sinking into a reverie

\ of art & artists & in betweens /

[edocsil]

some more art 🍁🍂

[edocsil]

it's been three plus years now since migraine and i met and as with all relationships, ours has evolved. to be writing about her with such fervor is testament to the kind of impact she has had on who i've become. i'm no longer blindsided by her presence. she comes on now slowly, niggling, teasing me with minor dabs of pain - a modest throb in the temple, a deep seated ache behind my right masseter, before thrashing about my brain with reckless abandon. the enormity of the pain is staggering. i can't think or talk. with all the practice that i've gained over the years i obviously can, but i don't want to. i just want somebody to snap the discomfort out of my body. thanos, could you do that? ffs.

very few people understand how i could possibly be so sick from something so, in their minds, minor. why me, i often ask myself only to be reminded later that the only thing that makes life unfair is the delusion that it should be fair and so, i learn to live with it.

i've hated headaches with every fibre of my being but not having one every third day is strangely unsettling. do i miss the pain? the numbness? the transient urge to kill myself? i don't know. maybe this is who i am. she's become a part of me now and i can't seem to let go.

[edocsil]

mama said i can portrait

[edocsil]

no one ever really raves about koi fish - and frankly, i'm disappointed. they are bright, colorful, exceptional swimmers deserving of admiration. they're descendants of domesticated carp and are quite the intellectuals - allowing koi parents to train their koi fish to eat right out of their hand, and even ring a bell for a treat! they are not only a pet, but also art.

i'm mentally already living my best life in japan ugh wrap it up corona

[edocsil]

these waves don't touch the moon no more

[edocsil]

The desire for power resides in each one of us. Some paralyze it within the shallow walls of their hearts. Others let it dart across the thick marrow of their bones.

- edocsil (via edocsil)

[edocsil]

"Lost in the act of hiding my mundane self by posing as my heroic alter ego."

~ edocsil

[edocsil]

Your ability to mentally stalk me is nothing short of genius.

edocsil 

[edocsil]

Thank you, NBC, for depriving me of this show after only 18 episodes. Freaks and Geeks was authentic; sometimes to the point of being embarrassing to watch. Rock music combined with the gigantic talent of the cast and crew made the show into the cult classic it is. No other show in history has managed to capture the comedy, drama and awkward nostalgia of growing up as effortlessly as Freaks and Geeks. Sam Weir(d), you will be missed. Bill, you too.

[edocsil]

Confidence is delusion’s favorite game.

edocsil (via edocsil)

[edocsil]

...and with your mushy goodnight kisses you leave me; and I sink into a familiar void. Longing for another pleasantry; another kiss. Sadly, I am greeted by loneliness and this intense craving for a piece of you. Just a teeny tiny bit; I promise. I, instead, suppress my child-like feelings and gaze at the stars. If they can wait for the sun to set; and the moon to shine; so can I. For I find joy even in waiting for you.

edocsil 

[edocsil]

it’s funny how i never noticed her a sumptuous, extravagant visual treat embedded with dazzling balls of dust and fire

but i don’t fancy the stars

i like the plain blue sky; painting a million shades over our tiny heads that refuse to acknowledge her art reciting a poem which probably lost its way

but somehow, her words reached me today and boy, did she make me fall in love with this beautiful planet all over again

[edocsil]

poised. unperturbed. demanding. her moment is perfect - a little pocket of bliss defying nature’s authority; basking in the glory of her self - proclaimed legacy her shimmering eyes overpowering the sparkle of the beds of black rock; intimidating every single soul in the immediate vicinity seeking solace on this crisp carpet of lazy contentment, for nothing is more appealing than watching the Queen strike a pose herself

[edocsil]

This is a vv grave joke. Should I kill myself or should I kill myself? O.o

[edocsil]

"Are you asking God to bless an atheist?" asked Aijaz. Nusrat laughed.

I inadvertently stumbled upon this book during my random net surfing. Extreme joblessness compelled me to read it right away, and boy did it get to me. Ammi: Letter to a Democratic Mother, was an incredibly refreshing experience. Saeed Akhtar Mirza has written this gem of a novel with sheer dexterity and an insidious humor which captivates the reader in a rather unusual way. The story takes shape in the streets of Bombay and Quetta. From a magical love story Mirza shifts deftly to the glorious wars that have been fought across the globe. He challenges the ethos of the 1930s and arrives at the true meaning of democracy (CBSE ishstyle). I must take a digression here, and present the laconic minimalist, Daag's, couplet to you.

Zahid sharaab peene de masjid mein baith kar.

Ya aisi jagah bata de ke jahaan khuda na ho.

Ah, the deviousness and seduction of words! Mirza awakens the literature of the vast masses of the world that had been marginalized for so long. This book has enlightened my previously ignorant mind deeply, and all the knowledge that I have gained is bound to stay for a long time. If you're missing out on those lovely history lessons, this book is for you!

[edocsil]

Dear (fictional) blog frequenter,

You are an angel. I love you.

[edocsil]

Dear pseudo-Feminist,

You strive for a better tomorrow yet you dither at being questioned of your very belief. Embarrassing you say but it is cowardice I believe. Why the undesired hypocrisy? Are we to really embrace it? While blossoming as a campaign for gender equality, it lost its way; being bastardized as “ Female Chauvinism”. If it indeed did aim at entitling us women superior, does it make us any different from our fellow patriarchs?

(Un) Fortunately, no.

Feminism does not despise men. It never will. It seeks for a world which welcomes the usage of vagina and ambition in the same sentence. A world which accuses the rapist; not the victim. So ladies, do not shy away from being recognized as a feminist. If you have got it, flaunt it. The haters can grab a pair of sunglasses, because it is your time to shine.

Yours truly,

Feminist