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@ecriivant
POPS OUTTA THE GROUND
HELLO! I AM HERE
well... sort of! i have decided to condense all my muses && start a new blog instead! i have brought a majority of the muses here with me, but some have been dropped because i want to work on them more. that being said, if you have threads or plots, we can continue them! or if you’re passionate about a muse, i can also bring them over
looking forward to writing with y’all again!!!
.
i’m also going to revise nova some so y’know—head’s up? also like this if you want a short starter from her
hello y’all!!!! i’m gonna tentatively dip my toe back in here—but take it slow please like this && i’ll swing into your IMs;; let’s work something out! ( && maybe do some quick back && forths xoxo )
@ecriivant SUBMITTED
what are things that are ASSOCIATED with ( 𝓋𝒶𝓁𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑒'𝓈 𝒹𝒶𝓎 ) ? HEARTS, 𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓮𝓼, ｃｈｏｃｏｌａｔｅｓ — it feels like it should be rather self E X P L A N A T O R Y . yet as woojin stood in the aisles of the store, in front of the florist as she explained what a r r a n g e m e n t his love might like, he can feel this sense of ｉｍｐｅｎｄｉｎｇ ᴅᴏᴏᴍ. it should be so cut && dry, so easy && obvious—CAPITALISM should have made a clear ғ ᴏ ʀ ᴍ ᴜ ʟ ᴀ out of the holiday already ;; though maybe that’s where his ａｎｘｉｅｔｙ comes from: is he going too FAR? is he being too PREDICTABLE?
he doesn’t know. he doesn’t even know as he takes the ｌｏｎｇ walk over to jude’s, having not cleaned his own place because he was a ɴᴇʀᴠᴏᴜs ᴡʀᴇᴄᴋ. but 𝓁𝓊𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓎, jude has offered his own without prompt—-woojin wonders if it’s because he can SENSE just how nervous he is, but he tries not to think about that. he has ( E N O U G H ) on his mind as it is to try && start making it W O R S E .
when jude opens the door, he smiles—albeit a little ＡＷＫＷＡＲＤＬＹ;; but what else is new?—with the flowers in his arms && a small bag by his side. he takes some 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝒾𝒶𝓇 things out: a red-heart box of chocolates, wrapped with a 𝓫𝓸𝔀; a card with woojin's 𝒸𝓊𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 but so obviously s ʜ ᴀ ᴋ ɪ ɴ ɢ handwriting rolling across it; && the camera that jude had let him “ borrow ” — not so much a gift, but it felt like an integral part of them. where they went, so did the camera.
but what he hides from jude for a bit is the photo album he had put together. he had spent a few hours in the store, going through some ｐｏｔｅｎｔｉａｌ albums before stopping by the crafts store && buckling ᴅᴏᴡɴ for a handful of hours just to make it for jude because nothing was good enough. but he hopes THIS is && when he pulls it out, the handiwork is ＡＰＰＡＲＥＮＴ, but so is the 𝒸𝒶𝓇𝑒. “ i know you said you weren't good at taking photos, so i though i’d put together an album to show that you were, ” he says, handing it off && trying not to SHAKE. “ happy valentine’s day, jude. ”
a dimly lit room and small, floating flames from numerous candles doled out around the living room. in the middle of it all, a small table arranged with dinner prepared by the nervous hands of jude himself. the plan is flawless, it’s just a matter of execution now. is it all too much ? too predictable ? doesn’t matter, he liked creating the ambiance and making it special. anything for woojin. all this effort & planning coming from someone who hasn’t quite played the role before is quite impressive. then again, it wasn’t rocket science. there’s a pep in his step, a spark in his eye, and above all, a raging heartbeat stirring up an anxious storm. — would woojin even like all this ?
there’s a knock at the door, and jude takes longer than usual to answer it. first he scrambles around with the intent of opening the door, but then he finds himself running to a mirror and avoiding catching fire in the process. does he look okay ? jude pats down the single strand of hair sticking out and runs back to the door again. first a deep breath, then some self-assurance ( you got this, bud ) ; when he unlocks the door, he doesn’t even need to force a smile. apparently it’s an automatic reaction to the sight of his boyfriend. the flowers, the cards, the chocolate– “ thank you. ” he takes a sniff of the beautifully arranged carnations and baby’s breath. “ i didn’t know i had a favourite flower till just now. ”
and then for the show stopper, as though woojin hadn’t already done enough. jude is at a loss for words. as he carefully peels open the cover of woojin’s present, he’s holding in a deep breath to make sure he’s not being too jarring with his creation. the care and effort put into it is apparent, which makes it all the more special. “ this… how long did it take you ? ” woojin in visibly anxious ; is jude not excited enough ? well, how could he be when’s so occupied expressing amazement ? each page is flipped with lots of love and care, jude is frightfully moved by the surprise. “ i’m sure it took you a really long time. i– i don’t know what to say. ” the fact that the had remembered jude’s insecurities in his craft— it made him feel all kinds of mellow. “ i love it. thank you. ” now his gift pales in comparison.
he had been up for nights trying to understand and learn ( two things he’s really good at, so preparation was fun ) the art of transferring music onto the outdated but classic cassette tape. earlier in the year, he found an affordable, old portable radioshack recorder with woojin’s name written all over it, he had to get it for him. and he had thought there was plenty of time for him to learn how to make a mixtape, but only a week before the due date does he begin. there’s a tiny message scribbled on the inside of the self-made cover. “ i have an album, of sorts, for you as well. ” it’s a bit funny how they had unknowingly picked similar kinds of gifts. “ it’s a mixtape, ” he hands over the small box first. “ with all the songs that make me think about you. and i figured recorders aren’t all that common these days, so here’s the rest of your present. happy valentine’s day, woojin. ”
VALENTINE HEADCANONS
💔 = Has your muse ever been heartbroken? If so, explain what happened.
