Oneirocritica

• azii • millennial • philosopher • writer • depressed addiction-prone recluse • nsfw • triggering content •

[eidolon-azii]

sensei, you could mend my heart if you send yashiro to save doumeki this time. think about it.

[danmeibrainrot]

⚠️Saezuru chapter 64 spoilers⚠️

After the page from the second preview where doumeki collapses while trying to stand up

• Doumeki: "…S-sorry…"

• Yashiro: "It's fine. Don’t talk."

• Saying that, Yashiro puts Doumeki's arm around his shoulder and carries him to the bed

• Doumeki grabs Yashiro’s arm and says, "Don't go…" and then loses consciousness

• Yashiro prepares a towel for Doumeki's forehead and some water, and stays to nurse him

_____________

• Doumeki wakes up

• When he sits up, he sees Yashiro sleeping while seated against the wall

• Doumeki moves closer, notices the bucket of water nearby, and understands what happened.

• As he looks at Yashiro’s sleeping face, he recalls Kageyama's words and reaches out-

• but just then, his phone rings.

• The ringtone wakes Yashiro.

• Tsunakawa: "It's me."

• Doumeki: "…Yes."

• Tsunakawa: "Come to the main house. Now."

• Doumeki: "Understood."

• Yashiro looks up at Doumeki, who has lowered his gaze

• Yashiro asks if it was Tsunakawa calling

• Doumeki asks what Yashiro had originally come for

• Yashiro dodges the question

"What was it again?"

• He pretends he’s forgotten

• Yashiro then asks whether it was really okay to send the club mama who people think Doumeki is involved with home.

• Doumeki: "When did I ever say I was dating her?"

• Yashiro: "…You're not?"

• Doumeki’s wound starts to hurt, so he sits down and explains

 • The club mama is his childhood friend

• He was her tattoo practice model

• She was saving money at the club so she could become independent as a tattoo artist

• Yashiro: "I… see."

• Doumeki: "Would it have been more convenient if we were dating?"

• Yashiro: "…What do you mean by that?"

• Doumeki: "I wondered if that would make you feel more at ease."

• Yashiro: "At ease…? What are you talking about?"

• Doumeki: "Do you really not understand?"

• Yashiro: "It doesn’t matter to me either way. I don’t care who you’re dating as long as I can have sex, It doesn’t even have to be you"

• Doumeki: "I-"

(the scene shown in the first official preview.)

• Doumeki: "What if I told you that… I still have feelings for you?"

• Doumeki: "Do you want to know how I feel?"

"If I said I still love you, if you knew I’m still chasing after you"

• Doumeki: "Even so, do you still want to hear it from my own mouth?"

"Do you truly believe I could ever love anyone other than you?" (😭😭♥️) 

• They look at each other at the same eye level.

______________

Doumeki’s past

"Because you were there, I chose to live in this world."

"It didn’t matter which organization it was."

"I didn’t care if people thought I was disloyal or a terrible person."

"I decided I just wanted to exist in the same world as you any way I could."

"I wanted to become a man who could stand beside you."

"I didn’t care how many years it took."

"But I met you sooner than I expected, and I became greedy. I got jealous."

"I thought I had let those feelings go-" "but I couldn’t go against my own heart."

_______________

Back to the present

• Doumeki reaches out and touches Yashiro’s right cheek

• Doumeki: "Can you not see?"

• Yashiro: "…Why?"

• Doumeki: "Is it a lingering effect from back then?"

• Yashiro: "It's nothing serious."

• Doumeki: "Is it because of me?"

• Yashiro: "No."

• Yashiro grabs Doumeki’s wrist.

• Doumeki: "Even if it isn't…"

• Yashiro: "You’re overthinking it."

• Doumeki: "…Even so, to me, you are kind, strong, and beautiful."

• Yashiro: "…I-"

• Yashiro: "All this time, you’ve been making me listen to this"

"what kind of feelings did you expect me to hear it with…?"

• Doumeki leans in and kisses him.

