[eerie-lullaby]

(Updated) Symptoms Compilation

Before anyone says see a professional I have every intention to and have tried before however every therapist I've been sent to has only ever focused on the moods and anxiety side of things so I was wondering if someone could give me any ideas of what these symptoms might point to that way I could look into seeing someone more specialised and suited to my needs instead of the same anxiety talk therapist.

1. Unusual Perceptual Experiences/Hallucinations- Mainly tactile and auditory though sometimes visual aswell.

2. Paranoia- Constantly feeling as though I'm being watched and followed. Or as though people are talking negatively about me and judging me.

3. Chronic heightened anxiety that doesn't lessen with familiarity.

4. Episodes of self isolation.

5. Unstable moods

6. Homicidal and Suicidal Ideation- Constant thoughts of harming/killing myself and others (and animals) and knowing how I'd do it as well.

7. Failure to uphold professional obligation

-uninterested in upholding college obligation, no interest or drive in passing the course or completing it/ No motivation or drive to do well and succeed

8. Unstable future plans

-shifting career plans, wanting to be a doctor one week, author the next, embalmer, unsure whether I'm going to be alive to see them through.

9. No childhood memories

- no solid childhood memories before age

10. Poor perception of time

- trouble telling whether it's been 10 minutes or one hour

11. Chronic feelings of emptiness

12. Poor communication skills

- failure to properly articulate my feelings and emotions and needs

13. obsession with gore/death/violence from a young age

(Intense obsession with graphic gore and violence and will hunt videos out)

14. Being indifferent/apathetic towards all kinds of relationships (familial, platonic, sexual or romantic) and not actively wanting them

15. Low empathy and sympathy- not being able to feel emotions for other people

16. Inability to maintain focus and keep a train of thought.

17. Chronic low self esteem

18. Self Harm- biting, hitting or cutting

19. Difficulty showing and receiving affection

20. Inappropriate emotional response

-won't cry over the death of a family member or pet, however will cry over pointless things like the specific food I want to eat not being in, will laugh at people getting hurt in extreme ways, or pull a knife on someone for changing the channel when I'm watching something

21. Unable to feel sad regarding death beit family or pet.

22. Intense connection to fictional characters to the point of trying to become and imitate them. Seeing myself as them.

23. Doesn't care about people's feelings or opinions unless they reflect me in a negative light.

24. Unstable sense of self- the sort of person I want to be, how I want to be perceived and what I want to do.

25.Ahedonia- Things that once interested me no longer do. Nothing interests me.

26. Executive dysfunction

27. Emotionally dependent on music

-will become unstable and irritable and paranoid without

28. Difficulty getting to sleep

29. Immature and rambled speech

- friends and family have said it's hard to understand and follow what I'm saying

30. Cant form strong opinions

31. Can't feel deep emotions or feelings

32. Chronic boredom.

33. Nearly completely apathetic.

[eerie-lullaby]

Any advice or help?

I've been having trouble with it for as long as I can remember, and the times growing up when I did ask for help my mum told me to stop being daft and that I'd never actually hurt anyone.

Anyway it's been getting bad recently where every time I get angry my go to reaction is just to kill them, and while it concerned me previously I never thought too much about it as I didn't know how I'd do it but it didn't matter because the thought alone calmed me down, but now I seemed to have a solid idea of how I would do it and it's the same everytime I think about it now.

It's gotten to the point where I have seriously considered having myself sectioned in the local psychiatric hospital but I know my mum will talk me out of it saying that nothings wrong and I'm just being drama but it feels like the only way I'll get help.

[borderlineyounggod]

Here’s a friendly reminder

If you think that people with personality disorders are evil, inherently abusive or label random people as sociopaths or psychopaths, kindly keep the fuck away from my blog.

[eerie-lullaby]

Symptoms Compilation: Please Help

I was wondering if anyone with any knowledge might be able to help, I've been struggling with my mental health for a while but am getting nowhere. I've tried seeking help but keep getting passed from therapist to therapist before getting discharged after being told its just extreme untreated anxiety. So I was wondering if anyone might know what my symptoms might indicate all have been present for atleast 4 years now

For extra context I had an unstable and abusive childhood including an alcoholic mum who if she wasn't drinking was at work, was left on my own frequently, was repeatedly raped by my stepbrother from my mums first husband which was then followed by a revolving door of abusive men. I'd visit my dad during the holidays though that was hardly an improvement. His wife's son would constantly hit me, her daughter molested me on numerous occasions and was repeatedly belittled and berated.

