The Single Most Important Key To A Healthy Relationship
Most people mistakenly believe that a relationship is a commitment between two people that necessitates a sense of belonging to one another. The problem with that model is it fosters possessiveness which always leads to some form of disappointment.
It also generally smacks of ownership and selfishness. It is a fundamental misunderstanding that makes it nearly impossible to achieve the shared happiness we all hope for.
Conversely, a healthy relationship has a far more growth oriented component in play. By this I mean there is a steadfast dedication and vow to support one another as you both grow and evolve as human beings.
Brimming with love and compassion, a relationship of this quality is largely free from expectation and conditions. Through vigilant observation and sustained effort, the ego of each partner plays a greatly reduced role. The doorway to this kind of relationship is a spiritual one. Communication must be non-violent (violent communication includes accusations, meddling, unsolicited advice, yelling). It must also be compassionate, patient, vulnerable and trusting. There is simply no room for jealousy, mistrust, petty grievances, insecurities or indifference.
There is only one way a couple can aspire to and ultimately achieve this kind of union and equality and that is if they are both fully committed to the shared goal of growing – together.
In other words, they must be joined in a systematic effort to dissolve their egos and live from their higher selves. This is the only path that will enable the release of all the poison of the past and prevent it from contaminating the present. It requires each partner’s clear understanding of this. If only one is evolving, growing and waking up, the relationship I have described will be out of reach.
In the end, a truly healthy relationship is a deeply spiritual one. When a relationship finally breaches the levee of past hurts, anger and animosities and becomes two souls inextricably linked in their efforts to make both themselves and the world around them more loving, it is indeed breathtaking to behold.
Check out the podcast episode…
In this episode of Happiness 2.0, we dive deep into a common roadblock on the path to personal growth and amazing relationships: defensivene
The No-Conditions Challenge: How Saying ‘Yes’ Transforms Ordinary Days into Extraordinary Adventures!
“Do you want to go to the party Saturday?”
“I don’t know, who’s going to be there?”
“I’m not sure, a lot of people though.”
“Will Bob be there?”
“I really don’t know.”
“Well, if he’s coming, I’m not going. I don’t want to be around that guy. Is it outdoors?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“What’s the temperature going to be?”
“I’m not sure, I haven’t checked the weather.”
“Well, if it’s going to be hot, I’m out. What kind of food will they have?
“I have no idea.”
“You need to find out because if it’s hot dogs again, forget it.”
This conversation becomes all too frequent as we get older. It seems that as we age, we place more and more conditions on our social activities, our outings, and our fun. And while we may chalk this up to things like…
“I’m just not willing to put up with certain things anymore.”
“My standards are higher nowadays.”
“I just like staying home these days.”
…more often, the truth is that we have simply created so many conditions that we have sentenced ourselves to spending most of our free time on the couch, or in front of a TV, or at a gaming console.
Think back a few years, back to when you were younger. What you will likely find is that you had no such conditions – or at least not nearly as many. You participated mostly without conditions, expecting to have a great time every time. And in most cases, you did. If something wasn’t especially to your liking, so what? You simply ignored it and went on about your merrymaking. But then something happens. Slowly, often imperceptibly, we begin to rob ourselves with our ‘acceptable parameters’ for fun. We try to control everything we possibly can. In so doing we not only strip away all of the spontaneity and wonderful surprises that are so integral to life’s joys, we begin the all too common transition into the life that pop singer John Mellencamp described in his hit song, Jack and Diane…
“Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.”
I can’t think of a much more sad or depressing belief than that. But here’s the thing, it absolutely does not have to be that way. Life doesn’t have to be that way.
The real danger is that one day we wake up and realize that years, perhaps even decades have slipped by while we were collecting and deploying all our conditions – more and more conditions. Now all that time is gone. Those opportunities are gone. And what did we trade them for, really?
I saw a video meme not long ago that showed two older couples who looked to be in their late sixties, perhaps early seventies, riding bicycles to a beachside cantina. There they met up with other friends and they were all dancing, having a margarita, laughing, and smiling. The caption read…
“Ya know why some old people seem to have such a great time? Remember all that insane stuff you used to do at 3 a.m. when you were young? They figured out you can do that stuff at noon.”
I’m certainly not suggesting that as we get older our priorities, tastes, energy levels, etc don’t change. Of course they do. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t adapt and roll on. Of course we can.
Life at any age is as glorious, mysterious, surprising, wonderful, inspiring and joyous as we will allow it to be – as we will allow ourselves to be. The thrill of living that Mellencamp missed lies in the simple fact that we have already won the cosmic lottery. Against staggering and incalculable odds, we were born. We’re alive. We’ve received the greatest gift imaginable – astounding really, if you stop to consider it.
So, throw the conditions on the scrap heap where they belong and say ‘YES’ to your life.
Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion. Being alive IS the special occasion.
The Bountiful Garden of Happiness: How Gardening Nurtures Well-being.
To me, one of the greatest joys in the world is to witness someone find a passion – something that sets their spirit alight and brings them fully into the present moment. I was able to witness this soul-affirming gift first had when my bride began pouring herself into the re-creation of the outdoor space at our home. What she created with plants and flowers is nothing short of amazing. I marvel at it every single day. But what I marvel at even more is the profound happiness and sense of purpose it has brought her. Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that she’s a vision in her sun dress and floppy gardening hat- talk about a triple bonus!
In a world characterized by the constant hustle and bustle, the quest for happiness often leads us on diverse paths. Surprisingly, one of the most fulfilling and scientifically proven methods lies in the tranquility of a garden. Let’s explore, in greater detail, the intricate science behind how the act of nurturing plants can sow the seeds of happiness in our lives like it did for my wife (and me).
The Connection Between Gardening and Happiness
Gardening is a holistic endeavor that impacts various facets of our well-being. It goes beyond the mere act of sowing seeds and nurturing plants; it’s an experience that enriches our lives in multiple ways…
1. Stress Reduction: Engaging in gardening activities has been consistently linked to reduced stress levels. The process of digging in the soil, nurturing plants, and being surrounded by the soothing embrace of nature acts as a therapeutic escape from the daily grind, significantly lowering cortisol levels—the stress hormone.
2. Mental Well-being: Numerous studies have highlighted the positive impact of gardening on mental health. A study published in the Journal of Health Psychology discovered a correlation between gardening and decreased levels of depression and anxiety. Witnessing the growth of plants and reaping the rewards of your nurturing efforts fosters a sense of accomplishment and cultivates a positive mindset.