🌹 = How would your muse react to romantic gestures, expected or not?
🌷 = Is your muse likely to be the one to make the first move, or would they wait for the other to make a move first?
🎁 = Does your muse become flattered to receive gifts?
😍 = Does your muse have any crushes? If so, who are they?
😘 = Does your muse like to flirt? Do they like to be flirted with?
❤️ = Does your muse focus on one person, or do they like to go and date as many people as possible?
💛 = In what ways does your muse express their love to their partner?
💚 = Does your muse get jealous easy?
💙 = Does your muse prefer a night out or a night in?
💜 = Does your muse date others based on their appearance or personality, or both?
♡ = Is there any kind of person that your muse will never date?
💞 = Does your muse believe in soulmates?
💘 = Does your muse believe in astrology signs? If so, what sign are they most compatible with? And is this important when considering a date?
💗 = Would your muse prefer a large, public proposal, or do they prefer a small, private one?
💵 = Is money an important factor to consider when dating? Does your muse prefer rich partners?
💎 = What kind of gemstone would your muse prefer on their engagement or wedding ring?
💍 = Big or small wedding?
💅🏻 = Does your muse always try to look their best around their partner, or are they comfortable wearing anything around them?
[ X ] ( peep! )
📸 send me a [ X ] to see my muses favorite picture of your muse ¦ ( always accepting )
© jude ; circa november 2018.
note: given jude’s collection of woojin candids, this was supposed to be the EASIEST task. but he has so many favourites, it took a whole hour to pick one, and of course he goes for the grainiest one in his collection, but look how smiley his baby bf is, sigh. this is probably one of the first photos he took of woojin, just as they were getting close, and woojin wasn’t entirely sure about being in front of a camera.
( anthelias )
these feelings that he has for woojin, they’re new. no amount of ‘ experience ’ nor fantasizing had prepared him for this much fondness towards another person. he can’t believe he’s actually LIVING a moment in his life where he’s so comfortably p e a c e f u l next to another boy and then the boy is kissing him, setting his nerves on fire. jude can quite literally feel his nerves, in whatever bits of his nervousness still lingers whenever woojin’s around, exploding — the whole ‘ butterflies in your stomach ’ thing is real, there’s no ignoring them. and his heart. his poor heart is being o v e r w o r k e d . if he didn’t know woojin is the cause for his ache, jude would assume his young self to be on verge of a heart attack soon.
when woojin’s lips caress his smile, unlike him, jude doesn’t hesitate to kiss back. hand reaches for his face with closed eyes, and in the darkness of his mind, his fingers gently lay on his neck.
the last thing he wants is for this pureness that he shares with woojin to be t a i n t e d. tainted by the unwelcome hatred and / or the much-appreciated support of others. he doesn’t want the dream he’s living in to end. everything about right now is amazing, and REALITY threatens it. there’s too much good in them, and maybe it’s because they’ve kept it secret for so long that no outsider has had their turn to sway them. they’re natural.
it’s getting to a point where it hurts to even be away from him for a matter of minutes, let alone the few hours they need to spend away, for classes. yes, this relationship is putting a s t r a i n on his education, but THE WONDERS it’s been doing to his wellness are beyond jude’s own understanding. sure, blame it on the hormones, hormones and a couple more hormones. all he knows is that no amount of pills alone have worked as well as woojin is working out for him. and the side-affects are more than just manageable. the likelihood of addiction ? oh, it’s there. but it’ll be worth it.
he pulls away to catch his breath, but only barely so that as jude lays beside him, their faces are aligned. with their bodies intertwined, he’s back at it, admiring every little detail of his perfect face. it’s getting borderline-creepy, but good grief, he hasn’t really noticed how attractive he really is — that’s not entirely true, he has been drawn to woojin for a while, but jude is only noticing the intricacies of his aesthetic appeal just now. “ you’re very attractive, ” he suddenly remarks, and then lets out a small chuckle after realization strikes.
“ — I’m such an embarrassment… I’m so obsessed with you, and how good you are to me, how good you are FOR me, and how much you mean to me. it’s so much for me to handle. I don’t know half the things I say when I’m around you… ” he bites his lip in wonder, eyes fixated on him. “ what are you doing to me, woojin sim ? ” his fingers slowly reach into his hair and his fingers gently, carefully rumble and tumble in short strands as jude moves to rest his forehead against his.
it's silly, woojin knows, but for that ｓｐｌｉｔ ｓｅｃｏｎｄ after he kisses jude, he wonders if he'll kiss back. he questions if jude really wants him, as if the ʟᴏɴɢ ɴɪɢʜᴛs they've spent, the 𝓆𝓊𝒾𝑒𝓉 𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈 hidden away in the library meant ＮＯＴＨＩＮＧ . as if there were a whole other audience out there that jude was showing his 𝒶𝒻𝒻𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 off to—because the idea that woojin himself was the intended audience never occurred to him. he always felt like a player in someone else's game, someone who needed to learn how to make ᴀᴄᴄᴏᴍᴍᴏᴅᴀ- ᴛɪᴏɴs rather than being accommodated ｆｏｒ.
