hey, is that RACHEL WEISZ i saw going for a walk in THE MEADOW? no, it’s just LENA COHEN, a FIFTY year old ARCHITECT from DENVER, CO. SHE identifies as CIS-GENDERED and LESBIAN. they seem +PASSIONATE and -CLOSED OFF, always reminding me of the tight grip of self control and the fleeting joy of a moment when it doesn’t seem so dire to lose it. they’re most frequently seen at STAX WINE BAR AND BISTRO going on about ART and that’s okay because it’s been their thing for FIFTEEN YEARS. you’re going to love them! ( sun )
trigger warnings: emotional neglect, mental and verbal abuse, childhood abuse, homophobia, heteronormativity, cancer, parental issues (that feeling when you're glad your parent is dead)
the honorable judge elias cohen was a formidable figure in lena’s life. he never seemed to appreciate lena for who she was, and always demanded far more than lena could ever give. her mother wasn’t much better - the woman liked to drink and often neglected her duties when it came to parenting. she would spat unhelpful and malicious things to lena, especially as a child when lena was being too loud or had just annoyed her. lena eventually stopped going to her for things, and instead took up mantle beside the staff employed at the grounds of the estate lena grew up in. her brother had much more luck with their parents than lena herself. they seemed to dote on the boy, a fact that made lena so mad that she wanted to rush off in rages - she did not, for she knew the consequences of these actions.
her girlhood had left in a flurry of movement, leaving lena behind to catch up. as a teen, lena had her own social circle that she kept up with. popular and well-rounded, but terrifying, she took up extra tutors to fill her time outside of school as well as her role as student council president. when she wasn’t socializing or tending to one of her numerous hobbies, she was building up a defense for the times she spent long looks lingering on her best friend, who lena was madly obsessed with for the majority of her teenage years. lena knew that it wasn’t to be accepted, she knew her parents stance on anything having to do with lesbianism or gayness. so, she kept that huge part of herself a secret for many years.
adulthood came without warning, and lena was thrust into the life of university. and instead of going for her passion in art, lena made a conscious effort to become involved with a safety option; architecture school. ivy league was tough but lena had never had a problem with keeping up under pressure - particularly, academic pressure. pressure from outside sources to find a suitable male to befriend and date made her hackles rise but she had little choice; if she didn’t do this, it would only make the questions grow. then she met mark. mark proposed an arrangement that was beneficial to both of them; he would be seen on lena's arm, and she would get a ruse.
her father fell sick in lena’s fortieth year - cancer. lena’s mother wasn’t in the position to care for him, so lena moved back home. mark let her go without protest on the grounds that their relationship would continue when she got back, and she had little to say in the matter. when her father passed, lena felt relief. that pressure that she’d felt for being watched all of her life had never ceased until his passing, but lena said nothing to anyone about how she felt. she faked her grief and allowed herself to envision a future in which she didn’t have to hide any longer. she came out shortly thereafter and dumped mark, ending the engagement that they had agreed upon. moving to coyote valley had not been her plan - coyote valley had been a stop along the way to opening her own architecture firm - but she fell in love with the area. she’s left a string of broken hearts since arriving, but what’s a little fun when you haven’t had any in so long?
as their bodies pressed together, kolby couldn't help but let out a small sigh of relief. lena's arms felt like home. so comforting. so warm. she felt safe, protected and like she belonged. she had a special way of reassuring kolby. it didn't take much. a soft touch, a particular look, a glint in her eye, or a perfectly chosen string of words. whatever the moment called for, lena always seemed to know exactly how to ground her, to ease the doubt or anxiety before it could take over completely. she knew exactly what kolby needed which was shocking considering they still had so much to learn about each other. or maybe they didn't. maybe they'd been made just for each other in every lifetime. she softened under her touch as lena massaged the back of her neck, making no effort to stop the small moan that slipped past her lips at how good it felt. "i believe you. i really, really do.." she murmured, her voice trailing off. and then, in true kolby fashion, came the quiet confession of self doubt. "but isn't it crazy to feel this way? after just one night? to want nothing more than to give myself to you completely before you truly get to know me? i know i can be a lot, clingy even. overbearing maybe. but what if i show you all of that and you decide that's not really for you?" she didn't say it aloud, but kolby thought she would die if lena ever did come to that conclusion.