3. Physical Health Benefits: Gardening involves physical activity, which contributes to overall health. The constant movement, bending, and stretching involved in gardening activities not only improve physical dexterity but also promote a healthier lifestyle. Engaging in these activities helps maintain an active body and a sound mind.
The Science Behind It: The Study
A noteworthy study conducted by the University of Bristol in 2017 delved deeper into the connection between gardening and well-being. This research found that daily gardening led to increased self-esteem and overall satisfaction, even likening the sense of well-being to the joy one experiences while on holiday. The study highlighted that gardening provides a sense of accomplishment, fostering a strong connection to the natural world and an enhanced appreciation for life.
Gardening and Mindfulness
Gardening promotes mindfulness – the act of focusing on the present moment. Whether it’s planting seeds, tending to plants, or observing their growth, the process aligns with mindfulness practices. It nurtures an acute awareness and appreciation for the beauty of the here and now, fostering a sense of inner peace and calm.
Conclusion
In a fast-paced world where moments of serenity are rare, the therapeutic benefits of gardening have found renewed relevance. Scientific studies continue to validate what seasoned gardeners have known for centuries – the act of tending to plants has an incredible impact on our overall happiness and well-being. The garden isn’t just about growing plants; it’s a canvas for nurturing joy, reducing stress, and fostering a profound connection with nature and oneself.
So, if you’re seeking a path to happiness, consider taking up gardening. It’s not just about growing plants; it’s about nurturing your own happiness, one seed at a time.
Famed, spiritually minded Beatle, George Harrison, said that he’d rather be remembered as a gardener than a musician. Given his accomplishments in the world of entertainment and pop-culture, I’d say that speaks volumes.
Check out the podcast episode…
In this thought-provoking episode of Happiness 2.0, we look deep into the realm of human emotions and relationships to unravel the enigma su
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I have a birthday around the corner and I had the following conversation with my wife…
“This is a big birthday coming up, what do you want to do?
“Thank you for asking, my love. I haven’t thought about it much, to be honest. Really, it’s just another day on the calendar to me.”
“OK, well, do you want to have a party, or go out with friends maybe?”
I thought about that. And it brought into full focus something I had been feeling, sensing in the background, for quite a long while. Something that I think I hadn’t been quite ready to fully consider. Now, here it was, staring me in the face – and it wasn’t going to be so easily swept under the rug this time. It’s as if it was saying…
“OK birthday boy. I’m here. I’ve been here a while now. And this time I’m gonna stay right here until we work through this. OK? OK!”
So that was it then. I was going to have to deal with this less than intrepid interloper that was horning in on my happy week.
Here it is, unvarnished, real, raw…
When you set out on a path toward awakening, your social circle begins to shrink. Not only that, the dynamics of your family relationships undergo a significant re-tooling as well. All of which can be extremely unsettling and outright disorienting.
The first thing to understand here is that this is completely normal and has been the case with every soul who sought to wake up since the first human being set out on the journey. You are not alone in this respect. As a matter of fact, you are in the company of some of the most extraordinary people who have ever walked this earth, so take heart.
As your path begins to take you further and further away from things like ego, consumerism, fundamentalism, gossip, excessive use of intoxicants, small talk – the list is pretty extensive – something begins to shift. Not only how you relate to the people in your life but how they relate to you. For the most part, they are confused and begin to feel like they don’t really know you anymore – and they would be right. It is essentially impossible for them to have any inkling of the transformation that is happening within you. Just as impossible as it would be for the dreamer to know that the person laying next to them in bed is awake.
As for you, you begin to feel an undercurrent of discomfort in circles where the old paradigms dominate. As your eyes begin to open, everything looks and feels different. For many, it feels like you are hanging around somewhere that you really don’t belong. Your friends, and to a certain extent your family, sense it too. They may become increasingly ill-at-ease around you because, well, you aren’t really you anymore, at least not the “you” they are familiar with.
Nobody, of course wants to acknowledge the obvious, much less outwardly and openly discuss it. So what tends to happen is slowly, gradually, the distances increase, the encounters become fewer, and a birthday approaches when you are asked…
“Do you want to have a party?”
And that’s when you realize that you don’t particularly want to spend a milestone birthday with the same people you would have not all that long ago. BAM – there it is, sitting on your door step. Only this time it won’t leave until you invite it in and offer it some nice refreshments – until you get to know one another a bit.
Human beings are highly social creatures. It is hard wired into our DNA by evolution in an effort to keep us alive, to pass on our genetic material. So when we sense our social circle decreasing in size and scope, something very primal within us begins to panic. Our amygdala goes berserk. Again, completely natural. The fear response will subside – it always does.
Awakening, enlightenment if you will, is a highly destructive path. All manner of habits, relationships, perspectives, rituals, even identities get obliterated in the process. This can be unsettling on some days – downright terrifying on others. This is precisely where so many turn back – back to the perceived safety and comfort of the known. But, the obstacle IS the way. The discomfort is the gateway to the unimaginable love, light and peace that we have always suspected, somewhere deep down, has been there waiting for us all along.
So I will spend this birthday with only a precious few souls – and I’m glad for it.
That’s exactly how I want it
That’s exactly as it should be.
That’s exactly “the way.”
Check out the podcast episode…
Join hosts Ed and Nic on a thought-provoking journey to explore the age-old concept of Enlightenment in this illuminating episode of Happine
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Halloween In New Orleans – This Is The REAL Deal, Kids
It’s Halloween in New Orleans and no city on earth does it better. NOLA is essentially a three-hundred-year-old European city in the heart of the American south. That alone is weird enough. But the city’s history is swimming in every manner of macabre tale you can imagine – and some you likely don’t want to imagine – ever. Most of the stories are embellished to the extreme of course, however, some are supported by mountains of legitimate evidence.
The LaLaurie Mansion
At 1140 Royal Street stands the legendary LaLaurie Mansion, where many of New Orleans’ most storied and dangerous ghosts are said to reside. The old house’s namesake, Madame Delphine, was born Marie Delphine Macarty. The daughter of an aristocratic family, she would later come to be known as a monster responsible for unspeakable cruelties. Two of her husbands died in unusual circumstances, but it was her third marriage that sparked real outrage. This final bout with matrimony was said to have driven her to utter madness inside the mansion, which she inhabited with her much younger husband and her children. Reports circulated of the horrific abuses which Madame Delphine visited upon her slaves and even her own daughters.
