our brand was integral to our success. I was still at square one.  6 months of working and I had nothing to show for it. Irrespective of what had transpired, I had a choice to make; Wallow in the sadness of my emotions or rally like the formidable person I’ve been coaching myself to become.

Three things allowed me to overcome this challenge

 Knowing that were and will continue to be highs and lows I’ve heard this countless times from many coaches in the self development world. However, hearing something and having the opportunity to experience it for yourself are two different things. In spite of the challenge that I faced, it helped me to remain cognizant of the fact that if I ran from this challenge and I didn’t take it straight on, I was failing my business. If the logo meant so much to me, I couldn’t turn my back on the development of it.

Mindfulness. Mindfulness is the place that turn or return to when things are in peril. Being mindful of the experience of non-successful outcome, rather than immersing yourself in the rollercoaster of your emotions allowed me to not ride the low of this storm.

Start looking for a solution! When you are stuck and paralyzed with the responsibility of making a decision amongst many decision, you don’t want to get into analysis-paralysis. Analysis-paralysis is when the anxiety of making the right decision, prevents you from engaging in the decision making process. How do you over come this  quagmire of a situation? This is exactly when you need to double down on your efforts! What did I do? I grabbed a pen, pencil and an eraser and I started making marks that I liked and that I would pass on to the future designer that I would work with. Doing stuff gets you out of the pandora of your mind and allows you to actually engage in the real world.

[eankavuma]

Finding a purpose through writing

There was a time in university where I was so consistent with writing. I would spend approximately 30 minutes a day writing about my life, current events, books I was reading, how I was feeling.

Setting time aside to write each day benefitted me in two ways:

The first was that I was more readily able to collect my thoughts.

This was significant to me for me because I struggle with the ability to recall events in my life. Writing, some how, allowed me to develop a stronger ability to recall events in my life. I found this particularly useful in social settings. And it’s not often that we aren’t in social settings.

Writing on a daily basis created an opportunity for me to develop my written expression

As a science major in university, I really struggled with developing my thoughts and articulating my thoughts. I am hoping to keep this up for 3 days in a row and maybe something miraculous will happen. Maybe nothing will happen at all.

[eankavuma]

I quit my job (four months from now)

You always here about it...“I quit my job”.

I’ve always heard about other doing it; Quiting their job. Yesterday, I experienced it for myself. And fuck it was bone chilling scary.

And no, I don’t have anything lined up.

I’ve worked in the same organization for approximately eight years. These eight years have been everything you could have asked for from a job. The ups and downs have existed, like anything in life, but the ups have far exceeded the downs. This organization provided me with great pay, flexible hours, amazing bosses, professional development opportunities and colleagues to die for -literally everything.

But there’s a lot of the world to see and I don’t want to stay with the same organization forever.

When you’ve been at the same place forever, it becomes a habit (a habit means very hard to break - especially with no rationally better prospects ). It was so mentally tough to write my resignation letter. I had talked about for months with no action - As many people. But it’s time.

Soon after I hit the submit button on my email. The anxiety set in... Like really bad - I don’t like anxiety nor do I know many people that do. But I didn’t try to run from it. I let it sink in. I embraced that moment of my life. 

I don’t really know what the outlook of the future holds for me but I know that if I held on to that job, I would stay in safe zone which I could no longer endure. 

This piece is not really to convince you quit your job too. I don’t think anyone can provide you with advice. This post is more so to describe what I have felt.

Spend time with friends after making big decisions. It helps to prevent you from spending an extended amount of time in your own brain. 

The anxiety doesn’t last. 24 hrs displaced from the decision I feel ok. I normalized out and I am refocused with the idea of how I can best contribute to our world.

Even though it’s been done a million times by a million people, that doesn’t help to minimize the sentiment.

The world doesn’t stop spinning.

[eankavuma]

Getting Unstuck

I’m not exactly a ladies man.

I think my previous sentence was an overstatement. I’m definitely not a ladies man.

On Thursday of last week I met a new girl who I fancied. We spoke at length about many things and I walked away from the conversation wanting to get to know her better.

So here’s where my troubles begin.

