If, when I'm having sex with my boyfriend most of the time I'm only some what interested and it feels painful at times but I don't tell him or stop it, is that normal? I feel guilty for not being honest but I don't want to hurt his feelings.
that’s not a normal behavior, that’s normalized behavior. you and i and every other woman are unfortunately taught that men’s sexuality and comfort are more important than our own, even if that hurts us (emotionally, mentally, OR physically.) we’re taught if he doesn’t finish, if we don’t please him in the “right” way, we are the “wrong” kind of woman, and that’s bullshit.
as scary as it may be, you need to tell him when it hurts. do not say yes because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. do not have sex purely because he wants to. sex needs to be had with two willing partners that both actual WANT to have sex. completely want to, not somewhat want to.
if you feel pain, tell him to stop. don’t settle for sex when you’re somewhat interested, don’t open yourself up for his pleasure when you don’t fully, completely want to. tbh, i feel like a good partner (sexual, romantic, or both) should know enough about their partner to read facial expressions and body language to gauge how interested, or disinterested, a person is with having sex or anything related to it. he needs to learn and recognize what a “no” looks like, what disinterest looks like.
don’t be afraid to say no. practice it, preach it, live it. you are under no obligation to give any man sex, especially just to spare his feelings. his feelings do not and should never come before your right to refuse sex for any reason you feel.
watch out for manipulative tactics and coercion, watch his face when you tell him “no.” note any anger, aggression, surprise, or other emotions. do not let up until he understands that your “no” is important, and he needs to respect it. talk to him, discuss it with him, open up to him when you are ready. sex needs to be discussed just as often as its practiced, you need to check up on each other often to make sure everything is okay and both people are pleased. communication is completely key, do not forget that.
and please do not forget that having sex with you is not his right, and it is not your duty as his girlfriend. it is a privilege that you can take away at any time you want to, no matter who you are in a relationship with.
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