“little homeschool” is so tragic now and i have to talk about it.
“if you’re hard enough to tell me what to do, fight me and prove it”.
how happy she is when steven says yes..
the thrill and joy in her eyes when he catches her punch.
the pleasantly surprised compliments.
how she starts outright laughing in joy when he’s winning.
we can say with pretty strong confidence that jasper was already starting to hope steven could become her diamond in the first episode.
i would personally think this is something she was cynical about at the start of the episode, because she still sees steven as this lucky flower child who hasen’t really done anything to prove himself. from the surprise in her voice at “really? :D”, she wasn’t actually expecting him to fight her.
which is why she’s outright offended he would try to give her advice - by what authority? she hated it when he tried to “talk down” to her in earthlings, too.
to her, as she says, he’s still someone who was given pink diamond’s gem but isn’t really A Diamond. she’s also suffering from general disillusionment with the world - rebecca sugar states very explicitly (interview) that jasper struggles with era 3, not having someone to follow or protect.
obviously, she wasn’t completely convinced of his worthiness by their first match… which, yknow, is understandable. it was, compared to their latter match, very much a brief exploration of steven’s potential, not a fully-fledged battle.
steven probably stopped it too soon for her liking - it’s enough for some respect, but not for diamondhood. she needs more.
hence, “ugh, don’t apologize…”. she was enjoying herself for a moment, and steven had to go and “ruin the moment” by acting ashamed of himself.
it was your diamond midterm, if you will. not your final. she would want to be sure before committing herself, to make sure she’d have no regrets. but if anyone were wondering why, in “little homeschool”, she started out pretty depressed, got excited by steven accepting her challenge to beat her, then even more excited when he started winning… i think “fragments” gave you the answer.
like… geez. you can see the wheels turning in her head, during the battle:
oh no. she has hope. the way her face lights up when he grabs her. the way she says “nice catch…”. this poor gem.
tfw you’re so ecstatic about having potentially found a new purpose in life that you can’t concentrate on the fight, you just have to laugh.
“i didn’t think you had it in you…” but you do now. you saw it in him.
now, two notes. number one, her wanting him to become her diamond since before “fragments” is restricted to the specific context of finding new purpose in life. this would likely not have worked before “future”, when she had a system to be loyal to.
she states very explicitly in “fragments” that loyalty & her role in the world mattered a lot to her before the system broke, not just power…
it’s just that now, power is what she has left for guidance. so that’s what she needs from steven. it’s something to hold on to for moral guidance, a way for steven to express “who he is” to her when she has nothing else.
and before steven proves himself, she has no problem talking smack or throwing him around. she isn’t convinced he’s up to it yet, she’s explicitly trying to bring it out of him. hence why she’s so pushy and tries to fight right away in “fragments”. she’s probably been excited about this for months, waiting for him to return.
so when he’s blabbing about his problems, of course she’s like “sowecanfightnowright??” she knows he has power, but she needs to see MORE. she wants him to be “honest” and take it out on her, not coddle her.
otherwise, she couldn’t truly believe in him.
number two, this does not mean she wanted him to shatter her.
i think, at most, she wanted him to beat her badly enough to poof her. at minimum, she wanted him to go all out (“show me your power!” “i’m not afraid!”, “is that all you’ve got!?”, etc) to the point where she would comfortably feel he had beaten her unambiguously and in a fair fight (no fusion, no friends to help).
in a twisted way, though, the shattering may have been reassurance of the latter point. there’s no way he could’ve gone further than that or beaten her more thoroughly… plus, she’s always had the mentality that she’s prepared to die for a cause she believes in. so that’s part of why she’s so “okay” with it. (at least that’s what she expresses openly. i’m certain there’s some genuine trauma there she’s burrowing and definitely wouldn’t tell steven now - unless he asks).