The Fire
In the spring of 1834, LaLaurie Mansion caught fire during a party. The local fire brigade was forced to access otherwise forbidden sections of the house revealing of a number of slaves who were chained and being tortured, starved, and beaten. With her arrest imminent, Madame Delphine and her family fled the scene in a horse-drawn carriage – most believed to Canada and eventually back to her home country of France. The New Orleans press overflowed with the shocking events as there were both reporters and members of New Orleans’ upper crust society on hand when it all took place. It is believed by many that most of the spirits which allegedly haunt the house are those of the deceased slaves.
Two-Hundred-Years of Unexplained Phenomenon
The house has changed hands many times since the tragic events unfolded, including a brief ownership by actor Nicolas Cage who famously was unable to spend even one night in the mansion and was witnessed running down Royal Street screaming in the middle of the night. He sold the property shortly thereafter.
What has really happened inside that house? Good question – likely unanswerable.
But I can tell you this, Halloween in New Orleans is one of those bucket list entries that if you are so inclined, you will never forget. I’m a huge believer in enjoying powerful, emotionally charged experiences and Samhain / All Hallows Eve in NOLA fits the bill like no other. It’s just a little bit of spooky and a whole lot of happy! (careful though…she bites)
BOO!
Check out the Happiness 2.0 Podcast — https://podcast.edwardgdunn.com/
This poem by Shel Silverstein encapsulates so many truths about relationships, ego, self-awareness, materialism, the seasons of our lives, and happiness that I wanted to share it. I hope you find as much value in it as I did…
Once there was a tree….
and she loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns
and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired,
he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree….
very much.
And the tree was happy.
But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree
and the tree said, ‘Come, Boy, come and
climb up my trunk and swing from my
branches and eat apples and play in my
shade and be happy.’
‘I am too big to climb and play’ said
the boy.
‘I want to buy things and have fun.
I want some money?’
‘I’m sorry,’ said the tree, ‘but I
have no money.
I have only leaves and apples.
Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in
the city. Then you will have money and
you will be happy.’
And so the boy climbed up the
tree and gathered her apples
and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time….
and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back
and the tree shook with joy
and she said, ‘Come, Boy, climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches and be happy.’
‘I am too busy to climb trees,’ said the boy.
‘I want a house to keep me warm,’ he said.
‘I want a wife and I want children,
and so I need a house.
Can you give me a house ?’
‘ I have no house,’ said the tree.
‘The forest is my house,
but you may cut off
my branches and build a
house. Then you will be happy.’
And so the boy cut off her branches
and carried them away
to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back,
the tree was so happy
she could hardly speak.
‘Come, Boy,’ she whispered,
‘come and play.’
‘I am too old and sad to play,’
said the boy.
‘I want a boat that will
take me far away from here.
Can you give me a boat?’
‘Cut down my trunk
and make a boat,’ said the tree.
‘Then you can sail away…
and be happy.’
And so the boy cut down her trunk
and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy
… but not really.
And after a long time
the boy came back again.
‘I am sorry, Boy,’
said the tree,’ but I have nothing
left to give you –
My apples are gone.’
‘My teeth are too weak
for apples,’ said the boy.
‘My branches are gone,’
said the tree. ‘ You
cannot swing on them – ‘
‘I am too old to swing
on branches,’ said the boy.
‘My trunk is gone, ‘ said the tree.
‘You cannot climb – ‘
‘I am too tired to climb’ said the boy.
‘I am sorry,’ sighed the tree.
‘I wish that I could give you something….
but I have nothing left.
I am just an old stump.
I am sorry….’
‘I don’t need very much now,’ said the boy.
‘just a quiet place to sit and rest.
I am very tired.’
‘Well,’ said the tree, straightening
herself up as much as she could,
‘well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting
Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest.’
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.
Check out the podcast episode…
In this thought-provoking episode of Happiness 2.0, we look deep into the realm of human emotions and relationships to unravel the enigma su
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A Review of “Ishmael” by Daniel Quinn: One Of The Most Profound Books I’ve Ever Experienced
Perhaps the most thought provoking book I’ve ever experienced. Every chapter seemed to be a lightbulb experience. I have shared this book, more than any other I’ve read.
Introduction
“Ishmael” by Daniel Quinn is a thought-provoking, philosophical novel that challenges conventional wisdom and encourages readers to question humanity’s place in the world. Published in 1992, it has garnered a passionate following and received numerous awards.
Daniel Quinn: The Man Behind the Message
Daniel Quinn, the author of “Ishmael,” was an American author and environmentalist whose life and personal journey deeply influenced his literary work. Born on October 11, 1935, in Omaha, Nebraska, Quinn’s early life was marked by a thirst for knowledge. He pursued his education at St. Louis University, where he earned a degree in English. After completing his studies, Quinn’s path to becoming a novelist was far from straightforward. He worked in various roles, including as a teacher, editor, and ghostwriter, before embarking on his career as a writer.
He was also in training to become a Trappist monk however was expelled from the seminary for his unconventional thinking which ran afoul of the church.
It was during these years of exploration and self-discovery that Quinn’s unique perspective on the world began to take shape. His experiences, interests, and unquenchable curiosity about human society, ecology, and the interconnectedness of all life on Earth led him to pen “Ishmael.” This novel, written in a Socratic dialogue format, became the culmination of Quinn’s deep reflections and insights, reflecting his quest for understanding the world and the urgent need for change.
The Story of “Ishmael”
“Ishmael” is a novel that takes the form of a dialogue between a nameless narrator and the eponymous character, Ishmael, who is a wise and telepathic gorilla. Ishmael’s unique perspective and wisdom serve as the catalyst for a profound journey of self-discovery and enlightenment for the narrator.
Key Lessons and Takeaways
1. The Taker and Leaver Cultures:
One of the central themes of “Ishmael” is the distinction between “Taker” and “Leaver” cultures. Takers are characterized by a mindset of domination and exploitation of the Earth, while Leavers live in harmony with nature. Quinn argues that human civilization, particularly in the industrialized world, has largely adopted the Taker culture, leading to ecological and societal problems.
Quinn’s work highlights the urgent need for a paradigm shift from a Taker mindset to a more balanced, Leaver perspective that respects the environment and all its inhabitants.
2. The Myth of Human Supremacy:
Quinn challenges the belief that humanity is inherently superior to all other species. He argues that this belief has led to the environmental degradation and ecological imbalances plaguing the planet. Instead, he suggests a more holistic view of our place within the web of life, emphasizing our interdependence with other species.
3. The Importance of Storytelling:
Ishmael emphasizes the role of storytelling in shaping human culture. Quinn contends that Taker societies are built on a dangerous narrative, which must be rewritten to foster a more sustainable and harmonious world.
