honestly this kinda sucks but i’m just happy to actually have written something. school and writers block have been making it hard to be productive lately. so uh.. enjoy? and pls be kind even if it’s not the best thing i’ve written.
“This seems like a bad idea.”
Remus waited for Sirius to answer, but all he got was a light chuckle. “Maybe,” Sirius said, turning towards him. In the darkness, Remus couldn’t see Sirius’ expression very well, but he could easily picture the his mischievous smile. “But when has anything fun not come out of a bad idea?”
“What about that time you and Prongs tried to fly on your broomsticks standing up?” Remus offered. “You both ended up in the hospital wing with several broken bones.”
Sirius laughed. “Are you kidding? That was still fun! Before we fell, of course,” he added.
Remus rolled his eyes. A gust of wind blew between them, and Remus wished he’d brought more than one sweater. “Besides,” he said. “It’s way too cold to swim right now. We’re gonna freeze to death.”
“It’s summer!” Sirius argued.
“Well, yeah, but it’s also the middle of the fucking night.” Remus glared at Sirius, annoyed that he couldn’t see it.
They had reached the lake, and Sirius turned towards Remus again. This time, his eyes a bit more used to the dark, he could almost make out Sirius’ face.
“You don’t have to come with me,” Sirius said, taking a step towards Remus, so their faces were close; so close he could almost feel Sirius’ breath. “If you’re too scared, just go back.”
“Ha!” Remus bent forwards until there faces were only an inch or so apart. Sirius’ breath smelled nice, like mint and something else, but he tried not to think about that. “Scared?” he said. “I’m not scared.”
Sirius’ eyes had widened in surprise at how close Remus had gotten, but his expression was once again softening into a mischievous smirk. There was a moment of silence between them, like they were both waiting to see who would move first, then suddenly, Sirius took a step back, breaking the tension that had formed between them.
“Well, in that case,” he said. “Last man in the lake is a rotten potato!”
Before Remus could react, Sirius had already taken off his shirt, and was working on unbuttoning his pants.
“Oi, not fair!” Remus yelled. “I’m wearing more clothes than you!”
“Not my problem!” Sirius grinned.
Remus hurried to take off his sweater, then spent a long time fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. Meanwhile, Sirius was nearly undressed already. “Fuck,” Remus muttered, trying his best to speed up the process, but when he finally took of his shirt and threw it on the ground, Sirius was already undressed, ready to jump in the lake.
He tried not to look at Sirius, his almost naked body illuminated by the little light offered by the moon. Sure, he’d seen Sirius like this before, it was impossible to avoid when you shared a dorm with him, but somehow it felt different when it was just the two of them…
Sirius jumped in the dark water with a loud splash. It took a moment for him to resurface, but when he did, he was grinning up at Remus while treading water. “Ha!” he said. “Looks like you’re the rotten potato, Lupin.”
For some reason, the way Sirius said his name made blood rush to Remus’ cheeks, and he thanked the darkness for hiding it. “I let you win on purpose,” he said, raising his voice to be sure Sirius could hear him. “I know how fragile your ego is. Wouldn’t want to hurt it.”
Sirius laughed. “How thoughtful.”
Finally, Remus had undressed, and was standing in nothing but his underwear. Before, he had been too occupied by the race against Sirius to be self conscious, but now, he wanted, more than anything else, to cover himself somehow. His body, an awkward kind of tall, too skinny, and covered in ragged scars, was not exactly something worth showing off. James and Sirius might’ve been comfortable walking around half-naked in their dorm, but Remus had always been sure to change in the bathroom, or behind his bed where they wouldn’t see him. Swimming around the Black Lake in nothing but his underwear was a kind of exposure he didn’t feel ready for, especially in front of Sirius.
“Oi, are you coming?” Sirius yelled, drawing Remus out of his sticky web of thoughts.
Remus took a deep breath, bracing himself for the cold water. His bed, warm and safe, was calling for him, but he shook that thought away. Even if he didn’t want to do this, he couldn’t just leave Sirius alone in the water.
While Sirius’ jump had been clumsy, splashing water everywhere, Remus was a trained swimmer and, rather graciously, he dived head-first into the water.
The cold sent a shock through his body, which he ignored, letting himself sink deeper into the pitch-black water for a moment, before resurfacing.
He could see Sirius’ silhouette a few meters away from him, but it was impossible to make out his expression.
“Nice dive,” Sirius said, swimming closer. “Where’d you learn to do that?”
