tw: sexual assault/society & men
I don’t mean to throw my heart out on here, but damn, not sure where else to do it. Men as a concept... are kind of terrifying to me. I know obviously “not all men” and shit, but... just that fact that women can carry so much fear because of men, it’s too much. That even though I live in a decent neighbourhood that i still cant walk outside at night. That sometimes the fear that a man could overpower me just because I’m a woman. It’s terrifying, and sickening. That stories of women being sexually assaulted in movies, in TV shows... can be for a man to have a character arc. That it is excused or is a plot device for a man. That women are treated as objects or like they are unimportant.
I’m tired of explaining to men and praising them for being pro human rights & equality, like it’s a gold star they earned. I’m tired of men who think they need to praised for their actions of human decency. I’m tired of educating men because they couldn’t do their own research outside of their bubble of why people want rights, and somehow can’t fathom that other people live different lives than they do. I’m tired of so much inequality. It’s frustrating. You date a man, and people are like “you better take care of her now” like you’re property. no one says “you take care of him!” to a woman unless it’s undercut with a “be a good housewife” sort of way. I’m tired of the expectation that men have to provide for a family. That men are in charge of the finances, the decisions, that they the “head of the family”.
I was frustrated to see my mother submit herself as no longer in control/head of the family whenever she had a new boyfriend, and I for sure the hell am tired of it now. I hate that everyone takes the father’s name. It pisses me off. I am a person who shares the last name of a man who was never even in my life. I share the last name of a man who hurt me. And why? because society says so. I’ll probably change my last name. Tired of it. Tired of the reminder.
I’m tired of men being expected to pay on a date, and if you pay they say it makes them feel less manly. I’m tired of men having the last say in decisions, or like it’s important that they decide. I’m just so. tired. of. bullshit. Society makes me feel hopeless at times. It makes me feel frustrated. Men scare me. So much idk if I could date men anymore. Now if anyone in the universe is hearing this, you’re probably like WOW okay that’s crazy, you’ll find the right guy. But you don’t understand. It’s not about the guy. It’s not about WHO, it’s about how you just cant escape these expectations in a heteronormative relationship. Even if the guy is great, sweet and amazing, those off handed comments will still exist. people will still make comments like you owe men something. And women don’t. We owe them nothing. Not our bodies, or minds.
I’ve had conversations with my friends before, while in school. We sat in the parking lot and my friend said something along the lines of “Do you ever try to hide your emotions when talking to guys sometimes? so that they take you more seriously, especially in the workplace? Since our industry is practically run by men, and that men will help their fellow man with promotions because they can relate to each other more? Even if you are the harder worker?” and we all agreed.
And honestly, as a bisexual, I don’t really know if I want to date men anymore. Not because I’m not attracted, but I’m reminded with men that there is no escape from heteronormative expectations with them. and it hurts. That it will be so hard for a cis man to actually understand, to fully grasp that anger and frustration. And I just don’t want to have to keep explaining. It’s tiring.