I know you’ve read those posts that say, “if you come from a broken family, don’t let a broken family come from you.”
Well I’m at a breaking point, clearly. Because in two days, I am about to sit down with my “in-laws(child involved),” and spit out all the crap they’ve told me individually for the past 4 years. I’ve heard so much about each other from each other I could write a book on this matter, and particularly what it has done to their family simply because look what it has done to me!
I sit on edge, uneasy in a room with them while they all stare at their phones or the television without saying anything to each other. Someone speaks up and decides to share something personal occurring in their lives. A very brief moment. The responses are so light and fluffy like the best butter cream on a cake. Meanwhile, I sit dumbfounded that’s all they had to say, and I have much more to say on the topic. I am not a blood relative. I question if they truly hate each other, do not know how to show love, or simply do not care for various reasons.
I didn’t grow up like this. We are talkers. We talk so much that if I wasn’t in my family I would be so annoyed with how often we sit around the kitchen no phones no television and just run our mouths for hours about nothing and hardly ever negative things about other people. We talk about each other TO each other! (Note: this is important in functional families.)
I digress. When these “in laws” are not in the same room together and they get me alone, all the true feelings have come out over the years. I ponder whether I should bring it up to the other person, act like they never told me anything, or gossip all of it back to my family because I just don’t understand how this kind of “family” is functioning. It’s not.
Why did they all confide in me? The Lord must know my strength because the amount of things I’ve bottled up and chugged down like I haven’t drank water in a whole day (I drink a lot of water, thanks breastfeeding!) is overwhelming to say the least. However, this build up of confusion, resentment, tension, mixed feelings, is causing me nightmares. I am having a second set of sinus sickness in the past few months when I hardly ever get sick. I very much question if both bouts of sickness have been brought on by me visiting with these “in laws” for extended periods of time (we’re talking weeks here). Lastly, my daughter is becoming very alert. This is the single most important warning factor. I do not want her to grow up thinking this is okay. I do not want her to understand what is happening around her currently because I’m disgusted and quite literally sickened by it.
I have written up my shopping list of things to talk about. This should help me stay on topic without getting too worked up. I will also review and edit so things come out as nice as possible before the Sit Down. Please pray for me to stick to my guns and get all of this off of my chest. I can’t take it any more!
*special thanks to my dear friend, who talked me through my options and encouraged me to speak up for myself
