E. Bruisevelt

I have a lot of feelings about roller derby.

[badbytchmakeover]

Yes… She hit the return into a split and still got the point. Can’t tell me she’s not the definition of a Bad Bytch.

[bando--grand-scamyon]

SHIT!!!!

[muirin007]

“Victorians were stuffy prudes.”

[ebruisevelt-blog]

* 2 thin white cis femmes smooching *

HaPpY pRiDe !

[bowties-and-sweetdreams]

[bumblebeebats]

It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin or Greek. Accio? Literally “I summon.” Lumos? Fucking “light.” Expelliarmus? Expel weapon!! Ooooh I wonder what Levicorpus does– you Dumb Ass Bastard. You ILLITERATE. It’s called Levicorpus, it lifts someone’s body, it LEVIES your goddamn CORPUS-

[kvothbloodless]

Hermione ghost wrote this

[languagebender]

why divide people by unrational things when you COULD divide them by whether their word for cotton candy is valid or not ?

[languagebender]

examples: 

american english: cotton candy ✅ good

british english: fairy floss ❌ not valid

spanish, german: sugar cotton ✅ good

french: daddy’s beard ❌ NOT VALID

[danasn0wc4t]

I’m sorry the French call it what

[ebruisevelt-blog]

Kinkshaming the French for their word for cotton candy is my new pastime.

[ebruisevelt-blog]

Pitch: Queer Gal for the Straight Pal, a TV show where a bunch of butch lesbians teach straight dudes how to dress, complete home improvement projects, and please a woman.

[mittensmorgul]

I saw this on the tweeter:

and yes. yes I would. Leaving out all the empowering quotes and small talismans, I’ve got three horses, a swarm of bees, and a fucking dragon. I think I’ll be fine.

(and since one of the quotes is “Not all those who wander are lost” and another is “Nemo me impune lacessit,” I think I’m even covered in the “empowering quotes” department)

[maybe-i-wont]

I would be super okay. I have a dragon, a real wicked witch, bats, a raven (for clandestine communications), and a longhorn skull (good for stabbing, good for spells).

@mittensmorgul we could conquer lands with our battle dragons

[mittensmorgul]

BATTLE DRAGON HIGH FIVES. :D

But seriously, my notifications are wild. I think we could collectively form a tattoo army capable of conquering the entire planet at this rate. :P

[dorkaelskunkworks]

I have the Mark of Cain, so my survival is almost entirely assured, albeit under less than optimal circumstances.

I also have a variation on the goddess from the Burney Relief and Fat Charlie’s seven-legged spider from Anansi Boys, both of which seem like they’d be handy.  I am unsure of the combat-readiness of the ouroboros, the anatomically questionable nautilus, or the wren with the needle in its ankle.

As for the rose, the Seal of Rassilon, and the D2N, one never knows.  

Siddartha Gautama, meanwhile, is likely to sit this one out.

[ebruisevelt-blog]

I have a samovar and a rose of Sharon. I’d be screwed in battle but PREPARED AS HELL for a tea party.

[forestlune-deactivated20200417]

from now on your tumblr nickname is whatever you get from this sexual identity generator  ☆

[turing-tested]

lesbians who can drive are extraordinarily powerful and not to be underestimated

[ebruisevelt-blog]

what about a lesbian who can drive... an ambulance? 

[no-chill-at-all]

[wildlyannoyingdoofus]

These kinds of responses are my FAVORITE. Some examples to answers to this question I have heard:

1.

“Okay, and who’s the president?”

“Obama, no wait, shit *vehemently* fuck, I hate him… what’s his name…”

“It’s okay, you know who he is.”

2.

“Who’s the president?”

“*drunkenly angry and confused* ..uhhhhhhh…Orange… damn it what’s the fuck’s name….

“Yup, good enough.”

3.

“And who’s the president,”

“Not fuckin’ Obama!”

“I feel ya.”

4.

“Who’s the president- wait, nevermind you’re from Korea you said, right? So who’s-“

“Everybody knows that Trump-bitch.”

“Oh, well, alright then.”

5. (My personal favorite)

“Who’s the president?”

“Ew.”

“Good enough.”

[epaulettes]

My roommate is a neurologist and has to do this check all the time. Her all-time favorite so far has been “ay dios mio” during which the woman was vigorously crossing herself.

[ebruisevelt-blog]

Me: Can you tell me who the president is?

Old lady patient: Do I have to?

Me: ...patient is conscious, alert, and woke AF

[zackisontumblr]

as someone from the midwest i’m 200% sure i’ve said this before

[eastsidederbygirls]

Going to  a bout this weekend? New to derby? Maybe this will help.

[ebruisevelt-blog]

“Who is that and what are they doing?”

- me, every time I see an opposing blocker in my path.

[ebruisevelt-blog]

I played in my first interleague charter scrimmage yesterday and I had so much fun and I scored points and didn’t die. There is actual photographic evidence on the PRD Instagram page of me taking my O and getting through the pack! (Said evidence also shows me standing the most upright that anyone has ever stood while skating — I’m going to work on that...)

[gothhabiba]

me, every single month without fail: huh weird I feel kind of bloated and lethargic but also very hungry??? and I’m breaking out??? and my back hurts??? this is so strange I have never experienced this before in my whole entire life… what could this be

me a few days later, every single month without fail: oh

[ebruisevelt-blog]

My derby imposter syndrome is alive and well, yo.

[ebruisevelt-blog]

I have the day off work and I baked cookies and am reading Tamora Pierce’s newest book in front of the fire as the sleet rattles against the windowpanes. This is exactly what I thought it would be like to be an adult.