Remus was a bit out of breath from the dive, and from treading water, but he explained anyway: “My parents used to take me to the beach each year,” he said, a smile gracing his flushed face. “For years, i liked to just splash around in the shallow end, but when I was about 8 or so, my dad insisted I learned to swim properly.”
He’d been in his own world for a minute, relishing in the memory of afternoons spent at the beach, and was startled when he looked up to find Sirius’ face mere inches from his own.
“What are you doing?” he whispered, probably not loud enough for Sirius to hear over the sound of the waves.
“Merlin, you’re beautiful.”
Remus wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. It could’ve been the waves warping Sirius’ words. Still, he found himself blushing.
“I think I’m about to do something stupid,” Sirius said, looking into his eyes.
This time, Remus heard him clearly and for a moment, the water and air around them seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them, eyes locked, faces flushed.
“Not if I do it first,” he answered, pushing himself forward in the water until their lips met.
Kissing and staying afloat were hard to do at the same time, and after trying for a moment, they both gave up and swam to a nearby rock. Before Remus could push himself up, Sirius had him pinned against it, the smooth, slippery surface feeling strange against his bare back.
“This is okay, right?” Sirius asked.
Remus nodded eagerly, wrapping his hands around Sirius, drawing him closer. His skin was hot, a strange contrast to the icy water. Remus knew they would have to get up soon, if they didn’t want to freeze to death, but for the moment, Sirius’ lips felt warm and soft against his own.
They carried on like that for awhile, sometimes slipping underwater for a moment before resurfacing, and continuing like nothing had happened.
But despite Sirius’ warm body pressed against his own, Remus couldn’t stop the cold from seeping into his bones.
“I t-think we should get back to s-shore now,” he said, his teeth chattering.
Sirius looked disappointed, but swam backwards a bit. The small bit of warmth that had been between them left with him, leaving Remus feeling even colder.
As they swam back to shore together, everything that had just happened finally started registering in Remus’s mind. He had kissed Sirius. And then Sirius had kissed him back. He could still taste Sirius’ minty breath, or maybe that was something he imagined.
Sirius pulled himself up, then helped Remus. They fell back on the damp grass, breathless, exhausted, but both laughing. Remus felt Sirius’ hand graze his own, and his heart skipped a beat. He fumbled blindly in the dark until he found Sirius’ hand, then held onto it.
Sirius sat up. “Bloody hell, you’re cold.” he said, concern in his voice.
Remus sat up as well. He felt cold. Now that Sirius had mentioned it, he could feel his whole body shaking.
Quickly, Sirius leapt to his feet, snatching Remus’ sweater and his own jacket, before walking back to Remus. “Here,” he said, handing him the sweater.
Remus smiled gratefully as he put it on. Sirius bent down next to him, wrapping the jacket around him.
“Aren’t you cold?” Remus asked quietly, looking up at Sirius, who shook his head.
“Nah,” he said, sitting down next to Remus again.
Remus thought he was going to say something more, but he was quiet, looking out over the lake, until:
“We should talk about what happened, shouldn’t we?”
Remus’s shoulders tensed. He was quiet for a moment too long, and Sirius looked at him. He could almost make out the anxious look on his face.
“Yeah, uh, we probably should,” Remus muttered, looking out over the lake. The water was pitch black, except for where the moon was reflected.
Sirius gently touched his hand, no doubt to grab his attention.
“I want to do it again,” he said.
“What, kiss me?” Remus didn’t dare hope that was what he meant.
Sirius nodded, and Remus felt his heartbeat quicken, almost like it did when they were kissing.
“Then do it,” he whispered.
He waited for a moment, but Sirius didn’t move. “I don’t just mean now,” he said. “I… I want to… When tonight ends, I don’t want us to go back to just being friends.”
A knot formed in Remus’ stomach. “Sirius,” he mumbled. “We can’t…”
Sirius nodded, looking away. “I know,” he said. “It’s different for us. Different than it would be if we were a girl and a boy. But-” He looked back at Remus, eyes wide. “No one needs to know, Remus.”
Remus raised an eyebrow. “And you’d be okay hiding something that big from James and Peter?” he asked.
Sirius exhaled sharply. Clearly, he hadn’t thought about that. “I don’t know, Re,” he said. “All I know is, I really liked kissing you, and I think… I think after knowing the feeling of your lips against mine… I can’t go back to how things were before.”
Remus knew how he felt, he really did. “Just kiss me now,” he said. “We can worry about the future later.”
And oh boy, did Sirius kiss him.
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