• They part.

• Yashiro opens his eyes, stunned

• Doumeki stands up

• Yashiro: "You… why… why say it now?"

 "You hid it all this time"

 "why now?"

• Doumeki looks down at him silently,

• He takes his jacket and leaves

• Doumeki’s face turns serious

• Yashiro stares at the door.

_________________________________

I'm so overwhelmed I have no idea what to say. 😭😭😭♥️♥️ But even with all this happiness I'm so scared for Doumeki with Tsunakawa summoning him. I hope he wasn't being so direct because of it. Please just let them be happy 🤞🤞😭😭

[eidolon-azii]

nothing to say here, either, but i feel sure that my heart is going to explode.

[noniedarkmeki]

First preview 😭

D: What if I told you I’m still thinking about you?

[eidolon-azii]

to be fair, i’ve been thinking about yashiro all this time, too.

but, yes, this is going to kill me. just like every other release. thanks, sensei. my heart is a mess.

[homano222]

Gay, southern, violently depressed, catholic, divorced twice, potentially schizophrenic, has complex feelings about his identity, terrible taste in men… I fear no protagonist has done it quite like him.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— william wordsworth (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[eidolon-azii]

she knew, fandom. yashiro’s mother knew. i think i can prove it. i’m drowning in work, but i promise i’ll write a long-form meta on this, because i think his knowing that she knew influenced so much of his character.

[eidolon-azii]

sometimes i think about how many bullets doumeki has taken for and because of yashiro.

yashiro’s such a dumbass at times. of course that dude loves you, you beautiful masokitty. you think he would fuck someone who shot him otherwise?

[eidolon-azii]

there’s so much kuroshitsuji on my dash and without even knowing what it’s about i know toboso yana took another wild swerve and i am going to love it.

[fondlylupin]

Thank you @itwearsadress for the original scan (and for everything else you do for us), this image is just so so beautiful. I hope we get a digital version of this one day because I'm not capable of upscaling this as good as I want it to be. I tried!

[eidolon-azii]

if sensei keeps this up, she’s going to catch multiple murder charges! my heart.

[bcgit]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️. SPOILER

'Are you injured?' The light in Yashiro's eye says it all he knows Doumeki still loves him. But now he needs to protect him.

[eidolon-azii]

i’m dying, help. cardiac health in complete disarray. what are you doing to me, sensei?

[artemisrisen]

each saezuru side character’s understanding of yashiro and doumeki’s relationship is so unique that I must pause all work and write out how each one involved in the inevitable fallout of chapter 60 views Doumeki and Yashiro’s relationship prior to the Reveal:

Doumeki - he is in love with yashiro and he knows this, has known this. however, his understanding of yashiro’s feelings is difficult to pinpoint. he likely knows that yashiro does not hate him and even that there are genuine feelings there, but he also knows that yashiro is tragically complicated and pushes people violently away when they get too close. it’s not known what his end goal is, apart from keeping yashiro safe.

summation: doumeki loves yashiro and that’s all he cares about, point blank period.

Yashiro - knew that doumeki 4 years ago had feelings for him - whether those feelings were “real” or situational in his mind is another story - but now believes that yakuza!doumeki does not hold him in the same regard and bitterly resents him. they have physical chemistry but he believes doumeki is also sleeping regularly with the club mama. despite all that, yashiro has finally realized that he is in love with doumeki and it hurts.

summation: yashiro believes that he loves someone who doesn’t love him back anymore. cue sondheim’s “send in the clowns”, etc

Nanahara - knows doumeki used to have feelings for yashiro, but now it’s far more confusing. he does think that doumeki hasn’t changed too much and will still take care of yashiro when needed. on the other side, he definitely believes that his boss has never had romantic feelings for anyone, least of all doumeki.

summation: doumeki is the only one who ever struggled with any romantic feelings. yashiro feels sorry for him at best.