Anyway the symptoms are as follows:

1. tactile, visual and auditory hallucinations

-bugs crawling over and under my skin, people shouting my name, door slamming, keys turning in the door, the girl in the painting turning to wink at me.

2. heightened sense of anxiety and paranoia

- constantly feeling like I'm being watched and followed and negatively judged, like people are laughing at me or talking about me

3. chronic anxiety that doesn't lessen with familiarity.

4. episodic self isolation

- one day I can be fine, content around other people, and the I spend the next week or two spending every minute locked away from people

5. unstable moods

-can go from giddy and hyperactive to irritable and paranoid, from feeling emotionally numb to feeling an uncomfortable excess of emotions

6. intrusive thoughts

-re-occuring thoughts to stab myself, use the hammer to break the bones in my hand or carve a 'Chelsea smile' into my face,  or just generallycut my face

7. violent/Homicidal/Suicidal ideation

-constant thoughts of hurting or killing myself or others, knowing how I'd do it

8. failure to uphold professional obligation

-uninterested in upholding college obligation, no interest or drive in passing the course or completing it

9. unstable future plans

-shifting career plans, wanting to be a doctor one week, author the next, embalmer, unsure whether I'm going to be alive to see them through.

10. no childhood memories

- no solid childhood memories before age 13, and struggling to differentiate between a real and false memory

11. poor perception of time

- trouble telling whether it's been 10 minutes or one hour

12. chronic feelings of emptiness

13. poor communication skills

- failure to properly articulate my feelings and emotions and needs

14. inability to make and keep friends

15. obsession with gore/death/violence from a young age

(Intense obsession with graphic gore and violence and will hunt videos out)

16. difficulty expressing/ Regulating my emotions

17. low empathy and sympathy

18. poor concentration/focus, can't follow a train of thought

19. poor memory

20. chronic low self esteem

21. no motivation to do well/succeed

22. self Harm

- pinching, biting and punching myself in frustration

23. trouble showing and receiving affection

24. trouble recognising my own emotions recognising why I'm feeling them

25. inappropriate emotional response

-won't cry over the death of a family member or pet, however will cry over pointless things like the specific food I want to eat not being in, will laugh at people getting hurt in extreme ways, or pull a knife on someone for changing the channel when I'm watching something

26. losing time

27. intense emotional attachment to fictional characters because they won't judge and can't leave

28. has trouble starting tasks and rarely finishes them

29. difficulty with social cues

30. doesn't really care about people's feelings

31. tense and restless 

32. unstable sense of self

- specifically gender/name/sexuality and how I wish to be perceived

33. anhedonia

34. executive dysfunction

35. emotionally dependent on music

-will become unstable and irritable and paranoid without

36. confusion

-can't hold a train of thought, everything feels blurry and foggy

37. difficulty getting to sleep

38. extreme fear of rejection to the point I'll avoid doing anything that might end in rejection, judgement or criticism

39. immature and rambled speech

- friends and family have said it's hard to understand and follow what I'm saying

40. Chronic Boredom

41. Chronic Emptiness

[eerie-lullaby]

Why Might Someone Care About People's Opinions But Not Their Feelings?

Alright, so for the most part I have trouble caring for or about other people but for some reason their opinions about me matter to me. Too much probably.

And I'm aware that this next part is going to make me sound like a bad person but I am trying to be a good person.

But say for example if someone was going through a bad time or a hard patch, (Including family death) I struggle caring and quite frankly if they talk about it too much it gets irritating and I care even less (granted I'd never treat them harshly or poorly because of it, my chronic apathy and Indifference to people isn't their fault so I won't take it out on them) And for the most part if their opinion is about anything else I don't care but for some reason the idea of people having a bad opinion about me or what I do makes me nauseous and inconsolably upset.

How come the only time I'm able to care about people's emotions and opinions in a genuine way without having to tell myself to do so is if they have a negative one about me.

[salty-inc]

Cptsd bingo requested by anon!!!

[eerie-lullaby]

[eerie-lullaby]

I'm not sure when "suicide before the age of 25" became my first response to "what are your plans for the future?" But at this point suicide just seems inevitable.