she was grateful when lena chimed in. her scrambled thoughts came to a halt, the noise in her head quieting almost instantly. she never thought she needed much validation. not this much anyway. but then again, she'd never felt quite like this before. she used to think she'd experienced every possible emotion before lena, but she'd been wrong. because even the familiar ones felt different now. they were deeper, sharper, more real. her features softened, and the smile she always seemed to wear around lena returned at her words. and then a beat later, the smile turned into a cocky grin. "not when you were inside me?" she replied, pressing into lena. and just like that, she was distracted. thinking back on how good that felt. to have lena inside her. and how she so badly needed her again. "if you keep sweet talking me like that," she cooed, "i'm afraid i'm gonna need you inside me again. immediately." nothing had ever felt so good. no one had ever made her feel so good. kolby would crave lena's touch for the rest of her days, of that she was sure.
she brought her hands up to lena's cheeks, eyes searching hers. "so i'm still yours then? in the light of day and under different circumstances?" she must've given herself to lena a million times that night. the 'i'm yours. i'm yours.' still echoed in the back of her mind. she all but melted at lena's words, her eyes glossing over from the sheer pureness of them. "where have you been all my life?" a question kolby hadn't stopped asking herself since the festival. because colors were brighter now. the sun seemed warmer. songs she'd heard a hundred times before had new meaning with lena in the picture. she'd been waiting for her without even knowing it. "and now i can't imagine a world in which i'm claimed by anyone else." her words were spoken softly but without hesitation. a pause. and then even quieter but just as sure, "you're everything, lena."
lena, undeniably, was a very selfish creature by nature. she enjoyed her pleasures with reverence and always sought more when the light came to a new day. with kolby... with kolby, lena felt so many things at once. a sort of possessiveness that she didn't like or want to admit to came about quite keenly. so keenly, in fact, that it threatened the very foundations that lena stood on - independence and restraint. she was reminded of a girl who, at one point in time, had thrown everything away for another, for a principle and what she thought she'd known at the time. she was reminded of what it was to truly want. and it was not a pleasant feeling to know that, once more, she stood in that precarious position of bending to another's whims. but kolby was kind. god, she was so kind and generous and good...
lena thought, perhaps foolishly, longingly, that kolby might take care to not crush lena like elizabeth had once done. perhaps it was, as kolby had said, crazy to feel this way about someone so soon. "i don't do things by halves, kolby," lena replied, eyes intense and staring into kolby's own, hand coming up to cup the other woman's jaw. "when i want something - someone - i'm all in. and i don't want very often, i..." carrying off, she swallowed down the shame that rose at the thought of what had happened in the past, at what she'd done - let herself be vulnerable with people who had torn her apart - before pushing through. "i've only ever wanted things - people - that could destroy me in the end." a huff of a laugh escaped, but it was a pained thing more than anything. "i suspect that you'll be no different. i just hope the outcome is... not that."
hope was a fragile thing, but it rested in the marrow of her bones - the very bones that wound around the frame of kolby, pressing them closer together until nothing separated them. forehead falling down until it softly rested against her lovers, lena held her for a moment and let the heat of kolby's words lie quietly between them. lena wasn't ready to say those words back yet - though she thought them with everything she had - kolby was everything. still, some hurt, fragile, ugly thing inside of her wouldn't let go of the fact that she was too much - too much too soon, too much regardless of time. and eventually, kolby would see that too - and she'd leave. and lena would be left in the aftermath, to pick up the pieces like she'd done before.