but as jude's hand comes to a rest along the back of his neck, sending that ᴇʟᴇᴄᴛʀɪᴄ ｓｈｉｖｅｒ up woojin's back, he can't think of anyone else who was more concerned with his wellbeing than jude. as he leans into the kiss, sliding his hand from jude's chin to ( cradle ) his cheek, he has never felt so [ seen ] as he has felt with jude—&& for once it doesn't feel like a VULNERABILITY. for once, he w a n t s someone to see him, bare but ｔｒｕｅ . it's a longing that he's had for a ʟᴏɴɢ ᴛɪᴍᴇ, but it was only now that he felt safe enough to make it a reality.
he doesn't even realize that he's out of breath until jude pulls away—much like how he doesn't realize how much he 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓼 jude until they're not together any- more. woojin has no clue when it happened, how jude had so ｑｕｉｅｔｌｙ worked his way into being such a fundamental part of his life. but as ᴅᴇᴘᴇɴᴅᴇɴᴛ && C R A Z Y as that sounds, he wouldn't have it any other way—it wasn't as if most people thought that he was ＯＮＥ of those things already, anyway. but at least it was on his terms ғᴏʀ ᴏɴᴄᴇ;; many things seemed to be on his terms once it came to jude.
it's why he doesn't even find it S T R A N G E when jude's gaze lingers on him— because woojin's own gaze is looking back at him. woojin had never been one for ᴇʏᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀᴄᴛ, partly because of the way he was RAISED, partly because of his ᴄ ʀ ɪ ᴘ ᴘ ʟ ɪ ɴ ɢ 𝓈𝒽𝓎𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓈, but with jude, it felt good. with jude, having him focus on him—it reminded him that he had something worth ANCHORING him here. that life didn't have to feel like he was ｅｔｅｒｎａｌｌｙ trapped in the spin cycle of a washing machine, his colors left to slowly ｆａｄｅ. he still went through the same motions as before, but now it was PUNCTUATED by happy moments like these && each motion brought him closer to jude every time.
“ that's a good question, ” he whispers, his gaze ａｖｏｉｄａｎｔ a moment as a blush lights up his cheeks in response to jude's words. in a BRAVE moment, his gaze looks up again—but ｌｉｎｇｅｒｓ again on his lips, thinking of how good they felt against his, how ʜᴇ wanted to be the one biting them && he knows that this INSANITY is shared, their own 𝒻𝑜𝓁𝒾𝑒 𝓪 𝒹𝑒𝓊𝓍. “ but i want to know what you're doing to me, too." he says this as he searches jude's eyes, as if the an- swers were there, in the dark brown, as if it's written somewhere in those 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃-𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 freckles. but he knows there's no answer, just this insati- able desire for another 𝓴𝓲𝓼𝓼 that woojin takes ʜᴜɴɢʀɪʟʏ, not wanting even the ｂａｒｅｓｔ of spaces to separate them anymore.
( anthelias )
they both know they want to be here, beside each other and away from everything else they’re running from. one might consider they’re only locked away to hide from being found out. again, this would be running away from facing their true selves. but if you call this running, he’d love to be on the run for as long as woojin will let him.
sometimes he wonders if they’re moving too soon, fearing that if they burn too bright, they’ll burn out just as soon. but after letting months pass and feelings pent up, they were hardly moving too quickly. his frame of time is questionable with a proper reference, but for two boys both shy in their own ways, fast is probably still s l o w. how did they end up here ? with both of them being as shy as they are, it was difficult for jude to take that first step and he feared to be turned down the entire time—still worries, to be honest.
there’s no denying that there’s something I n v i g o r a t i n g about challenging his overwhelmed and insecure self, and confronting his fears, ESPECIALLY when the results are as rewarding as woojin himself. he enjoys taking the lead with woojin, and adores how shy the other can get ( when he hates that about himself ). he’s willing to GROW out of his shell. he craves intimacy as though he was deprived of it all his life, which is only partially true and mostly so because he rejected it every chance he got. with all the flaws he bags, it still strikes him as a surprise that he, jude kane, can make someone feel the way woojin does.
as he lays there beside him, he still can’t seem to get him off his mind. “ it is. ” good doesn’t even come close to describing this, to describe them. this moment they’re in now, woojin’s arm around jude, their heads so close next to each other that even the slightest turn of his head would make jude’s nose brush against his forehead– the best part is that jude is comfortable being so close to someone else. “ are you good ? ” he doesn’t know why he’s whispering, but he does so anyway as a way to maintain the sanctity of their quiet place.
furthermore, he also doesn’t know why asks that of him. just that jude doesn’t want to impose his own feelings on woojin so that they become something he is obliged to reciprocate. “ are you enjoying the blanket fort ? ” more importantly, is he enjoying sharing the space with jude ? — he knows the answer, he can see it in how relaxed he is too, but is it so bad that jude wants to hear him say it out loud and enjoy being praised ?
no matter if jude thinks they're moving too FAST or too ｓｌｏｗ, woojin doesn't know better—this is all he has && in this very moment, it's all that he WANTS. && maybe that's ＮＡＲＲＯＷ－ＭＩＮＤＥＤ of him, but he doesn't care: to be LOVED is new to him, to be W A N T E D like this was new to him. since he was just a teen—well, of course he had his own r o m a n t i c fantasies. but they had always been just that to him: fantasies. && as fantasies go, he felt like the ᴜɢʟʏ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴜʀᴇs, not deserving of love && always on the ( outside ). jude was the first to show him that love might be possible for him && to woojin, that meant ｅｖｅｒｙｔｈｉｎｇ.
