Raccoon and Friends x New-Kid!Reader
Headcanons for a hero reader who dips from the franchise.
Synopsis: Being the new kid, you get plenty of flack from all sides. Shitty parents, and you're beginning to realize, even shittier friends. Fed up, you announce your departure from the franchise, to mixed reactions from New kid's many admirers.
A/N: Sorry I've been gone so long, I was in a bit of a south park dry spell without new episodes and a new game that kinda sucked. But I'm back and with a request from Anon, the freedom Pals version of this will be released soon.
The Raccoon (Eric Cartman)
â He's pissed. I mean, no suprise, he's always pissed, but he's especially pissed that you think you can leave. He'll never admit it to your face, but you're kinda carrying the franchise right now. You're his heavy hitter, and you actually stand up pretty well against 'Myst-queer-ion', as he so aptly calls him.
â He may or may not have had some plans in the works to get you forced into some sort of power couple with him, further tying you into the franchise. You leaving is only going to make it more difficult to asserts his power over you. That's what this is, a power play, and definetly not because he's actually in love with you and doesn't want to admit he's crushing on a guy. Even if you are a female!New Kid, it's still very confusing. Like Prince.
â He's already giving you quite a lot of new benefits. Want your own little space in the Raccoon cave? Great, he'll move the dog crate acting as a holding cell for professor chaos. Want another movie deal in the franchise? You got it, fuck Kyle. Who wants a human kite movie anyways?
"What. The. Fuck?" The sound of scratching on glass, like a stray in the night, makes you look at your window. Your curious and concerned face only falls further at the sight of a familiar 'big-boned' brunette sitting on your windowsill. "New kid, you little traitor bitch. You're trying to leave? Still?" He tries to casually slide into the room, only to fall; scattering some of your decor. "The fuck? Clear this out next time I visit." He demands, before putting his hands behind his back and pacing. "I'll remind you, you signed a legally binding contract to remain with the franchise when you joined. You're locked in, and frankly, I'm offended you're trying to weasel your way out." When you ask to see the contract, he produces a piece of paper, crumpled and clearly written on the back of a Casa Bonita delivery menu. In bright letters, it reads 'Raccoon and Friends Exclusivity contract, duration: 4 ever. I own you.' At the bottom, the name written is simply 'New Kid', and obviously not your hand writing. You raise a brow, only making him sputter and shove it back in his pocket. "Right, well, now you know. Keep it in line, and I expect to see you back at the cave tomorrow." He snaps. He hops onto the windowsill, before immediately falling out. "Fuck, Clyde- shit! Why'd you move the ladder?"
Human Kite (Kyle Broflovski):
â He gets it, he totally gets why you would want to leave Cartmans shitty franchise, but that doesn't stop him from wishing you wouldn't go. He's gotten pretty close to you, and you're one of the more reasonable members of the team. He really wants you to balance out meetings. He's already lost Stan to the freedom Pals, and even though you aren't leaving for them, it still hurts.
â He'll try to keep you away from the Raccoon for a bit, maybe pair up with you on missions more. He wants to do some goods deeds with you, remind you why you became heroes in the first place, you know?
â He enjoys the quality time you get to spend together when on patrol, and he's so busy with school during the day. If you leave, he's worried you'll grow apart, again, a concern that lingers from Stan's departure. His crush on you doesn't help, half of the patrols you go on he considers dates, so if you leave he'll have to man up and actually ask you out.
"Yeah, just, uh, don't run into the street anymore, yeah?" Human Kite chides, as the kindergartner he swooped in to save moments ago from the middle of the road runs off. "We really need to get a fence put around the children's park. Maybe we could fundraise or something. The city council is shitty enough, but public safety is something they don't even pay attention to!" He exclaims, holding his hands up. "I mean, really, New Kid. That's the point of being a hero, making a difference. Least it is for you and me, it's about money and movie deals with fatass." Puasing for a moment, he scuffs his shoe against a pebble. "You know, you don't have to go. Cartman sucks, and we might bot have the funding the Freedom Pals have, but we do good stuff! And, and this city could really use it." He glances at you, looking like he may want to say more. "Just think about it, man." Please do, he really needs you to balance out the rest of the Raccoon and friends.
Captain Diabetes (Scott Malkinson):
â Please, you can't do this to him. You are one of the few people in the group who are kind to him. You can't just abandon him! He'll do ANYTHING!
â He caves, reaching whipping boy status immediately. Anything you want, he'll get it. Snacks, stuff for weapons, loose change. Its yours!
