your heart is a garden. flowers will always grow back when you take care of yourself.

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@egyptian-devotchka
your heart is a garden. flowers will always grow back when you take care of yourself.
LOVER BOYS
*sun, venus & mars*
ARIES The Angel. Sometimes, when you look at him, he bites his lip the way he does when he’s concentrating real hard, and your whole heart just sighs. And he just makes you feel, it. Like when he comes home from the studio with tired eyes and a big fat check, he grabs you so tight, and he tells you you’re fucking beautiful, that you’re his girl and that he’s gonna take care of you. Everything else fades away, and the only thing left is his lips on your neck and the sound of crashing waves from the balcony.
TAURUS The Vampire. You never see him when it’s light out, but somehow his Instagram story is always filled with juicy ass brunches. Tatted to hell and back, spends his evenings making Soundcloud beats and he has those glazed eyes making you wonder if he’s ever completely sober. You never knew he felt that way about you. Until tonight. Maybe you’ve never noticed it, or maybe he’s just good. Doesn’t matter now, because all you wanna do is kiss him from his abs to his neck, all the way up to where his tattoo peeks out from his shirt.
GEMINI The House of Mirrors. The one that puts your heart in the dryer. Seems to have fast paced life full of people that adore him. His sneakers are a holy entity. His entire aura is clouded with the illusion of a constant hustle, but when you get close to him you realize he never actually does anything. Has this trick of kissing you instead of answering questions, but it doesn’t matter because after about a month you get tired of keeping up with his numerous different aesthetic alter egos and bail.
CANCER The Firework. A surfer boy body with sun touched curls keeps staring at you from across the bar. Suddenly your face isn’t just red from working all night. He asks you when you get off, your boss leans over and says “She gets off right now.” After pretending to be offended for about three seconds you quickly take off your apron and enter that magical bubble. His voice is like caramel, his eyes look like they swallowed an entire ocean, you stare at him as his lips keep moving. The sparkle fades, melancholy sets in, and you think to yourself what a waste of a vessel for a man who wants you to be his second mother.
LEO The Nice Guy. Has told everyone but you that he’s into you. That easy confidence he oozes draws you in, but when you finally confront him about liking you he suddenly shrinks in size. Brings you flowers just because. Tries to convince everyone and himself that he is driven by logic, but actually he’s just scared shitless of irrational emotions so he tries to ignore them. Usually ends up with a full blown meltdown you have to diffuse by explaining his feelings to him. He’s a sweetheart though with good intentions, even though his emotional intelligence will never pass that of a high school boy.
VIRGO The Puppy Love. The one who’s had a crush on you since forever, the one who has always been around. You kissed once in the 6th grade, and now you’re wondering what he’s learned these last few years. He’s grown but there is still that aura of innocence around him. And then he starts dating one of your best friends, makes parties uncomfortable for about a year until he breaks up with her, gets mad at you for dancing with another guy and then drunkenly recites a poem about wanting to get in your panties on Easter Sunday. God bless.
LIBRA The Tender Hearted. Takes you out for sushi on your first date. Shyly asks if he can hold your hand, waits until you are at your front door to kiss you. And he kisses so softly. Doesn’t wanna come in because he “doesn’t wanna rush things”. Texts you memes all day the morning after, your heart melts because he’s such a dork. The next night you go to the movie theatre, he plays with your fingers and lets you steal his popcorn. And you realize you’re not really watching the movie, but focusing on trying to slow down your heartbeat. That night he’s so gentle, too gentle. And after you’re not sure how you feel about him anymore. A week later he’s only texted you once and you answered a day later, and then you hear he’s talking to some girl in his history class and didn’t think to break it off because he thought it was implied. Sure was bro.
SCORPIO The Forbidden Fruit. The one who shall not be named, the one you keep a ten meter distance of every time you are in the same place. Keeps his molly in a PEZ dispenser. Smells too damn fucking good. And that’s how you knew you were in trouble. You turn around and he’s behind you, looking at you like that. He doesn’t need anything more than a ‘hi’. You remind yourself you don’t wanna be one of his girls while his husky voice asks you what you’ve been up to. The party is so loud and he’s too close. It happens. It’s as good as you imagined it to be, but afterwards you pretend not to want him. Because him not wanting you would be too painful.
SAGITTARIUS The Young Daddy. The one who always tells you your man’s not good enough for you. Picks you up in three different cars in one week. All mommy and daddys of course. Hypnotizing brown puppy eyes. And that vein on his bicep after boxing practice. Driving through the hills, the view of the city from here is breathtaking. You feel so strange, like this isn’t reality, the leather seat of his Audi is so warm. Then you look at him, and he is so warm. And suddenly, you know there is nothing you can do to stop this.
CAPRICORN The Burnout. Crazy talented but no ambition. Justifies his bad habits with some fake deep motto, but in reality is just scared of his own potential. Makes you feel calm, like you can be yourself and he won’t judge you. One night he asks you if you wanna try some weed, and now every time you hang out you seem to be high. His bedroom is a like a little cocoon. It’s 4 am, and you’re having a staring contest with his Pikachu poster and a pile of laundry his mum folded for him, and in that moment you realize, you need get the fuck out of there.
AQUARIUS The Stranger. He’s the one, that when you see him, your entire being just screams internally. He’s not exactly shy, more reserved. To quote Alyssa from The End of the Fucking World, “Sometimes I look at him and I think, are you a bit dead?” Always so polite, from the old lady at the coffee shop to the little girl who ran him down as he was walking you home. His face is beaming, but his eyes are always a bit empty. Like you can’t see anything behind them. You find it hard to care because his face is so gorgeous, so you keep making him laugh just to see them sparkle for a moment.
PISCES The Hot Mess. Can’t help the way you feel when he looks at you. He knows you’re working tonight so he comes and sits in the corner booth with his friends. And just looks at you. So evanescent, just floats in and out of your life. Blames his attitude on his ex girlfriend. And yet you can’t help it when he calls at 2 am. You come sit in his lap while a party rages on behind the closed door, and tell him, “No, but someday.” He takes his hands of your thighs and softly places them around your hips, “Why not today?” his breath is hot on your neck, and the next few moments flash before your eyes. “Because I want you to remember it.”
Nizar Amrullah | @nizaramrullah
Ophelia 1880 | Sarah Bernhardt
“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”
— Carl Jung
Anton Chekhov, from Complete Works of Anton Chekhov; “Easter Sunday,”
you truly do not exist for other ppl’s consumption and your existence is not hinged on making others happy and comfortable by stifling and hiding and crushing and editing parts of yourself to be less than who you really are