a sigh left her winded at the thought, and she gently dropped her hand to take kolby's own. "come with me?" she asked, pulling gently to drag kolby away from the tank beside them and down a hallway to the left that was illuminated entirely by a very large kreisel tank - it took up the entirety of the wall and was filled with what looked like to be a hundred or so jellyfish. "i come here when the world seems too loud..." a sheepish grin pulled a her lips before she joined kolby in watching the jellies swim to and fro. beside them, against the wall, was a sitting area with a single tastefully colored couch - it matched the one in the living room, only this one on a slightly smaller scale. "sometimes i'm here for hours... has a way of making you feel small, doesn't it?"
as lena's eyes devoured her, kolby felt her body burn with desire. a level of desire she had never experienced before. wanted, seen, safe were all emotions kolby had felt at one time or another. but never all at once and never so intensely. the sweetest, faintest sound fell from lena's lips, making kolby's own curve into a devilish grin. it was music to her ears, the kind of song you love so much, you play it on repeat. it never gets old. and she would stop at nothing to hear it again.
kolby's breath caught in her throat as lena left a trail of soft kisses up her leg. she was taking her time, and the redhead both loved and hated it. she was impatient, she needed more. but she'd always been the type to follow the rules, to obey orders. so what else was she supposed to do when lena, so assertively, commanded her to keep touching herself? "mmm, you wanna watch me fuck myself? anything for you, baby." kolby ran her fingers through her folds a few times, teasing her dripping cunt before slipping a finger inside. then two. she held lena's gaze as she slowly pumped her digits in and out. and then a little faster. kolby whimpered, mostly in displeasure as she wished it were lena's instead. but she was ready to be on her best behavior for her. if lena wanted to make her feel better than anyone had before, then kolby also wanted to be the best girl for her. well behaved, at her mercy, better than anyone she'd been with previously. she wanted to satisfy lena in a way that would keep her from turning to anyone else afterward. squirming under her touch, she returned the kiss, messier and needier than before, moaning against lena's lips as she continued to fuck herself.
"again and again and again? don't make promises you can't keep." it was muttered like a challenge. one kolby knew lena wouldn't pass up. she knew all too well that lena was, if anything, a woman of her word. she knew lena wouldn't back down or rest until she'd proven her point and that's exactly what she wanted. kolby wanted to be weak, trembling and needy. even more so than she already was. she wanted to be relentlessly fucked until neither of them could physically go on any longer. she watched eagerly, mouth slightly open, as lena lowered her head to her heaving chest. and when lena's mouth found her nipple, kolby brought her fingers up to circle her clit, head falling back into the pillow. "fuck, lena.." she moaned at the insistent pull of her mouth. the barbell tugged gently with every movement, only adding to the sensation. kolby brought her free to lena's hair, tangling her fingers in it as she pulled. "i need you so bad."
every squirm, every whimper, every single little noise that fell from kolby's mouth made lena all the wetter. she relished the way she could make the other woman feel, felt proud of it in a way. shifting her weight carefully, the artist pulled back from kolby's breast, a devilish grin on her features, her eyes intense and lidded. "careful," hand rising to pinch gently at kolby's nipple, lena applied the perfect amount of pressure to entice and pull a sweet sound from her lips. the warning was very much meant, and lena would follow through with her words if it was the last thing she ever did. turning her attention to kolby's other breast, she gently kept massaging her right even as she took the left into her mouth to lavishly run her tongue along. "when did you get them done?" she asked in a sort of abstract way, eyeing the piercings with keen interest. she did not wait for an answer before her right hand fell down to rest at kolby's waist.
the touch lingered there, teasing, before lena let her hand drift down to rest at kolby's wrist. "stop," she ordered, the word was a coaxing sort of murmur in the tension that sizzled between them, and lena leaned down to press a lingering kiss to the middle of kolby's chest. pulling at the appendage, lena led it up her own body, not touching, until she could eye the wetness lingering on kolby's fingers. a hum of intrigue leapt from her lips before she opened her mouth and took kolby's fingers onto her tongue.
