x {. Recovery.Space .} x

🌱 ED Recovery 🌱 / 28, England 🦋

[edrecoveryspace]

I’m okay.. I’m okay..

I am okay.. I’ll keep telling myself it is until it’s true.

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[edrecoveryspace]

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💛💛💛💛

[edrecoveryspace]

How do you even answer the question “how are you doing?” when you aren’t even sure yourself? How am I? I’m every emotion, and before I can figure out how I feel I’m something else, and something else, and something else. Is “I’m everything” a valid response to “how are you”!?

[edrecoveryspace]

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Overdue Updates!

Okay so I’ve been AWOL a LONG time. I’ve been doing good! Working hard, planning for the future and actually been pretty happy. I’ve purged only a handful of times since summer!! I’m still struggling with lax, but in comparison to before, I hardly use them at all! The amount I check my weight has seriously declined too; I let them leave completely away from the home for 8 months, and then I maintained 1 check a week for the first month. It’s creeping up though, it’s almost daily again now, but it’s still progress on checking every time I ate/drank/showered/purged/toiletted/exercised!

I have been struggling amidst this whole Coronavirus pandemic though, my anxiety has been 10x worse with not being able to find ‘my’ foods in any of the shops, and everywhere being swarming with people and bodies everywhere, not to mention the financial worries we’re all faced with right now. It’s so hard to NOT run backwards towards the feeling of safety ED provides. Of course, it’s not safety, it’s hell, but it’s still the only ‘safety’ net I’ve had most of my life and it’s not easy to just ignore option A. It’s hard times Tumblr. I’m going to commit to trying to spread positivity in these times from now on.

Stay safe everyone 💙💜💛💚🧡

[u-r--lovely]

“Eating disorders are NOT all about food and weight and body image. They are associated yes, but not exactly… I wish so desperately that people would stop blaming eating disorders on vanity, looks or insecurity. They are ever entrancing mental illnesses that often stem from an inability to communicate pain, discomfort or rejection. Eating disorders don’t just develop because you want to ‘lose a few pounds, or because you eat too much or you purge sometimes’, they develop because you are seeking a way in which to disappear, to numb, to disconnect. Recovery does not happen by fixating on this idea of loving yourself whole-heartedly, every day, 24/7; but by being able to live DESPITE not liking yourself. Living despite the obsessions and maladaptive coping mechanisms and decades of unlearning habits and behaviors. Eating disorders are the only disease in which the posion AND the cure are within the same person fighting the disease in the first place.”

— I Am My Own Cure (Gracie Mandel)

[edrecoveryspace]

This is possibly the best post on Tumblr!

[edrecoveryprobs]

When you just want to go to bed but you have to finish your snack

(x)

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Recovery is not linear, it doesn’t matter how many times you have to pick yourself back up, as long as you constantly move forwards 💙

[edrecoveryspace]

Just in case anyone needed a little bit of a boost today 💙

I’ve been struggling with my mind a ton recently. Physical changes are terrifying and I want to run backwards to the comfort of ED more than ever. Recovery is hard, I’m not gonna lie. But what it will be is worth it. In 5 years time do we still wanna be this way? Or do we want to somehow, make it through the darkness and come out just fine?

[edrecoveryspace]

🐠🐟💪🏻

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