so if jude was insecure in this relationship—if either of them were, woojin had long since passed that concern. && who wa s he? to leave ᴡ ᴏ ʀ ʀ ʏ behind? he doesn't know—but it must be the n e w person who also felt so comfortable in 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 now. he feels like he should question that comfort, to wonder if this was a ｃａｌｍ before a STORM. but for the first time, he doesn't focus on all the things that could go W R O N G : he's preoccupied with all the things that are going right, right now. && he knows, in the back of his head, he's waiting for the other shoe to drop—but he keeps on ( focusing ) on jude && all the 𝓼𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 things to say because, for once, it's the ｅａｓｉｅｒ thing to do.
woojin's smile ｂｒｉｇｈｔｅｎｓ when jude says that he's good because even if it goes without saying, he, like jude, likes to h e a r the praise. it was such a ʀᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢ in his life as it was, that he wanted it as much as he could get it—just as he wanted 𝓉𝑜𝓊𝒸𝒽 as often as he could && jude gave him both without reser- vation && without conditions. he tilts his head toward jude, letting his forehead brush his nose as he nods. “ i like it here. ” ( 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 ) “ it feels safe. ” a ｔｈｒｏｗａｗａｙ sentence—but to woojin it means EVERYTHING, because he doesn't feel safe with just ANYONE, a n y w h e r e . ever since he got to this campus, he's ᴘᴀɪɴsᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢʟʏ carved out places for himself. but when he's with jude, it feels like he'll be safe no matter where he goes.
gently && idly, he runs his thumb along his chin, his fingertips up his jawline. he glances, almost ｓｕｒｒｅｐｔｉｔｉｏｕｓｌｙ, up at jude. they've been to- gether like this—how many times now? at least enough times for this to be comfortable for woojin by now. but his heart still beats ( LOUDLY ) in his chest as he leans in—ｈｅｓｉｔａｔｅｓ—before kissing jude softly.
( anthelias )
decency… well, it should be classified a skill for the products of unforgiving conditions. [ not that he should RELY on such a backstory too long. he is a success story, after all ]. he’s certain she’s not convinced — a clear indication that he’s not dealing with someone who’ll SURRENDER to the display of some tears. — maybe he should just face the FACT that he’s getting too old for a trick like that. besides, it was his shortcoming, that he assumed her kindness for a weakness. but who would’ve thought she’d give up on him so QUICKLY, only hours after sparing him a chance at life.
it’s impressive how quickly she picked up on the kind of person he is & likened him to a stray cat— MONTY is precisely that. a stray only loyal while he’s FAMISHED, and the moment he’s sufficed, he’ll turn around and walk away. but there’s only so much he can follow from a cat’s guide to being stray before he uses his human brain and cleans up his ACT. at least, for this particular miss. — equal parts of beauty & the brains, if monty’s any smart, he won’t double cross HER. someone without a gun wouldn’t flaunt it, so if he’s even the least bit CLEVER, he’ll b e h a v e. “ i won’t let you down, ” he proudly announces, cradling an OPTIMISM that hasn’t seen the light of day since… well, earlier that morning. he can’t promise that he won’t piss her off, since he’s unaware of her threshold for some lighthearted foolishness yet, but he’ll make an effort.
happiness doesn’t sate the appetite though, he still needs fuel for his body & his stomach makes no delay to g r u m b l e in a low [ & not to mention, embarrassing ] protest. “ sorry, miss, i appreciate all you’ve done for me already. but I’m afraid i have another question… would now be terrible timing to confess that I’m hungry ? ” absolutely f a m i s h e d.
monty could have tried the angle of a BAD CHILDHOOD as a reason for his ɪ ɴ ᴅ ᴇ ᴄ ᴇ ɴ ᴄ ʏ, but dieu would have shot back with her own T R A G E D I E S . she's ｐａｔｉｅｎｔ && understanding—but only to a ＰＯＩＮＴ . this world had proven over && o v e r again that it will take ᴀᴅᴠᴀɴᴛᴀɢᴇ of kindness;; it was a fact not even spared for ( family ), as her own UNFORGIVING c o n d i t i o n s have taught her. && from where she was sitting, it seemed like monty was very much a child of that very world—the world that dieu tried to ( p r o t e c t ) her community from.
which is why she's still ᴜɴᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ about her decision to let monty in: it felt like letting a DISEASE into her home, a TROJAN HORSE full of soldier. but monty isn't even a ｇｉｆｔ to her: he's ʙ ᴀ ᴅ , through && through && the only reason she can think of wanting to [ keep ] him around was a MORBID fascination ( just how B A D can he get? just how ｑｕｉｃｋｌｙ can he get her to draw her gun on him? ) .
no sooner had he tried to kiss her ass, though, promising not to disappoint, he's right back to DEMANDING things of her. already, he's ｓｋｉｔｔｅｒｉｎｇ over T H I N ice && he seems oddly HELLBENT on sliding right through a hole. had it not been for the fact that dieu was afraid t his one m i s t a k e would spell the end to her community, she might even find his ability to so e a s i l y return to an ᴜ ɴ ᴇ ᴀ ʀ ɴ ᴇ ᴅ position of privilege a point of interest. but at this point, she's just trying to do some D A M A G E control.
