[primordialscreamain-deactivated]

Dutch van der Linde + the Onion headlines

[firefox-official]

how would you die in willy wonka's chocolate factory

id lie to his face until he mustered up the courage to kill me himself

[firefox-official]

“no, i didnt eat any of your chocolate, old man,” i’d say, chocolate smeared across my mouth, and i’d get to watch him fume at the sight of it

[firefox-official]

gene wilder’s willy wonka is already filled with so much anger i think it would be very funny

[firefox-official]

i’m a skinny guy i wouldn’t get stuck in the pipes id go right through em. im also not stupid enough to chew the unfinished gum or try very hard to steal a squirrel or go through a tv for some fucking reason so i think i’ll be okay. there is nothing willy wonka can do to me in his factory that will get me killed. im an asshole and i deserve it but he won’t be able to do it. no, the guy would have to kill me himself

[sexhaver]

your url is wrong. how can you have a sex if you don't have a gender

the difference between sex and gender is that i didn't have gender with your mom last night. hope this helps

[merskrat]

Another TRA who doesn’t know the difference between sex and gender and can’t conceive of anyone or restricting themselves with gender roles.

[sexhaver]

i literally just explained the difference but if you're still confused i can demonstrate with your dad as well

[hallandoates1970topresent-deact]

i dont go on skype anymore. chat with me by screaming as loud as you can into the night sky. i will be listening

[pukicho]

are you this stupid in real life too

Uh huh just about

[utopians]

"sex scenes have no narrative purpose" is such a funny take on so many levels. people will really believe that the whole human experience is valuable to portray artistically except sex, which of course has never held emotional weight or significance for anybody

[utopians]

"what's the purpose of sex scenes in media??" well you see sometimes people have sex. sometimes it can be important even

[chips1977]

its important to make me haard

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

[parakeet]

so it turns out great tits can and do kill and eat both other birds and small mice when food is scarce, particularly during winter, and i just cannot get over this picture. it looks like the kind of photo hunters take with their kills. i’m losing it

[celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725]

That’s his Tinder profile.

[darrenpillowscriss]

[socialjusticeace]

And you’re next

[allsonargent]

“Peggy Carter’s fighting style has none of the artistry of characters like Melinda May or Black Widow. She basically slams heavy objects into men until they fall over, which is very satisfying to watch.”

(source)

[twixnmix]

Dolly Parton cover session for her album “Heartbreaker” on February 15, 1978 in Los Angeles, California.

(Photos by Ed Caraeff)

[nonamenonewhatsoever]

[meanplastic]

[nicolerrichie]

[lemonysnidget]

My triplet, my triplet, and me

or “it might not actually be too hard to tell the Denouements apart”

There’s a riddle about two identical brothers. One tells only the truth, the other tells only lies. For some reason, you encounter them at a fork in the road. One of those roads leads you to where you need to go, the other will cause you to get hopelessly lost (or killed or however you want to up the ante). The two brothers both know which road you should go down and which road you shouldn’t. You can’t tell these two brothers apart, and you don’t have any options but to ask them for help. What do you do? 

You ask the both of them “Which road would your brother tell me to take?” and then you take the other one. 

I bring up this riddle because it’s what immediately sprung to my mind back when Kit uttered the infamously misleading line: “Under no circumstances should you reveal your true selves to Frank’s treacherous identical brother Ernest” (12.2). It was closely followed by a snigger at the wordplay - two brothers named Frank and Ernest… like frank and earnest, two words that are almost synonymous but not quite… oh, Handler, you old sport, you’ve done it again. You got to love an author who loves words so much that he repeatedly brings up the difference between connotation and denotation of words, along with the nuance that we’ve assigned to certain words. Or at least, I love an author who does that. 

We, like the Baudelaires, immediately wonder just how we will tell these two brothers apart. The consequences of mistaking one for the other are quite dire, so it really is important to take to heart just what Kit advices the Baudelaires to do: "Please try to pay attention… observe everyone you see, and make such judgments yourselves” (12.2).

Please allow me to share my observations and judgements about the Denouements, who is who, and just why I wish we had gotten to see more of them. 

Keep reading

[bombing]

i lost my wife to vaping

[kiyotakamine]

munchlax is pretty hot

[kiyotakamine]

happy 10 year anniversary of munchlax being pretty hot

[tabaquis-barking]

Actually know what reblogging again bc the girl with the white ds knows what the FUCK is up and pink girl is either a dumbass or a scammer.

In DPP (Diamond/Pearl/Platinum) sneasel shows up on five different routes, and then evolves into weavile when leveled with a razor claw at night. Razor claws aren’t hard to find either, so while there’s minimal effort involved here, weavile isn’t really special.

Munchlax, though? Jesus fuck. Jesus fucking christ. Munchlax in DPP is one of the most difficult Pokémon in ANY of the games—if not the absolute most difficult. DPP has a mechanic where you could slather honey on certain trees, and six hours later a Pokémon would turn up on the tree. Several of the Pokémon you could get this way were common, but some could ONLY be obtained from honey trees. You couldn’t change the DS system’s time to speed things up, because the trees ran on their own counter—so you HAD to wait six hours for a Pokémon to show up.

It gets worse. There were 21 of these honey trees in the game, and regardless of the tree’s location, and tree could summon any of the “honey tree Pokémon…”

Except. Fucking. Munchlax.

Only FOUR trees in the game had the potential to summon Munchlax. Which trees, you ask? Guess. No, literally, take a fucking guess—because the four trees that can summon Munchlax are decided at random based on your trainer ID and secret ID. There is NO way to determine which trees they are unless you feel like hacking into your game’s data and then doing some weird complicated math.

That’s not all. You thought that was all? You thought Munchlax was a merciful god that would take pity on your tiny, pathetic body? Oh no. Not even close. Munchlax isn’t done with you yet, Munchlax is going to peel you like a fucking mango and laugh while you cry.

Munchlax only has a 1% encounter rate.

ONE. PERCENT. As in 1/100.

So to recap—4/21 honey trees (and you don’t know which ones) have a 1% chance of summoning this little motherfucker once every six hours. That’s it. No fast tracking, no cheats, and no workarounds. Munchlax in DPP is the holy grail of hard to find Pokémon.

And pinky here has the AUDACITY to offer the MUCH more easily obtainable weavile for it. Fuck that. Fuck that!!! White DS girl knows what the FUCK is up!!!

In conclusion;

Munchlax is pretty hot… Try again.

Bitch.

[wrappingpaper]

this is why i moved away