TW: Talk about mental health and sui ideation and sui attempt
I feel the need to talk more about Jayce's "attempt" again because of what I learned from his journal in the "Council Archives"
There's a fair argument to be made that Jayce was already in a very bad headspace even BEFORE the explosion in his apartment.
I you read Jayce's journals it feels like Jayce was ALREADY spiraling before he got kicked out of the academy. For a few reasons.
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1.Jayce was very isolated to begin with.
He was working on experiments he knew were illegal and was so paranoid about being found out he started coming up with insults to call another student who almost caught him throwing away a failed experiment.
He also seemed to only be able to cheer himself up by talking shit about other people's work and how everyone else just couldn't measure up to how important his work was and would be. And when he finally meets Viktor he talks about never really thinking he'd take to working with another scientist.
(Honestly, pre-act 1 Jayce comes off a little more like his LOL counterpart which make me believe Arcane Jayce meeting and working with Viktor as early as he did is what helped make him the version of himself he is in Arcane?)
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2. Jayce was not really sleeping and his schoolwork and grades were going downhill.
He talks in his journal about the fact that he's not getting to sleep until sunrise a lot of nights because he was trying and failing to make the crystals work.
And as a direct consequence of not sleeping he talks about Heimerdinger (the DEAN) having to come talk to him because his grades are slipping.
Jayce literally decides to make a graph correlating his lack of sleep to his poor academic performance.
(Later he expresses concern that he might get expelled from the academy because his work is slipping that badly).
And remember all the while when he is so sleep-deprived he can't focus on coursework he it FULLY CONVINCED he can figure out Hextech. You know a whole new field of study. It doesn't work, shockingly.
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3. Ximena was already worried about Jayce wellbeing and trying to get him to go outside and be around others.
He eats some snacks insults some people's work to himself and then goes back to doing what he was doing.
Not a lot to talk about with this one except it's no wonder she tried to get him to back off magic if she could already tell he wasn't okay especially when we consider the state he was in at that point.
You also see that both his mother and Heimerdinger were expressing valid concern for him only for him to brush it off.
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4. Near the end of the journal entries before we get to the ACT 1 content he says some concerning things considering his later attempt on his life.
First he starts to doubt what he's getting anywhere he remembers something Heimdinger once said about most inventors failing a 1000 times before succeeding and he makes a self-deprecating joke about "I suppose I must be closing in...".
Then he straight up says he can't see a path forward.
And when makes a pros and cons list of his experiments where he talks about how the work with the crystals is very dangerous and if he pushes to much it could kill him but also how he's in danger of getting expelled if he can't sort out his schoolwork.
and then he writes.
"Which is worse? Killed or expelled?"
Which is certainly a Harry Potter reference but also given his eventual attempt is very telling.
And it's closely followed by him saying his mom was worried about him, which... seems valid.
Also on a side note unrelated to the journal entries.
Jayce's attempt was not a choice made suddenly in a rush of emotion like Viktor's, he planned it.
Jayce not only left what was implied to be a suicide note he took the methodical time to literally WAX SEAL the note with his official house mark. And it took Viktor a long long while of talking to him to get him to back away from the ledge. He was fully committed to committing.
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Final thoughts: I think Jayce was in a place in his mind backed into a corner.
He wasn't able to reach out for help or even trust anyone because of the nature of his work. He wasn't listening to people that were concerned about him. And the way in which Jayce was doing his work was damaging to himself and his life in general. He was spiraling.
He needed someone else there to share the weight of what he was trying to do, to be able to reach out to outside of his own head which was the person Viktor became to him.
Part of me even wonders if Jayce was already in a place where he might have ended up on that ledge without the explosion if he didn't change his ways or have a sudden breakthrough.
half of his decisions in season 1 are like i have to please the council! and caving under pressure and tbh? tbh??? controversial opinion but none of this would have happened if he just indulged in his praise kink
the thing with jayce i think is like. a lot of his season 1 arc is has to do with getting over being a people pleaser. he joins the council bc mel tells him to. he spends a lot of time ass kissing and acting against zaun because the council's anti undercity sentiments get to him and he feels pressure over being a councilor. so it's frustrating to see him bend to that again and again and only decide to act on his own and stand with viktor at the very end of the season
but once season 2 comes around i feel like he's matured enough to figure out what he really wants and confident enough to push back against the council. he comes to the conclusion that he doesn't belong there and dedicates himself instead to figuring out what's wrong with the arcane and to helping viktor and that means his impulsiveness is less evident and it lets his strengths, namely his loyalty, shine
