黄天义

American born Taiwanese. Lover of good food, travel, feel good music and expressive tattoos.

[ehwang0]

I'm glad you're doing well. Glad to have met you. You know who you are. Cause you're the only one I shared my tumblr with. I want to visit. But too nervous and shy and awkward. Thanks for being my first favorite crew/fam/kitchen to work with.

[ehwang0]

Since I was young, I've always had suicidal thoughts Less so now that I'm older but it will be in the back of my mind Perhaps it's not that I want to die but rather not be born at all Stems from the paradoxical feeling of existing but not feeling alive Living in a third person view rather than a first The thoughts of "Why was I ever born?" "Why try?" "How much longer can I keep it up?" Builds up the temptation to vanish, to disappear, to be forgotten Nothing would've change if I took the plunge So I practiced dying over and over in my head For what is suicide but an apology for having ever existed

[ehwang0]

Lennie Smalls

They told me it was just a phase It'll be different, a distant past, a graze Still stuck here like it's a maze Feeling like I'm running in circle, getting me in a fucking daze Confused on what is it that I really love and hate This feeling like I'm always late Like running towards a closing gate This endless torment that can't be sate I loved you and will always love you But you haven't the slightest clue Stuck in the past, my mindset never grew Just give the Lennie, I'll just look onto the river blue

[ehwang0]

Dot

I’m just a dot

A simple dot

On it’s way becoming a line

I’m just a line

A simple line

On it’s way becoming a shape

A square?

No too normal for me

A rectangle?

No too hipster for me

A triangle?

No too bizarre for me

So make me a circle and fill me in

I want to be a dot a little longer

-Eddie Hwang

[ehwang0]

Now that everyone knows I’m leaving. They all want to give their 2 weeks. This proves my theory that managers set the culture. There’s a good saying, “be the chef where people are happy you’re here, not when you leave.”

[ehwang0]

All my US cousins are now getting tattoos and using me as a scapegoat 😓😓😓

[ehwang0]

The more I cook in the industry. The more I want to go back to my roots. It’s kind crazy. When I was younger, I wanted all that Michelin star life. Now I just want a good second family vibe in the kitchen. Sorry for being a hardass in my younger years. It was about time I grew up. If I can open my own restaurant again, it’s just going to be a simple beef noodle shop.

[ehwang0]

Trying hard to get coworkers more hours. Getting more tired and exhausted everyday trying to convince higher ups to invest more into this matter. Being a middle man sucks. Can I just be a cook again?

[ehwang0]

Gave up a potential raise to make sure other employees get more hours and possibly higher raises during the pandemic. Hopefully I made the right decision and not fucked myself over...

[ehwang0]

Always remembered what my chefs told me.

“You’re great at what you do, find a chef to work for that you respect. Cause there’s a lot of hacks. And trust, you’re a kingmaker.”

“I’ll work you like a dog but I’ll never make you eat like one.”

“Keep at it boys! We’re almost through! Make the beers taste good tonight boys!”

“You’re a diamond in the rough. You just need some good polishing mate.”

“No matter what happens. Keep your head up. Start strong and finish strong.”

“You got a good heart. Don’t let the world change you.”

[ehwang0]

Bittermelons

I remember hating them as a kid. The sheer bitterness is what I hated about it. My dad once told me that it’s a gentleman’s dish. And in time I’ll start to appreciate it for what it is. I never understood it at the time until he passed away and I got older. The bitterness in life is what creates a gentleman. He becomes more understanding of others because he’s able to relate from tragic events. Experiences is what makes you gentle, kind and patient. I now appreciate and enjoy bittermelon dish.

[ehwang0]

Controlling your feelings doesn’t mean avoid emotions. Feel that shit, understand that shit. Don’t lose your shit.

[ehwang0]

Hey Ed, How's life? Meh, I guess it's been alright Just shoving all these demons in the closet like everyone else Also didn't sleep much last night

Oh I'm sorry Ah don't trip, that's fine Thinking I just need some me time You know  just some free time Something to pause this mind But can't seem to unwind

Lately the minds' been breaking down These thoughts telling me I'm lost is getting hella loud This feeling. This feeling like I just need to get out You know, pack the bags and take a new route But this doubt oh this doubt So I hung up my heart to air out

Day in day out just searchin Everyday I'm just learnin But always have a cigarette burnin Trying to relieve these burdens Clutching that bottle til things get blurry Gotta glup it glup it, hurry hurry Cause fuck it's gonna be a long journey

But hey it's gotta be worth it though Cold world out there so don't forget to grab your coat as you aimlessly roam Just trying to find my map to hope Been trying to crack the code Cause I've been in desperate need of an antidote Can't remember what the doctor wrote Oh never mind found it

Now let me snort it up my nose Now let that weak shit go Like a light switch just flip the mode What? Another round? Oh yeah, I'm sold

But later I'll start getting anxious That's when my thoughts get dangerous That's when I put on that mask And drown in self hatred and forget it Throw it back up like I don't want it Wash my face clean off my vomit No, I don't need your comment I said I don't need your comment I mean we all got something we trap inside Trying to suffocate it. hopin it dies But it always seems to survive Then it comes out of nowhere like a surprise Like everything you've known was a lie Oh my oh my you don't relate Must not be as crazy as I'm Cause I'll look in the mirror and say you'll never be great Not because you're not but all this hate Always seems to find a way to kill your faith That's why I always have to celebrate Because I'm too afraid to break kay?

[ehwang0]

Maybe I should’ve taken that noma recommendation my chef gave me 3 years back...

[ehwang0]

Maybe I’m just a hard worker and not talented.. maybe the restaurant industry isn’t for me...

[ehwang0]

Am I finally so broken, where I know I shouldn’t have feelings for such individuals but still do and it’s screwing literally everything?

[ehwang0]

Even though we’re in the age where technology where chatting is easy.. why do I feel alone?