“ it's the worst timing you could think of, ” she says without hesitation. her face is ＢＬＡＮＫ for a moment && she seemed perfectly ready to leave him here— H U N G R Y . but after letting that sit on them for a bit, she looks at one of the guards stationed by her door && motions for him to go get them something to eat. “ where does a man like you develop an E G O like that? ”
@anthelias cont. from [ here ]
after pushing together some of his furniture and building a half-hearted attempt at a FORT, he lays beside woojin. under the blanketed roof, he’s curled up on his side, head propped upon sandwiched palms, from where he quietly admires the other. soft music plays in the background, and he’s enjoying the CALM after the long day had taken it out of him, but most of all, jude is appreciative of getting this, whateverLITTLE time he can spend with woojin in the chaos of their tangled, t e e m i n g academic lives.
he watches quietly. the steady rising and falling of his chest and the landscape of woojin’s profile ( one worth studying so closely, by the way ). every climb, every dip, from his forehead to his chin. and maybe he’s is burning holes into the side his head with how hard he’s been staring, but it makes woojin turns onto his side to face him, which is a WIN for the ever eager ‘ attention monopolizer. ’ woojin even spoils him by assuming a similar position and giving him a full view of his face. his already softened features BLOSSOM an expression that jude can only loosely translate to acurious ‘ what ? ’ an unspoken question, to which he responds to with a small, cautious smile that surfaces to his lips with a soft-spoken “ nothing. ”
and then when he least expects it, woojin’s hand reaches out ever so slowly, so G E N T L Y towards him; he doesn’t flinch and allows him. his cheeks warm up almost immediately to his touch and it prompts a yearning for woojin, even when he’s RIGHT THERE, right next to him. slowly but surely, jude is coming to terms with the magnitude of his feelings, and he can’t even BEGIN to fathom them. all he knows is that he wants this feeling to last, and hold onto it for as long as he can.
jude can’t take his eyes off him and leans into his warm palm, even when he’s TICKLISH to to his cold fingertips. but that doesn’t stop him from kissing those very fingers when he gets the chance to. this time, jude’s expression reflects an equally curious ‘ what ? ’, to which woojin responds with a silent answer hidden somewhere behind his g l o w i n g smile. to this, jude moves closer & kisses him before settling to lay comfortably CLOSER to him, compared to the arm’s span at which he was before.
–– –– he wonders, if they can ( please ) just stay in their blanket fort for the rest of eternity.
when was the last time that woojin had done s o m e t h i n g like this? he can't remember—might not even say he ever HAS . his guardians had never been ᴇᴀɢᴇʀ to indulge in his i m a g i n a t i o n ;; they ᴅ ᴇ ᴀ ʟ ᴛ with it, but they were ready for him to start to learn. for every picture book that he had, they tried to slip a WORKBOOK in, as if he wouldn't notice that he was doing m a t h instead of reading a ( story ). but after enough BERATING && IMPLORING, woojin supposed that anyone would eventually succumb && give themselves over to academics.
so when jude asked him if he had ever built a ＦＯＲＴ out of blankets, he blushed && said ɴᴏ, he had never done it before—but he was e a g e r to learn. there were so ｍａｎｙ things that he had started to learn from jude &&, of course, it had been fun to but it also reminded woojin just how small his life had been before. part of it had been ( sᴇʟғ-ɪᴍᴘᴏsᴇᴅ ) : the DIFFICULTY of getting out of bed, the f e a r of intimacy ( if he was going to be honest ) . but his own family had kept his world a bit small, keeping his nose turned down to books—though looking back now, woojin wonders if they had done it on PURPOSE or it was a ｃｏｎｓｅｑｕｅｎｃｅ of the values they themselves were raised on.
he doesn't want to think about that, though, && despite expecting to be a n x i o u s about the ᴘᴏssɪʙɪʟɪᴛʏ of the blanket falling on his head, he felt— ｐｅａｃｅｆｕｌ. it's one of those rare things for him to feel, but he's finding that he can associate that feeling more && more with jude.
speaking of jude, he can most d e f i n i t e l y feel his eyes on him—though he doesn't look at first, more shy than anything. but then he's turning over to face him && he can't say for sure what moves him to, but he reaches out to run his fingers along his cheek. he feels a ｓｈｉｖｅｒ run up his spine when jude leans into his touch—&& he knows that he wants to be here. they both do.
&& when jude moves closer, when he looks at him like that, he has a feeling that he knows what's next—but he never ｂｅｌｉｅｖｅｓ he's right. but then jude is leaning in to kiss him && he blushes, still never getting used to the gesture. the smile remains on his face as jude moves in closer && he lets his own arm rest ｃｏｍｆｏｒｔａｂｌｙ around jude. “ is this good? ” he asks softly, resting his head ever so close to jude's && thinking about a kiss of his own—but too shy as always to make the first move.
[ stroke ] for your muse to gently stoke my muse’s face ( jude + woojin, ofc )
✨ soft muse-reacts ⋮ ( accepting )
after pushing together some of his furniture and building a half-hearted attempt at a FORT, he lays beside woojin. under the blanketed roof, he’s curled up on his side, head propped upon sandwiched palms, from where he quietly admires the other. soft music plays in the background, and he’s enjoying the CALM after the long day had taken it out of him, but most of all, jude is appreciative of getting this, whatever LITTLE time he can spend with woojin in the chaos of their tangled, t e e m i n g academic lives.
he watches quietly. the steady rising and falling of his chest and the landscape of woojin’s profile ( one worth studying so closely, by the way ). every climb, every dip, from his forehead to his chin. and maybe he’s is burning holes into the side his head with how hard he’s been staring, but it makes woojin turns onto his side to face him, which is a WIN for the ever eager ‘ attention monopolizer. ’ woojin even spoils him by assuming a similar position and giving him a full view of his face. his already softened features BLOSSOM an expression that jude can only loosely translate to a curious ‘ what ? ’ an unspoken question, to which he responds to with a small, cautious smile that surfaces to his lips with a soft-spoken “ nothing. ”
and then when he least expects it, woojin’s hand reaches out ever so slowly, so G E N T LY towards him; he doesn’t flinch and allows him. his cheeks warm up almost immediately to his touch and it prompts a yearning for woojin, even when he’s RIGHT THERE, right next to him. slowly but surely, jude is coming to terms with the magnitude of his feelings, and he can’t even BEGIN to fathom them. all he knows is that he wants this feeling to last, and hold onto it for as long as he can.