Quinn’s narrative showcases the power of storytelling not only in understanding our current predicament but also in envisioning a more sustainable and harmonious future.
4. Responsibility and Change:
Quinn does not merely point out the problems but also suggests that humans have the power to change their course. He argues for a shift in consciousness, urging readers to take responsibility for their impact on the planet and adopt a more sustainable way of life.
“Ishmael” is a call to action, encouraging readers to become aware of their roles in the larger ecological narrative and make positive changes in their lives to contribute to a healthier planet.
5. Paradigm Shift:
“Ishmael” ultimately calls for a paradigm shift in human thinking. It encourages readers to reevaluate their beliefs, behaviors, and the societal systems that perpetuate ecological destruction. Quinn’s book serves as a call to action for a more sustainable future.
Through Ishmael’s wisdom, Quinn invites readers to embark on their own journey of self-discovery and positive change, suggesting that by altering our perspectives and behaviors, we can contribute to a more balanced and sustainable world.
Conclusion
“Ishmael” by Daniel Quinn is a remarkable literary work that challenges readers to reexamine their worldview and consider their role in the larger tapestry of life. Daniel Quinn’s personal journey and passion for environmentalism shine through in this engaging and thought-provoking novel. The book offers profound lessons about our relationship with the natural world and the urgent need to reevaluate our societal values and practices.
Through the wisdom of Ishmael, Quinn invites readers to embark on their own journey of self-discovery and positive change. It remains a timeless and essential read for anyone interested in the intersection of ecology, philosophy, and human society, making a compelling case for reimagining our place in the world and working towards a more harmonious and sustainable future.
Check out the podcast episode…
Life is a beautiful story, composed of chapters woven with experiences, dreams, and choices. Just like a well-written novel, our lives shoul
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Of all the collective manifestations of the ego that we see around the world, perhaps the one that is most disturbing to me is the systematic suppression of women and the feminine psyche. The ego finds much more fertile soil in which to grow and multiply itself in the male of the species. This is not to say nor suggest that women are somehow free of the ego, no human being is. It is, however immanently less pervasive and destructive than it is in men. History bears witness to this, especially in the last two-thousand years or so.
The lack of ego primacy in women, when compared to men, is largely because they are far more tuned into their intelligent faculties of intuition. Thus, they tend to be far less constricted by role than males – far more empathetic to other people, other life forms, and the natural world. Women would most likely never have declared war on nature on the scale we have witnessed in recent centuries.
Worse yet, war was waged directly against women themselves. As best can be reasonably estimated (record keeping was sparse, limited, and secretive at the time) between three and five million women were killed by the male dominated church between the 12th and 15th centuries. There are only a few runs of mass murder in history on this level. Women who were doing nothing more than being in keeping with their inherent feminine nature – walking alone in a forest, demonstrating care for animals, learning about medicinal plants in order to help alleviate suffering, were branded as witches and burned alive. The feminine was cast as evil and the resulting subjugation of the qualities that could heal the world were banished from it en masse.
Christianity was certainly not the lone purveyor of this mass psychosis and collective insanity, though notably the most violent. The hands of Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, even Buddhism were not clean either. The status of women, through a massive act of reductionism, was rendered that of child bearer and property of men. Once this campaign was in full complement, the running of the world became the exclusive wheelhouse of males who denied the more nuanced and incredibly valuable gifts of the feminine. The world would careen toward and be engulfed by the violence and destruction that have been the organizing paradigm ever since.
All this begs the question of why? History prior to this clearly demonstrates that there were cultures where the feminine ethos was not feared but revered and celebrated – the Sumarians, Egyptians, Celtics. So why then? What changed such that men felt so threatened by women? The answer is an ego driven epiphany of sorts that saw men come to believe that only the male would be capable of completely dominating the planet. Power was the goal – women needed to be rendered powerLESS in order to achieve it.
A heartbreaking by-product of this mass suppression is that most women feel it as emotional pain – most often it manifests as an omnipresent current of background unhappiness. Other times it takes the stage front and center through the horrors visited on women like rape, torture and violence.
Gratefully, we are beginning to see a seismic change in many parts of the world. People are waking up in large numbers – sometimes individually, sometimes collectively. We can know this because we see the growing pains. Deep schisms are appearing as those who are still under full control of their power-hungry egos start building ramparts to reinforce their slipping grip on that power. But their position is indefensible.
They will lose the war.
The world will change.
The balance will restore.
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I walked into the gleaming glass high-rise on 44th Street in Manhattan and grabbed the elevator to the 82 floor. I was shown into a conference room by the receptionist. Seated around a black walnut table that probably had its own zip code were six men. “Keep your seats gentlemen,” I said. They ignored me and the obligatory glad handing began. Every last one of them were dressed in Armani suits and Italian shoes with names I could not, nor wanted to know how to pronounce. I did, however, chuckle to myself when I noticed that apparently none of them would be caught dead wearing the watch of the commoner, a Rolex. It was all Patek Phillipe, Piaget, and Cartier. The whole scene was a study in ego run amok. The only man in the room who didn’t look like a peacock in a hoot dash was my business partner and life-long friend, McKenna Chevalier (Mac) who had traveled with me.
I was there to perform due diligence on their company. If the process went well, Mac and I were considering investing a substantial sum of money to help them expand their operations nationwide. During the several hour meeting, the men were friendly, exceedingly polite, and accommodating to a fault. Of course they were. They needed money. I had access to it.
We wrapped up the first of three days of scheduled meetings. The CEO suggested we make the short 4-block walk to his favorite watering hole and restaurant. Off we went – Mac, me, the peacocks.
Act 2
A stylish and beautiful young woman greeted everyone warmly, most by name. She led us to a private dining room and the tuxedo clad waiters were hovering within seconds. Then the manager appeared.
“Good evening gentlemen, may I start you off with cocktails?”
“Everyone good with bourbon?” the CEO asked. We all nodded our approval. The waiter returned a few short minutes later looking distressed.
“I’m so sorry Mr. Ellery,” he said. I’m afraid we are out of Michter’s, sir. Could I perhaps offer you something different?” Anger flashed across Ellery’s privileged face.
“Are you kidding me? Seriously? John, you knew damn well we would be here tonight – with guests. I know this because my girl told me she confirmed the reservation this afternoon. And now you want to feed us some cheap ass, gut-rot whiskey. Bullshit.”
“I’m so sorry sir. We had plenty of Michter’s on hand earlier but a large table at lunch made short work of all of it.”
