Edd

...

[eddipus237-blog]

I get carried away with metaphors...

Why does the world seem to revolve around me, as much as I hate it? Because I can no longer keep up with the pace at which the world and its societies move. It's like the majority of people I befriend want me to take a ride in their merry-go-round of issues because apparently they have the desire to have those issues take precedence over that of others. That's great and all, but what about the issues built up inside me like a triple bacon cheeseburger ready to erupt from my stomach due to excessive riding in your amusement park? Not that your amusement park directly caused my sickness, it's just that the burger was bad to begin with and the ride only sped up the process. Also, there was no one to stop me from eating that heart-attack-on-a-bun, let alone anyone making future attempts to stop me from swallowing that burger, because, you know, I'm an addict. Putting that aside....can there be a time when this ever moving world (or not even the world, but a few individuals enough to mean the world to me) stops for its benefactors so that those benefactors can then become the beneficiaries? And yet therein lies the problem, the desire which fuels the reason why I continue to despise myself.

[eddipus237-blog]

Meh.

Funny, how one can hate so much what was once loved. It's been a year already, and I've had my fair share of posts here. I've gained a reasonable sum of followers, but out of all of them, I still consider only a few to be true followers. Can't really express how much I'm thankful for that.

Anyways, my writing has been off the wall recently, and that's been the main reason why I don't really go on here anymore. I've realized that personal writing only reminds me of the issues at hand that still make me cringe with agony. I'd much rather get away from all of that, and gradually I have. Avoiding what I once loved out of fear kind of made me unable to express my thoughts properly. It's like how my ability to sketch on paper degraded as I became more fascinated with using the internet. Ability to draw a human face? Gone. Ability to recreate my elementary school yearbook cover? Gone. Now I can barely draw with an imagination that's been poisoned by distracting issues. Same thing is going on with my writing.

Now's a good time to pause and take a break. A really really long break. Let the issues and priorities sift away from each other so I can gain a better perspective and make the right choices. It might make or break me, but sitting around here writing nonsense is going to break me otherwise.

I'll leave things off with this quote from the movie A Bronx Tale:

The saddest thing in life is wasted talent, and the choices that you make will shape your life forever.

[christianstypingchords-blog]

[eddipus237-blog]

Hahahaha

[captains-courageous]

[twilight-perfection-deactivated]

[captainsafetypins]

[pwndbyablackguy]

[eddipus237-blog]

Here I am again in my own little world. I can't help but feel ashamed to be egocentric. This insecurity-inducing quality, the epitome of pride and narcissism, outlines two overlapping characteristics that completely contradict each other. It's the heart and soul of my personality. It rips my heart and soul. There's that desire to speak about my skills with no regards towards humbleness, and then that reflexive need to cringe as soon as those words are let out. Backed into a corner, my ego now resides deep within the recesses of my mind, waiting for that urge to shift all the attention towards myself given the opportunity. I can't decide whether to have people view me as intelligent but with despicable qualities, which tends to lead to less respect, or insecure and looks as if he's in constant need of assistance, which tends to result in receiving greater sympathy and humiliation. It has to be one or the other, or I won't be myself. So in fear of choosing the wrong personality, I grudgingly and unwillingly have both at my side until it is found that which is the lesser of two evils.

[boobga-blog]

[eddipus237-blog]

I can't stand certain people. The way they treat me. It's not even a form of harassment, which makes it quite terrifying.

The way they don't let me finish saying my sentences, assuming I can't finish them myself. The way they gently grab me by the shoulder, without telling me, and push me aside so someone trying to move in a tight area can get through--as if I were not capable of doing that myself. The way I have to sit in class, pair-sharing with another student and explaining a concept, with the kid across me breathing a pretentious and pseudo-encouraging "Okay." (So you wanna be viewed as the kid who helped the helpless student, scoring brownie points for more friends than you need?) The way I cringe inside when someone tells me that they're sorry for the smallest things, as if they offended me in some way. The way I have to listen to countless kids asking me (and declaring afterwards before I can even explain myself) "You don't talk much do you? That's okay."

Pure, raw, humiliation. That's what it is. Worse than bullying. Worse than physical abuse. It degrades my character. My will to improve.

[eddipus237-blog]

What good is an apology, if you have to explicitly ask for one? You would devalue its meaning and its effects by having to remind the other person that what he/she did warrants a simple "I'm sorry." Except, it's not meant to be simple. It's only as simple as the reminder of asking for one. What makes it complex, but reassuring, is when the other person who did the wrongdoing is humble enough to give up some personal (and possibly self-conceited) dignity and acknowledge that his/her actions were unjust--without you having to go through any effort for remediation. Something of a rarity these days.

And that is why it is absolutely useless and meaningless to ask for an apology.

[eddipus237-blog]

om nom nom

Free Pancake Day at IHOP tomorrow. Sorry stomach, I have to do this. :)

[eddipus237-blog]

You learn more about yourself, and even less about the world, when you talk to yourself.

[eddipus237-blog]

The Majestic Slider

Oh, slider from the royal palace of White Castle

You are so noble and fresh

You satisfy my cravings to the bone

Majestic you are, from the swallowing entrance to the throne

Until age and weariness breaks you down

And combusts you into a nauseating gas

That which comes out from the deepest dungeons

So unbearable you will become

Until it is decided that you shall be banished

Down from your former elegance you shall go

But not without honor

And a royal flush

[eddipus237-blog]

Everyone wears earmuffs

A man but a kid at heart wanted people to listen to what he had to say, but this line has been long crossed since. The two doors are shut, facing each other. One from the initiator, and the other from the responder. Who is he anymore? What is he supposed to do? How is he supposed to react to his nonreactive stance towards the desensitizing agony?

I can hear myself loud and clear. Why can't you?

[eddipus237-blog]

Caring too much is a weakness. What is often not realized before it's too late is that in many cases, it's also a form of strength for the person that the care is directed towards. Wanna stop caring? Feel free to do so at the cost of someone else's stability that had been structured into a wall of trust, which can only be brought down by the original builder.

[cesaray]