I'm Not Good at Titles

Hello, I'm Ellen. I care about a lot of things and I can be a little aggressive about it. 24. WI. pansexual she/her/they/them

[officialunitedstates]

I just got absolutely pulverized

[valtsv]

lotr + the sexuality generator

bonus:

[bifurthedwarf]

[rhymeswithbacon]

[meeko-mar]

I’ve never actually seen what it looked like before Mt. Rushmore…it’s so saddening.

[verymememuchimpresswow]

P r e a c h

[thevelvetgoldmine]

bob’s burgers thanksgiving episodes

[phoebe-bffay-deactivated2021111]

You think that’ll work?

[hobbit-hole]

if i had to get in a fistfight with any member of the fellowship it would be Frodo because i would easily win

[hobbit-hole]

all i am saying is that he would ostensibly be the easiest one to take on in a fight given that he’s like three feet tall and has led a life of (physical) leisure compared to all of the others due to his standing as a gentlehobbit

legolas, aragorn, and gimli are all used to combat, sam works as a gardener, merry and pippin often gallivant off and get into mischief so they have the advantage of experience in whatever it is they’ve gotten up to/would possibly fight dirty, gandalf is gandalf so while weapons are out of the question i suppose that depends on if magic is involved. i don’t think i could take him without magic even if he IS old because he’s a very large guy, but maybe

it would be my knuckles against Frodo’s baby soft poet hands, plus i’ve got the additional height and fighting experience. i just think that he would be the easiest to win against in hand-to-hand combat out of the rest of them. also he isn’t real so he can’t offer a rebuttal to my claim

[penny-anna]

you’re absolutely correct BUT wanting to fight Frodo makes you a monster D:

[hobbit-hole]

this has nothing to do with WANTING to fight Frodo, i just think he would be easiest for me to beat in a fight with no weapons. unless he utilized his very large feet, but i think he’s too polite to do that because it’s a fist fight and that would be considered playing dirty

[penny-anna]

for someone who doesn’t want to fight Frodo you sure have put a lot of thought into fighting Frodo……….

[animate-mush]

OP is wrong though: you fight Pippin.

First off, Pippin has it coming, so you won’t be fighting your conscience at the same time.

Secondly, Pippin is a spoiled rich kid. He’s no less gentry than Frodo is, but Frodo works out and is shown to have better stamina, at least at the outset. Pippin is also both the stupidest and the slowest of the hobbits. They both nearly beat one (1) troll, so that’s comparable, but Pippin appears not to have got a single hit in against the orcs that captured them while Merry was cutting off hands like a boss. Pippin also straight-up tell Bergil that he’s not a fighter.

Also there’s a nonzero chance that Frodo will just straight up curse you (if the guilt of fighting Frodo isn’t enough if a curse by itself).

And, of course, if you try to fight Frodo, you will 100% end up fighting Sam, and he will wreck you (and you’ll deserve it, you monster)

[penny-anna]

Also: if you fight Frodo you’ll have a very angry Sam & possibly also the entire Fellowship to deal with BUT if you fight Pippin they will probably cheer you on.

[westrons-deactivated20200930]

Bold of you to assume one could attempt to fight Pippin and NOT instantly be killed by Boromir.

[feynites]

So here’s the thing - you absolutely DO NOT want to try and fight Frodo or Pippin because they are going to be protected by the rest of the Fellowship, which basically exists to stop asshole Big People from picking on the hobbits. Folk might talk a big game but when the chips are down, you are not going to lay a single hand on any of the hobbits. Either you’ll find yourself immediately fighting all four of them or else you’ll move to land your first hit and suddenly Aragorn will side-tackle you into the trees. And he probably hits like a freight train tbh.

So here’s what you do:

You fight Legolas.

The thing about fist-fighting Legolas of course is that you will lose. This is not a fight you’re gonna win no matter what. But Legolas has his standing competition with Gimli, so once the challenge is issued, he’s not gonna let anyone else step in and fight you either. No one is liable to volunteer on his behalf, either, so you will only end up fighting the one member of the fellowship. If you are lucky he might also take his shirt off. Bonus!

Anyway.

Legolas will mop the floor with you, but he’s also already convinced you’re weaker than him anyway because you’re not an elf, so he’s gonna go kind of easy on you. And when you lose he will be all snide and superior about it, which means everyone in the fellowship is gonna sympathize with you, and Gimli will probably challenge him on your behalf afterwards, but here’s the key thing:

You will have lost a fist-fight to an immortal warrior prince.