“I don’t give a flying f**k. Why didn’t you carry your ass to wherever you get that sh!t and get more? Jesus, I guess it really is true, you just can’t get good help these days.”
“Again, I am so sorry Mr. Ellery. Please allow me to compensate for my mistake on your bill. We’ll do better next time,” the manager said.
“Next time? Fat chance! Just bring us some damn menus. We’ll do our drinking elsewhere. Somewhere that has competent staff.”
“Yes sir, right away.”
The shattering difference in how this man had treated me and McKenna just a half hour earlier and the venom he spewed at the restaurant manager was abominable. That’s putting it politely. I looked at Mac, saw the agreement etched all over his face, neatly folded my napkin, and said,
“Gentlemen, I’d like to say it’s been a pleasure.” Mac and I left the restaurant, grabbed a cab, and headed out into the city to find a couple of slices of New York pizza and beer. The would be no investment.
Looking back at it now with a bit more perspective, the whole affair was a textbook study in roles. We all play roles. If you have some modicum of self-awareness, you will sense it in yourself daily. We slip into and out of roles as deftly and easily as we breathe. We are one character with friends, another with customers, another with a boss, and yet another with a lover or spouse. There is nothing inherently wrong with this.
Where we run into trouble is when we don’t realize that all of these roles are inauthentic in some way. Our interactions are not between authentic people but between the roles we are playing. We build mental constructs based on comparisons. Am I better than him? Is she better than me? Everyone is doing it all the time and all have agreed to the rules of the game. It leaves us with the stark reality that there is no real relationship taking place, there are only the fictions playing out in short, two act plays. The playwrights craft their scripts such that they get what they want. Everything is transactional. Everything is a means to an end.
While not easy, we can all strive to give up defining ourselves through comparison to others. Just as well, we can become wholly (or at least mostly) unconcerned with how others define us. When we dial back the roles and begin living authentically, we come alive. This is where we are at absolute our best. This is when we are at peace.
This is when we are happy.
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Ownership is quite an interesting concept. It is the idea of “this is mine, it is not yours.” The way it works is it merges the idea of “I”, “Me”, with a thing – be it a car, a house, a building, land, or anything else really. It is a story we tell ourselves and if other people agree with the story, then there is paperwork created that represents that all parties agree with the story. We then have a legal system to support the tale. We use this framework to enhance our sense of a separate self, separate from everyone else, separate from the world. We use it to buttress our ego. But it is still, in truth, a fiction – no matter who agrees with it. It is simply another way that we entangle our identity with things – which were, are, and will never be who we really are.
This realization usually doesn’t come into focus until we are nearing the end of our life. As death approaches, it shines a light on the whole façade and reveals that while we were trying all those years to create an identity for ourselves through things, our true identity was there all along, utterly independent of any “thing.” The identification with things, with ownership, only served to hide the truth from us.
This is all partially why the renunciation of material possessions has been a cornerstone of so many spiritual systems and religions for so long. But this also can be a trap. The danger is that those who adhere to this paradigm can easily come to view themselves as more spiritually advanced thus, superior to those still in the grip of materialism. The ego simply latches on to the new identity. While the role may be different, the result is the same. We remain hopelessly disconnected from our true selves. We remain lost in delusion.
When the United States was being settled by white Europeans, they brought their concept of land ownership with them. The native Americans found it altogether incomprehensible. They didn’t even have a word for it in most of their languages. They believed that they belonged to the land, not the other way around. The government forced them to sign pieces of paper, also wholly incomprehensible to them, that saw them herded onto scrap lands and ultimately stripped them of most of their culture.
Eckhart Tolle pointed out that the ego operates under a persistent illusion, “I have, therefor I am. The more I have, the more I am.” The ego lives through comparison to others. If we have more than them, we are more than them. But this only condemns us to a life of always chasing more so we can be more – ignorant of the truth that what we have, what we accumulate, has nothing to do with who we really are.
So, what’s the solution here? The simple awareness that we are not our things, that ownership is largely a fiction created by and used by our ego. If we can come to understand this long before the end phases of our life, we can find our way into the peace of mind, the happiness that eludes so many. It isn’t particularly hard, it just requires that we understand how worth the effort it really is.
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In this episode of Happiness 2.0, we dive deep into the power of critical thinking as a tool for recognizing and overcoming destructive prog
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“We have to sell everything we own. It’s the only way,” I said.
My wife and I looked around our home, at all the beautiful things we spent a lifetime accumulating. When a moment like this hits you, it is a psychological and spiritual wrestling match in your head. You find out very quickly just how much of your identity is entangled with your stuff, with your ego. It is a litmus test of sorts.
I was raised in a family that placed an absolute premium on financial and career success. My grandfather had been born and raised in a tiny, east Texas town, in a shack with a dirt floor. He wasn’t born in a hospital but outdoors under a tree. Once grown and married, in order to be able to pay the rent, the family had moved constantly. My father never attended the same school more than a single year until high school. But eventually my grandfather, with his eighth grade education and armed with knowledge accumulated over years working as a laborer at oil refineries along the Gulf coast, had invented a technology that would revolutionize refining industry. The company he built grew to have offices all over the world. When he reached semi-retirement age, my father, now college educated, took the reigns and the company continued to grow to dizzying heights.
They made sure the success was outwardly visible. There were two large cattle farms, mansions, airplanes, yachts, a collection of classic and exotic cars, expensive jewelry, global travel, all the trappings were there.
But even as a young boy and eventually a young man, it didn’t seem to me that the two men were especially happy. Sure, they were able to enjoy things that only a tiny fraction of people on the planet will ever experience, but it didn’t look like true, sustained happiness – not to me anyway.
Eventually, some 40 years after its founding, and after my grandfather’s passing, the company failed and was shuttered owing to a global downturn in the refining industry. My parents were forced to sell their home, the farms, the airplanes, the cars, most of the trappings of luxury, and would never again achieve the stratospheric financial success that had defined most of their adult lives.
I saw what this did to my father. I watched, helplessly, as he spent the last 20 years of his life watching partisan cable “news” shows for hours on end every day, becoming more and more angry. That’s when I knew that as a boy, I had been mostly right when I suspected that the happiness I saw was driven by something that was unsustainable – something that could be taken away in an instant.
This same belief in the power of wealth, that success and status will make you happy was, of course, deeply programmed into my mind. I believed that not only was this the path to happiness, but that it was the path to gaining my father’s ultimate approval. It took me years to realize, to learn, otherwise.
