I don't blame Vhagar, tbh. And I don't blame Arrax for attacking first either. I don't even blame Aemond and Lucerys. I'm blaming the way they were raised and their education on dragons.
Rhaenyra was honestly the only one, on screen, to be told that they idea that they control the dragon is an illusion. And if we follow the theme of miscommunication, I'm going to go on a limb and assume she never repeated that to any of her kids, nor her half brothers.
That being said, earlier in the episode while Rhaenyra is having that terrible birthing scene, we see flashes of Syrax in just as much pain. Rhaenyra obviously isn't choosing to share that pain with Syrax, but it's happening. It's subconscious and it's projecting because of their bond.
Lucerys (and Arrax, tbh) were TERRIFIED to see this colossal dragon essentially hunting them down. Lucerys didn't want to fight, but fear makes you do stupid things like throw stones at a bear. And Arrax felt that. And did what he had to, to protect both of them.
Aemond has hated Lucerys for years, like absolutely hated this kid. But not enough to kill him. In Borros' caught, after he throws the dagger, he even says that he wants an eye but he won't blind Lucerys. The intent is to humiliate, shame, get revenge but not kill. But at a subconscious level, Aemond has been fostering hatred towards the kid that blinded and bullied him for YEARS. Vhagar was never trained to have restraint. So she feels this hatred towards this little kid on the back of the dragon that just blasted her, of course she's going to unalive them.
Aemond and Lucerys were too young , too naive. And their lack of understanding of the true bond between rider and dragon, that it's not a master and a slave (Because Danaerys says it too, that's dragons are not slaves) is what led to this moment.
You don't take a war machine to play a glorified game of Tag-you're-it with your least favourite nephew.
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