[ojibwa]

[pdmori]

[pdmori]

[allthesepurplelights]

Machine Gun Kelly // Play This When I’m Gone

[mangojuulpoddd]

[toadallybpd]

[nitawezaje-kusimamia-deactivate]

Symptoms Of Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is a condition that has three types of symptoms. There are positive symptoms, negative symptoms, and cognitive symptoms.

The positive symptoms add on to your life. Positive symptoms add on delusions, hallucinations, etc. The negative symptoms take away from your life. They take away energy, interest, motivation, etc.

Negative symptoms:

1. Anhedonia- When things that used to be fun and pleasurable aren’t fun anymore.

2. Alogia- When you can’t talk a lot or you aren’t able to respond to questions that much. You’re words might be a little slurred and your sentences might end in whispers.

3. Apathy- When you lose interest in things you used to be interested in. Not necessarily things that are fun or entertaining. For example you might lose interest in your job, personal hygiene, and hobbies.

4.Avolition- When you don’t have the motivation to do stuff anymore.

5. Affective flattening aka flat expression- When you don’t have a lot of emotional expression. Like your voice might be very boring and your face is very unemotional even in situations that would  typically make someone show some facial/vocal expression.

6. Lethargy- When you don’t the energy to do anything.

7. Asociality- When you don’t have the motivation to interact social with other people.

8. Impaired attention- When it’s very hard to focus and follow conversations.

9. Sexual problems- When you lose most or all of your interest in sex.

Positive Symptoms:

1. Hallucinations- When you experience things that aren’t there. Like feeling/seeing that aren’t there.

Click the link below for a further explanation and types of hallucinations.

https://thelovelygoosebones.tumblr.com/post/168903543312/types-of-hallucinations?is_related_post=1

2. Delusions- Untrue beliefs that are believed to be true due to mental illness.

Click the link below for a further explanation and types of delusions.

https://thelovelygoosebones.tumblr.com/post/168905486412/types-of-delusions

3. Disorganized speech.

For a further examples click the link below.

https://thelovelygoosebones.tumblr.com/post/168909011502/examples-of-disorganized-speech-in-schizophrenia

Cognitive Symptoms:

1. Impaired Memory- You are extremely forgetful.

2. Impaired Attention- You can not focus on things and it may be hard to keep up with conversations.

3. Impaired Working Memory- Working memory means being able to keep what you’ve learned and your memory and use what you know for actions. Impaired working memory means you can’t remember what you’ve learned, you can’t use what you remember, you can’t apply what you remember to your actions.

4. Executive dysfunction- You’re ability to plan, manage, learn and understand information, and make proper decisions is not working. For example, you may have difficulty planning the steps of a project or task. Projects, work, and cleaning up are hard to manage and hard to plan out the individual steps it takes to finish work or cleaning up. It can be very hard to get yourself to start doing work or chores.

That is a general list if positive and negative and cognitive symptoms of schizophrenia.

                                                     IMPORTANT 

Violence and violent behavior is NOT a symptom of schizophrenia. Schizophrenic people are NOT more likely to be violent than neurotypical people. Neurotpyical people are non-autistic (allistic) and non mentally ill people. The idea that schizophrenic people are more violent than neurotypicals is a deep and ableist stereotype in our society. Ableism is the institutional discrimination against mentally ill and disabled people and institutional discrimination means mentally ill and disabled people are discriminated against by the government, schools, colleges, work places, and other institutions. Please do not contribute to supporting the ableist idea that schizophrenic people are more abusive or violent than neurotypicals.

To other neurotypicals who see this post: share this post with your neurotypical friends and tag this post as schizophrenia to educate others and end the idea that schizophrenic people are more violent and abusive than neurotypicals.

For more information about schizophrenia click the link below!

https://thelovelygoosebones.tumblr.com/post/168910377672/general-information-about-schizophrenia

Note: I am not an expert and I’m neurotypical. If you want me to add or change anything send me a message anytime! I did try to keep this post very short so if you need me to shorten anything in this post or explain anything message me.

[belialblood-deactivated20210126]

[traumasurvivors]

It’s okay if your trauma made you sex repulsed.

But there’s another outcome that isn’t talked about as often.

It’s also okay if your trauma has made you hypersexual.

Everyone is different, and there’s no set rule book for how you should be after a trauma.

[exhaustedborderline]