Looking around our house these past few weeks, looking at all our “stuff”, my wife and I are been remarkably at peace with our decision to sell and donate all of it. We have made a decision to move to a new country and taking it all with us is simply an impossibility. We have come to understand that it is experiences shared with loved ones, peace of mind, simplicity of lifestyle, and living in the moment that are the cornerstones of true, sustained happiness – the kind of happiness that no amount of stuff can ever provide for long. So, we will turn the page, embark on a new chapter, and fill our hearts and memories instead of our houses and bank accounts.
My father passed away three years ago and I miss him terribly. Somewhere, somehow, I suspect he is proud that I figured out how to spring the door on the trap and am finally learning to live free – truly free.
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“The Visionary Window” is a thought-provoking book written by Amit Goswami, a theoretical physicist who delves into the fascinating intersection of science and spirituality. This book is a part of Goswami’s exploration of the relationship between quantum physics and consciousness, a theme that has become his hallmark.
Goswami’s work is characterized by a deep commitment to bridging the gap between the scientific and the mystical. In “The Visionary Window,” he presents a comprehensive view of his ideas, which are deeply rooted in quantum mechanics and Eastern philosophies. The book can be seen as a guide to understanding and experiencing reality in a more profound way.
One of the key themes of the book is the idea that consciousness plays a fundamental role in the nature of reality. Goswami argues that the classical, materialistic view of the world is limited and that we must consider the importance of consciousness as an integral part of our understanding of the universe. He uses quantum physics to support his argument, asserting that the behavior of subatomic particles and the phenomena of quantum entanglement challenge conventional views of causality and reality.
Goswami also explores the concept of “quantum leaps of creativity” and suggests that our consciousness has the potential to affect these leaps. He believes that by altering our perceptions and beliefs, we can tap into a deeper level of reality and influence the unfolding of events.
The book introduces readers to various quantum concepts such as the double-slit experiment, wave-particle duality, and non-locality, and explains how these concepts relate to our everyday experiences and our understanding of the universe.
Furthermore, Goswami connects his scientific explorations with Eastern philosophies, particularly the concept of “Oneness” found in Vedanta and Buddhism. He argues that this interconnected view of reality aligns with the principles of quantum physics, emphasizing the interdependence of all things.
“The Visionary Window” offers readers a challenging but enlightening perspective on the nature of reality. Goswami’s writing is accessible, even for those without a strong background in physics. The book is rich in examples and analogies that make complex concepts more understandable.
However, some readers may find the book’s ideas and arguments quite unconventional and even controversial. Goswami’s approach, while compelling, has been met with skepticism by some members of the scientific community who prefer a more traditional and reductionist view of reality.
In conclusion, “The Visionary Window” is a stimulating exploration of the intersection between science and spirituality. The book encourages readers to expand their understanding of reality by embracing the role of consciousness in shaping our experiences. While the book may challenge some readers with its unconventional ideas, it provides a thought-provoking journey into the realms of quantum physics, consciousness, and spirituality, ultimately leaving readers with a renewed perspective on the nature of the universe.
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I kneeled, shivering uncontrollably, next to the engine of my motorcycle hoping I wouldn’t freeze to death right there on the highway. The sleet was coming down furiously. Continuing on the bike was impossible.
I’ll rewind a bit…
Living in Jacksonville Florida for a short time in my twenties, I decided to take the hour-long ride down to St Augustine. I had never been and knew it’s historic significance as the oldest city in America – continuously occupied since 1565 when Spanish explorer Don Pedro Menendez de Aviles landed ashore at an inlet (later called Matanzas Inlet) on the eastern coast.
Not having checked the weather (as 20-year-olds are prone to do) I left my house in balmy 75 degree weather. After spending some time taking in the sights of the quaint town, I made my way to a seaside bar and grill. I met a gregarious group of tourists from Boston who invited me to join them. We spend the next several hours throwing back pints of Jamaican beer and swapping stories.
I walked out of the bar around midnight for the ride back home and the blast of arctic air hit me square in the face. I couldn’t believe it. The temperature had dropped at least 40 degrees. It was now in the 30s – and still dropping. I had a jacket strapped to my bike so my thought was that I’d simply go slow and make the trip. I’d be fine, no problem.
Some 10 miles into the ride, the sleet started. If you’ve never experienced sleet on a motorcycle, all I can tell you is the riding becomes wholly impossible and life threateningly dangerous. I sought cover underneath a highway overpass. I was freezing. I huddled as close to the cycle’s engine as I could – heat. I knew I was close to, if not already, hypothermic. I couldn’t stop shaking.
Your mind starts to do weird things when you’re that cold. Mine started to remember a story I’d read years earlier in a book called “Tales of Adam” by Daniel Quinn…
Hunter-gatherers in ancient times, a father and son were making their way to the winter hunting grounds. During their trek, snow began falling furiously as the temperature plummeted and night fell. The son said,
“Let’s turn back father or we’ll freeze to death out here.”
“We won’t freeze to death,” the father said, pressing onward. Some minutes later the man heard his son’s teeth chattering uncontrollably.
“Why are you making so much noise,” he asked. The son simply sat down in the snow shivering and said,
“Please father, please build a fire. I don’t want to die out here tonight.”
“Son, you must stop thinking of the cold as an enemy bent on your destruction,” the father said. He held up a rabbit they had killed for food and said, “See this rabbit? It isn’t his fur that kept him warm. He and the cold were simply one thing. The son continued shaking.
The father continued, “The cold isn’t your enemy. But it will crush you as if it were if you don’t make way.”
“I don’t know how.”
“You must relax your muscles. Stop struggling to keep the cold out. Let it flow through your body. Give it the space it will have in any case. Then you will see that it isn’t malevolent or hostile – or indeed anything that is thinking of you at all. The son did as his father instructed and to his surprise found that his sense of cold began to dissipate until he was no longer frightened or even uncomfortable.
“The cold, the heat, the elements, all of these things are the same as the things that life will throw your way. If you see them as your enemies you will, sooner or later, be defeated. However, if you don’t resist them, learn to move WITH them, you will never be crushed under their weight.” The two then carried on and reached the winter hut sometime in the night.
Just then a large motor coach pulled over onto the shoulder of the highway just ahead of me. It was towing a trailer with several motorcycles. A man exited and walked back to me and my bike and said,
“What the hell are you doing out here, son? OK, nevermind that. You go on inside the bus, my wife will get you warmed up. You’re blue for Christ sake.
“But my bike…”
“Don’t worry about that, I’ll get it loaded up onto the trailer and we’ll get you home.”