Tsunakawa - is growing suspicious of doumeki’s true loyalties and definitely sees that doumeki may have a lingering attachment to his old boss. likely sees doumeki to be a typical straight yakuza who only likes women and the loyalty is strictly in yakuza terms. he also knows yashiro is gay and sleeps with men, but still inspires a deep loyalty with his subordinates. it’s unknown if he thinks there’s anything sexual happening, as he is never shown to be suspicious of it.

summation: no romance between them, just the usual yakuza relationship.

Muraji - there’s no way he wants to have any opinion on this, lol.

Amou - the only person who knows both sides!! he knows doumeki’s feelings for yashiro and assisted him with staying in yashiro’s world, and seems to know those feelings continue even now. never explicitly stated but seems to be very cognizant that yashiro is in love with doumeki as well.

summation: he knows the whole story. that’s why sensei gave him a 5/5 out of Intelligence in the fanbook when even yashiro only got a 4.5. HELP THEM, AMOU.

Misumi - super mega jealous of doumeki and knows doumeki is weirdly attached to yashiro. knows that yashiro finds doumeki physically attractive. knows when they get together it’s a bunch of bullshit and yashiro acts even more outlandish. wants to kill doumeki with a gun.

summation: he probably suspects something deeper, but also covers his ears a lot.

Kamiya - knows doumeki and yashiro used to hook up out of “circumstance” and that yashiro is gay. also saw yashiro forcefully choose doumeki when kamiya was the one assigned to bodyguard. he knows when doumeki is lying to him and has keeps a very keen eye on everything around him, including doumeki and yashiro.

summation: he knows enough. his homophobia is the only thing keeping yashiro and doumeki’s love affair private - he and amou together would have the whole timeline laid out in like 30 seconds. fucking men! can’t gossip for shit.

[eidolon-azii]

immaculate.

[eidolon-azii]

poor yashiro. his worst fear. and he can’t fix it either, not this time.

poor doumeki. he always runs headlong into danger without realizing how much he’s worth.

i miss the old days of yashiro laying in doumeki’s lap.

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

this month is going to be so lovely and hopeful and GAY

edit: feel free to reblog during any month of the year

[theconcealedweapon]

[paradoxial-cunt]

[bog-goblin]

[bog-goblin]

[i-am-a-fish]

[autistichalsin]

Periodic rent-lowering-gunshots:

Fiction is not reality.

You can enjoy things in fiction that would be awful in the real world. Like playing a murderhobo in a game! In the real world, being or supporting a murderer-thief would be pretty damn awful, while in the game it's just good fun. Same with anything else you choose to do with the pixels on the screen, like kinks that don't affect anyone real, so they're okay in fiction, but would be pretty damn bad in real life.

No one else is responsible for your online experience. They are required not to harass you, but they are not and never will be obligated to not post about ships, kinks, or tropes you dislike just to avoid you seeing them. It's up to you to blacklist words or phrases, block tags, or even block users as needed to avoid seeing content that upsets you.

No one can force you to read anything against your consent. Any content you don't like seeing can be instantly avoided by closing out of the offending post/fic.

You are not owed an online experience free of discomfort.

Nothing that happens in your imagination can ever make you a bad person. Words you write or read about fictional characters will never make you a bad person.

The claim that media consumption influences real-life behavior is intellectually dishonest and serves only to excuse the behavior of real offenders.

Fiction is a safe way to explore horrifying or confusing concepts. Therapists agree that fiction, even (or especially) about taboo topics is a good coping mechanism, especially, but not exclusively, for trauma survivors. Fiction is to adults what play therapy is to children. This doesn't stop being true if the work in question is of a sexual nature.

Sex isn't an inherently worse or better motivation than anything else. A work written to create feelings of arousal isn't dirty, shameful, or in any way less pure than works written to entertain, provoke moral questions, or for other reasons. And worth noting is that multiple purposes can exist in the same story, especially fanfiction.

You aren't entitled to an explanation for why someone reads, writes, or otherwise enjoys certain works, kinks, tropes, ships, etc.

[doghowto]

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