That’s a way better loss to cop to than that time you tried to fistfight a pudgy gentlehobbit and got beaten to the point of unconsciousness by his gardener, yeah?

[icescrabblerjerky]

okay so tolkien tumblr is fast becoming my fave tumblr community thank you thank you all you are the true fellowship here.

[househunting]

$1950 per month/ 1br - 800ft2

K Town, LA, CA

[dreamsmage]

i’ve been laughing at this for 2 hours

[drinkpisspissblood]

most annoying things about the signs

aries: “i’m an aries”

taurus: super jealous and territorial but goes after everyones man 

gemini: judgy!! 

cancer: super specific about their sleeping situation like “it has to be 100% dark and i need a fan on and exactly 2.5 pillows and a queen sized bed to myself”

leo: would break their own fingers to be the center of attention for 5 seconds

virgo: the flakiest people ever, will call you 5 hours after you were supposed to meet and say they fell asleep

libra: will manipulate you for dumb reasons like make you think you want mcdonalds so it doesnt seem like it was their idea

scorpio: genuinely a little bit evil for no reason

sagittarius: never calm down???like please relax

capricorn: will fuck up their own life and then whine about it like it wasn’t 100% their own fault

aquarius: constantly says they don’t like petty/fake people but lowkey one of the most petty/fake signs / 

pisces: constantly crying and need to be babied 

[twilightly-blog]

Jennifer looking at Needy. Jennifer’s Body (2009) dir. Karyn Kusama

[fatmdaily]

so much power

[lotrfansaredorcs]

One overlooked thing that really sets the Lord of the Rings films apart from other franchises is how earnest they are-

Most movies are so afraid of being “cheesy” that whenever they say something like “friendship is the most powerful force in the world” they quickly undercut it with a joke to show We Don’t Really Believe That! ;)  Even Disney films nowadays have the characters mock their own movie’s tropes (”if you start singing, I’m gonna throw up!”) It’s like winking at the camera: “See, audience? We know this is ridiculous! We’re in on the joke!”

But Lord of the Rings is just 12.5 hours of friendship and love being the most powerful forces in the world, played straight. Characters have conversations about how much their home and family and friends mean to them, how hope is eternal, how there is so much in the world that’s worth living for…. and the film doesn’t apologize for that. There’s no winking at the audience about How Cheesy and Silly All This Is; it’s just. Completely in earnest.

And when Lord of the Rings does “lean on the fourth wall” to talk about storytelling within the film, it’s never to make jokes about How Ridiculous These Storytelling Tropes are (the way most films do)…. but instead to talk about how valuable these stories can be. Like Sam’s Speech at the end of the Two Towers: the greatest stories are ones that give you something to believe in, give you hope, that help you see there are things in a bleak violent world that are worth living for

[nitrateglow]

Earnestness is so much cooler than all the hip cynicism in the world. You go LOTR

[lotrfansaredorcs]

[bloodsisters-deactivated2023013]

Literally being a girl feels like nonconsensual performance art

[rionsuke]

After everything that happened in Ragnarok, imagine Thor hearing about Steve and Tony’s fight and being like “Really?! Thats why you all stopped working together?! Just get over it! I did! I’m still friends with Loki and he’s betrayed me three times since breakfast! This petty mortal shit is nothing!”

[wombatking]

Loki: “Can confirm, poisoning his mead right now.”

Thor: “Ha! I’ve built up an immunity.”

[thorinobsessed]

Now I feel I was cheated on Civil War

[emysabath]

Steve: “Well, we disagreed about this big political thing, and I mean big - almost every country in the world was involved.” Thor: *nodding* “Right.” Steve: “So we started to fight, I mean really fight.  We each had about half a dozen friends backing us up.” Thor: *nodding* “Always best to bring your friends along” Steve: “And by the end, it was just me and Tony, and we… we really pounded each other…. no holding back.” Thor: *nodding* “The most honorable way to fight” Steve:  “So now we’re not friends anymore.” Thor: “… you lost me.”

[edg3ydaddies]

[la-laborista-republiko]

[jumpingjacktrash]

“i don’t like either candidate so i won’t vote” what are you thinking, if enough people wuss out we’re going to have President None Of The Above? hey we’re counting the votes and ten percent of voters stayed home and jerked it to their own ideological purity, guess we just won’t have a president and all the executive level decisions will be made by a magic 8-ball for the next 4 years

[jumpingjacktrash]

i wrote this 2 years ago and – yeah. look, let’s just learn, ok? midterms coming up, pull up your big citizen pants and go do the thing.

[househunting]

$1,940,000/3 br/2700 sq ft

Coral Gables, FL

built in 1979