â He's one tough cookie (no diabetes joke intended), so he essentially becomes a human shield for you. I mean, Clyde is always crying about getting his ass kicked, maybe that's why you're leaving. Scott can take a beating, so its no problem for him to sacrifice himself if it means you'll stay.
â "Ach, no problem, New kid." Scott grunts out, sitting up a bit. The pair of you had gone to handle a situation with some meth dealers back behind the City Wok. One almost got the jump on you, but Scott jumped in to take the hit. "It's- it's what teammates do. I-" He wobbles, gripping his side a bit. "It's probably gonna take a bit to heal though, even with my diabetes strength. Maybe you should stick around a few more weeks, just to make sure I heal. F-for the good of the city." He coughs.
Mosquito (Clyde Donovan):
â Guilt trip. He's probably the only one who'll pull that card, but if he really thinks you're being serious about leaving, he'll cry. Usually, no one cares about his cries, whether he's suffering from a raisins girl 'break up' or he's skinned his knee during battle. But you? You've always been sweet to him. You patch him up, you take him seriously. What's he gonna do if you're gone?!
â He's going to throw a pity party before he forms any real strategy. Probably go to raisins and blow his entire months allowance on Zingy Tingy Wingys and compliments from the girls. Soon, he decides that maybe the only way to get you to stay is keep you busy. Slamming down his lemonade and once again fleeing from Raisins (with some hesitation), he sets out to find some criminals.
â He modifies Scott's plan of protecting you at risk of hurting himself by cutting out the 'saving' part. He's self-aware, he knows that you can handle yourself, and any aid he provides you would probably just result in him getting in the way. So, he finds some low level thugs, and wins, but ensures he gets his ass absolutely kicked in the process. Decimated, little horn nose crumpled and wings torn.
"Jesus christ, mosquito, did you get hit by a bus?" The Raccoon calls from his spot at the computer, less worried about his friend and more about how this is gonna make the team look. "Could you get beat down less publicly? You're gonna make us look like pussies."
"Ah, they were tough, b-but no match for the MOSQUITO! Bzz-bzz." Clyde walks with a slight hobble, all the way to your right hand spot at the long fold out table initiated with a C and F. "I got pretty messed up, New kid." He admits, leaning against the table with exaggerated yet not feigned pain. "Bzz-bzz-buf it always make me feel better knowing I've got a great team to come back to. Especially a pal like you. Can you patch me up?" He asks, looking about as pathetic as a bug themed boy can be. You sigh, but agree with the usual smile. As you hand him a 'blood box' that's suspiciously apple flavored, and wrap a bandage around his leg, his spirits improve immediately. "I don't know what I'd do without you, New kid. Probably get like- stabbed or murdered or something."
"Probably worse." Raccoon calls.
He's quick to nod, giving you big, sad eyes. Just stay, please? He's playing it up; but he really can't hold his own.
Fast Pass (Jimmy Valmer):
â Jimmy is a casual guy. He doesn't want you to leave, but its not the end of the world for him. Between the two of you, he doesn't actually do that much fighting, and what he does do gets handled quickly.
â Even with running the Fast Pass checkpoints system, he's got a lot of free time. He's more than happy to swing by your place, maybe 'run' (get it?) Some new comedy material by you.
âMostly, I think he'd miss running on missions with you. It's always a fun time, and you usually grab a meal afterwards. Even if you arent fighting crime, he's sure to keep the tradition of the post-fight meal up.
"H-h-hey, new kid. Delivery!" You can hear a voice from just outside your window, and smile as you poke your head out. "Someone order e-e-extra speedy service-ce? I handled some robbers d-down by the old S-sodasopa, and one of em' had a coupon for Mr. Freemans tacos. Dinner o-on me?" He asks. You're trying to avoid most franchise members right now, but you just can't say no to Jimmy. "You're gonna have to c-come down here though. I-I have super speed, but uh- stairs are still kind of kryptonite."
Super Craig (Craig Tucker) (Platonic):
â He so doesn't care, man. He's like Jimmy, he doesn't actually do much fighting, or work, and he takes very little enjoyment in actually fighting most criminals. He handles minor things Raccoon assigns him, and even at those, he's not exerting much effort. Just loosely punching a tree to shake a cat out of it.
â Honestly, he thinks its for the best. He's not willing to admit it, but he's still pretty fucked up over Tweek leaving for Freedom Pals. He'd much rather you butt out of this whole franchise war now before things get tense or you leave on bad terms.
"Yeah, this place fucking sucks." That's his only real response when he gets the news. "Wanna play Guitar Hero?"
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
izzy806
tangentwithtanner