jude can’t take his eyes off him and leans into his warm palm, even when he’s TICKLISH to to his cold fingertips. but that doesn’t stop him from kissing those very fingers when he gets the chance to. this time, jude’s expression reflects an equally curious ‘ what ? ’, to which woojin responds with a silent answer hidden somewhere behind his g l o w i n g smile. to this, jude moves closer & kisses him before settling to lay comfortably CLOSER to him, compared to the arm’s span at which he was before.
–– –– he wonders, if they can ( please ) just stay in their blanket fort for the rest of eternity.
( anthelias )
“ fine, ” he lies as well, giving him a quick sideways glance before he tries to STARE at his laptop screen again while not really soaking in any information. jude picks up one of woojin’s sticky notes and proceeds to MESSILY scribble ‘ ע૦υ Ր૯ ८υ੮૯ ’ with his left hand as his dominant hand is quite busy holding onto woojin’s. he then neatly peels and presses the little yellow square into his notebook.
ah, to be young and in love. jude very never attached to the prospect of being such a CLICHE, but he can quite h o n e s t l y get used to it. there really is an innocence to their heavily guarded SECRET and it’s the privacy of their f o r b i d d e n romance that lets him enjoy every bit of it. this being woojin’s first relationship puts a lot of pressure on the more seasoned ( well, he’s not THAT experienced, but still ) beau – he doesn’t want to let him down. but it’s assuring to know that he’s not the only one ENJOYING this.
“ i lied, i can’t focus, ” he clarifies, promptly closing down the screen and laying his head on his computer, looking in the other’s direction. “ do you need any help with functional neuroanatomy ? ” he reads off the t h i c k textbook spine.
it definitely takes one to know one—so woojin definitely knows that jude is l y i n g , too. but he doesn't mind because, as it always seems to be, they're in the same boat. it's a rare thing to share really a n y t h i n g with another person, so even a little white lie like this one is enough to make him smile.
he watches curiously as jude takes one of his post-it notes to scribble something on it—with his NON-DOMINANT hand, woojin notes. he tries to peer around his hand the whole time to figure out what he's trying to write—only to find himself ʙʟᴜsʜɪɴɢ when he sees it. he sinks a little more into his hand, though open- palmed, he's just trying to hide his ｐｉｎｋ ｃｈｅｅｋｓ from everyone around them.
he runs his finger around the little yellow square a couple times, at first consider- ing it && then just firmly STICKING IT onto the page. it'll be a nice thing to look at when things inevitably get ᴛᴏᴜɢʜ for him, a pleasant s u r p r i s e when he had to open his notebook for one of his hardest classes.
he laughs softly when jude gives up lying && he gently runs his thumb along the back of his hand. “ i need ＰＬＥＮＴＹ of help, ” he says with a little sigh. his eyes roam slowly over jude, ʀᴇsɪsᴛɪɴɢ the urge to run his hand through his hair. “ you don't look up to that, though? ”
( anthelias )
a better question, is there anything he ISN’T he running from ? it’s one of the few things he was good at– how about we put T H A T down for a skill ? long story short, “ i double-crossed a… colleague. violated some rules. ” believe it or not, he didn’t enjoy taking ACTUAL risks; engaging in activity that will get him noticed is not his forte unless he’s d e s p e r a t e. when ‘ the leader ’ asked him to protect the contraband, monty was BORED, not desperate. it was an easy way to make some bank and more relevantly, spike up the good old adrenaline.
how is he going to sell himself as L I K E A B L E when he doesn’t know what classifies as GOOD anymore. FUCK. think monty, think ! “ I don’t lie ! ” he’s relieved to announce. “ and when i do it’s only if i ABSOLUTELY need to. ” why did this feel so much like he was filling out some kind of recruitment form ? apart from that he has a less than impressive list of skills that sharing would do more harm than benefit, but it made the thought process easier. “ i’m quite adaptable, can lift some weight – don’t let my height fool you, ” monty stifles a laugh as he struggles to define himself.
OH– “ and i [ never ] leave debts unsettled. so if you do this for me, i will LITERALLY, in every sense of the word, owe you my life. ”
it feels like a recruitment form because it is: if monty wants somewhere to STAY, dieu wasn't going to hand it out like c a n d y to a baby. she wasn't a c h a r i t y: she had a community to manage && resources were already ｓｃａｒｃｅ ( what with some ɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏʀs being less d i p l o m a t i c than others ) — so if she was going to let someone in, she has to know that it'll be WORTH it. && so far, he wasn't able to follow the simple command of fuck off && don’t come back. so things aren't looking g r e a t .
the fact that his proposed résumé is about promising how l o y a l he is starting to play pretty ＰＯＯＲＬＹ in dieu's book—especially since he's here in the first place because he couldn’t be loyal. none of this is sitting well with her && her eyes flicker back up to the clock again, knowing that she has to make a choice soon. he's already spent too much of her time.
at the very least though, dieu will admit that he seems rather a m u s i n g . it's not a very ｐｒｏｄｕｃｔｉｖｅ skill, but at this point, throwing him out feels like tossing out a many street cat: a terrible addition to the house, but one way or another, it will find a crack in your window to c r a w l through. better, at this point, to keep tabs on it, than wait for it to do just that && DESTROY something valuable.