That not being “a ladies man bit that I mentioned earlier. After the interaction, my brain began racing. How was I going to engage her? What was my opener going to be? I hadn’t asked anyone out in such a long time. Urrgghhh. It was such an exciting and stressful experience at the same time!

When I got home, I decide to call a friend. He told me to go for it. Our conversation also touched upon another friend who’s going through a situation that he should leave, but most like won’t.

I realized a multitude of things right away.

1. Nobody could do this for me.

Talk to someone about your issue is only as helpful as action you take. When I was speaking to my friend, he told me what I wanted to hear and if I didn’t take action the conversation was useless.

2. I realized my emotions want to keep me in place

RSDJulien is who I have to give credit to. He said, whenever you want to do something, realize that your emotions always want you to stay in place. When people are starting new projects. Let me rephrase that. When I am starting a new project, a new course or a new hobby a lot of the time your are 100% outside of your element. It is going to be weird. Even if your voice cracks go for it.

3. It’s liberating 

In the personal development space one thing that I hear a lot is that it is liberating. I can say that it is. A lot of time’s when you want something and you don’t have it you tend to focus on the rejection. But soon after you realize that what you’re doing is ok and you don’t have to persecute yourself. 

4. Keep Going

This is the most important part to continued growth. You’ve broken the ice. However, you’ll quickly default back to your old state if you don’t keep your feet moving.

As it stand right now it seems like this fish (the gal) slipped outta my hands is somewhere in the ocean. That’s ok. It didn’t go my way.

What I didn’t know is how okay I’d be with myself. I don’t fell rejected. It’s a process and I’m excited to see how things go. I’m ready for the good and the bad. 

[eankavuma]

Today Hurt

Plain and simple today hurt. I tried everything (not everything but you know what I mean) to shake it off. To shake off the hurt.

Right when it started to hurt, I went for swim. Swimming is great for me. But my thoughts just ran ramped. For the next few hours things didn’t get any easier.

My thoughts continued to race and my mind was all over the place. The thoughts that I had were self-deprecating. One strategy that I tried to implement was to be ok with the hurt. Let it soak it. While allowing the hurt to sink in, I repeatedly reminded myself that it was ok to feel the hurt but that I had to do my best not regress and allow myself to become the hurt.

You’re probably wondering what specifically hurt? Well... In short, I’ve been giving some thought to developing my social network. It’s crazy how paralyzing this whole process is making me feel. It’s the same feeling you feel before you dive in to a long day of homework, or going to the gym after being off, or cleaning your house. You know what you should do. But the going part is not easy.

I realized that over the past few years that I’ve burned a lot of bridges. Recently I find myself in social circles not knowing whether people are laughing with me or at me. I never did that before. I never consider that I might be the odd guy out. 

I started noticing that my phone does light up as often as those surrounding me

I know what you are probably thinking. “Your life is not supposed to be like everyone surrounding you”, and I get that. Also, “your phone lighting up is not the greatest barometer of your social imprint”. We as a society have created an unrealistic 

I think what I’m struggling with is that I’ve always envision myself as a person who brings people together. Yet that’s not what I’m experiencing at all in my life.

What impressed me most about today is how I navigated my thoughts with perspective. 

Tony Robbins has this video where he asks people in a crowd what they want. One lady shares with the crowd her wants. Tony asks her why she’s hasn’t achieved her goal, and she responds that she doesn’t know where to start. Tony comforts her by responding that“I know you don’t know where to start, but if you knew where to start where would you?” and she provides Tony with a response.

Today I was overwhelmed with the idea of starting. I am afraid of looking bad. I am afraid I won’t do the right thing. I am afraid I won’t say the right thing. But what I’ve realized is that you can only be perfect in your head. So I reminded myself of what Tony said, “Eddie, I know you don’t know where  to start, but if you knew where to start, where would start?

[eankavuma]

The pursuit of happiness -a different take

The pursuit of happiness — a twist

I have always sought to be super positive person. And no, I am not a convert to sadism. My reasoning was that if you are unceasingly positive, you’ll attract only good and you’ll get what everyone wants in life… To be happy of course!

The practice of meditation is what I attribute as the catalyst of my new belief -That you don’t need to be happy.