They drove me all the way to my front door in Jacksonville. I got better at checking the weather after that.
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In this thought-provoking episode of Happiness 2.0, we delve deep into the inner workings of our minds and explore a fundamental aspect of h
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From time to time I try and introduce thinkers / writers who’s work not only represents significant contributions to the field of happiness but also who aren’t part of the popular lexicon or the Amazon best seller lists. Franklin Merrell-Wolff definitely fits that bill. He was a giant in the field little known to today’s readers.
“Experience and Philosophy” by Franklin Merrell-Wolff is his philosophical and spiritual work that explores the nature of human consciousness and its relationship to reality. Published in 1937, the book combines elements of Eastern and Western philosophy, metaphysics, and mysticism to present a unique perspective on the nature of experience and the ultimate reality.
Key Takeaways:
Mystical Experience: Merrell-Wolff begins by emphasizing the significance of direct mystical experience as a valid and transformative source of knowledge. He argues that such experiences can provide profound insights into the nature of reality beyond what traditional philosophy or science can offer.
The Philosophy of Consciousness: The author proposes a philosophy rooted in the idea that consciousness is fundamental to reality. He asserts that consciousness is not merely an epiphenomenon of physical processes but the very essence of existence itself. This perspective aligns with Eastern philosophies such as Advaita Vedanta.
Transcending Dualism: Merrell-Wolff challenges the dualistic view that separates subject and object, self and other. He argues that through deep contemplative practice and mystical experiences, one can transcend these dualities and directly experience a state of unity and oneness with all of existence.
The Divine Reality: The book discusses the concept of the Divine Reality, which Merrell-Wolff sees as the ultimate ground of being and the source of all existence. He suggests that the individual soul can have a direct and transformative encounter with this Divine Reality, leading to a profound spiritual awakening.
The Path to Liberation: Merrell-Wolff outlines a path to spiritual liberation that involves rigorous meditation, self-inquiry, and the cultivation of inner stillness. He describes his own spiritual journey and the stages of realization he underwent on his quest for ultimate truth.
Practical Implications: Merrell-Wolff suggests that the insights gained through mystical experience have practical implications for one’s daily life. They can lead to greater compassion, wisdom, and a sense of purpose in the world.
Wolff (1887-1985) was an American philosopher, mystic, and mathematician. He was born in Pasadena, California, and pursued a career in mathematics, eventually earning a Ph.D. in philosophy from Stanford University. Despite his academic achievements, Merrell-Wolff was drawn to mystical and spiritual experiences from an early age.
He briefly taught mathematics at Stanford in 1914, but left academia the following year. In 1920, Wolff married Sarah Merrell Briggs. The couple joined their original surnames; hence Wolff became Franklin Merrell-Wolff. Merrell-Wolff and his wife founded an esoteric group called the Assembly of Man in 1928, which gathered in an ashram he built in the Siera Nevada mountains near Mount Whitney Sarah Merrell-Wolff, also known as Sherifa, died in 1959. Franklin Merrell-Wolff remarried and lived the rest of his life in the mountains until his death in 1985.
His spiritual journey led him to study Eastern philosophies. Merrell-Wolff’s mystical experiences and philosophical insights formed the basis for his groundbreaking work, “Experience and Philosophy.”
In addition to his philosophical writings, he also left behind a substantial body of work on meditation and spiritual practice. Franklin Merrell-Wolff’s writings continue to be influential in the fields of philosophy, mysticism, and spirituality, inspiring seekers on their own journeys of self-discovery and spiritual realization.
While not a particularly easy read, his seminal book is well worth the effort.
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Watching the news is a LIVE teaching on karma. We see people experiencing the effects of their previous actions – both constructive and destructive. We also see people creating the causes of their future suffering or their future happiness – in real-time. It takes a great deal of care, and self-awareness not to judge anyone – not to be critical of those who are suffering due to their past actions, and not to assume that those who are experiencing happiness now are somehow morally or intellectually superior. Let’s not rejoice that people who act in harmful ways will suffer in the future or think that people who, through their actions, are creating goodness today are somehow better than the rest.
No human being that is born into this world deserves to suffer – not one. The circumstances that lead people to act and behave in destructive and harmful ways are, in most all cases, the result of fear, ignorance, environment, and/or programming. We can deploy compassion instead of judgment because, in truth, everyone is trying to be happy. Unfortunately ignorance and blindness moves them in directions that can cause tremendous amounts of misery and suffering – for themselves and for others.
So as we watch the news, endeavor to remember this truth and learn to extend compassion to all who suffer and cause suffering because…
“an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.”
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Jonathan Quinn walked along a mostly deserted stretch of beach along the Baja Peninsula of Mexico – overwhelmed by the horrific and seemingly endless sight that stretched in front of him. The full October moon glinted off the bodies of thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of fish writhing helplessly in the sand.
He knew that marine animals beaching themselves was a phenomenon that was fairly common, yet little understood by science. It was heartbreaking nonetheless. He remembered the starfish story he had heard as a boy. In the tale, a man was walking along a beach at night where massive numbers of starfish had beached themselves. One at a time he was picking them up and placing them back into the water. A stranger observed what he was doing and asked, “Why are you doing that? Look at how many there are, you can’t possibly make a difference. The man picked up another starfish and returned it to the ocean and said, “It made a difference to that one.”
Jonathan considered the story and the scene in front of him and thought, Maybe tonight, maybe right now, is why I heard that story all those years ago.
It has often been said that if you live long enough, you will eventually become a cynic. It some ways, this is true. Youthful idealism can easily give way to the painful lessons that experience has in store for every single one of us. But most people don’t want to be cynical, not really. While I will concede that many people seem to openly relish in their cynicism, negativity, and judgmentalism, it is, in most cases, born of fear and/or ignorance.
But there is one truth, one especially painful realization, that eventually gets seared into the brain of most everyone who is afforded a few decades of life….
Nobody cares about you excepting perhaps, your immediate family and precious few VERY close friends.
Dale Carnegie devoted a major portion of his seminal classic, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” to this very point. He teaches that the most effective (in truth the only) way to create genuine rapport, comaraderie, and friendship with others is by encouraging them to talk about themselves – to speak about what interests them – to ask them questions that will allow them to shine. The reality of our interpersonal encounters, however, rarely goes like this. We typically babble on incessantly about ourselves, our stories, our rants, our stuff, then we wonder why the other person doesn’t think we are the be-all-end-all cat’s meow and why they aren’t longing to simply touch the hem of our garment. Because – they aren’t interested in us – not with anything approximating the interest they have in themselves anyway.
