Reasons why Iโd choose a bear over a man in The Backrooms, a brief essay [SPOILERS AHEAD]:
1. The bear is honest about the fact that it wants to kill me
2. The bearโs pores arenโt terrifyingly noticeable under fluorescent lighting
3. I donโt have to listen to the bear say he โdoesnโt want to changeโ.
4. The bear isnโt going to call me to trap my ass in there in the first place
5. I canโt outrun a bear, but I can navigate misogynistic workplaces and repetitive bullshit with more grace and speed than a wild animal
6. The bear is hungry, not fighting with his ex wife and needing me to fix a situation Iโm not even involved in
7. Idk the bear is just much less needy
8. If the bear eats one of the weird people in there itโs going to be way less traumatising than a man taking a chunk out of a person
9. Perhaps the bear will eat whatever was damaging in there, a balanced ecosystem. What will a man do? Use resources? Be scared? Cause drama? Apparently.
10. The bearโs inner demons probably arenโt going to turn into a giant pirate? Grow up. If anything theyโd just turn into a bigger bear which if Iโm already dealing with a bear, whatever.
11. A bear isnโt going to lure his young employees in there?? Literally wtf lol PLEASE give me the bear
12. When the bear kills me, it will be relatively fast. Hell, even if it takes hours, thatโs better than what some men have planned. Or what their inner pirate demons have planned. Go to therapy.
13. Bears canโt use doorknobs. Or light switches. Or rope.
14. The bear might even kill the whole TEAM of men that are in there wanting to kill whatever woman wanders in
15. A bear isnโt going to call his delusions โresearchโ
16. A bear has a more solid sense of himself than most men, and I prefer that confidence
17. The bear will not have BO after wandering endlessly
18. The bear wonโt make creepy drawings on the walls, none of you are Basquiat so knock it off with the crayons.
19. Perhaps the bear and I could learn to love each other
20. The bear will not make me relive my trauma with my mother
I could go on forever but overall the bear would be way easier to reason with. Lots of pros to the bear.
Plus the pirate inner demon thing is intolerable lol. Not the dumbest inner demon Iโve seen from a man, but if a man busted that one out, Iโd bi-erase myself.
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