the taste exploded onto her tongue nearly instantaneously, and lena spent the remainder of a minute just lavishing her attention onto kolby's fingers. it made lena ache to finally taste her; it felt oddly like she'd been waiting forever for this moment. each stroke of her tongue had lena closing her eyes and sighing contently until, finally, she drew her hand down where kolby needed it most. fingers still in her mouth, teeth biting into the flesh very gently, she finally found where kolby was most wanting - most wet - and a groan escaped her then, heavy and almost loud from her chest. she spent several moments just feeling her - just being present, just breathing with her and listening to the sounds she made, the look on her face, before she gently began to circle over that slick bundle of nerves that left kolby shaking and needy.
she’d just left the salon. gone was the signature red hair that had framed her face for years, fun and bold. in its place, a cool, unfamiliar shade of blonde that caught the light differently, made her reflection feel slightly off. it had felt like a good idea. something new, something fresh. something she'd been wanting to do for far too long. but now, as she stood on the threshold of lena’s world, she wasn’t so sure. as kolby walked into lena’s architecture firm, a familiar anxiety stirred low in her stomach, creeping upward like a slow tide. the new surroundings and the new faces definitely didn't help. she probably should've texted her first. sent a picture. called. anything but showing up unannounced.
kolby’s hand fluttered instinctively to her hair, fingers grazing the soft strands. her thoughts spiraled into old patterns. what if she hates it? what if it changes everything, even a little? the fear wasn’t really about the color. because she'd been really pleased with the result. it was about lena and the ache to please her. not that she really thought her hair would matter. her insecurities just wouldn't let her have a win.
she exhaled slowly, knocking on the ajar office door before letting herself in. "hello, pretty girl. your assistant said i could just come right in. i should've texted or something. but i was in the neighbourhood, thought i'd bring you coffee. and then i realized i don't actually know how you take it. so i just got you my fave. you definitely don't have to drink it." kolby stepped further inside, closing the door behind her. "also, i just wanted to see you. but if you're like, super busy, i can totes just leave this here and be on my way." she said, placing the iced latte on lena's desk.
lena enjoyed a challenge - which was why most of the more difficult clients landed on her desk. this need to be right, to please and to be better than anyone else, often brought with it hovering attention over her own work. she found that it was nearly impossible for her to put something down when she'd started. drafting new outlines for the home itself, protractor and trace pen in hand, she didn't startle and mess up her line work when their was a knock on the door, nor did she immediately look up. not even when kolby stepped through the door, though her pen hovered, unsure suddenly, in her hand before it touched back down onto the trace paper. "i'm outlining a kitchen," she explained, finishing the line work she was doing before dropping the pen and glancing up.
a pause, a near stutter in her attention at the change of hair color, so unlike the red that kolby had worn before, took lena by surprise. but it was not unwelcome. she rose from her seat smoothly, desk chair not making a sound as she moved around the desk to her lover. reaching for her hands, lena took a seat on the edge of the desk, their height difference not making itself quite as known as it usually did now that she was sitting down. "this is new," she spoke quietly, intimately between them, her eyes taking in the expressive way that kolby's blue were. reaching upwards, she caught a strand of blonde between her fingertips and smiled. "you look beautiful; it makes your eyes..." carrying off, shaking her head, she really liked the change. "do you like it?"
she reached across kolby's shoulder to catch the door that was ajar to her office, pushing it closed so they were shadowed in privacy. then, in a single motion, she leaned down to press a soft kiss to her cheek. "i like a cappuccino, actually, with a little bit of sugar. but when i drink tea," and her mouth continued downwards until she found the prominent jawline of her lover, where she gently bit down playfully before pulling away with a smirk. "when i drink tea i like camomile or chai." pulling kolby gently into her body, her arms fell around the woman and she rest her head on kolby's shoulder. "i missed you."