“ being a decent human being shouldn't really be a s k i l l , ” she starts. “ but since i am a decent human being, i'll give you a week. if you haven't managed to ᴘɪss ᴍᴇ ᴏғғ by that time, i'll let you stay longer, if that's what you still need. ”
( anthelias )
this particular camera, his first and favourite, was rescued out of one of his brothers’ boxes in the attic. when he was the only child living at home, he got to spend more time exploring his family through their things. the dining room was the only place they all gathered as ONE, but jude cannot recall a s i n g l e decent conversation that didn’t pertain to politics, school or what the neighbours’ kids were up to. – funny how that’s a universal experience, HILARIOUS: kids learning to determine their worth based on how well their competition fared ; not on ones own accomplishments, but on their failures.
there are so many stories that old boxes will tell you better than the people themselves. and now his own boxes have joined the lot. as much as he tries to recall, he can’t remember what secrets he has left behind for someone else to discover. he’s mostly worried about the box of scraps and old photographs that he seems to have LOST just before he could pack them up. nothing too concerning, except for if it gets into the wrong hands. some ripped out journal entries – not ‘ much. ’
he isn’t as skilled as his more talented brother, but maybe the reason why he obsessed with cameras so much was that roman would BOND with him over his curiosity. one simple question turned into a full blown obsession when he was rewarded with a sibling’s attention. if he got lucky, roman would even ask him to tag along so he can hold up reflectors. the only time jude, or any of his brothers bonded with each other, was over their father’s d i s a p p r o v a l. such as things that are not REAL jobs, like photography and clinical counseling.
What was it that he said about counselors? The lunatics that parents send their kids to when they go ‘ out of control. ’ A jab at his own son’s dossier of psychiatric evaluations. so naturally, the MORE that senator kane hated it, the more jude wanted it. the camera meant so much to him for many reasons, but most of all, it was a symbol of his brother’s defiance, one that he looked up to. there was some sentimental value to his possession, but jude was barely letting go of it. he trusted woojin enough to let him borrow it, try it out. that’s better than it collecting dust.
“ you wouldn’t be taking away much from me. besides, i’m just loaning it to you, like how you’d borrow a library book. ”
woojin might be one of the only few people he GENUINELY enjoys the company of ( even in their shared silence ) and trusts without any reservations. none that he can think of, anyway. there’s no specific reason why, if he’s asked to explain, and he can’t simply fall back on the reasoning that it’s a trust built over years of knowing each other. but maybe it’s woojin’s own confidence in him that he feels equally obliged to return ? why else would a timid guy like woojin return to jude ? he’s a barely decent advisor who’s only capable of doing the bare minimum JUST so he can keep his own boat afloat. He’s good at his job, but not astounding. a lack of j u d g e m e n t in the way he’s so trusting around him is ENOUGH. there is no malice in woojin’s intentions as far as he can tell. It’s the younger one’s simplicity and sincerity, maybe even his RESERVEDNESS that draws jude to him and adds to the trust.
but there’s an impending sense of DOOM looming over him. he’s expecting for woojin to become disappointed in him because of how s m o o t h l y this is all going. just the natural course of how things usually go. “ – but you absolutely don’t have to accept the offer if you don’t want to ! ” he doesn’t want to impose. another warm sip of his drink to wash down the fear of an inherited skill of exploiting, before it snowballs into an anxious, nagging thought. “ If you’re more comfortable with your own camera, that’s fine too. ” and another sip. “ maybe you can show me how to find a good subject to photograph, some time ? ”
though the two of them got along to say the least ( which is to say, if they were ᴠᴇɴɴ ᴅɪᴀɢʀᴀᴍs, their circles would be completely ｏｖｅｒｌａｐｐｅｄ ) , it was strange to think that their histories had little in common. from all the ᴀ ʙ ɴ ᴏ ʀ ᴍ ᴀ ʟ psychology that woojin has studied ( maybe in a DESPERATE journey to under- stand himself ;; ) it felt like h i s t o r y && GENETICS were the strongest factors in determining how messed up you turned out.
but they seemed to have little in common: jude had siblings to compete with, to try to OUTSHINE whereas jude wished that he could just ｄｉｓａｐｐｅａｒ so his guardians would stop talking about him, to him. for every dinner that ＤＥＶＯＬＶＥＤ into a DEBATE for jude, it was another one eaten in relative s i l e n c e . he barely remembered his aunt && uncle speaking to each other && even less to him—especially if it wasn't about ʀᴇᴘʀɪᴍᴀɴᴅɪɴɢ him or exhaustedly asking him when he'd stop ｗｏｒｒｙｉｎｇ them so much. even their at- tempts to get h e l p were different—though, admittedly, they seemed to have been BOTCHED either way: jude with TOO MUCH && woojin with too little. in either sense, it felt as if in the P A C H I N K O of life, no matter what pegs the two of them hit on the way down, all the categories were the same.
but maybe to say that they were ( S T U C K ) in the same slot wouldn't be very reflective of the way that woojin felt about his relationship with jude. they were no more stuck together as two birds making nests in the same tree or two foxes in the same dens. it's where they've chosen to live, making the best of the land- scape before them. it's where they're h a p p y && ( safe ), && woojin would say that he's ｂａｒｅｌｙ had one or the other in his life. but meeting jude, being able to spend time with him—yeah. maybe he would say that this is the closest he's ever gotten to having ｂｏｔｈ .