Furthermore, you don’t deserve to be happy.

You are probably saying that this guy must be going through some intense shit in his life to say something like that, “You don’t deserve to be happy”.

The pursuit of happiness is everywhere in society. Buy this to be happy, do this and you’ll be happy, Travel, there and there and you’ll to be happy. Where we are is never good enough and it’s only in this new space or activity or drug that we will be satisfied. We’re always trying to escape our present moment.

I really meant what I said, “You don’t deserve to be happy”. It’s unbelievable how people carry this sense of entitlement about happiness. Happiness is like the sibling of fairness. When kids say, “It’s not fair”, the common response is life isn’t intended to be fair. Are you starting to see where I am coming from?

Could you imagine if you spent the rest of your life “sad” or “angry”. So why do we coach, profess and encourage happiness so much? I don’t know how to classification happiness, is it a state or an emotion or a bit of both. Who knows.

The following statement is not ground breaking; Far from it actually. We need to start coaching that people do not deserve to be happy and more than you they deserve to be sad or angry or any emotion. Happiness truly only exists as a social construct. If you can dare to get a bit existential for a quick moment, happiness, sadness, anger etc. do not exist anywhere outside of our planets.

I just think that we are unfairly misguided about what to expect and experience. Maybe if we were to demonstrate a more fair representation of what life is really like our days, our goals and our challenges are better put in perspective.

Your thoughts

[sweetoothgirl]

BLACK AND WHITE CONFETTI DONUTS

[cuong205a]

[eankavuma]

The Rich Roll Podcast

It was approximately two months ago thatI began listening to the Rich Roll Podcast. I wish I could narrow down exactly what drew me to Rich and the various media forms that he shares with the world- I don't remember how did I stumbled upon him and his work. I first became an Instagram follower of his and then I downloaded his Podcast channel. It took me approximately 3 months to start listening to his channel. But boy am I a glad I did so.

In November I was struggling quiet a bit with my personal identity. I had graduated only 5 months early from University and I knew what I wanted my life to be about - Greatness. However I didn't have the will to actually do something about what I wanted. I felt as if my struggle, with motivation, fitness, nutrition and work were all inner personal battles that could not be related to the outside world. My life was a malaise of motivation with no will to move.

This changed when I started listening to the Rich Roll Podcast. Rich hosts a two hour podcast every week, in which he chats with a guest about how this guest is busting the paradigms of life. What I personally found beneficial about listening to Rich's Podcast is he encourages you to want to me make changes in your life. 

Have you ever heard the quote, "You are an average of your five best friends". Well Rich entered my circle in November 2014 and I am a better person for it.

[iatethisaccount-deactivated2012]

Live life!

[eankavuma]

life rules

- you are never as awkward as you think you are - you are never as annoying as you think you are - you are never as boring as you think you are - your compliments are never as creepy as you think they are  - you are way more wanted than you give yourself credit for - chin up, dude

[pozitivevibezonly]

"If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place." - Nora Roberts

#TodayIsTheDay

[staypozitive]

[angrywocunited]

[huntingvoldemortinamobilelibrary]

if you don’t think this carries an important message about our society then you are what is wrong with human society today

[denise-huxxtable]

And this is why when you see a post empowering and uplifting black women, do not invade it with “don’t you mean all women.” No, because this is not the reality of “all women.”

[eankavuma]

Today marks the last day of my 90 day campaign for @charitywater! I want to sincerely say thank you to everyone who's supported me during this journey! Words of encouragement, donations, and even likes on Instagram!! I sincerely could not have done it with the amazing people in my life. Because of your support 25 lives will be forever changed. The craziest thing you/we can do is nothing! Final donations can be made at my.charitywater.org/fiveten-1. #thankyou #charitywater #septembercampaign (at five.ten.campaign hq)

[eankavuma]

Life on the Oregon Coast #rei #rei1440project #tbt #pnw @traveloregon #upperleftusa

[eankavuma]

Life on top of the Alex Fraser Bridge #rei #rei1440project #outside #outsideisfree #britishcolumbia #explorebc 🚲 (at Alex Fraser Bridge)