Once we reach the tipping point and tumble over the precipice – once we understand the agonizing truth and universality of this oh-so-bitter pill, our humanity can quite easily splinter into all sorts of people we never, ever wanted to be. We can become loathsome, even unto ourselves. But there are always layers to the onion, always larger truths lurking in the deeper, still water – truths that are obscured by all the turbulence on the surface.
But if we are willing to try and see through this trick of the light, what we find is quite miraculous….
Service to and compassion for others is the greatest single source of human happiness that exists.
Therein lies the lesson. If we collar it, we win – us, them, everyone – we ALL win. If we misconceive it however, or shut our eyes to it, we lose. And we just might lose the worst thing imaginable – ourselves. We can give ourselves over to a darkness from which we may never emerge. I can think of nothing more wasteful – or tragic.
Jonathan Quinn reached down, picked up the first silvery, panic-stricken fish and carried it back to the sea. As he came up the beach to retrieve another one he heard a voice,
“What are you doing?”
“I’m putting these poor fish back into the sea. I know I can’t help them all, but I can help the ones I can.”
The man smiled and said,
“You have a good heart, sir. But these fish are grunions. This is how they spawn. The females dig out a nest in the sand with their tails, lay their eggs, then the males fertilize them. When all that is done, and with the help of high-tide, they’ll all wriggle their way back into the ocean.”
Jonathan looked at the man, looked up at the resplendent full moon, and realized he had just learned about a lot more than fish.
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In this episode, we dive into the fascinating world of building instant rapport and creating connections that truly last.Join our Ed and Nic
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How A Spoiled Rich Kid Changed Himself And Became a Legend
“I know who you are and I know what you’re all about. But make no mistake, you will NOT bring any of that BS in here. If you do, you won’t be in here. This is a zero sum game. No second chances. Do you understand?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Good, take a seat.”
As a senior in high school, I was incredibly fortunate to have an extraordinary English teacher who left an indelible mark on me. As I have looked back over the years, my perspective regarding why her impact was so seismic, altering the course of my life in ways I am still unwrapping, has evolved. It seems that about every ten years or so, I see something else, some new thing I hadn’t realized before. There is little doubt that she ignited my omni-present passion for writing. She introduced me to the writers that inspire and teach me to this day…
James Joyce, Eudora Welty, Saki, Joseph Conrad, Kate Chopin, Ambrose Bierce – so may more.
But I have come to realize that one book she shared with me, perhaps more than any other, was a harbinger of things to come in my own life. It took me decades for the realization to fully materialize. And maybe, who knows, I might see it all differently, yet again, ten years from today.
The story is that of a young man who was raised in a privileged, affluent family. His parents, seeking to protect their young son from the proximate horrors of the world, kept him completely confined to the family compound. There, they reasoned, he had everything – every delight, distraction, and education a young man could want or need. The expectation was that he would follow in his father’s successful footsteps as well as his family’s religion. To his loving parents, he seemed fine with this arrangement. But the day finally came, as it inevitably will with all young men, that his curiosity and longing for independence became to powerful for him to further ignore. He ventured out of the compound and into the surrounding city.
For the first time he encounters the beggars, the sick, the mentally ill, poverty, and death. The shock to his coddled mind is overwhelming. The carefully curated illusion iss at once shattered into shards of incomprehensible bewilderment.
Upon returning to the compound, his word view in tatters, he sees that his only choice is to leave the cocoon that has been his safe harbor his entire life – to go forth into the world of sadness, sorrow, and struggle, His earnest hope is that there might exist a pathway the led through the hopelessness, confusion, and misery. A path that isn’t only available to those born to wealth and privilege but to everyone.
He joins a religious group who believe that happiness can be achieved through asceticism, a rejection of the body and physical desire. He loses his desire for property, clothing, sexuality, and all sustenance except that required to live. He successfully renounces the pleasures of the world.
After a time however, he is wholly dissatisfied. The path of self-denial does not provide the truth he is in search of. He realizes that the oldest of the adherents have lived the life for many years but have yet to attain true happiness of any real measure. So he leaves the group and ventures on.
He decides to embark on a life free from the spiritual quests he has been pursuing, and to instead learn from the pleasures of the body and the material world. He meets a beautiful courtesan who entrances him. But she will not have him unless he proves he can thrive in the material world. She convinces him to take up the path of the businessman. His hones his skills and takes the beautiful courtesan as his lover.
Soon, he is a rich man and enjoys all the pleasures an affluent life can afford someone. He gambles, drinks, and anything that can be bought is his for the taking. Yet, he sees it all as nothing more than a game, caring not whether he wins or loses. The more he accumulates, the less it satisfies him, and he is soon caught once more in a cycle of unhappiness that he tries to escape by engaging in even more gambling, drinking, and sex. When he is at his most disillusioned, he dreams that his lover is rare songbird is dead in its cage. He understands that the material world is slowly killing him without providing him with the happiness for which he has been searching. One night, he resolves to leave it all behind and departs without telling anyone.
Sick with sadness that perhaps the world is but unhappiness, misery and death, he considers drowning himself in a river in his path rather than cross it. But there he encounters a man who tends the ferry. The man seems to radiate the peace and happiness that has proven so elusive. He inquires how the man was able to attain such a state and the man simply replied, “By watching and learning from river. When the water encounters obstacles, rocks, fallen trees, it does not resist or combat them, it simply flows around them, through them, with them, always in keeping with its true nature. – always being the river.
The ferryman agrees to allow our journeyman to work and live with him for a time so that he too can learn the lessons of the river – and he does. Just as the water of the river flows into the ocean and is returned by rain, all forms of life are interconnected in a cycle without beginning or end. Birth and death are all part of a timeless unity. Life and death, joy and sorrow, good and evil are all parts of the whole – the One.
Armed with all he has learned over the many years of his long journey, he finally leaves the ferryman and the river and sets off into the forest alone. He sits down underneath a beautiful tree and vows not to to rise until he has assembled and integrated everything he has learned. He sits for 49 days when in one enlightening instant, the puzzle is completed. He sees the world as it really is. He understands the cause of suffering and how it can be defeated. He clearly apprehends the path to true and lasting happiness. The remainder of his life, his learnings become his teachings that he freely shares with all who would seek to live in the light. He is happy. He is at peace.
The name of the book is Siddhartha. The author is Herman Hesse.
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Join hosts Ed and Nic on a thought-provoking journey to explore the age-old concept of Enlightenment in this illuminating episode of Happine
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