“ oh. well, ” he says, but the concept of b o r r o w i n g is familiar to him;; the li- brary one of few ( safe places ) he's carved out for himself on this campus, with his job giving him some INSIGHT to the quietest && most secluded places to hide. “ as long as you're sure, ” is the wording that he decides to settle on — a little ＷＩＳＨＹ ＷＡＳＨＹ, but he likes it for that exact reason: it gives jude an out if he needs it, it lets woojin feel like he's not being too DEMANDING. even so, he re- sists the urge to make a d o r k y librarian joke ( so when is the due date going to be? )
no sooner had he settled on what to say, though, it jude is also trying to BACK- PEDAL && instead of finding it awkward as most others are apt to, woojin finds himself—c o m f o r t e d , in some ways. comforted to know that someone could be just as unsure as him when it came to favors && asking for ＨＥＬＰ—when is too much && too little? but woojin offers a small smile, mostly hoping to ease jude's nerves without having to say TOO MUCH ( && picking the ᴡʀᴏɴɢ words in the process—even if he feels like there's no such thing with jude ) .
“ we can bring both? ” he offers as what he hopes to be a happy medium. “ i can bring my dslr, you can bring your 35mm—we could... make a thing of it? ” the words sound STRANGE coming out of his own mouth ( who was he? thinking he could make PLANS && then ｓｔｉｃｋ to them? ) but—why not? especially since he liked spending time with jude so much as it was;;
“ not that you have to either, ” he adds, feeling the same rise of ᴀɴxɪᴇᴛʏ as he does. “ i—also haven't taken photos for a long time now. so i can't promise i'll be any good—" he thinks to say ‘ at helping you, ’ but the truth is— “ at all. ”
( jouesrose )
🌹*╱ before NOW, before 𝘾 𝘼 𝙄 𝘿, reading was something that was for her & her ALONE. from an ( 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚐𝚎 ) reading had always been a way for her to cope with her L O N E L I N E S S. she would spend DAYS in complete silence in her room, going through NOVEL after NOVEL e s c a p i n g to 𝕎 𝕆 ℝ 𝕃 𝔻 𝕊 far away from her own. but, living with CAID ; they had settled into this routine where he ASKED & allowed her to share these 𝕎 𝕆 ℝ 𝕃 𝔻 𝕊 with him.
a s m i l e CREPT into her voice as he reached out to flip the page for her. the 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎 gesture made her heart MELT. gosh, he made her heart M E L T. ❝ he turns toward it, & in that split second he realizes that he is in its path, that there is no way he is going to be able to get out of its way. his hand opens in surprise, letting the blackberry fall to the ground. he hears a shout, which may be his own. the last thing he sees is a leather glove, a face under a helmet, the shock in the man’s eyes mirroring his own. there is an explosion as everything fragments. & then there is nothing. ❞ placing her bookmark where she had just stopped, odd colored hues lift to find his. ❝ well, that’s a chapter. ❞
there's this ｓｔｉｌｌｎｅｓｓ that comes with reading that caid had never been comfortable with—because his life was one that was always on the MOVE. his family itself might not have moved often, but he knew that he had to get good at DODGING F I S T S—from his father, from his brothers, from his mother;; to sit ( s t i l l ) was to become a T A R G E T && as sᴇʟғ-ᴅᴇᴘʀɪᴄᴀᴛɪɴɢ as caid could get, he had a SURVIVAL INSTINCT that kept him on the move.
so it's never something he ＦＵＬＬＹ thinks about ( he's not much one for INTROSPECTION ) but it s a y s something that he's willing to sit beside juliet like this—that he hasn't f l i n c h e d since they've started sharing this space to- gether.
though his eyes are on the page, he's l i s t e n i n g to juliet's voice—so when she looks up at him && stops reading, he's genuinely surprised that the story has ended.
“ yeah, i guess it is, ” he says, his own gaze lingering on juliet's for a f l e e t i n g moment ( but not too fleeting ) before he gets up. he's careful as he does, first to go back through the window before extending a hand out to juliet to take so she can make it safely back into the building, too.
( jouesrose )
🌹*╱ half expecting him to D I S A P P E A R back through the window & into the apartment, she is ( 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 ) surprised when he decides to join her in this IDIOSYNCRATIC little reading nook of hers. ❝ oh! yeah, sure. ❞
a bashful smile & 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 blush touches her features. he a l w a y s seemed to have that EFFECT on her that butterflies in your stomach & your heart racing kind of EFFECT. tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear, eyes find the page before her as she began to read aloud, ❝ there are 158 footsteps between the bus stop and home, but it can stretch to 180 if you aren’t in a hurry, like maybe if you’re wearing platform shoes. i turned the corner onto our street (68 steps), and could just see the house—a four-bedroom semi in a row of other three- and four-bedroom semis. dad’s car was outside, which meant he had not yet left for work… ❞
before N O W , before J U L I E T, caid can't say he was much of a reader. any number excuses might be made ( a BAD HOME, undeveloped ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴇᴛʜɪᴄ, prob- lems with ＡＵＴＨＯＲＩＴＹ ) but the fact of the matter remained that he would sit && l i s t e n to juliet read for days, if he could. he's gone from a boy who could hardly sit STILL to someone who would just listen to juliet read. she could read the ingredients off of a box of ｃｅｒｅａｌ && he'd still be there.
of all things that woojin had thought would come of their relationship, an actual, he sits down right beside her—as if there is any where else on this tiny fire escape to sit—&& follows along as she reads. as she nears the end of the page, he reach- es out to gently flip so that her reading can stay ｓｍｏｏｔｈ . && the only time he looks away is to look at her, taken by how beautiful she is when she reads.
